Lost in life
by S. Field
Summary: When you are at your lowest point in life sometimes all it takes is one chance, one person to take you by the hand and lead you the way back towards the person you should have been and towards the life you should have lived all along. Isn't that what dreams are made of? But ask yourself this; when given the opportunity, do you take it? Will you live it?
1. Start of the future

1 Start of the future

Here I am, standing in front of my boss getting completely humiliated for the fourth time this meeting. Everybody in the room is staring at me, wanting to know my reaction. See if I have the balls for it, if I dare to say something back at him. I wish I could just give in on the true feelings I'm having for him. Show him my anger, my frustration and my hatred.

But I can't.

I won't.

I can't lose this job.

No matter how bad it is, I need it. I can't do anything else but to let it go. Al I can do to temper the beast inside me is to clench my fists. Let him have a go at me and when he's done, pretending that I actually listened and answer correctly. It's the same routine as every day before today and it will be the same when I come back tomorrow.

Is it unfair? Yes, yes it is.

Will it change? Never!

Fuck my life. I need to go to the gym after work. Get the frustration out, punching the shit out of someone. Damn this sucks, lunch hour hasn't even started. Maybe I can go there between work hours. Take my lunch break there.

"Do you understand me?" He looks at me, waiting my reply.

Honestly, I think he is hoping that I will lose it. He is doing this on purpose and he wants me to lose control. He is enjoying this and I know he will never stop. I just look at him and I see it, his hatred for me. Guess what asshole, the feeling is mutual. So, to piss him off more I just nod my head. As soon as I done this I see his eyes growing colder and his face is turning red. Well, you wanted to piss him off, you my man, just did that, didn't you?

"I said; do you understand me!" His voice louder and harsher than before and knowing what he can do and how far he is willing to take this, I know I don't have any other choice. So, swallowing my last bit of pride and clearing my throat I just say it. "Yes sir".

"Well then, why don't you repeat it for the rest of us? You know, so we can be sure that you do." He is looking at me al smug, hiding his amusement. He knows that he got me. The humiliation is complete. Fucker.

"Sir, you told me to finish off the filing of the Bergendahl case. I also have to make sure that there are no typos or other kind of errors in any of the documents so the court can't fall back on it. This has to be done by the end of my workday, no matter the time and if office hours have past already I have to deliver it at your house so you can bring it to the courthouse first thing in the morning. If I am going to deliver it at the house, I have to make sure that nobody sees me. No delay and no excuses. If I fail, which you said is the biggest possibility, you will fire me, Sir." Not hiding the disdain in my voice and trying to restrain all the aggression for him that I feel.

I know I am glaring at him now, but I can't help it. I really want to scream at him. Yell that I'm not stupid. To remain my temper I close my eyes and start to count, back from ten over and over. Yeah right, like that is going to help me. When I open my eyes I see him smirking at me. Oh, how I like to punch that smirk right of his face. Yeah, I am going to the gym and picture his face on every opponent I will get. That will make sure that I win all the matches. I already feel sorry for those losers that will challenge me.

"Very well, you're excused. Go back to work. Knowing you, you will need all the time you can get." Sarcasm is dripping of his voice.

_What the hell! Again asshole, I am not stupid. I'm better than you! I am better then all of you in this room! Get of your fucking high horse, damn it._ Ok, keep your shit together here, follow the rules, keep your poker face on and don't give him the satisfaction of your state of mind. Don't do it. Keep calm and obey. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

"Yes sir, thank you." Yeah, that hurt.

"You're dismissed." And he just waves me off not giving me a second glance.

And the walk off shame begins. I turn around to walk out of the conference room feeling eight pair of eyes on me. Maybe I should start to dance, moonwalk my way out. No, better yet, flip them all off. That will set them straight. I chuckle to myself. Yeah, as if I will ever do that. Let's face it; this is your life now isn't it. Just suck it up and follow like the minion you are. I reach the door but before I can turn the doorknob he starts to talk again. Got too have the last word.

"Oh, and one last thing, don't fuck it up this time." I turn around one last time to look at him.

"I mean it. I know you don't care about anything but you're lucky I am giving this chance to you. But every time I give you the change to prove yourself, you ruin it. No regards at the consequences what so ever. And that leaves me dealing with the aftermath. So again, don't fuck it up this time." He has one eyebrow raised, challenging me to say something back. Well, sorry but I already last my pride might as well lose my manhood to.

"Yes mister Grey, I won't disappoint you this time." I turn around quickly, open the door and make my retreat. But before I close the door I hear him say; "that will be a first." And I hear the others chuckling. I slam the door shut. Fucking assholes! Every time I think I can't hate him more, it turns out that I can. Why? Why? Why? And I just know that he isn't done with me jet because he never is.

As quickly as I can, I walk back to my office. _Office?_ Office my ass! It's a closet, that's it. No one here has said the words out loud, but I am pretty sure that before I started working here, it was a closet. It's small and the only things that fit are a small desk with a wooden chair behind it. And I swear that it will be catching fire from the moment I don't have to work here anymore. On my list of enemies, this chair is definitely somewhere on the top.

The room doesn't have a window so I have a big beach poster on the wall opposite of the door. Got to keep dreaming, right? I have paperwork piled up on the ground and my desk because there is no room for a closet. Ha, as if a closet needs a closet in it. The only thing I'm grateful for is that it has a door, giving me much needed privacy. With the doors closet I can dream. I can pretend that I don't work for my father. That I don't get treated as shit and that my life is worth something. That someday, I can actually lie on a beach like that. That I can be normal like everybody else seems to be. That I have a beautiful and loyal woman on my side. One that I can call my girlfriend. Or even better, my wife with two beautiful children and probably a dog. That we all are happily living in a big house, having a fast car and more than enough money to spend.

I can't help but snort at my own thoughts. Yeah right, keep on dreaming big boy, but that will never happen. This is my life, and now I have to live in it. I'm the loser of this town, the disowned black sheep of the family and woman aren't loyal. They aren't trustworthy and will fuck you over at the first change they get. Look at my mother and sister. They didn't think twice to drop my ass like a worthless piece of shit. No doubts, no questions, no second thoughts. Christian is the bad guy and doesn't deserve to be a part of the family anymore. He's a screwed asshole and not welcome anymore. Al he brings the family is shame, disappointment and public humiliation. Daddy says so. And whatever daddy says goes. Sometimes I wonder if they miss me. If they are just as sad as I am or if they have just moved on like I never existed. Have they?

I feel tears starting to prickle behind my eyes and I close them, forcing myself to take a deep breath. After all these years it still hurts. After everything that happened so long ago, I still feel like breaking down when I think about it. Tears start to fall and I wipe them away as quickly as I can.

No! Not now. Not here. Not ever! I can't change the past. I can't change their minds. They don't want me. They made that very clear back then and after ten years nothing has changed.

Taking another deep breath I sit down behind my desk. Thank fuck I brought a pillow with me to sit on. Being forced to sit in a wooden chair all day, every day hurts like hell. And as if that wasn't bad enough, everybody in the office knew about it. I still remember their laughs at my expense about it. That prick Thomas up front gathering the whole office for my welcome, making sure that everybody could hear him. "Hey Grey boy, like your new office chair? I think you do! Look at your office swag when you walk, or was that your boyfriend last night? I guess you have a thing for wood."

Thinking that their stupid jokes were funny. Haha, yeah, pick on the Grey boy. He is already at his lowest point; let's see if he can go lower. I have heard all the rumors about me. They want to know why my dad treats me like this, and because they don't have the answer, they just make it up. If I have to make a summary from all their gossiping I would say that I'm an grandmother rapist that goes on killing sprees in it's free time wanting world domination by mugging drag queens. Or something like that. If only they would know the truth. But on second thought, they don't want to know the truth now, do they? It surely isn't that much fun to talk about. Especially if you consider what their line of work is. Nope, gossiping is so much more fun.

After taking another deep breath I start digging in the pile of work before me. Yep, lunch break won't be happening for me. Well then it's a good thing that I came prepared. I grab the home made sandwiches from my bag with and a bottle of water. They can say all you want about running tap water it still is cheaper to refill the bottle instead of buying a new on every day.

I have been looking at these files for a long time and I have found so many mistakes in them that I seriously start to question the intelligence of the people working here. See, I am smarter then everybody here. I just don't get the job to show it, or the benefits, or the respect. I look at the beach poster and my mind start to wonder. Will I ever get the respect that I deserve? Get the job that I want and the benefits that go with it? Or will my life always be like this? Surely that can't be true? Right? I can do so much more than this crappy stuff. I just need a chance to prove myself. Meet the right people and be in the right place at the right time. Things like that happen, right? Never in a million years did I ever pictured myself like this; at the age of 27 being completely drained. I feel like a fifty year old while I'm at an age that I should feel on top of the world. Other people are having, so why shouldn't I have it.

Looking back at the paperwork I feel my anger rising. Yeah, that's it. Anger is better than sadness. It keeps me focused and strength to keep going.

"Yes, I did it!" Completely satisfied I look at all the paperwork I have done. Everything is checked and all the necessary changes are made. Fuck, my back is hurting and I'm feeling dead tired. Looking at the clock I realize that it's far later than I thought. It's almost eight o clock and damn it, that means I have to bring the paperwork to the house. Shit!

I lean back and take a moment to collect my thoughts. It is nothing to worry about Grey, just walk in, leave the paperwork and leave the house. Plain, simple and nothing more than that. You know how it works. No stalling, no talking, no looking. Take a deep breath and just get it over with.

After taking a few more deep breaths I collect the files, gather my bag and grab my jacket. This is going to be hell. I just know it. Leaving the office I see that everybody has left. Half of the lighting is out, and when I think about it, this building is kind of creepy after dark. Without any lingering I pass the elevators and go straight to the staircases. I can forget about going to the gym because I'm sure they are closet by the time I'm home and I really could use the exercise. While leaving the building I say goodnight to the doorman who gratefully opens the door for me. Damn, carrying all this stuff is heavy. Going as fast as I can I walk to my car. Well, if you can call it a car. An old Honda Civic. She's red and I think she should have died a couple of years ago. Thank god she didn't! Right now, the last thing I need is my car breaking down on me and forcing me to buy a new one. That is on expense I can't use.

After putting all my stuff in the trunk I open the driver's door and sit down. Please, just please start for me. Don't let me down this time. I put the key in and the engine comes to life. Yes! Thank fuck! I reverse out the parking lot and start the drive towards Bellevue.

It is always bittersweet driving towards my parent's house. I do have some of my best memories there. Running through the garden during summers, fishing trips with the family and swimming in the pool. I also remember the fights I had with my brother. Even though he was bigger and stronger than me, I would always take the challenge. And those fights always ended the same. One of us battered mostly me, Mia crying, dad going insane and mom playing reverie. I sigh and turn up the radio. We are not going down memory lane.

By the time I reach my parents house it has started to rain. Yeah, that is fitting with my mood. I look up at the house and it is still as beautiful as when I still lived here. Mom has done an amazing job with the garden and it looks very welcoming when you walk towards the front door. Yes, very welcoming, except for me. As soon as I reach the front door Jeffrey, the butler, opens it for me. He looks at me with kind eyes and gives me a small nod. I nod back and walk in. At the door I take off my shoes and walk quietly to my dad's study. Yep, you don't want to leave a trace of you being here, remember that you said you wouldn't fuck this up. _Don't ruin that with muddy shoes. You don't want to upset your mother now, do you?_

I open the door and let out a sigh of relieve that the study is empty. That would have just been my luck if he was sitting here, waiting for me. I place de files on the corner of his desk. Taking a step back I look around the room. Not much of it has changed over the years. He still has his oversized dark oak desk whit a black leather desk chair behind it. Two smaller chairs are on the other side and white carpet on the ground. The walls are completely covered with bookcases and in the left corner of the room; opposite of the door is still that same brown leather couch. When I was younger I would be impressed with the outlook of it, dreaming to have an office like that when I was all grown up. But now, all I see is the empty façade that this office holds. The lies, deceive and backstabbing coming with it. I look at the two chairs in front of his desk and remember the many times he had me sitting in one of them. I always picked the right one. Back then I didn't think much about it but looking back it had probably something to do with the fact that it was closer to the door. _Closer to my escape._

What escape? Did you truly escape? I'm not part of this family anymore but it surely doesn't feel like an escape. Doesn't he still control you? You work for him and at the rate your going, the only way you won't be working for him anymore is when he dies first. And with the luck you're having, that will be a long time from now. I don't know how long I have been staring at these chairs, but I do know it has been too long. I quickly turn around to leave when my eyes fall on the wall next to the door. There are several family pictures but it only takes me a second to realize that I'm not in any one of them. All I see is happy pictures of a perfect family of four. I see a mother, a father, a son and a daughter. But me, the middle child, I'm not in any one of them. Fucking hell! They just erased me! These past years have been hell for me and they just erased me! It's like I didn't existed at all. How could they do that? They just lived happily ever after! Seriously!

Shit! I feel my temper rising and it takes all my strength not to barge in on them and unload a complete shit storm upon them. Every day, I have been thinking about them, missing them. Every day I have dreamed about being part of this family again. Every day I have wished to go back in time and to just be able to spend time with them. To make them happy, hear their laughter and show them a son to be proud of.

_Well Grey, you already knew that ship had sailed. They don't love you, do they? Look at the pictures covering the wall; you're not in any of them. They just cut you out completely and left you like everybody else. You're worthless, just like your birth mother. You are not worthy of their love. You never were and never will. Now get your shit together and leave._

I shake my head to clear it from the taughts that start to consume me. I can't breakdown here.

I'm not stupid to think that this was accidently. He did this on purpose. That asshole wanted me to see this. He wanted me to see these pictures and screw me all over. A breakdown here in his office would make him jump for joy, I'm sure of it. As fast as I can, I walk out of his study, down the hallway towards the front door. Jeffrey is still standing there, waiting for me.

I put my shoes back on and look up at him. He opens his mouth, but closes it quickly again. I know he wanted to say something to me. Some words of encouragement. He's a kind man and has been my silent comfort in this house for a long time. Looking at him I just shake my head. He knows what I saw and even though I want to lash out at him just to feel better myself I know I can't do this. It is not his fault and him standing here and me lashing out will make him just another victim and as soon as I leave I would feel even worse than before. No, keeping quiet is better. I turn around and he opens the door for me. Gathering myself for a few more seconds I step out and manage to mutter a small "thank you" towards him.

As soon as I reach my car I open the door and get in the driver's seat as soon as possible. Please, don't give me any trouble and just start. I'm about to give it a try when my phone starts to ring. I take it from my bag and look at the caller ID; Damian. And Damian calling at this hour means he wants something. Most of all, it will mean something dreadful for me.

Even though I'm not in the mood for any kind of conversation I decide to pick it up. There's no point anyway, he will just keep on calling until I answer. Or even worse, wait for me in my apartment. Answering a phone call would be easier than that.

"Damian".

"Dude, where are you? I have been at your place and besides Kitty cat, no one's there."

Yeah, Damian wants something. I hear loud music in the background and there are people laughing. My bet is he wants me at that bar and I am not willing to go. I just want to go home and rest, but I also know Damian. He won't let it go until I showed up and have stayed for at least an hour. I still feel like shit and if I tell him what happened he will not let me off the hook. If anything, he will kick my ass for feeling sorry for myself and lay in to me big time. I just have to pretend to be okay and try to get out of this.

Just to be sure, I clear my throat before answering.

"I was just finishing of some work. " My voice is cracking a little. _Seriously, you're becoming a pussy here, man! Keep your shit together!_

"What's wrong with you?" And you got his interest, and you know what happens then.

"Nothing!" I say sharply.

"Then why the hell were you still working on a Friday night? Fuck man, it's already past nine and I need you to go celebrating with me. You will not believe what the fuck happened to me."

Trying to get my emotions and voice under control I clear my throat again.

"Damian, I can't come tonight. I'm sorry but I am going home, eat and sleep. Long workday, you know." And I know my voice is betraying me right now. Shit Grey, what happened to cool, calm and collected.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! I do not give a fuck about you being tired or having a shit day! I have something to celebrate and it is massive, trust me, it is. And you! You are going to get your ass at this bar and you are going to listen to me and you are going to pretend to care and be happy for me! We are going to get hammered and party all night. No excuses, tomorrow you have the entire day to sleep it off."

"Damian, please…."

"No Grey, I won't take no for an answer. You can either come here on your own free will, or I will drag you on your ass here. Take your pick! But you are coming down here."

Shit!

"Fine, I will go home, get a quick shower and meet you there. Happy now?"

"Yes I am, partly, dragging you on your ass would have been nice. Now, go as fast as you can. I will order food for you and wait here while happily fantasizing about that fine body of yours, soaping it…"

And it is time to end the call. That was more information then I want to hear. I shake my head and chuckle. That is Damian, crazy wouldn't be enough to subscribe him. But no matter what words you use for him, he's the best loyal friend out there. He's honest, straight to the point and will support you no matter what. For the last three years he has been my rock and before I met him I wouldn't have believed that someday I would end up with a best friend that plays for the other team and likes to dress up in women clothes in his free time. But that is exactly what happened and I would have been more lost in life without him.

I remember that night we met for the first time.

* * *

After a long day at work I decided to make a short stop at a bar before going home. Since two months I was a regular guest at this bar. It was only three blocks from my apartment and the bad music combined with the cheap liquor was a welcoming distraction from the hell I have been calling life. At least three times a week I would find myself at this bar and I didn't even have to place a order with the bartender. All I had to do was sit down and within seconds he would have my scotch ready in front of me. I even had my own barstool here and everybody here knew not to bother me. Just give me my drinks and after a few hours I would pay the tap and leave only to do it again the next day or the day after that. That is, almost everybody knew that.

I don't know how long I was already sitting there but the liquor kept coming and I just kept drinking. I know that I shouldn't have been doing that but the feeling of being numb was worth the hangover that surely would follow the next day. At one point during the night a guy took the seat next to me and silently started to drink with me. I remember telling him to fuck off. That I wasn't there to make friends, didn't had any and didn't want any. He just looked at me, regarding me for a moment and then started to laugh at me. No, laughing doesn't describe it; he was fucking howling at me with tears streaming down his face. Trying to gather himself under control again he stakes a few deep breaths and starts to whip the tears away from his face. Great, even strangers think I'm nothing but a joke.

"Glad I can amuse you." Not hiding the bitterness of this whole scene in front of me.

I took a look at him and saw a guy around my age. He was tall, although I couldn't tell if he was taller than me or just the same. His hair was black and short looking like a military haircut and he had big brown eyes. Noticing that I'm glaring at him he put both his hands in the hair as if telling me defeat. Shrugging his shoulders he took a second look at me before finishing his drink. What the fuck? A cosmopolitan? Is this guy for real, who the hell drinks that? Before I can say something about it he ends the silence first.

"I'm sorry dude, but seriously, me being your friend? Glad you thought about me being your friend even if it was just for a second. And well, you're right; you definitely don't need a friend since you already have a love affair with Jack Daniels over there. Although I thought you were a straight man. Guess I was wrong on that."

I drowned the last of my drink and even though I started to have trouble with my words, I tried to punctuate each on for him, well I tried but that clearly didn't meant it would work.

"Fuck of man, I am not gay and if you could bother someone else, that would be great. Now leave me the fuck alone!"

"Yes, I could do that, but then I wouldn't have the fun of bothering you. And honestly, you're a hood to hang out with, especially drunk.

I would prefer to laugh with you, but since you give me no other choice but to laugh at you, I will just do that. It sure is brightening my night. So, you want another drink? Because I would like one and it would only be right if you acted like a gentlemen and bought this lady a drink."

Pointing at himself and batting his eyelashes I couldn't help but to start laughing. Was this a fucking joke?

"Oh, come on. From the moment I sat down on this barstool you knew I was gay and yes I like pretty clothes and high heels, so what? Get real and by me that fucking drink. A cosmopolitan please, beer and whiskey isn't for the ladies and I like men spending bucks on me. Makes a girl feel special, you know." Waving his left hand dismissively through the air.

Chuckling and shaking my head I signed for the bartender to give us both a refill even though I have no idea what I'm doing here with this idiot sitting right next to me. For a while we just silently enjoyed our drinks until he cleared his throat and started talking.

"Ok, since you are not a talking and I love to talk about myself I will start. All you will have to do is to pretend you're listening and drown in your own sorrow. Think you can do that?"

I just look at him open mouthed, but then decide to go with it and close my mouth and nod.

"You know, I didn't take this seat next to you so I could hit on you. Don't get me wrong, you're a very fine specie of man and if I knew I had a change, I would go for it. But it is clear you're not interested in men and I don't believe in that whole "turning men over" thing." Making air quotes with his fingers.

"The reason I sat down next to you is because of your eyes. I recognized that look of being lost. Mostly because I have had that look myself for a long time. Every time I would look in the mirror I would see it. And just like you I was in denial about it. Instead of dealing with it I would try to run from it and what you are doing right now, drinking until you feel numb, that was also one way for me to cope with it. That worked fine for a couple of hours until the booze started to wear off. So, I took the next step and started to use drugs. Now, that will give you a high, man, it made me happy and carefree.

But again only for a short period of time and it wasn't enough. So instead of seeing things as the way they where I just started to use more. At that time I had a fairly decent job, a nice paycheck, a lease car that made everybody's head turn around and an apartment to die for. But when you're lost it will never be good enough. I mean, even you have to admit it, no matter where you run to or how you're trying to hide it, it's always there. It's within you so none of it will ever work.

Anyway, back to my story. At the beginning I was only high in my free time, first only the weekends, then the evenings followed and before I knew it, I was high everyday of the week including the working hours. That is where it completely went wrong. The company I worked for was in the middle of a huge deal, a sellout. The company was failing and halfway towards foreclosure the current owner had some clarity and wanted to save his ass. He found a company that was very interested in buying and if everything worked out, the current owner could retire with more cash then he deserved and the company itself would be saved from its financial problems by becoming part of a successful worldwide company. And I was part of that negotiation team. You know, trying to make the boss some more money for his retirement plan while saving my own job along the way.

During one particular meeting I was completely high. We were half way through the negotiations and I screwed up badly. No, that's not right, let's start over; I fucked up completely. How? By being disrespectful towards everybody in that room and forgetting my brain to mouth filter. I will save you from the horrible details but let's just say that they weren't impressed with the naked form of my body performing a dance routine from one of those backstreet boy's songs in the middle of that conference room and telling the future owner that I preferred man but for her a exception could be made."

I can't help but to start laughing. He looks from his glass and starts to chuckle a bit.

"Yeah, it was that bad."

"No, actually it was much worse than that. I also went in to a graphic description of the affairs my boss had over the years, including the three women sitting in that room fucking their way to the top and they didn't want this deal to succeed because they couldn't do that with a straight woman as their boss."

At this point I am gawking at him with my mouth hanging open from the shock of his story. He did this? That is bad, like really bad. I mean, we all want to do something like that at some point in our lives and I know I have dreamed about making a scene in the middle of the office en beat the shit out of my father. But to actually do it is something completely different. Damn.

He ignores my fish state of mind and shakes his head as if to clear it from the visual memories from that meeting and continues.

"I'm sure you can understand I got fired straight away. They wasted no time in throwing my ass out of the building. I wasn't even aloud to clear my own desk; they did that and threw my stuff right after me. I just stood in front of the building trying to think clear, but well, being completely wasted didn't help. After a few minutes someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was that women from the meeting, you know, the future boss. She just laughed at me, thanked me for the entertaining show and providing her with much needed information to get a cheaper deal and gave me her business card and told me to give her a call when I got my act together. To say that shocked me would be an understatement. I just gave her a small nod and took the business card from her. She then walked away from me with her driver and security guard and got whisked away in a car and I just stared until they were out of sight. Confused I walked away, I mean, after everything I did in that meeting she gave me her card? Why would she do that?"

He takes another sip of his drink before continuing.

"During the walk to my apartment I got to thinking, and I tell you, it wasn't good. Because the thought I was having was that without a job I could get high all day, nothing to stop me anymore and no boundaries to think about. I had some savings and within a few weeks I had used everything on drugs. I couldn't pay my rent anymore or anything else and the only problem I saw in it was that that meant that I couldn't by drugs anymore. And no, that wasn't my wake up call. I just thought I had to be creative. So, I figured that I always liked sex and thought, well hey, why not make my money with it? Getting paid for sex and able to buy drugs, best of both worlds right?

And I was wrong again, the sex was horrible and because of my physical state, I didn't got paid that much money, you know, being a dollar whore. After a month or so I was at my lowest point."

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"Yes, what I told you so far wasn't even my lowest point in life. That night I'm talking about I was just wandering in an alley, you know, waiting for costumers to show up, when a group of four men walked by. They weren't nice looking guys and even though my instinct told me to make a run for it I stayed. I wanted the money so badly because I was out of drugs so I just offered myself. That night, they raped me repeatedly and almost beat me to death while screaming what a queer I was and a fucking junkie. How no one would care about what they were doing to me. I don't remember everything because lucky for me, I passed out at some point and when I woke up I was in the hospital."

I watch him visibly shudder while recalling that night. I'm wondering if I should say something but I can't think of anything and I honestly think that saying; that sucks won't be enough. So I decide against it and let him continue.

"At first I was disorientated and my mind and body were screaming for drugs. But when I got a little more focused I saw somebody sitting in the corner of the room."

He stops for a moment and signals the bartender. I have been listening intently and without realizing it, our drinks were already finished for a while.

As the bartender gives us both a refill, he tells him to put in on my tap. He then turns towards me and winks.

"Yes, you are still buying this girl her drinks." He twirls his drink around and takes a big sip, emptying it halfway.

"So, as I was saying I wasn't alone in that room. In the corner sat that woman from that business deal, the one that gave me her card. She was reading some magazine, using her phone and acted like I wasn't even in the room. I started to ask her questions like; what happened, why was I in the hospital en stuff like that and she didn't gave one answer. She just put up her hand the shush me and continued with whatever it was she was doing. I started to get really angry and demanded answers, but again she shushed me. That is when I lost it. I tried to get out of the bed to threaten some sense in her, but I was tied down to it. Couldn't move a muscle and all I could do was scream. So that is what I did.

I screamed that I wanted respect from her. Right after I screamed that towards her she looked up at me for the first time and started laughing. She said that she didn't had to show me any kind of respect since it was clear I didn't had any for myself either. And then she just continued to ignore me. Being frustrated by her behavior and the pain from not getting any drugs made me go insane. I kept on screaming and crying without getting any reaction. She just wouldn't react. When I realized that nothing would change with me screaming I started to beg. Saying I would do anything to get some. Drugs or painkillers, I just didn't care anymore about the 'what' as long as it was something to make that feeling of pain go away. She then stood up, walked until she stood next to the bed and caressed my arm really gently. The way she did it made me feel cared for and for a moment she had this sad look on her face. I honestly thought that she was really concerned for me. She than asked me softly if I was in pain. I told her I was and begged her to give me some kind of relieve from it. But no, it only took her a nanosecond to return her demeanor to stone cold again. She told me she was happy that I was in pain. That I should be in unbearable pain and that she hoped I would never forget it so when my ass was finally clean of the drugs I could use it as an extra sensitive to never use again. After that speech she just turned back to her corner and continued ignoring me.

I then thought that it would be a good idea to use the sympathy card. Boy, was I wrong. I told her about my childhood, about my parent's hatred for me for being gay. How they were disgusted with me because I preferred to wear pretty dresses and watch to football players from my spot as a cheerleader instead of being one of the football players."

Chocking on my whiskey I can't help the laugh that escapes me. O my god, a cheerleader. He points his finger accusingly at me which only makes me laugh harder. It's manicured with a French manicure and diamonds on the top. Is this guy for real? And why am I only noticing it now?

"Ohhh shut up, I'm serious here. You don't choose who you are and if we could I would still be the same. I like pretty shiny things, so sue me." And he returns his attention back to his drink and is silent for a moment while he starts to play with his nails.

Fuck, he thinks I made fun of him. _Well, didn't I?_ Why do I even care?

At this moment I feel really bad about it, so I have to say something. _Think of something Grey. Ask a question that will make him talk again._

"She sounds like a tough woman?" I ask

"Yes, she is. Although most of it is nothing but a façade. She really is a sweetheart but only towards the people close to her. I've seen her interact with her family. Nothing says CEO when you see her with them. But for people who don't know her or just aren't close enough, she definitely is a tough bitch."

"Bitch?" I cringe at the word bitch. Did he really just call her that? Well, her behavior in the hospital might justify that, but still…

"uhum, sorry man it's nice to know that you can talk normally but I was kind of telling you my story and I like to be in the leading part, so let's go back to you pretending to listen so I can have my 15 minutes of fame here. Press conference will be afterwards." he looks at me with one raised eyebrow silently challenging me to say something back. But after everything I have heard so far I really want to know how it will end so I just shrug my shoulders and go back to my drink letting him know that the floor is his to take.

"Where was I? Let me think…" Tapping his finger on his chin dramatically, pretending that he doesn't know the answer. "Oh yeah, after three days of agony and having that woman in the corner of my hospital room I started to feel better."

"Wait! She stayed by your side for three days?"

"Yes, she did. Well, not the nights but she would walk in during the morning and leave around dinner time. I'm not sure why she did it. I wasn't nice company and she kept ignoring me most of the time."

Is he serious? Who does that? I wouldn't….

"The third day I was told that I was being released. My health was as good as it was going to get for a junkie so they wouldn't hold me anymore. She just stood up from the chair and told me that for the past three days I was given a special treatment. With the help of an IV they already made sure that there wasn't any drug left in my body. She also told me that there was a reservation made at a rehab center and that her driver would take me there if I agreed to go and that it was already paid for. If I completed the rehab program and was given the all clear I should call her for a job. I asked her why I should do it and she just winked and said I should do it to humor her and left.

Weird huh? The fucked up junkie getting redemption from a sex on legs billionaire. I sure felt like pretty woman. Only Richard Gere turned out to be a former Victoria's angel. That was my bad because Richard Gere was so unbelievable sexy in that movie. I wouldn't turn him down. Even as a junkie I would do him for free."

He's staring of in the distance with a content look on his face. He's probably getting lost in his own fantasy of that Gere guy. I chuckle at that thought because I would definitely go for the angel. Hate women all you want, but those girls are hot.

"After some more thinking I did it. I went to rehab, completed the program and got clean completely. When I was released I made that phone call. I was so nervous but when she answered and I explained to her who I was she said; finally, you took long enough. You can come by tomorrow morning at seven thirty and ask for Mark Bellock. Don't be late and wear a suit. And then she ended the call. That was it. I was hired that morning and started as the assistant of the assistant of Mark and I slowly worked my way back to my old job, being part of the higher management in charge of acquisitions and maintaining my portfolio."

He's clapping his hands and cheering for himself as if he just gave his best performance. I have to admit, that is quite the story and for some strange reason I do feel comfortable around him. Just face it Grey, you're a loner and even though he's strange, he's also nice company. Company you need. _Do I?_

"Well, that was my story in a nutcase. I could give you the longer version but that will have to wait for another time. Lifetime movies aren't built in one day. But to get to the point of my story, everybody needs a friend. Everybody needs a helping hand and you are very lucky tonight because I have a position for best friend open and since you are like a lost little puppy and I happen to love puppies, you can have it." Stating matter-of-factly and looking al pleased with himself.

"What..?"

He cuts me off waving his hand in front of me.

"Not what, just admit it, you are lost and alone and in need of a friend. And even though you're a bit rude, probably a recluse or something like that and non social I am calling you my best friend. Now, you don't have to say anything because I know you are just overwhelmed with gratitude and love for me right now. Don't worry; I won't hold it against you my friend." Giving me a wink.

I just sit there looking at him in utter shock. What just happened? How did we get here? I just don't understand. He really is insane, isn't he? My friend? What is that supposed to mean? I don't do friends…

He grabs his drink from the bar and drinks it all at ones. While setting the glass back he throws several bills next to it and starts talking again.

"Oh my dear, look at the time. It is way past my beauty sleep so I should go. This was fun tonight but we have to leave it at this for now. Don't worry and get sad, we will meet again and I promise I will make an effort to share my spotlight with you. I might let you talk about yourself next time and pretend to care. But for now, nighty night big boy."

And with that he takes a dramatic bow gives a kiss on my cheek before I can react and walks out of the bar in to the night leaving me alone with my whiskey and turmoil of thoughts.

* * *

I don't know how long I sat at that bar that night in utter shock. I think they had to throw me out at closing time and I don't even remember coming home and getting to bed.

But he was right. We did meet again and we have been friends ever since. The first few weeks I would just sit on that same barstool and he would sit next to me and started talking while I just listened. I learned a lot from his life, everything from the job he's having, the pageant shows he's part of, his boss that won't let him wear dresses at work because she wants to stay the prettiest one in the office, him growing up with his awful parents. I really started to like his company and no matter the day I had he would just make me laugh.

I also remember the first time I saw him all dressed up as his alter ego, Danique. Damn, that was a shocker. I knew that he was a cross dresser and I don't think I will ever understand why he does that but knowing it and actually seeing it are two completely different things. That night I promised to go to one of his pageant shows as his birthday present and he came to pick me up with a wig on his head, more make up on his face then anyone could buy and wearing some sort of glitter dress that would outdo a rainbow. When he saw the look of shock on my face he just shrugged and stated; "go big or go home" and asked me if he wasn't a 'pretty girl' dressed like that twirling around in front of me.

And then more awkwardness came along the way when he started talking about his tits. I'm not sure how you call it but they were fake bags looking like chicken filet and he tried to force me to feel how close to real it was. I just threw my hands up and stepped back taking my distance and tried every excuses I could think of not to touch them but he kept insisting. When he realized I wasn't going to do it he just took one out of his bra and threw it in my face. Stating that I needed to grow up and that he had an extra pair in his bag and I was more than welcome to borrow them. His words; "they feel like real tits and you don't have an awful bomb of hormones attached to it. A win-win situation for everyone."

And fuck me, he was really serious about it. I have had many nights of coming home and finding one or two of them under my pillow with notes attached about having wet dreams. At first I would go bad shit crazy about it but these days I just laugh and throw them aside. Damian says that it means I'm finally growing up. _Ha, if ever!_

But no matter what, he's an amazing friend and he was right, he shouldn't change a single thing about himself and he's the reason that I will drag my ass home, take a quick shower and will show up at that bar.

I put my phone back in my bag and turn to start the car. When the engine comes to live I can't help but to cheer for myself that I can finally leave ground zero and head home. When I start the drive I take one last look at the house through the review mirror. And then I see her, my mother, standing behind the hallway window watching my car. She looks upset but after the scene in my father's office I just can't find any pity for her. She choose this. She didn't wanted me anymore and cut ties with me completely. Isn't a mother supposed to love her child unconditionally? Sure, I was a difficult child but I never lied to them. But no, not once did she questioned me, not ones did she choose my side and not ones did she tried to contact me through the years.

Feeling my emotions spiraling out of control I decide to get the hell out of here. I don't want to see any more than I already have and I drive away quickly.

After a long drive home, a quick shower, feeding Kitty Cat and promising her that I will stay home tomorrow I finally make it at the bar. I'm hungry, tired and all I want is to end this day. If it wasn't for Damian I would be lying on my couch right now probably eating left over's until I would fall asleep. Yes, I'm a recluse, so what?

Damian is sitting on one of the barstools and as soon as he sees me he is waving his arms with his watch towards my face.

"Jesus Grey, I said quickly, what the hell took you so long?" while impatiently tapping his left foot on the floor. I just smirk at him.

"Damian, saying Jesus and hell in one sentence, I'm impressed. Are you sure you are not the devil because I can picture you with two horns on your head right now. After all, you already have the name and you are wearing a red polo shirt to go top it off."

"Thanks Grey, are you sure you're not turning gay, because you are noticing my clothes right now while you never cared before." Raising his left eyebrow and flapping his hands with it to make his point.

"Whatever, I'm hungry. Did you get any food?"

"Yes I did lover boy, now sit your ass down so I can start talking and you can start cheering."

"Fine, you have my attention."

"Finally! Took you long enough." He makes an over exaggerated sighed and sits down in front of me, crossing his legs and folding his arms.

I look at the food in front of me and my mouth starts to water. He has ordered me steak with baked potatoes and vegetables and being hungry that I am, I just dig right in.

"So, why did I have to wait so long?" he asks me

"Damian, please, I had a shit day and all I want is to sleep it off so start talking. Like you said, the sooner you tell me your big news, the sooner I can pretend to care and the sooner I can go home." I give him my panty dropping smile and watch him squirm in his seat. Yes, I know it works every time I do this. He forgets what he was angry for and get's back on track with the subject at hand; him.

"Whatever Grey. I know what you're doing here and it won't work." Waving his hand dismissively.

Putting the stakes higher I give him a shy smile. "I don't know what you are talking about Damian."

He's glaring at me and I just wait. 3…2…1…. And here it goes….

"Ok, enough about you, let's start moving to more interesting topics. Let me think…. Oh yeah, let's talk about me." Changing his posture by sitting up straight and everything else long forgotten. See, it works every time. I just continue eating while he talks.

"Well, I told you about my dream job right? That I want to be in charge of a fashion magazine, you know, the new Anna Wintour?"

I just nod my head. He has told me about this numerous times. He really likes his current job but if he could have the choice, he would love to be in complete charge of something in fashion. Vogue would be his biggest dream, but he also knows that some ships has sailed a long time ago. That, and the fact that he's a man could have something to do with it.

One of the reasons he's staying at his current job is because of the company's portfolio; restaurant, hotels, media and publishing. They own a large percentage of the publishing companies through Europe and the United States. This also includes a lot of fashion magazines and Damian has the American part of those fashion magazines in his portfolio. This means that he can have previews, some sort of control and inside scoops.

"Yes I think I told you that somewhere down the line. And now, a opportunity has come up, they need someone in Europe to oversee the publishing branch since the profits are taking a nosedive due to incompetent management and a lack of developing with the new communicating era. You know, with internet, eBooks, blogs and all becoming higher players on the market. The biggest concern right now are mostly the fashion magazines and their dropping sales and my boss thinks it has to do with being outdated and to slow with reaching the target market. So after long talks and cornering her she decided that I would be the best fit to fly down there and do the job. Tadaa! Now you can start the cheering!" Throwing his hand in the air looking al proud.

"Does someone have confetti to go with it?" looking around him through the almost empty bar.

"Very funny, you should be a comedian." I start to laugh but Damian isn't laughing with me. He starts to look pissed.

"No Grey, I'm serious. I'm flying out in a few days."

I stop eating and just look at him. What is he saying? He's serious?

"So Grey, you are looking at your best friend having his dreams come true. Yes, I am going to Europe, France specifically and start working on my dream job. What do you say?"

He's clapping his hand and cheering along the way but I just can't join in. I must have looked at him dumbfounded for too long because I see his expression change. He stops his cheering and get's a worried look on his face.

"Say something Christian." uncertainty evident in his voice.

"You're leaving?" my voice cracking. I can't hide it. No, he can't leave. He just can't.

"If you look at it that way, then I guess so." Shrugging his shoulders and dropping his head.

"Are you not happy for me?"

"I don't know." I can't talk. I'm going to lose my best friend and I feel like shit. This can't be happening. I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help it. I'm losing my best friend. I'm losing my only friend. I drop my head in my hands and try to get my labored breathing under control. Fuck, he's really leaving.

I feel movement beside me and when I feel Damian's hand on my shoulder I start to cry. He's living his dream, getting the job he always wanted and here we are. Me raining on his parade, destroying his happy moment with my selfishness. While my best friend is trying to console me, forgetting his own happiness completely.

"I'm sorry Damian, is should be happy for you and I am. Really. It's just… It's just not what I expected, I guess. I don't know. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Christian." while he's still rubbing my shoulders, careful not to touch my back.

"I understand. And I will miss you so much but I only be one phone call away you know. No matter what happens you can always reach me. And I can have you fly over for holidays and fly back myself during my holidays. And we also have Skype en test messages."

I know he's just trying to make me feel better but it doesn't work.

"You know, at some point in my life I thought that if I just vanished one day no one would miss me. It is nice to know that me flying over that pond affects someone how cruel that may sound."

"I know Damian. I know. I felt that same way for a long time too. And you were right that first night we met"

"What do you mean?" He looks puzzled at me.

"Your boss is a bitch." We both laugh at that but as soon as the laughing started we both get quiet again. For a while we just sit there next to each other not saying anything. Damian is the first to break the silence.

"I had some other news that I wanted to share with you."

"If it's just as good as the first one, don't tell me." I growl at him. I can't handle more of that, although I can't think of anything worse than him going to France.

"Me leaving my position here makes room for someone new." He states matter of factly.

Now it's my turn to look puzzled. He shakes his head at me.

Mumbling; "I could use a sledge hammer to break through that that thick skull of yours."

"Let me explain. The current position I'm having needs someone else to fill it. I talked to Mark, my direct supervisor, you know, my boss right hand, and got you an interview with him. I told him he would be stupid not to hire you."

"What? You can't do that. You know I can't go there. I can't leave the job I have." panic in my voice.

"Why not? You let that old man have way too much power over you. You don't need that job, you need something that can make you grow. You need something that can open doors for you so you can follow your own dreams. You don't own him anything Grey."

I shake my head. This can't be serious. I close my eyes and lean my head back. Is he right?

"Listen, just go to that interview and talk with Mark. I planned it Monday morning, seven o' clock for you so your excuses of a father won't know. This job would be good for you and you will be so much better off. Just do it. Why wouldn't you? What is stopping you?"

"You know what is stopping me. I can't quite and leave my current job. I have to pay back the money and…"

Damian gives a big snort to interrupt me.

"Yeah right and how will you pay it back? With the minimum wages you get paid by daddy dear? No, you won't! He has no intention of helping you out or for you to pay him everything back and be done with it. He is using it as a way to control you and you know it. If you get this job, which you will, you can pay him back in no time. Plus, you will have all the benefits like healthcare, pension, a car, money for the expensive you make, I mean everything. And at the end of the month you will still have money for savings. You can leave that dump apartment of yours and give Kitty Cat a decent couch to put her ass on. Besides, you have no choice, because I won't be around anymore to stock up your fridge."

My mind is piling up with questions. Should I do this? Should I

"But what if Carrick refuses to let me go?"

"He won't. And if he does, there will be a whole legal team from your new boss backing you up and kicking Carrick's ass. Just trust me on this. Just go to that interview and get the job."

I look puzzled at him, he makes it sound so easy, but my mind is reeling and I know it is anything but.

"So Grey, just humor me." He gives me a wink and then stands up to get us another drink. I take a deep breath and start to wonder. Should I do it? I look at Damian standing at the bar. He is doing it. He is living out his dreams, why shouldn't I? _Could I?_


	2. Breaking the tide

2 breaking the tide

Standing in front of the building I have to admit that it intimidates. It's a beautiful skyscraper made of glass and steel. The lower level is closed off with black glass so you can't see through and the entrance holds several glass doors in a color that's almost silver and they are all occupied with a doorman.

Its early morning, a quarter to seven to be precise, and it is already buzzing with live. Numerous people have walked in and out of the building in those few minutes I have been standing here and even though the majority came here walking, a few arrived with expensive cars that were valet for them. Guess they were the more important employees.

Looking back at my weekend, it went by way too quickly. Friday night turned out to be bittersweet. Because I knew it would be the last night at the bar with Damian I decided to make the best of it and stay until closing time. We drank, laughed, drank, talked, drank some more, did karaoke, drank even more and I even tried to dance. Not the best idea when you already saw the bottom of your fifth scotch. Or was it the seventh? I honestly don't know but I still have bruises on my left elbow to proof that I tried.

But we did have fun and made the most of it and those bruises are nothing compared to the feeling of losing my best friend. Well, according to Damian I'm not losing him, we just have a big pond between us and that's all. I disagree, but there is nothing I can do about it. He is living his dream and I shouldn't whine and bitch about that. I should be cheering for him and bow at his feet. At least, that's what Damian said.

I chuckle at that thought. Yeah, crazy ass Damian the drama queen, nothing new there. He actually threatened me not to go free fighting or kickboxing. Said he would cancel my gym membership if I refused to listen and would go anyway. I guess he does have a point when he said that showing up with a broken nose or a face covered in bruises wouldn't do well with my so called 'future boss'.

I look up at the sky and try to see the top of the building. Damian said he was only two floors from the top but from here I can't see anything. The clouds are blocking the view, which is a shame because the building is really beautiful in its simplicity. No fancy name tag in front of it, no over exaggerated details to make a point. Just plain and simple but exquisite al the same. I bet the view from the offices on the top will be mind blowing.

I spend the most of my weekend doing research on the company and asking myself if I should do it. I mean, why would they even consider hiring me? I do have my Harvard degree but when it comes to work experience I have none.

No, that's not true. I'm the master of filing documents and finding typos. Does that count when applying for a management position? Maybe when they read that in my resume I get hired on the spot. _Let's see, oh you are brilliant when it comes to punctuation here's your contract. And you can put nametags on our files? Just pick your new company car. Want a penthouse to go with it?_

I'm starting to feel like a nervous wreck and take a moment to gather myself before I walk in the building and facing the inevitable humiliation during the interview.

During my research I found that the company's owner is a woman of only 26 years old that build it up from scratch. She started out as a model at the age of sixteen and made lots of money with it. She used the money to make investments in restaurants and hotels through Europe and after a few years she started to invest in publishing houses too. A weird combination but I guess she had her reasons.

She just kept on growing with her company and two years ago she made the move to the USA. Right now, the company's portfolio holds restaurants, hotels, resorts and media and publishing houses all over the world. And with that, she is also the owner of multiple farms that are all linked to her hotels and restaurants. When I first read that I thought it was a weird choice but I guess it makes some sense. She is making the rules of her own food chain, which is making her the ultimate ruler of said food chain. She's in charge and she makes sure that there is no room for anyone else.

An example of that is that I could barely found anything about her in the media. At first I was confused. Then I started to wonder if my internet connection died. After rebooting my Wi-Fi and computer several times I called Damian just to get smacked down by him.

* * *

"Miss me already hot stuff?"

"Damian…" can't he ever answer a phone normal?

"What Grey, can't a boy dream?"

"Look, I just called to ask you something about your boss." I'm getting really inpatient here.

"So you are going to do it? I knew it! I knew you would be interested. I know, you're curious as to how, don't ask, it's a gift." Sounding al smug with himself

"Damian, I just wondered…" I start to trail of. Should I ask him this? Well, I want to have answers and he did say he would help.

"Wondered what?"

"Well, I was going over the internet to see if I could find anything about your boss but there is barely anything there. Do I have the wrong name? Wrong company? You said the name was Steele cooperation, right? Did I spell it wrong? Her name was Anastasia Steele right? You said she was a model first so there should at least be pictures of that. Or is there something wrong with my internet? Maybe my router isn't working anymore, I know it's old but I checked and I didn't see anything wrong with it." I start to ramble every question at him that I can think of.

"Whooh, hold your horses!" Damian screams to cut me off.

He's starts to laugh at me and I have to turn the phone away to keep my hearing in place. What's so funny? I was being serious here.

After waiting for a few more moments for him to stop laughing I hear him cough a couple of times to get himself together again.

"tssk tssk, what am I going to do with you Grey boy? You are serious about those questions of finding anything from Miss Steele? Like, really…"

And I hear him trying to refrain from laughing again.

"What did I say wrong? Yes, I was serious about those questions. I'm trying to do some research on the company you work for and the boss that runs it, but I can't find anything." I say aggregated. Can't he just answer my question? _Come on dude, give me something._

"Ok." He sighs.

"Then answer this question first; what do you expect to find of the woman that is a very private person and owns the majority of media and publishing houses?"

He's silent for a moment while he lets his question sink in. Damn it. Why didn't I think of that sooner? Off course you won't find much on her. She controls everything that gets published including those trash magazines. Unless somebody wants to get fired, you don't put your boss in there. You don't eat the hand that feeds you.

"oh…" I say more to myself then Damian.

"Yes, oh…" He copies me with sarcasm.

Now I feel stupid. I should have thought of that myself.

* * *

I shake my head at that memory. I did feel pretty stupid about it but as usual, Damian was quick to the rescue. He gave me a list of keywords to search on and with those words I found more than I thought I would. Apparently she modeled under a different name, Rose Benson. Although I couldn't find anything to explain her name change I did found a lot of pictures and Damian was right about one thing; she's definitely every straight man's wet dream.

She has long dark brown hair, big blue eyes, nice set of tits and legs that never seem to end. My personal favorite pictures were the ones of Victoria Secret. Especially the one of her in a blue bikini bottom covering her breasts with her hands and her body stretched out on the beach in the tide. Her back was arched and the water was cascading around her like a blanket she was lying on and the lighting showed that the sun was already setting giving beautiful shades on her body showing her perfect curves.

But what I loved most about those pictures was the look in her eyes. She looked straight in the camera with a sensual look inviting you to come and lay next to her. And honestly I wished I could be that man but reality soon kicked in that that would never happen as I found pictures of her with her boyfriend a few minutes later throwing all my daydreaming and fantasies out the window.

A tall broad man with dark blond curly hair looking all accomplished is standing next to her for a photographer looking al happy and perfect. Well, he is standing next to her so I guess he has every right to be. That must mean that the look she gave in those other pictures were for him to come and take her. As if a woman like that will give me a look like that. Why would they do that if they can share their lives with a perfect man like that? Nobody wants a loser Grey. Get back to your place in the food chain and stop daydreaming you idiot. _Well, a man can have fantasies too, right?_ So as the sucker that I am I decided to save that picture of her anyway and put my focus back on finding out more from the company.

I also tried to look up information from Mark Bellock. Damian said that he's Miss Steele's right hand man and that he will be doing the interview with me. And just like everything else I tried to search for, there was almost nothing on him too. The only things I could find were that he is 43 years old, divorced and has two daughters who are both teenagers. I also found pictures from him at several events where he accompanied Miss Steele. He is taller than her but not by much and he's bald and wears glasses but it suits him. From the pictures alone you wouldn't say that his age is 43 but more like 35. A clean shaved face with brown eyes and sharply dressed in his suit. Everything about him screams power and I know he's the kind of man that makes people bow at his feet.

While looking at these pictures my eyes wonder to the woman next to him, Miss Steele. She's really a captivating woman who will makes heads spin when she walk in a room. She wears a red dress that looks really simple but stunning either way. You can see that she is confident and that she isn't just wearing that dress but she is truly showing that dress. I also found a picture of her in that same dress leaving the event and it shows the back of it. The back is open with two bands of fabric crossing each other over her shoulder blades and small detailing where they cross each other and in the middle of her dress is the same detailing just above her ass. It looks really sexy but so far in every picture I saw of her she was sexy.

As time passed by I got more and more frustrated. It was difficult to find anything since the majority of the companies she owns aren't directly listed under Steele Cooperation and she used different companies in between which makes her company bigger then it seems. Because of the struggle to find everything on Google I called Damian several times and to say he was getting fed up with it would be an understatement. After the fifth time I called he lost his last bit of patience.

* * *

"Grey, what the hell! Again?" he snaps, yeah, he's getting pissed.

"I know Damian, but I'm trying to prepare myself for Monday but I'm having trouble with my search on Google. I just can't find much on the portfolio of Steel Cooperation and I know you have the answers." I try to explain myself.

"Arghhh" he screams in frustration.

"Listen Christian. This is my last day here and I'm trying to get a nice goodbye fuck from loverboy next door. You know that cutie with the blond hair and abs to die for. Now, the fact that you won't stop calling me isn't helping. As a matter of fact, you are ruining it! So, unless you changed your mind after all these years and decided to give in on your true feeling for me and let me have my wicked way with you, STOP CALLING!" He ends his tirade by jelling at me.

"Look, I'm sorry but please… I want to go there on Monday being fully prepared ok. I'm getting all nervous about it and I don't want to fuck it up. I just need more information." I ask pleadingly.

" No Grey, what you need is to get laid and chill the fuck out and being the supportive friend that I am I will arrange just that for you. What do you want me to send for you? Blond? Brunette? Brazilian? Oh no, just let me handle that I think I already know what will get you hot and bothered but before I get you someone, do you want a quick fuck or the whole girlfriend experience? I mean, it will cost me more but if that's what you want I'll arrange it. Personally I prefer a whole scene and getting my money worth. My favorite is to have a sexy cop arresting me and while doing so he roughly puts his…"

"Damian!" I nearly scream at him to make him stop. I don't want to know. I just don't. Please don't tell me.

"Can you stop talking about your sex life please? I ask quietly.

"Oh, don't be such a prude Grey. There's nothing wrong with having a healthy sex life even if it's between two or more men." He says

"I know that and I'm not a prude. You know I have nothing against men being gay. I really don't care who does what but I don't need to know what happens behind closed doors.

I have enough trouble with my current nightmares as it is I don't need you to give me these visuals to add to it so please stop it." I beg him hoping he will have some mercy on me.

After a moment of silence Damian is the first to break it.

"Ok I will stop but just to have the last word; I do like it rough." And with that he starts to laugh really hard and I can't help but to laugh with him. I should have known that was coming. Damian never stops because you ask nicely but always makes sure he has the last word.

As our laughter dies down he concedes and starts to explain the basics of the company for me.

"I will explain some things for you so you can get rid of that anxiety and maybe relax a little for the rest of your weekend and leave me alone to enjoy it too. I know you won't let it rest and keep on going till you have a heart attack so here it goes;

The company is like an umbrella. Steele Cooperation is the top and has different companies hanging under it who al have their own company name. Those are the companies that matter the most and they run everything dissected in branches. Every one of those companies has a segment of the businesses she owns divided by their branches and target market but also divided by their location separating them by countries and states. As an example; if she would own three publishing houses here in Washington and one hotel she will most likely create a new company under the Steele umbrella to have the final control over that hotel and monitoring it.

Why? Because she wants to make sure that every business she owns can function completely on its own. No slack for anyone of them and no lifting along with other companies for survival. They all have to get their own profit to survive and are hold responsible for the results they get themselves.

This separating gives her a good view as to what is profitable and what needs to make changes, like downsizing, restructuring or re-branching. With the business model she created she only needs to take one look at a piece of paper with their profits and percentage of growth to know what needs her attention so she won't waste time and effort on futile things that just don't matter.

As to function completely on their own, a good example will be the restaurants and hotels she owns.

The majority of them are forced by contract to buy their meat and vegetables from the different farms she owns. She is a firm believer of organic and biological food. You know, that whole shit of knowing what you eat. Don't ask because I don't get it either, meat is meat. Normally somebody will tell you they are doing it but you know they are lying and really don't do it. Apparently she is an anomaly and isn't only saying she's doing it, she really does it.

Well, every business she owns where they serve food has to buy their products from those ranches and they have to pay like everybody else. Just like with every other supplier they have to negotiate their own price and they are only allowed to change their supplier if they get the approval from their directing company. And if one of those farms can't deliver a certain product, then they can buy it elsewhere but again, only with approval from above. If they fail to follow this rule somebody will get fired and worst case scenario; foreclosure.

Miss Steele means business and she makes sure that everybody who works for her knows this. Because several years ago, she did shut down a restaurant in France because they failed to get in line and buy their products from the approved farms. They thought that Miss Steele wouldn't find out but she did. The restaurant was one of the elite, was having five stars and a waiting list of a year for people to get a table but she didn't hesitated at all to shut it down. When I asked if she was sure about it she just shrugged and said that they should have followed the rules. They cheated and she wasn't having it and with one wave of her hand the restaurant was gone.

The position you're having the interview for is a combination of different tasks. You have to oversee one part of the umbrella, focused on one kind of branch or area. You have to make sure that every company in your portfolio is profitable and the ones that aren't get the right treatment to become profitable again. You also will be looking at expanding your portfolio with acquisitions and get those new companies up and running with everything that's necessary for it. And if a company is failing and you can't save it anymore you will be responsible to find a buyer for it and selling it at the highest price to still make a profit of it and if that isn't possible anymore you have to dissect it and then find a buyer for every different part. I think you can see yourself as a CEO working under a CEO carrying the responsibility that comes along with that. Basically your job is to do everything that will make the big boss more money then she already has."

Damian goes quiet and I am completely overwhelmed. The company is huge and the job Damian is talking about is also huge. Can I do that? I really want to but damn…. That is huge….

And what happens if I do get hired? Won't I fail? It sounded like a lot of responsibility and I don't see why they would trust me with it. Damian says I can, but still….. It is huge…. What am I doing?

"Are you still there Grey or am I talking into thin air wasting time?" Damian asks.

"No, I'm still there, I'm still here… Are you serious? It sounds…" I say trailing off.

"Yes, I'm serious. If anybody can handle this job it will be you. Just go there Monday morning and impress Mark during the interview. Now, I gave you more information than you asked for so if you'll excuse me, I've got a weekend I want to enjoy." Damian states

"Oh, and Grey, just be yourself en relax a little. That job is yours, you'll see." He ends the phone call and like always leaving me completely dumbfounded and my mind spinning out of control.

* * *

After that I stopped searching for more information. My mind was reeling already and decided to keep my focus on stupid cleaning chores and watched a movie with Kitty Cat. I also made sure that I had everything in place to get through this week. I probably won't get hired but I did give myself some happiness with thoughts about me telling my father that I will stop working for him. I had every possible scenario played out in my head and the ones of him on his knees begging for forgiveness were the most satisfying ones although I know that won't happen. _What is wrong with you Grey, you're not even hired!_

Taking another deep breath I make my way towards the entrance of the building. As soon as the doorman sees me he opens the door en gives me a kind smile. I just nod and walk trough and head straight for the reception desk. I take a look around and it looks much smaller than I thought but after looking again I realize that it's probably to do with fact that the reception desks and the access gates to reach the bank of elevators are closing off the building just after the entrance.

Even though it's still early it is buzzing with live of people getting ready for work and looking around some more I realize I'm completely out of place. Everybody looks perfectly groomed, not a hair out of place and I wouldn't be surprised if they all have their own personal stylist, make-up artist and hairdresser to get them ready every morning. All I see is expensive suits rushing by to get to their workplace and I'm getting more uncomfortable with each passing second.

Gathering my wits and to scared to change my mind I reach the reception and wait for the girl to notice me. I don't know what she's doing but it's clear she's going to need some help with it so I clear my throat. She snaps her head up and I look at her shocked face. Yeah I know it's just a face.

"Hello sir." She purrs and licks her lips while sitting up straighter and pushing her boobs out to show more cleavage. Seriously, women are nothing but disgusting creatures to do things like this. Doesn't this blond Barbie has more dignity then offering herself as cheap meat?

Then she starts to check me out completely and when she sees the suit I'm wearing and her bubble of me being a rich prick that she can dig gold from burst apart her face falls. I expected that, well sorry honey but I have nothing to give you. Move on and do your fucking job. She checks me out a second time and I have to stop myself from laughing out loud. Her face tells me everything. It's like she can't believe what I'm wearing and if I'm not some undercover boss and trying to find something on me to give it away. Look at the bright side; if I don't get hired for the position I'm here for I can always ask to work in reception. I surely can do better than that empty bottlehead in front of me.

I know they don't see it but I'm wearing my best suit and have spent hours to iron it out perfectly. It might be cheap for them but I had to save three months to afford it. It's a dark grey suit and I'm wearing brown shoes and a striped tie to go with it. I thought I looked good in it and was pretty confident about it this morning but looking around this place I start to have second thoughts. Maybe I should have asked Damian if I could borrow something from him. _Too late, can't go back anymore now, can you?_

I clear my throat again and she seems to come out of her daze.

"Uhm, what can I help you with, sir?" she says clearly ashamed. Although I'm not sure is she's ashamed for me or herself.

"I'm here for my appointment with Mark Bellock." I state

She looks shocked for a second time.

"Did you say Mark Bellock, sir?" She questions me. Did I speak a foreign language? What part wasn't clear?

"Yes, that is what I said." Doing all I can to hide my impatience for her behavior.

"Ok." She says, stretching out the word.

"Just a moment, sir." She says grabbing the phone.

While she makes the phone call, probable to check with Mister Bellock's assistant if I'm not a fraud, I look around once more. The inside of the building gives the same impression of the outside. Simple and elegant. _Just like the CEO form those pictures._ No unnecessary luxury but they did use colors on the floor and walls to give it more intimacy. In the middle of the lobby stands a statue and I'm not sure what it is exactly. It's modern and the more you look at it, the more you see in it. It looks grotesque and brute at first but if you look long enough you start to find that there are many small details in it. The statue is surrounded by a well and I also realize it has a waterfall on its left side and the water slides down while following the curves of the statue. It's mesmerizing and helps to calm my nerves. In a few minutes I will be in the office of Mark Bellock and might be given the opportunity to change my life.

"Excuse me sir." The blond bottlehead says and takes me out of my own thoughts. I look up at her waiting for what's to come.

"Here is you're visitors pass that you have to wear visible for security. You also need to sign in on this log. After that you can go to the elevators and take the last one on your right that will lead you to the top floor. There you can find mister Bellock's assistant. She will help you further." She says on autopilot.

I take the log from her and sign in. After that I take the visitors pass and attach it to my jacket and after being let through by security I walk towards the elevators. I pass the statue and stop for a moment to look at it again. It's mesmerizing and soothing which is exactly the comfort I need right now.

_Ok Grey, no more stalling_.

I reach the elevators which is actually a private elevator with its own kind of doorman. He gives me a genuine smile and lets me in and quickly pushing the button for the 45th floor followed by a pass code. All the buttons for the other floors go black and the car reaches in no time our destination. The doors open and he gives me a nod. Nodding back I step out and find myself in another reception area. Just like everything else that I saw so far of this building it is simple and elegant. A warm sand colored marble floor and the same color is used on the reception desks but only a few shades darker. The walls are white, but at the center of every wall is a modern painting the center of attention. Each painting has its own theme and they are all bright and colorful. And just like the statue from the reception downstairs, they just don't make any sense and the more you look at it, the more you'll see.

I walk towards one painting and look at the right bottom of it, trying to read the name of the painter. Corneille? I have never heard of him. There's no depth in the paintings put they are intriguing and I can't stop looking at it.

"Sir?" I hear a woman question me from behind.

I turn around and find a kind looking woman who looks like she's somewhere in her late thirties. She's blond and has blue eyes that look too small for her face. She is wearing a black suit and her hair is neatly put in a bun at the back of her head.

"Yes, sorry. I was a little distracted by the paintings." I say apologetic.

"That's ok sir, you are not the first to come here and gets lost in them. They are rather captivating in their own strange way." She says with a kind smile and I start to relax a little more. Compared to that girl downstairs this woman is a breath of fresh air.

"I assume you're Mister Grey and are here for your appointment with Mister Bellock?" she asks.

"Yes, I am."

"Why don't you have a seat? Mister Bellock is occupied with a phone call but he will be ready for you in a moment. And from there you will have a clear view of another painting from that same artist." She winks at me and points towards two white leather couches with a table in between standing in the corner of the reception. I walk over and take my seat. I wish I had a couch like this at home. It's really comfortable and almost invites you to take of your shoes and lie down. Yeah, I better not do that I don't think that will make good first impression.

"Mister Grey?"

I look up and the woman is standing in front of me.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Uhm, yes please, that would be nice. Do you have coffee?"

Seriously? Do you have coffee? What kind of question is that, you're in an office. And I really want to kick myself. She must have seen the look on my face and gives me a smile. _You're losing it Grey, get your shit together!_

"I will get you your coffee sir. And if you look at your right you will find that painting I was telling you about. It's my personal favorite. And don't worry, Mister Bellock is a great man and you will do just fine." She says warmly to me.

She turns to get my coffee and I look to my right for that painting. She was right, it is more strange and captivating then that other painting. I'm so lost in the painting that I haven't even noticed that she already placed the coffee on the table next to me and she actually startles me when she gives my hand a short tap.

"I'm sorry Mister Grey, but I have your coffee ready. Mister Bellock is also ready to see you now. It's the door over there." She points towards the door on the left side of the couches.

I take my coffee from the table and walk towards the door. I make an attempt to knock but she interrupts me.

"No need for that Mister Grey, just walk through." She says.

I nod, straighten my jacket and square my shoulders. _It's now or never._

As soon as I walk into Mister Bellock's office I notice it is the complete opposite of everything else I saw of this building. His office is messy and every wall is covered with bookcases full of books and ornaments as trophies and pictures. It also isn't as big as I expected and the furniture is dark en coarse. His desk is covered in paperwork that looks as if it's just thrown in piles because it wouldn't fit otherwise and the couches in the corner and the coffee table in between are given the same treatment.

The only thing in here that has some sort of resemblance with the other spaces in this building that I've seen so far is the open view made by the glass wall behind his desk giving his office the much needed light and feeling for space.

"I'm sorry for the delay Mister Grey and besides being chaotic I have no other excuses to give you." I hear a male voice say apathetically from my right.

I turn towards the source of that voice en find Mark Bellock walking in his office from what I guess is his bathroom.

"No need to apologize Mister Bellock, I'm sure you are a busy man." I say trying to sound confident.

He smiles kindly at me and steps forward with his right hand stretched out.

"Mark Bellock, it's nice to meet you."

"Christian Grey" I say while shaking his hand. _Shit my hand is sweaty, that is not a good start. _

"Well, I normally would tell you to take a seat but…" he says trailing off while gesturing his arm around his office.

"Let me just take care of it and then we can start to talk about you and this company."

He walks over to the couches and starts to grab paperwork from it and making bigger piles with it. Then he just throws it on his desk and does the same with the paperwork from his coffee table. Al the while I'm standing in the middle of his office completely stupefied with a cup of coffee in my hands.

When the last piles reached his desk he turns around with a big smile.

"So, that's taken care of, let's have a seat shall we?" gesturing to the couches.

We both take a seat on the opposite couch and are facing each other now. And now, my nerves are coming back with a vengeance and kicking me straight in the butt. _Fuck, no backing down anymore._

"Well, I would say that I'm normally more organized and that all this mess is Damian's fault because he left on such short notice pretending to 'work' in France." Making air quotes on the word work. "But that would mean that we both would be telling a lie. Damian is just laying on his ass on the beach somewhere in Saint Tropez looking for new male flesh and I always work like this." He says while looking around his own office.

"Anyway, back to the task at hand. I'm supposed to ask you a few questions so let's start, shall we?" I nod and he leans back and puts his left ankle on his right thigh. _At least one of us is feeling comfortable. _

"So, first question, what did you think of this building and it's interior?" he ask casually and I must look really shocked at his question. This is not what I expected. Did I hear him right?

He starts to laugh a little.

"It's a question right? And I happen to really want to know the answer." He states while grabbing his coffee and leaning back again.

"Well, uhm, I thought it was intriguing." I say unsure. I really want to do this interview right and get the job but I have no idea what he is expecting of me.

"Intriguing?"

"Yes, I think that's the word I would use." I should have said it as a statement but even I know that it sounded more like a question.

"Care to explain?" he probes.

"Yes, uhm." I clear my throat. "When I stood in front of the building I saw that it mostly exist out of steel and glass looking like a simple structure but the transitions between those two materials make it look refined and elegant. There are no unnecessary statements or additional implements used for show off, not even an over the top name tag or billboard like most buildings like the company doesn't need any of that to be successful or known to the public." I start to ramble.

I take a moment to think about more things to say but honestly, that was already difficult to find words for. I try to think of the thoughts I had when entering the building but my nerves are turning my brain to scrambled eggs.

"Go on." He says while gesturing with his hand for me to give him more.

Ok Grey, think…

"Uhm, when I entered I got the same feeling from the lobby. It is simple with lots of space and there are no unneeded ornaments or furniture except the ones that are needed for functionality like the reception desks. Because the space is almost empty it can feel cold and sterile but the use of color on the walls and floor it still feel warm and welcoming. The only ornament in the lobby was a big statue with a waterfall in it." I say with a little more confident. Mister Bellock sits relaxed in front of me and even though he is watching me intently it isn't making me uncomfortable with it. In honesty, I'm getting more relaxed and the fact that I'm talking about the building and not about myself is also helping big time.

"Yes, the waterfall. Lovely piece isn't it?" he asks

"Yes it is. At first I thought it was a combination of rocks in modern shapes but the more you look at it, the more details you can find. I actually stopped for a moment to have a better view of it and I think I saw shapes of birds and elephants in it. I'm not sure what is meant with it but it sure was beautiful." I state getting more trust in my ability to communicate. I don't know why he wants to talk about this but I'm more then fine with it.

"There are more shapes from different creatures in it which you will see when you have more time to look at it when you come back later. They all resemble something in life and they all have their own purposes. If you look hard enough you will even find the shape of a naked man and woman, at least that's what I've been told although I never had the pleasure of finding them. Let me know when you do."

_Come back later? Did he say come back later? When?_

"Anyway, that was downstairs now I want to know about your impression of the reception when you left the elevator on this floor."

I'm still hung up on him saying come back later and need to shake my head to come back to this interview. Was he serious? Getting my focus back I think of what I want to say.

"The same as the rest of the building, simple and functional but with the use of coloring it still feels warm and welcoming. All though the difference with downstairs is that on this floor it is done with paintings instead of colored walls."

"Good. Very good. Now I'm going to tell you something so you have time to drink your coffee before it gets cold. I want to explain something to you so you have a better understanding of who we are and what we do." He says will putting his left foot back on de floor and sitting straighter. He puts his right arm on the armrest and taps his fingers like he is thinking of the right words to say. No he looks intimidating. Thank god he didn't look like that a few minutes ago because I don't think I would have been able to say more that on syllables words.

I take my coffee of the table and lean back in the couch trying to relax the nerves that are coming back to me. _Relax man, he is going to do the talking now and all you have to do is listen and nod at the right time. _

"I saw the look of disbelieve on your face when I asked you about the structure of the building and the interior but that question did had a purpose. The conclusion of your answer could be that it is simple and functional but at the same time there has been a lot of thought in the detailing of it. That's correct, right?"

"Uhm, yes." And my nerves are heard by him. He raises his eyebrow.

"Don't back down now, that is what I heard in your answer." He states

"Anyway, that is exactly what this company is and what the owner stands for. If something isn't needed you don't take it and if something is blocking your view you remove it or move yourself but everything needs to have a purpose. We own a lot of businesses in different parts of the world and they are run in that same way. We don't make unnecessary costs or changes just to throw money away. We only spend it where it's needed and even though some may say that the business structure we use is too extensive, when you work with it you will find that it is actually in perfect order for smart en efficient control over the entire organization and every aspect that comes with it. How you do that? With more focusing on the details underneath the surface. The fine print as you may call it because they make or break a company. It's not the name tag hanging above the door and it's not the billboards and neon lights covering the walls. Besides, they look rather cheap, don't you think?" he asks bemused.

He takes a break from talking to take a sip of his own coffee which gives me the time to process everything he said.

"Miss Steele runs a tight ship over here and she doesn't take crap from anyone. If you can't deal with that this working environment will be hell for you. This leads me to my second question; do you have problems with working for a woman and taking directions from her?"

_Yes. Yes. Yes I do!_

"No sir, I don't." I try to say convincing because I never worked for a woman before but my personal experience says that it might not be the best idea. Thank god he isn't looking at me while I answer.

"Good. When can you start?" he asks as if he's asking for extra milk with his coffee.

And silence.

When the silence stretches on he looks up. I'm too dumbfounded to answer. Not in a millions years did I expect him to ask that.

"What..?"

"When can you start?" You are working for someone else right now so I assume you have a period of notice? He asks.

"Uhm yes I think so, but… Am I hired?" I question him because surely he can't be serious.

"Yes you are. I will ask HR to get you your contract so you can look through it and if you agree you can give me one signed back. If you want to have changes in it there's room to discuss it and when you can tell me when you can start we can plan your introduction and a plan to settle you with your new workload. Unless you don't want the job off course."

While he waits on my answer I'm getting more and more confused.

"Well?" he asks

"No, I mean yes, off course I want the job but why?" I ask

"Why? Shouldn't you jump up cheering and ask when? You want this job and I want to hire you, what's the problem?" looking expectantly at me.

"Well, I guess I expected more questions about my work experience." I shrug

He sits back in his seat and humor is written in his eyes.

"What work experience? Filing? Editing?" He starts to laugh at me.

"Look, Damian was very clear about you being the right man for this job. I had several meetings with him were he kept convincing, or trying to convince me, to hire you for it. And don't ask me how, but I agree with him. The sole purpose of this meeting was to see the man he was talking about and to see if you give me the right feeling. If there is one thing I learned from working for a woman it is to always trust your instincts and my instincts tell me to hire you. Yes, you don't have a lot of working experience but you do have your degree. Working in the field for years doesn't always mean that you are good at it, it just means that you are doing it for years." He tells me.

"Now, I also heard that you might have trouble with ending your current employment? Just let me know, we have an amazing legal department working here who can fix anything. It will give them something to do." He says with a wink.

He stands up and stretches his hand to shake mine. I get up from the couch in a haze and take it.

"I'm sorry to cut this short but as you can see." Gesturing his hand towards the piles of paperwork on his desk. "I've got a lot of work to do. Marsha should have all the paperwork ready for you so I suggest you take it home and read it."

At my questioning look he point towards his door and explains; "Marsha is my assistant that you met on your way in. She has an envelope on her desk addressed to you. Oh, here's my business card with my cell number. Just call me to confirm your agreement for employment and when you can start." He nods at me and after I nodded back he turns and sits back behinds his desk acting like I was never his office.

_I guess I'm dismissed_

I walk out of his office and find Marsha standing up behind her desk and the envelope in her hands.

"Here you go Mister Grey." while handing it to me.

Again… I'm completely stupefied. That is not how I thought it would be. Are these people crazy?

With shaky hands I take the envelope from her and look at it like it can disappear any second. When I look up she is smiling widely at me.

"I told you that you would be doing fine. If you have any questions don't hesitate to call but I'm sure Mister Bellock already told you that." She nods at me

"Yes, he did." Is say unsure of myself and give a nod back.

No, not just unsure of myself but unsure of this whole situation and the absurdity of it.

"Very well. Have a good day sir." She states and goes back to her work. The phone rings and she answers it while I'm still standing here like an idiot.

"Yes ma'm." She answers in the phone and after some silence; "off course Miss Steele, just a moment." And starts pushing some buttons on the phone before she states "Miss Steele" and disconnects the line. She then looks up and sees me still standing here.

"Mister Grey?" Is there something else you need?" she asks.

"No no, I'm sorry it's just that…" I trail of while coming out of my haze.

"No need to apologize I know what you mean. I had the same impression too on my first day. Don't worry, you'll do fine. Just remember that they know what they're doing and everything has its reason. All you have to do is to take it with both hands and give 110 percent." She says warmly.

I nod and take my leave. She's right. If they didn't know what they are doing I wouldn't be walking away with a contract in my hands. At least I hope that is the case. I haven't seen what's in the envelope and for all I know it will be an empty page with a smiley on it. That would be a sick joke. Me having my last hopes crushed and them laughing their assess off over my pathetic self.

I enter the elevator and just to calm my curiosity I take a quick look in the envelope and YES, it's a contract. They hired me? They hired me! I can't help the smile on my face and yelling "Yes" only to become mortified by the fact that I'm not alone in the elevator. The man next to me laughs softly and looks up at me.

"I guess a congratulation is in order. Welcome a board new colleague. I'm Greg Sulton." He states smiling while offering his hand.

I start laughing and shake his hand.

"I guess. Thank you. Christian Grey." I state not hiding my happiness.

The elevator doors open. "This is my destination for now but I'll see you around." He nods his head at me.

"Yes, well, have good work day." And I nod back as the doors close.

_I'm hired? I'm hired! I'm hired! _

I keep repeating this over and over in my head hoping that the reality of it will kick in soon. I feel like floating and I can't wait to tell Damian. Wow, I'm going to work here.

When we reach the lobby I step out of the elevator and make my way towards the exit. Halfway I stop to take another look at the statue. I try to find the shapes of the naked man and woman that Mister Bellock told me about but I can't. I do find a lion and a baby in it but no such luck on what I was looking for. I chuckle to myself. Maybe he was joking about it knowing I would stop to search for it. A smile forms on my face when I think of the many times I will be walking past this statue to my new workplace. I can't think of a better way to start the day.

I sign out at reception and give my visitors pass back. The bottlehead gives me another once over before taking the log back and I turn to leave. Stupid bitch. I will bet my future lifesavings that she will be all over me when I start to make good money and can afford a real Rolex instead of the knock off gracing my wrist right now. Woman can be simple in the worst form and it disgusts me.

I walk out of the building and feel the sun shine on my face. I look up and see that the clouds have all disappeared and there is nothing but blue sky changing the mood of the day for the better. It is going to be a good day. Looking at my watch I realize I have to hurry to be in the office on time. I start my walk towards my dad's law firm and quicken my pace so I will make it on time only to slow down after one block when I realize that it doesn't matter anymore. I have a new job and there is nothing Carrick can do to stop me. _Are you sure?_

No, I will not let my thoughts go that way and shut it off. Right now my future is looking bright and I will not let anyone rain on my parade. I take a second look at the sky and let the sun warm my face.

Shoving my hands in my pockets I stroll over the sidewalk enjoying every minute of the feeling of being indestructible and walking towards my personal hell. Today it is going to end. I'm going to take my freedom back and there is nothing Carrick can say or do to stop me. Not anymore.

If Mark Bellock believes enough in me to give me this opportunity then I will give it my all to believe it too.

And with that last thought I reach the entrance of my current work place. Today I'm going to give him my notice and no matter what he says or does, I'm leaving.

I straighten my shoulders and walk in to face the inevitable hell that is coming my way.

**I am working on a pinterest page to go with this story. I will let you know when i have it ready. And Corneille is a brilliant dutch artist. (I'm a dutch girl :-) I just had to make a reference to my home country and the painted coffee cups I have of that artist) **


	3. Who's your Nancy now, Btch!

3 Who's your Nancy now b*tch!

As soon as I close my front door behind me I let my stuff drop to the floor and let myself fall on my couch. I can't believe how different this day ended from the way it started. To say it was awful and life draining would be an understatement.

I sigh and let my head fall back. Why does it always have to be like this? I was so happy and hopeful after my interview but now all those feelings have been replaced with anger and disappointment. Why can't anyone just be happy for me? Why can't someone stand up and support me? I feel like crying and I use all my strength to stop it from happening. I will not shed another tear.

I'm taken out of my reverie when Kitty Cat crawls on my lap and starts to purr content while putting her nails in my tights. I look down on her and manage a small smile on my face. While rubbing her behind her ears she starts to purr even louder. At least someone is happy to see me.

I never wanted to have a cat. Hell, I don't even like cats but she has grown on to me and sometimes I even look forward to her company. No matter the day I have, she's always there waiting for me and bringing me comfort. She doesn't care about any of my shit as long as I pet her often enough and makes sure she gets fed on time. _Of course she doesn't care idiot, she's a cat._

She was kind of forced on to me. When I started living here I had an older woman living next door. It was just her and her cat; Kitty Cat. An ugly ass cat, black with spots on her tail. She's missing half of her left ear and one eye is missing. The other eye is huge and green, but since she's missing her left eye I assume she needs her right eye to look for two. The end of her tail is also weird because it ones have been broken and didn't healed properly and has grown back whit a … in it.

After my neighbor was found dead in her apartment I saw Kitty Cat lying helplessy next to her body. It was clear that the woman was already dead for a couple of days and that the cat was lonely and hungry. Apparently hungry enough to eat from the body of her owner from what I was told..

When one of the police officers put her in a carrier I asked what they were going to do with the cat. She explained that she was going to take it to a shelter and that it was most likely for the cat to be put down. A cat like that wouldn't get adopted easily and with the amount of cats already stuck in shelters she would get two weeks to find a new family to live with but that it was wishful thinking because she was classified a treat for human beings because she ate human flesh and no family would want her even though she did it out of desperation. I looked into the carrier ones more and I felt my heart breaking. That poor cat was already lost and before I realized it I told her that I would take care of the cat.

She has been living with me ever since and we have gotten ourselves in a comfortable living mode. Every night I come home, give her dinner and then she will end up on my lap while I watch tv.

To say it always has been like this would be a lie. The first few weeks were horrible. She would sit in front of the door every evening and night and making screaming sounds as if she was getting murdered or raped. She scratched the paint right of my door and I still haven't fixed it. I tried to play with her and bought toys and candy for her but she just ignored me and continued screaming bloody murder towards the door.

Then, when I would wake up in the morning she would just be sitting at the end of my bed looking at me. No, not looking, staring me down describes it better. Every morning the same and it would scare me shitless when waking up and looking in to her green eye.

Don't get me wrong, I know it is just some tiny fur ball and I'm much stronger then she is but she has nails and teeth and I was pretty convinced that she was planning a murder complot against me every time she would stare at me like that.

Then one morning it changed. I'm not sure what happened but it was like she gave up and accepted her new living arrangements and me coming along with it. I woke up and instead of finding her at the end of my bed staring she was lying next to me, sleeping soundly and purring softly. At first I thought that it was because she thought she had successfully killed me and was having her celebration party but when she looked up at me she just looked content. And she has been my best friend ever since bringing me comfort and pretending to listen to my complaining. She's a walking diary and I find myself often talking to her and as a crazy cat person making conversation like I expect her to answer back. It does make me glad to be living on my own and over the years I confided everything about myself in her. _A good thing she can't talk huh?_

I'm not even sure that Kitty Cat is her real name. I doubt that her previous owner would call her that but after all these years she started to listen to it and that name just stayed.

_Yeah right, like cats listen. They are arrogant and self centered and the only reason why they pretend to listen is because they want something. Just like women they are deceiving creatures' manipulation everybody and every situation to get what they want not caring about collateral damage. You should know this by now. Isn't that the reason you're still alone, didn't you learn your lesson. _

I look around my apartment and wonder if I would still be in the same situation if it wasn't for my family and that bitch. I live in a studio, everything besides the kitchen and bathroom is in main room. I try to keep things tidy and organized to give it a little feeling of space. It's the same reason why I tidy my bed every morning because it is not like I have visitors here that will see it. When I first moved in here it wasn't long before the walls were closing in on me but when I started to accept my living arrangements the feeling of claustrophobia disappeared. Then I just started to make something from it and furniture it the way I liked it. I only used light colors for the walls, floor and furniture and after much harassment of Damian I bought red colored cushions for my couch and also red colored bed sheets to go with it giving the room a little bit of warmth.

I snort to myself. Who would have thought that I needed to look for matching bed sheets and furniture for my living room because it would be occupying the same space. I know I didn't.

Maybe with this new job I can look for a bigger apartment. One with a separated bedroom in it. That would be nice to have.

"Don't worry Kitty Cat, one day we will move and you can have your own room. I promise." I tell her softly and she stretches contently in my lap.

My mind drifts back to the events of today. I still can believe that I let myself be blind sighted and not being better prepared to face it all. I should have known how it was going to be from the moment I walked in to the office but I still let myself be taken by surprise.

* * *

I enter the building and go straight to my office. There's no need to pretend anything anymore so I don't even bother to greet anyone. As soon as I walk in my office I close the door, sit down behind my desk and eagerly take the paperwork from the envelope to start reading. I want to know what it says and the entire walk from Steele Cooperation to my office has made my curiosity fly through the roof. I need to read everything in it before my fantasizing starts living its own life and get the facts straight.

The moment I want to start reading my office door fly's open and behind it stands a very angry Carrick. I drop the paperwork from my desk hoping he didn't see it. The last thing I need is him taking it away from me and putting it through the shredder and my dreams along with it.

"Where were you?" he asks angrily

Thank god, he didn't saw it. Distract him and make him go away so you can start reading.

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently. I know what he means but that doesn't make him right. If he wants to play stupid I will go along with it.

"Don't play games here. You're late!" he nearly yells at me while pointing at his watch.

"No, I wasn't late. The office rules state clearly in section 17a that employees have the freedom to determine their own working hours as long as they arrive no later than nine o'clock in the morning and leave not earlier than half past four in the afternoon and work at least eight hours a day.

I arrived five minutes before nine at my office which means I was on time." I state matter of factly.

For ones I'm actually grateful for Carrick's harassment about learning all the rules here and making sure that I didn't miss anything of it because for the first time I can use it in my favor.

I try to sit straight in my chair and not to back down and start to ramble apologizes his way. His face is turning red from his fury and I'm sure that if it was possible, steam would leave his ears.

Without saying anything he just turns around and leaves, slamming the door behind him and I take a breath of relieve.

Waiting for a few seconds to see if he comes back I sit still and watch the door. When it is evident that he will leave me alone for now I grab the documents from the floor and lay it back on my desk so I can finally start reading it.

I can't believe what I'm seeing in front of me and keep going back to read it again. They are offering me a salary I never thought I could have. It is trice my current salary and they are also offering several raises with time and when I'm meeting the results they ask for. I'm starting with a six weeks trail basis and after those six weeks if they are satisfied with my work the contract will become a full employment. With that new contract I will get my first pay raise and also receive a company car, complete compensation on expenses that are made for the company like business lunches with my own company credit card, extra payment on overtime and business trips, a discount when using the services of one of the businesses owned by the company and a free gym membership.

This is even more then I hoped for. I pinch myself ones to make sure I'm not dreaming. _You better believe it Grey_. This is really true and I am going to take this chance. I have to do this even if it's to proof myself I'm capable of it.

My biggest dream was always to start my own company but life made me loose the hope for it. When I was younger I would always see myself as CEO of a mayor company doing acquisitions and mergers. Being respected by everyone and show the world of with my money, house and fast car but life didn't turned out that way. I didn't get the chance to start my own company and I didn't get that popular guy that is rich and wanted.

I look up from the paperwork and get confronted with my beach poster. The beach where I want to be. Looking down at the contract again I grab my pen and sign it. This is it. I'm doing it. No changing my mind and no running with my tail between my legs. I want to have a chance to go to that beach and this job will do that. And I also realize that part of the job is doing merger and acquisitions so my dreams are coming partly true. The only thing missing is me being the CEO but it is already much better than my current situation.

I look at my signature and I can't help but smile. Better days are coming my way, I just know it.

But as quickly as my lips formed that smile I whip it of my face. I still have one roadblock standing in the way of this new direction; Carrick Grey. _How am I going to approach this? _

After a few minutes of staring off into space I decide to just hand him my two weeks' notice and leave it at that. I start the computer and when it is ready I write my resignation letter. It isn't long nut I think it covers everything that needs to be covered. I print it out and sign it. Then I decide to print a second copy and sign it to. I could frame this and hang it in my new workplace. That thought makes me chuckle. _That surely won't make my new coworkers think weird of me._

I stretch my back and straighten my jacket, grab the letter and go in search of my father. When I reach his office door his assistant tries to stop me.

"Mister Grey, you can't go in without a appointment. Your father is a very busy man and is in the middle of an important phone call right now." She says with not making any attempt to hide her disdain for me.

"Miss Lanfort, I know my father is a busy man but what I need to discuss with him can't wait." I try to explain. I'm being honest right here because it really can't wait. I need to do this now.

"Well, I'm sure it's not that important so you just have to wait and since you are not being paid to wait I suggest you return to your desk and I will give your father the message so he can contact you when he has the time." and gives me an icy stare.

Fucking bitch! She has been nothing but an evil witch to me since the day I started working for my father and makes everything I say or do personal while I didn't even knew her before. Maybe she is my father but then playing dress up. Wouldn't surprise me because she looks rather manly and I'm pretty sure that's a moustache above her upper lip that I see and after everything Damian has showed me I keep second guessing peoples gender on a regular basis.

I just stare back not wanting to back down. Just as she is about to say something again my father opens his office door.

"Christian, what do you want?" he says sounding annoyed.

"I want to have a word in private with you." I state mustering all the confidence in it that I can find.

"You know I'm a busy man Christian, I don't have time for your nonsense." trying to dismiss me.

"I know and this will only take a minute." I'm not backing down.

"Fine." He opens his door further and gestures for me to follow him in.

Walking in his office he immediately takes a seat behind his desk and I waste no time and put my letter in front of him.

"What's this?" he asks looking surprised.

"Just read it. I'm sure it speaks for itself." And I sit down in the chair in front of his desk.

He grabs it and starts to read. While he's busy with reading I take a moment to look around. His office here looks the same as his home office; cheap and exaggerated like he needs to prove something. Not like your new workplace which is defined and understated.

When he's done reading he looks up with a look of shock and quickly replaces it with anger.

"You won't be doing this Christian. I will not agree to your resignation. Your contract states clearly that you are only allowed to resign your job here unless you have found a job that will guarantee that there will be no interference with your current loan agreements. I will not let you walk away from here when I can't be sure that I will receive my money from you." He's trying to stare me down but it is not working.

"I have found a job that will do that, so yes, I will be leaving two weeks from now unless you let me go sooner." I reply.

"I doubt it, unless you're here to tell me that McDonalds has decided on a salary increase for their hamburger bakers." He tells me sarcastically.

"No, I'm not." I won't let him get me.

"I got a job for a higher management position and I already took it. The only thing that needs to be settled is when I can start. So, if that is all I like to make that phone call now." I'm getting impatient and I just want to be done here. I don't want to stay longer in this office with my father then necessary.

He looks at me in disbelieve and then shakes his head.

"I don't believe you."

Getting angry I raise my voice. "I don't care if you believe me, that is my resignation in your hands and in two weeks I'll be gone." I stand up to make my point and turn to leave.

"I need the name of the company and the name of the person that hired you. I won't accept it unless they can confirm this." He says al smug with himself pointing to my letter. He thinks I'm lying and that he's got me here. _Oh no you won't, you bastard._

"Fine, Steele Cooperation and the person that hired me is Mark Bellock." I say matter of fact.

I see the shock on my father's face and I give him a smirk. Yes asshole, take that with you to your grave.

Not wasting any more time I leave his office and go back to my own desk.

The moment I sit down is the moment that my insecurities kick in. He's going to call Mark Bellock. Fuck! What will he say? What will they discuss? I know it will be about me but will my dad convince him that hiring me would be a mistake. That I will be a failure? I signed the contract but they still need to put their signature on it so technically I'm not hired yet. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

What do I do? Should I make sure to call first? I could do that and tell him I signed and can start in two weeks. Will that help?

I'm getting panicked and the room starts spinning around me. This can't be happening. This can't go wrong. I drop my head in my hands and try to get my breathing under control. Think Grey, think.

Ok, let's make that phone call and see how it goes. After that it will just be a waiting game and I can't do anything else then that and accept my fate.

* * *

Kitty Cat stands up from my lap and starts to meow telling me she's hungry. I hear my own stomach growl and realize I should have eaten hours ago. It's already dark outside and looking at my watch I see it's already after nine.

After that talk with my dad I called Mark Bellock and told him of my two weeks' notice. He didn't seemed surprised and we agreed on my first workday to be on a Tuesday because that would be easier for him so he didn't have to deal with the stress from the weekend troubles and would have proper time to show me around. He also told me to take full advantage of my longer weekend so I could start fresh and fully rested. He didn't sound any different than he did during our meeting so maybe he hadn't talked to my dad yet.

_Well, can't do anything about that now, can you?_

I get up and walk towards my kitchen. It's small but functional and it's not like I can cook or anything. I can make toast and heat up ready-made meals so I can't really complain about it. As soon as I open the door Kitty Cat cuts me short running past me into the kitchen and nearly makes me fall. _Stupid cat! Do you not realize you need me alive to get food in here?_

I find my balance back and look up to be met by my kitchen full of post-it notes. What the hell? I see one on my refrigerator, one on my freezer and several cabinets are also graced with it.

I walk to the refrigerator and look at the note; '_can't have that gorgeous body of yours getting starved, xxx Damian'_

I laugh and pull the door open and it makes my night. Inside it is filled with groceries. I see cheese, ham, milk, cola, beer, juice, vegetables, fruit and yoghurt. He stuffed my refrigerator? I can't believe it! I also see several meals that are ready to get heated and take out the Mac and cheese. This is going to be good!

I take a look in the freezer and see he has this one filled with bread and several boxes of meals that I only have to put in the microwave. Closing it I decide I want to see the cabinets too and find different kind of chips, nuts and crackers and there's also candy and chocolate. One cabinet has a note on it saying; '_for my favorite pussy'_ and is filled with cat food and treats.

I burst out laughing. This is typical Damian. You can't live with him and I sure as hell can't live without him.

I give Kitty Cat her food and put the Mac and cheese in the microwave. While waiting I look at my dining table and see a book on it with another note attached and a bottle of Jack Daniel's standing next to it. I grab it and read the note; '_so you won't burn your kitchen. If you do I'm only a phone call away! Love Damian'._

I open the book and find different kind of recipes that supposedly are easy to make. I have to admit that some meals do look really good. Maybe I can try it? When I flip towards the end of the book the recipes stop and page after page is filled with numbers of escort services and tips for a better sex life. I can't believe this. I should have expected that. On a second thought, no I shouldn't. Better check under my pillow before sleeping…. Who knows what he left there….

I shake my head laughing and grab my meal from the microwave and grab a fork from the drawer. After sitting down I start to eat and my mind starts to wonder to the phone call I made to Damian this afternoon. I don't know why but part of me wanted to hear his reassurance about everything but I should have known better. He didn't have any sympathy for me and made sure that I was fully aware of it.

* * *

"House of pleasure, how do you like it?" Damian answers after the first ring.

"Damian, it's me." I snap.

"Yes, I saw that on the caller ID now answer my question; how do you like it?" he answers flatly.

"Not that again!" I groan out.

"Fine, but you will answer it someday, you know; curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat." I state

"Yes, but that bitch also has nine lives. Missing one wouldn't be the problem. Now tell me the reason for your phone call because I haven't even left that long or do you miss my sexy phone voice already?" he says will making his voice a few octaves lower sounding like a man that smokes too much.

"Funny, but no." smiling while I say this.

I sigh. How do I say this the right way? I don't want to sound unhappy with this job but I do want to make my point clear.

"I don't know how to say this…" I trail off.

"Then don't say it." He states matter of factly.

"What…." _Huh_

"If you don't know how to say it it's probably not worth saying it."

"I got hired."

"Yes, I know. And…" he probes

"I don't know what to do. What if I fail? And my dad was an asshole and he's going to call Mark Bellock and then they probably don't want me anymore and my dad will make sure I will be the walking joke around here and the interview went really strange and…" my voice starts to tremble and I'm almost whispering now.

"You fucking asshole!" Damian shouts at me and I'm stunned. What?

"How dare you! How dare you do this to me! For years I have tried to let you in on my lifestyle and get you to wear pretty dresses and join in on the fun and every time you told me no and the minute I leave the country you turn around and comes out of the closet!? You son of a bitch! Stealing my spotlight and stand al glorious on that stage sashaying your ass as Nancy! I hate you!" he screams through the phone.

"What are you talking about? I haven't…" getting cut off by Damian ones more.

"Yes you bitch because you sure sound like negative Nancy right now, bitching like a woman about how life's unfair to you. You're just like that woman that spends hours on her appearance only to end up whining against her fat friend that she looks bad so the fat girl can tell her how beautiful she is and that she wishes to be more like her. You know, the way woman always seem to pick out a circle of friends with at least one ugly girl in it so they can feel better themselves.

Please Christian, stop whining, exit stage left, file a missing report with the police to get your balls back, put them back in the place where they already were supposed to be and make a grand entrance through the middle." He ends his tirade.

I'm silenced. I don't know how to react to that. Why did I call him? Oh yeah, I expected support from him, that's right.

"Listen Christian." He sighs

"I know life isn't always fair and that you have a lot of insecurities to battle but please, stop the self doubt. It's unnecessary and doesn't suit you. Off course you got the job. You had the job before you went to that interview. I already knew you had it before you called."

_He knew?_

As if he heard my question he starts to explain himself.

"Mark called me an hour ago to tell me how it went and that everything was settled and that you will start in two weeks. He's taking a chance with you and he truly believes that you can do it, saying you have the it-factor so to speak. So, I believe in you and Mark believes in you and the only person holding you back here is yourself.

So your father is going to call Mark? So what? Mark can handle that and nothing you're father will say or do will interfere with your new job. I know Mark and I'm pretty sure that when that phone call ends your father wished he never made it. What you saw this morning was nice Mark because he thought you needed it to calm your nerves but trust me, he didn't get that position with playing nice all the time, he's a screwed businessman and I'm sure he doesn't gives to shits about who your father is and what he will say about you. Relax a little and give yourself a moment to enjoy it. Got it?"

"Uhm, yes. Got it." I say

"Good, now back to more important topics; _how do you like it_?" he says and we both start to laugh.

"No comment." I state back at him. We are not going there.

"Fine, I have to go but just so we're clear, between you and me I'm not the ugly friend." He says sarcastically and I can't help but chuckle.

"That is your opinion Damian and yours only." I say smiling.

"Whatever. Miss me. Bye!" and he hangs up not waiting for a reply.

* * *

Yeah, I miss him already. I finish my meal and put the dishes in the sink. I'm tired and make a mental note to get up a little earlier than normal to clean everything up.

I decide to take a quick shower and watch some television after it before I go to sleep. I'm really tired but I know that if I sleep now, I won't be able to sleep the entire night. I grab a clean boxer, my sweatpants and a white t-shirt from my closet and turn around to go to the bathroom but something stops me in my tracks.

Someone has been through my nightstand. I turn around and see the bottom drawer ajar. That's strange. I go to open it and what I see makes me freeze.

Inside the drawer are numerous porn magazines, DVD's and several sex toys. I see handcuffs, a ball gag, different sizes of cockrings, dildos, condoms, packages of batteries, lubrication, hand lotion and tissues. What the hell! That drawer was empty when I left this morning. _Who did this? Why would anybody do this? _

I get my answer as soon as I see Damian's chicken filet lying between the magazines. Damian! Fucking Damian did this!

I search through the drawer to see if he left a note but I find nothing and slam it shut. Standing up I hear a strange sound coming out of my nightstand. What is that? I try to listen what the sound is but I can't identify it. I open the upper drawer and find a vibrator turned on. The slamming of the bottom drawer must have done that. I grab it and search for the off button. _Where the hell is it? _

After several attempts I finally manage to put it off and find the note Damian left with it.

"_Whatever floats your boat. Your hand can only take so much torture, give it some relieve" _

I shake my head and slam the drawer shut. What the hell am I supposed to do with all of this stuff? _Well look at the positive side. This means that you won't find anything under your pillow. _

Not wanting to think about it any longer I stand up and take my shower.

After my shower I sit down to watch some television but there is nothing that gets my interest. How is it possible to have so many channels and not a god thing on it? I turn it off and throw the remote on the coffee table. I get up and walk in the kitchen and grab a beer and some nuts. Walking back to the couch I decide to get my laptop. Maybe there is something on it I can do. I start it up and look at the background; Miss Steele.

I wonder what she is doing right now. Is she having a shower? Or is she sitting alone in front of the television? Maybe she is with her boyfriend and fucking his brains out. I know I would be doing that if I had a girlfriend like her. Not that I ever will, but still, that is what I would be doing.

Forcing myself to keep my mind in check I start the internet and take a moment to wonder what it is I'm going to do. Maybe I should play a game. That will keep me busy. Looking around the room I try to come up with an idea but my mind is empty.

I decide to take a look at apartments with at least one bedroom. Maybe I can find something that I can afford with my new salary. I use different keywords for my search but it all ends the same, apartments I can't afford. After an hour of searching I give up and close the browser just to be confronted with that background picture again.

She sure is beautiful. What will she be like in person? Will she be nice and sweet? Or is she arrogant? Looking at this picture I say nice and sweet but looks can be deceiving so I can't be sure. One thing that keeps coming back in my mind is that she looks like a real sex kitten. She looks damn sexy and staring at her legs I can't help but fantasize how it would feel to have them wrapped around me and to have her moaning and begging in pleasure while screaming my name.

I close my eyes and lean my head back for a moment

Her body is sitting on top of me. Both of us naked, my hands grabbing her ass cheeks and kneading them. Her perfect tits right in front of my face showing the rhythm over her movements. Her back is arched and she grabs my head roughly to force her nipple in my mouth.

I suck on the first nipple I can reach and let my tongue lick it and my teeth bite it getting fueled by her moans that are getting louder with every ministration I use on her. With one nipple in my mouth and my hands busy with her ass, she starts to play with the other. She takes her nipple between her fingers and starts to pinch it. I do everything I can to keep my eyes open to watch her pleasure herself.

She throws her head back and rides my cock in a steady rhythm, gripping it and fisting me with her walls. I feel her wetness coating my cock and I take a firmer grip on her ass.

She starts to beg for more. "Please baby don't stop. You feel so good inside me." She purrs and her moans are getting higher and shorter.

I feel her orgasm coming and I feel her losing her control over her movements.

"Please baby, I want you to cum in me. I want to feel it dripping out of my pussy, please." She begs and I grab her hips and start to take over. I slam her down on my cock over and over again. She looks at me and al I say is passion and lust.

She comes loudly, screaming my name and I slam a couple more times and feel my orgasm ripple through me while screaming her name.

"Ana!"

And I come from my dream with cum dripping on my hand and a wet shirt sticking on my body. Fuck!

Without realizing it I started to jerk off on my couch and looking up I see Kitty Cat looking wide eyed at me from her place on the coffee table. Fuck! _You sure gave her a show._

"Oh, fuck off!" I growl in frustration and she jumps from the table and runs to the kitchen_. Because it is clearly here fault that you ended up like this. _

I close my eyes and try to get my breathing under control. What the hell did I just do? Jerking off like a teenager on my couch over a picture from my new boss. That is not good, you're supposed to work for that woman. I get from the couch, dump my clothes in the laundry basket and take another shower.

Maybe I should take a cold one? _A little too late for that, isn't it? _

When I'm done I inspect the couch to see if there is anything on it. After looking thoroughly I'm glad to find it completely clean. I lie back on the couch and wonder if I'm ready for the nuthouse. Who the hell jerks off like that, picturing his boss?

I think it will be better to sleep so I grab the laptop to turn it off. _No more fantasizing about your boss Grey! You are going to work with her and she will not be amused when you sit in meetings with her with a hard on. You thought the workload would be difficult? How about working for Miss Steele and keep your mind on the job. You haven't even met her for crying out loud. _

Kitty Cat jumps on the couch and starts to push her head against the laptop taking me away from my drifting thoughts. Yes, no underlying intentions here.

"What is it Kitty, you want to lie on my lap?" I ask as if she can answer.

I push my laptop aside and lie back on the couch staring at the ceiling. Kitty Cat takes her cue and immediately falls down on my lap to sleep while I start to wonder. I don't even know that woman and still she is on my mind. Sure, it's impressive what she did. Building that company from scratch and having thousands of people working for her but still, she's just a woman.

Ok, so she's beautiful. More women around this globe are beautiful and it's either luck or help from the plastic surgeon. Did she use help? I don't think so. It didn't look like it but that doesn't mean she didn't.

Maybe she had a big nose or a wrath on her face. I chuckle, that would surely be a better picture in my head if I have to work with her directly.

Let it go Grey and get some perspective. Stop thinking about a woman you never even met and start focusing on the job at hand. You have a new job and you can start putting your life back together. Who knows? You might actually start to enjoy it and be ok. _Will I ever be ok?_

And with that last thought I fall asleep.

**Ok, these chapters were updated really quick because i wanted to give this story a proper introduction and set the tone for this story. With that being said, further updates will have to wait a little as i'm still writing and editing and editing and editing. I already stated that I'm a dutch girl and english isn't my native. I need time to write it properly and time to reread it a dozen times to get it right. **

**If you see errors in it, I'm sorry. Just let me know so I can change it. I'm also just learning how this site works, like the marking to show present and past. This is the first time I'm writing a story, so... be patient.**

**I also want to give a warning because I already made it clear that Christian has lived a horrible life and without giving the plot away; it will be brutal and heartbreaking. It will be explained in bits and pieces with a final coming clean scene but it will take some time in the story to be revealed. I already have the plotline completed now all I need is time to find the right words for it and make it enjoyable to read. **

**Hope you like it :-)**


	4. What have you done?

4 What have you done?

"What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking at all? I ask aggravated. He cannot be serious about this. I take another look on the paperwork in front of me and I can't believe it. Why the hell would you make a decision like this?

"I know you doubt my decision but it is the right one. I stand completely behind it and I will not have regrets or second guess it. Trust me on this." He states slowly like he is talking to an infant.

"I can't believe it. I let you in charge for nine days and this is what you do? Nine days! I thought you were smarter than that." I say while pointing my finger at him.

He just stands a few feet away from me and is not saying anything. He is just waiting for me to be done so he can turn and walk away. That and the fact that he doesn't want to be in my reaching zone, I'm sure of it.

I drop my head in my hands. I can't believe this. How could he?

When I look up again I rub my head and take a deep breath. Ok, I can't change this anymore so might as well try to make something from it.

"Ok, can you please explain your reasoning behind this? I'm trying here but I come up completely blank and please don't tell me it was Damian. He's not here so you can't hide behind him." I say spitting the words at him.

"Well, Damian had something to do with it but like I already tried to tell you, he can do this. I can see it in his eyes and I know he will be more then qualified when he has been shown the ropes. He's of a fairly young age, is eager to proof himself and will give more then you ask because of all that. He has a lot of growing and learning to do but I can see that he will be more than willing to do that. Call me crazy but you and I both know that those qualities are worth more than any kind of working experience. You proved so yourself." He raises his eyebrow and smirks.

"That was different." I state

"And those employees you have hired over the years that learned everything from working here?" He throws back at me.

"Don't go there." I groan

"Yes, let's go there. Damian is a nice example, don't you agree." He probes

"Look, I know what you are trying to do here but stop it. That wasn't the same as this."I point out

"Besides, I didn't give any of them a jump start at a position like that and you would do well to remember that." Continuing while I already know I lost the battle. The decision has already been made. I should have known that he would do something to piss me off, he always does. I start to regret my leave for the last week and a half but I couldn't have done it any other way.

"Oh, quit the nonsense. Those are just small details you're whining about." He waves his hand aside and then sits down next to me on the couch.

"So Elf, how are you?" he asks sincere

"I guess I'm ok." I sigh and turn my head and look through the glass watching the city's skyline.

"I don't know, it was hard to be there but at the same time I felt honored to be a part of it."

"I didn't say that right, did I? " I ask

"No, you said that right. I'm sorry you had to go through that." He says softly and puts his hand on my shoulder trying to give me some comfort here.

"I know. It's just weird. Rationally I know he isn't here anymore but at the same time I can't keep my eyes of my phone and waiting for his call. I caught myself several times already dialing his number only to realize that he will never answer it again." I sigh. I'm staring out of the window and contemplating how to lose this feeling of being lost.

"I am going to miss him so much Mark, what am I going to do?" I ask and start to cry. He puts his arm around my shoulders and holds me.

"Just let it out sweetie." He says softly.

I don't know for how long I'm crying but for what feels like hours I finally get my bearings and Mark let's me go and get me a tissue.

"Here, use this." While he sits down next to me again. He grabs my hands and looks at me.

"I know you're hurt. Watching your grandfather die couldn't have been easy. The two of you were very close and with being there, you made his last wish come true. You showed a lot of strength by doing that. I can't say that I would be able to do something like that but you did. You sat by his bedside, took care of him and gave him comfort. You should be proud of that. He was of age and there is no magic cure to stop time. Just know that it is ok to miss him and to grieve over him. But while you're grieving make sure you realize that his dead made him free from all the pain and suffering that the cancer brought on to him and all he would've wanted is for you to move on and find your own happiness. You know that was his biggest worry." He says calmly.

"I know and if I could buy it on the corner of the street I would have it by now don't you think? I snap

Why does everyone always want to bring this up? Why can't they just let me be and worry about themselves. It's not like I'm unhappy and what was I supposed to do? Hang in there?

"Ok, glad that's settled." He chuckles at me

"Yes, now back to your Cinderella. Why did you hire him? You know it will be a lot of work to teach him everything and are you really going to tell me that no one else was qualified for it? I ask

"He gave me that right vibe and I know it will be a lot of hard work. You should have seen him during his interview. I knocked him straight off the couch when I asked my first question. He was extremely nervous, like sweaty hands nervous and even though he's a big guy he made himself look small but at the same time he looked eager and ready to just jump in. All he needs to do is to build some confidence. I can't really explain it but I think he will be good working here."

"But he doesn't have any experience?

"No. Which is strange because he has a degree from Harvard, doing business school and graduated with impressive results. He surely would have been able to land himself a better job than the one he has now at his dad law firm."

"What was his name did you say? I ask further

"Christian Grey."

"Grey? As in Carrick and Grace Grey? Are you sure?" I ask dumbfounded

"Yes, I'm sure. Why?" his curiosity evident in his voice.

"Because I have met them at several benefits over the years and not ones have I heard of their son Christian. I have heard of Elliot and Mia but I didn't know they had three children. It's weird because they never seem to stop talking about their children. They even tried to set me up with Elliot." I shudder at that memory. Boy, was that awkward.

"They did?" and that has doubled his interest.

"Yes, I don't know Elliot that well but I do know he's a manwhore." Mark starts to laugh

"What? He is a manwhore, did I needed to sugarcoat it?" I ask sounding aghast.

"No, please continue." He says looking at me all eager to hear more. I sigh. "Fine."

"All I can tell you is that they kept talking about him, you know the usual stuff about how accomplished he is and how sweet and caring and that whole blablabla." I trail off "then they made me sit next to him at one of their benefits. Elliot and I didn't have anything in common and he irritated the hell out of me. He used every line in the book about how beautiful I was and that I was made in heaven and al that crap. I tried to tell him of nicely but that didn't work so let's just say that it ended badly…." I smile.

After a small pause I continue.

"For him…" I smirk. I still remember that night and I felt a little bad for him but if he would have just listened to the word no I was saying he wouldn't have met my knee between his legs.

"I think I understand what you're talking about and I won't ask further. Don't need a demonstration of what happened."He says while covering his balls.

I start to laugh. Yes, he knows me well.

Coming back on topic I look at the papers in front of me again. It's a signed contract from Christian Grey.

"I still don't understand why we have never heard of him." I state

"Yes, I don't understand either after what you told me but it gets even stranger than that." He stands up and grabs us both coffee. Then he returns, gives me my cup and continues.

"After Christian called me back to say that he agreed to his contract and we worked out a starting date I received a phone call from his father. He asked if it was true that we were hiring Christian and why we would do that. What function he would get. He also stated that we were making a mistake and that he wouldn't be able to deliver. Basically all the usual things a loving and supporting father would say."

He tells me sarcastically.

"And his background check?"

"Came completely clean. There was nothing in there that could explain any of it." He states

"That makes it even stranger." I think out loud.

"Doesn't it? I talked to Damian and he told me that it was complicated but a short version would be that Christian is the outcast of the family. He doesn't have any kind of contact with them except for his father, Carrick. He started working at the firm straight after college and never left. When I met Christian it was clear he was walking like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and it is clear that it has to do with his family. I don't know what happened and Damian wouldn't tell me. He said that he wouldn't betray his friends trust like that so I stopped probing. He did warned me that if we hired Christian it was most likely that Carrick would try to put a stop to it and would become nasty in his choice of words about his son. And indeed, he did became nasty." He says dryly.

"He did?" I say dumbfounded. What the hell?

"Yes, he basically called his own son a loser and failure. I just stopped him and said I had better things to do then listening to his vile words and hung up."

We both sit silent for a moment and drink our coffee. What happened? Why would you treat your own son like that?

Mark is the first to break it.

"Oh, that reminds me; he might give you a call too. He asked for a copy of Christian's contract. He said he needed it before he would give him permission to stop his employment for him. Strange huh? And let's just say I gave him a copy." He smiles evil at me.

"What did you do?" I ask.

"I made a copy, blacked out all the information about Christian's salary and compensations and things like that and then I had Marsha send it over to him." He says laughing.

I shake my head. I could have guessed that but it still doesn't answer many questions. Why does his family hate him so much? Do they hate him? And if they do, what happened?

"So, how did he react to the position you're giving him?"

I haven't told him yet…" he trails of

"You haven't told him? Mark, you can't do that. He needs to know what it is you want from him. What if he doesn't want it? He has every right to turn it down and then all our efforts will be wasted." I'm shocked. How can he not have told him? What if he doesn't want to do it?

"He won't turn it down. I will tell him when he needs to know and no sooner. Let me handle this, I know what I'm doing." He states.

"Ok." I sigh. I have a bad feeling about this. "Fine, you took the choice away from me but fine, I concede."

"Good." He says clapping his hands ones while standing up. "Glad to know you will help" he smiles at me.

"Mark, I don't have time to play the fairy godmother." I groan out

"I know Ana but you will do it anyway." He states.

And with that he walks out of my office and I walk to my desk and sit back in my chair. I look at the pictures on my desk. There are only two and both are framed in a silver photo frame. One is of me and my brothers; Armando and Lucas. They mean the world to me and I love spending time with them and their families. The second picture is of my hero; my grandfather. He was an amazing man that lived his life by a shortlist of rules; honesty, loyalty, forgiveness and love. That was all that matters according to him. One can't exist without the other. And that is exactly how he raised me.

The last two weeks were hell and I was completely lost at what I was to do. I think what struck me the most was that he had been my savior all my life and no matter what; I couldn't be his. I couldn't give it back to him and show him my unconditional love. He told me that I was everything he needed and that he was proud of me but I can't help feeling like a failure. Three weeks and one day ago he was fine, just a loving grumpy old man with a sore throat and the next day he was dying of cancer.

Two weeks. It took the cancer only two weeks to bring him down. The doctor said it was already too far progressed to do anything about it. After that it took him more than a week to call me with the words that changed my life; he was dying. I left that same day. I dropped everything, yelled at Mark to take over and flew out to see him having the jet ready when I arrived at SeaTac.

I stayed by his bedside, held his hand, tried to feed him, nurture him. It was strange to see that when the doctor told him the he couldn't win this fight, he gave up completely. It only took days for him to reach his end.

Six days sitting by his bedside and watching him loose from cancer was the hardest thing I ever done. I have had my share of pain but it didn't compare to this. This man was an angel send from heaven. He was there for me from my birth until I was six years old. Raising me as his own daughter instead of his granddaughter. When I had to leave he fought for me and never did he stopped fighting. I didn't knew that back then, but now I know. He showed me everything during his last days, every letter and every file. He wanted me to know because he didn't wanted to die with secrets. His biggest fear of showing me was that I would be angry at him and wanted my forgiveness but what he didn't understand was that it only fueled my love for him. So everyday we had left together I would tell him that. I wanted to be sure he knew. _He didn't need my forgiveness because there was nothing to forgive._

Six days that we used to talk, reminiscing on the good times we had. The beautiful memories he gave me. When I think back of my childhood most of it is filled with terror and angst but I do have a few good memories and they were all because he gave them to me. Those memories kept me alive through the worst of my years and I will cherish them forever and I had six days to make him see this.

We also spend those six days bickering. He kept saying how hard it must be on me to sit there while I believed it was harder on him. He was the one suffering. He was in pain. He was going to die. Not me, I was just the bystander. It was useless to fight about something like that, I know, but I didn't want him to leave this world while worrying. I wanted him to be free of everything and leave as peaceful as possible.

He also kept insisting how I should live my life. Find my own happiness.

I know he's right but how? It's not like I can just order it online.

I chuckle. During my teenage years I thought that if I had enough money, power and a reputation it would just come to me. I guess I was wrong. I just never took in consideration that even when you are surrounded by people, you can still feel lonely. And with the dead of my grandfather, that feeling has multiplied.

My phone rings and brings me from my thoughts. I grab it and look at it; Armando.

I'm not in the mood so I decide to let it go to voicemail.

My brothers keep calling me, keep badgering me to see if I'm ok. It's a good thing I'm a good actress otherwise I would be stuck with them. They have a family to take care of and don't need to put me in that equation. It will only make me feel worse knowing that I will be taking precious family time away.

I can deal with this on my own, I just need time. Armando and Lucas keep saying that I need to open up and let people in. That I need to let go of the past and open up to a man in my life. They say that a life partner will bring you the happiness and comfort that everybody needs and that I'm missing out on it. It pisses me off because no matter what I tell them, they just don't want to understand that I can't.

They don't want to acknowledge the fact that I already tried that and to say it didn't worked would be an understatement. Looking back it feels as if I lost three years of my life. Three years of hell.

No, that's not true. If it would have been three years of hell I would have called it quits way sooner. I wouldn't have continued for that long. With my past you surely would think that a girl would be smarter than that. But I wasn't. I didn't just lost my faith in love during those years. Besides the business I lost it all. My confidence, my strength and my believe in myself. Looking back I have to admit that the worst part was that I let it all happen. I kept on believing in the good things, I kept using the good memories as an excuse for the bad. He made me stupid. So stupid, that I even went through great lengths to cover up after him.

That's why I will never let anyone in, not anymore. I can't be in a position like that again, weak and lost. Armando and Lucas don't know everything and I'm grateful for that. I don't want them to end up in orange jumpsuits with visiting rights for their family while wearing handcuffs. I'm just glad it's over and I never have to see him again. I don't know where he is right now or what he's doing but as long as I'm no part of it, it's all good.

But after all this time it's still a touchy subject for me. It was the cause for a mayor fight with my grandfather. He wanted me to tell him everything while he was on his deathbed. I refused and we kept on arguing until I finally caved in. He used his dying card and I couldn't fight him anymore. So I did it, I told him everything. We both cried for hours but it did feel good to let it all out. He even made me laugh when he stated that he was going to murder him because he wouldn't be around anymore when the cops would show up to arrest him. That the positive side would be that he wouldn't get cremated alone. That he should have known sooner so he could've actually done that. Although it is kind of scary to know that he was serious about it it's nice to know that someone loves you that much.

I feel a smile form on my face. Yes, my grandfather was an amazing man and would fight every battle for me. He would even do it when I would be in the wrong and in the end he would just hold his arms right open for me to jump in. _And know I have to miss all that._

I'm taken out of my thought by my office phone ringing. _What the hell?_ I told Carly not to disturb me.

Agitated I decide to answer it.

"Carly" I snap

"Miss Steel, I'm sorry. I know you didn't wanted to be disturbed but Mark said if Mister Grey called I had to put him through no matter what. I'm sorry." She rambles nervously ending in a whisper.

" What are you talking about?"

"Mister Carrick Grey is on line one for you. Or do you want me to tell him you're busy?" She asks

I sigh. So Mark was right…. I can't believe he's calling me. Why would he do that? I'm not in the mood and just want to say fine to Carly but at the same time my curiosity is killing me_. Well, better face it now._

"No, it's fine. I take it."

I take the call and decide to play stupid here. Let's hear what he has to say.

"Mister Grey." I state

"Miss Steele. I'm glad you have time to talk to me. I know you're a busy woman. How have you been? I've heard you're grandfather passed away. My condolences, and of my wife too, of course." He tells me smoothly. To bad for him it's not smooth enough, I don't trust him, never did, never will.

"Thank you Mister Grey, what can I help you with?"

"Oh, quit the nonsense and call me Carrick. You and I know each other longer than that."

"Fine, what can I do for you Carrick?" I say with sarcasm. Seriously?

"I need a copy of Christian's contract. I already asked for one from Mark but he wasn't really forthcoming with it. He was actually quit childish and rude to me and then he send me a contract with almost everything blanked out. I know you're probably too busy for it and I wouldn't have called if it could have been arranged otherwise but because of Mark's behavior I have no options left." He says sweetly.

_Asshole! Does he not think that Mark and I talk? What does he think we're doing here? Play Candy Crush all day?_

"Mister Grey, as far as I'm concerned you wanted a copy of your son's contract." I say while dragging out the word son's. "I believe that is what you received, isn't it? I ask innocently. Yeah, this girl can act!

"I understand Anastasia but the one I received won't do. I need all the information and like I said, almost everything was blanked out. All I'm asking is for you to ask your assistant to send me a new copy."

_Did I say he could use my first name? I don't think I did?_

"I see, well, I could do that…." pausing a moment.

"But I won't. The contract you have received will just have to do. As far as I'm concerned you only needed proof of his new employment, that's what you received." I state

"Yes and no, I need all the information from it, so all I'm asking is for you to arrange it for me. I can even pick it up myself if that's more convenient."

Carrick in my building? Not happening.

"That won't need to happen Mister Grey. The copy you received of his contract is all you will get from us. The information that Mark blanked out from the contract falls under your son's NDA, so we won't provide anyone with that kind of information, father or not. If you want to know what is under the marks, you have to ask him about it, although I did tell you that he signed an NDA, so it might be better for you to let it go. All you have to know is that he has agreed to his employment here and that he also agreed to the terms in his contract, the ones that are blanked out." I say matter of fact.

Does he really think I would give it to him? That I will go behind Mark's back? What a fool!

"I understand Miss Steel." Yeah, I'm Miss Steel for you, thank you for receiving one message in this phone call.

"I assume you won't make an exception for me? He asks hopeful.

"No, I never make exceptions." I state

"Fine, although it is rather interesting for your company to hire Christian. I'm sure you understand some of my disbelieve?" He asks.

"No, I don't understand."

I know what he's doing here. He wants to get information out of me. He wants me to give Mark's head on a platter but I won't do it. One of the biggest rules I have here is that you never talk bad about you're team member. You have to remember that you're both playing for the same team. Sure, you can disagree but never in front of an outside party. Mark and I argue, hell we argue a lot, but never in front of others. That's between us and for the outside world we will form an united front.

Besides, if we are going to talk about disbelieve, let's start with his estranged son. If I learned anything from life it is the importance of family. And with maybe a few exceptions, you don't badmouth your son. Christian's background check came clean so whatever happened, it couldn't have been that bad and right now, the man I'm talking to is repulsing me.

"It seems a bit strange that you are hiring someone like Christian for a higher management position, don't you think? I know Mark did the hiring, so I'm not sure if you knew about it, but surely you can get more competent people than that."

"Who says your son isn't competent?" I ask playing dumb.

"You have seen his work history, didn't you?" he saying this to eagerly, like he found a loophole or something.

"I have but that didn't answer my question." I state

"Well, then you would've surely seen that he doesn't have that much working experience. It just doesn't seem right to put a man like him in a position like that. It will only bring him a road of destruction. I'm sure you can see that."

"No, I don't"

"You know, hiring someone that can't handle the work. It will be bad for business. Who knows what mistakes he will make." He states overdramatically.

Time to end this call…

"Mister Grey, I appreciate your concern but frankly, why we hire someone or how my business is doing is none of your business. If you have nothing else to say I like to end this phone call since I'm rather busy. I'm sure you would understand." I tell him sarcastically.

"Uh, well, no. But I do want to ask you to reconsider your point about his contract and providing me with a copy. I understand you're busy but thank you for your time." He says flabbergasted. Yeah, take that asshole.

"I won't reconsider. Goodbye Mister Grey." And I slam the phone down.

Damn! Mark was right, what an obnoxious prick. I can't believe this. Did he really say all those things?

I don't know what happened between son and father but this is not good. This is bad. The only reason I can think of him wanting all the information is either money or control. Maybe both? But why? Sounds more like abuse to me.

Christian's background check came clean so it can't have anything to do with murder or rape or anything that involves heavy crimes. But it has to be bad enough to cause a rife between him and his family. What does that? How can anyone justify behavior like that? They seemed like a loving family at all those benefits. But those were all without Christian. What did he do?

I sigh, no matter the questions there is only one person that can answer them and he's not here. Even if he was it would be wrong to ask. This is between them and I have nothing to do with it. But I can't help but wonder about the answers.

Well, let's meet the man first and see if Mark's right about him. That he is the right man for this job. I sure hope so. Even though I always like to get my right, in this situation I hope otherwise.

I take a deep breath and put my mind back at work. I have a lot of catching up to do and looking at the clock I realize I only have one hour to get a head start before the weekly meeting starts.


	5. Closing doors or will they open?

**5 Closed doors will force you to open new ones**

**Christian POV**

"_You sick bastard!" He yells at me_

"_No, I didn't do it, you have to believe me!" I beg him_

"_I have to believe you?" he asks in disbelieve_

"_Why? Why should I! I saw it with my own two eyes!" He's screaming now._

"_But it's the truth, I didn't do it, please hear me out. Please!" I beg again and tears are streaming down my face. _

"_Please dad"_

"_Shut up! He roars_

"_Just shut up! I saw the truth and I will not listen to your lies anymore. You brought this family enough shame and embarrassment and I will not have it anymore! Do you have any idea of what you've done? How you've hurt all of us! It is done!" He stops a moment to take a breath and all I can do is to keep crying. This can't be happening, it just can't. I want to tell him everything but he doesn't want to hear it. _

_Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow he will listen…._

"_This is what's going to happen for now, you will go to your room. I don't want to see your sick face more than I have too. You do NOT talk to your mother and siblings. You've hurt them enough." He spits at me._

"_Jeffrey! He yells_

_The door opens and Jeffrey is waiting for his instructions._

"_Yes, sir." _

"_Bring this piece of shit to his room. He is not allowed to come out of it no matter the circumstances and when he is, I will let you know." _

"_Yes, sir." Jeffrey says and turning to me while outstretching his hand._

"_No Dad, no…. you can't do this, please! Please don't do this!" I start to yell desperately, but there's no use. Dad just turns away and Jeffrey drags me out of his office._

"_Dad! Dad! DADDDD"_

* * *

I wake up with a start. My heart is racing and I'm covered with sweat. Fuck! My breathing is out of control and I take a moment to get it more even. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I look at my alarm clock and it's only five in the morning. I don't have to be up yet since Mark made it very clear that I wasn't allowed to start before eight thirty. I lean back on my pillow and look up at the ceiling. I know I can't go back to sleep anymore but I'm not sure what to do right now. After ten minutes of staring the ceiling down I decide to take a shower and start on breakfast.

Once I'm showered and got my coffee and cereal in front of me I start to feel a little more relaxed.

This nightmare wasn't new. I've been having these from the night I turned 18 and they have been there for almost every night since then. Before that it used to be about my birth mother. That crack whore and her pimp. But they didn't compare to the intensity of the nightmare about my downfall.

If anybody would have told me that this was going to happen I wouldn't believe it. I know I caused my family a great deal of pain but never would I have thought that it would turn out like this. I didn't saw any wrong in what I was doing and she told me herself how it was helping me. How she was helping 'me' but now I know better. She never wanted to help me and it never helped me. All it did was cutting me from my family and turning my life into hell. _How could I have been so stupid?_

I keep replaying that day, my birthday. I remember spending the day with my family. My mom had gone all out to make it a nice celebration. She said that turning 18 was a real milestone and had the living room completely decorated. I remember that Mia baked me a chocolate cake, my favourite. The last one she ever baked for me. Now I can't even look at a chocolate cake anymore. I promised myself to never eat it again. The only one I will ever eat will be Mia's even if it means I will never have a single piece in my entire life.

I remember Elliot trying to convince me to go out with him. Said that 18 would be the perfect age to lose my virginity or to come out of the closet.

I chuckle. If he only knew. Well, I guess he found out the day after. I just wish he didn't, I wished no one did. And I wished that they all knew the truth. _Maybe I deserved this?_

Tears start to fill my eyes when I replay the events that brought me here. Those are the worst parts. I remember being aloof to the jokes and goofing around of my family, not wanting to be a part of it. I just wanted the day to end so I could really celebrate how I wanted to. I ignored my family half of the time because all I could think about was that I wanted to be somewhere else.

The morning of my birthday I received a text from her. She had a special birthday present for me and wanted to meet me that night. She mentioned something about changing roles. I was excited all day and all I wanted was to go over there. Skip the entire day and leave the house to spend my time with her. In hindsight I see that I was stupid. My guts were always telling me that something was wrong but I was an horny teenager and I guess I just followed my dick. It is hard to think when all your blood has rushed to that body part so I put part of the blame on him.

That's one of the reasons that I refuse to be with another woman. One woman was supposed to be my mom by birth and nearly destroyed me, one woman was supposed to be a friend and destroyed my life all together and one woman was supposed to be my chosen mom and choose not to want it anymore, that I wasn't worth it. _How is any other woman going to love me, cherish me and not destroy me if they didn't do it?_

I get taken from my thoughts by something pushing against my leg. When I look down I see Kitty Cat trying to get my attention. I frown, what does she want? When I look towards her bowl I get it, she wants food. I stand up and grab her food from the cabinet to give it to her. She meows when she sees it and digs in as if I never give her anything. I have to laugh about that. Maybe she has a one day memory and every morning she starts blank. That would be nice, I wouldn't mind having that. It would make my life a lot more pleasant, that's for sure.

I take a second coffee and sit back down on my chair next to the kitchen table. In the corner of the table lies Damian's cookbook. I grab it and start to wonder through the different recipes. I stop at the one for pasta bolognaise. Talking about a disaster. I shake my head at the memories of last week. I wanted to try and cook myself but Damian was right, I nearly burned down my kitchen. I took my time to cut all the vegetables and get all the ingredients ready to use but as soon as it came to cooking, I got lost in the multitasking of it and burned almost everything on the stove. I have a horrible burn on my left hand to prove it. I got so pissed off at myself, the pain from being burned and the pan's that didn't function right that I didn't even bother to clean it and just threw it all away in the trashcan. I was glad that the fire alarm I have didn't work anymore because I haven't replaced the batteries yet otherwise it would have gone off, I'm sure of it.

I take another look at the burn and I must say that it's healing nicely. It's still there but it doesn't look that nasty anymore. My eyes wonder to my wrist. Two years ago I broke it during a fight at the gym. It had hurt so much that I passed out at one point. When I woke up I was at the hospital and the owner of the gym was sitting next to me. He said that he brought me to the hospital as soon as I passed out and that he already talked to a nurse who was getting the doctor.

A few minutes after that the doctor walked in and I just lay there completely shocked. Apparently the attended ER doctor was my mom and looking at her equally shocked face, she didn't expected me there either. I wanted to talk to her but before I had the chance she turned around and walked away. I just lay there waiting for her to return and thinking of things I could say but she never returned. A few minutes after she left another doctor came in and helped me with my wrist. I guess she didn't wanted to be in the same room with me. At that point the pain from my wrist wasn't hurting me anymore. The pain from my mother not wanting to help me overruled everything else. _If only she knew then maybe she would love me again._

I sigh. There's no point in going back and back to the past that haunts me. I can't change it and all I can do is look forward and the possibilities of the future. And that future is going to start today with my new job. My feelings are mixed about it because at one hand I'm nervous and exited but on the other hand I'm scared that this job will only proof that I can't do it. _That I'm a failure._

I can't believe it is going to happen today and with the stress going through my body I wonder if I should go for a quick run. I look at the clock and it's only six o clock right now so I do have time for it but I really don't want to start tired or exhausted today. Yesterday was my day off and I was very grateful for it. I really needed it.

The last two weeks dragged by in a very slow pace and I'm glad they are over. At first I thought that it were only two weeks but living in them, they felt more like months. I spend almost every night working late. It seemed that everyone in the office were trying really hard to make me suffer by giving me more and more work. I don't know why but I'm sure my dad had something to do with it.

To say he wasn't happy with me wouldn't be enough to cover it. The time spend at the firm he either ignored me or screamed at me. And the worst parts were that the moment he ignored me I wished he would say something and the moments he screamed at me I wished he would go back to ignoring me. It just didn't matter what I did. It just wasn't good enough. I'm still not sure why he's so angry that I'm leaving because it isn't like he wants to have me around.

The bright side was that I didn't had to go back to the house again. His words were that I fucked it up again by making my mother sad and that he couldn't trust me to do it right. I wanted to tell him otherwise but he wasn't having it. It's not like I talked to anyone while I was there but my mother's own choice to watch me drive away was apparently enough to make me the failure again. _Guess I'm already used to that._

Even though the work was piling up they did leave me alone in my office. Thank god for that. They looked at me like an alien and whispered a lot around me but I just couldn't care anymore. I was leaving and it was only a matter of time to flip them the bird and be on my merry way.

Only two days before I left he called me in his office. I knew that it wouldn't be nice but at the same time I hoped it would be just that; nice. And like the dumbass I am I walked straight in the lion's den.

* * *

Dad? You wanted to see me? I ask

"Close the door behind you and sit down." He says angry. What have I done now?

Obediently I close the door and sit down. He stays quiet for a moment and I can't help but wonder what happened this time. Maybe mom and him had a fight and I have to deal with his wrath.

"So Christian, you're sure about what you're doing?" he asks calmly. _Huh?_

"Do what? I ask dumfounded.

"Don't act stupid, you know exactly what I mean. You, thinking that you're competent enough for your so called new job." He snaps.

"Yes, I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing." I try to state confident.

"Well, I disagree, but I can't stop you. But just so we're clear; this is your decision and when everything goes wrong, don't bother to knock on my door. I have done more than enough for you and since you think you can handle it on your own, then you are going to do this on your own." He says spitting the words at me while his words are cutting my soul.

"Dad…"

"Don't daddy me! Don't you dare. I'm taking my hands off of you. You want to leave, then leave but I want you to know that I'm taking my hands off of you and whatever happens, you can't come back to this office or to me. Done is done. It's your choice. Either you have your last day tomorrow and screw up your life or you come back on Monday. This is the decision you have to make." He growls at me.

"Why? Why can't you just be happy for me?" I ask quietly while I'm doing everything I can to fight the tears back from escaping my eyes.

"Happy? Happy? After what you've done you don't deserve to be happy! Now get out! Get out of my office! I have more important things to do then wasting my time on you." He screams at me looking pissed off and only an inch away from hitting me.

I stand up and leave his office. As quickly as I can I go inside my own office and lock the door behind me. I didn't expected him to cheer for me but him cutting ties altogether, that hurts. I sit back behind my desk and let the tears come out. I can't hold them back anymore and silently I let them all out while I stare at my dream beach and try to get my mind on happier thoughts.

* * *

I finish my coffee and decide to get ready for work. My car broke down last week and I can't afford a new one and buying an umbrella was the cheapest offer I could get. There is a subway I could use but that also cost money so I decided that from now one I will walk towards the office. It gives me some sort of workout and I want to save money to buy myself a couple of new suits. I really need to save for that after I saw the people walking in the building wearing nothing but expensive labels but for now the suits I have will have to do. Now I just need to make sure I won't get fired and wait for my first pay check.

I already took the walk to the office several times during the last two weeks and at minimum it will take me thirty-five minutes and at maximum almost an hour. It really depends on how busy the streets are and not wanting to be late I'm going to leave early.

It's a quarter after eight when I arrive. The walk helped me to relax a little but walking into the building makes my nerves come back multiplied. I walk to reception and it looks like they decided to put another receptionist here. The woman sitting behind the desk looks around forty years old, has dark brown hair and small brown eyes. She looks nice, let's see if she really is.

As soon as I walk over she looks up.

"Sir, how can I help you?" she asks with a smile. Yes she's definitely nicer.

"I'm Christian Grey and this is my first workday here." I state with a big smile on my face. _That sure sounds good._

"Yes, your name is on the list. Here is your temporary security pass. As soon as you have the time you can go to the security office to have your picture taken and to have your own pass made. You have 5 workdays to have this done before this one will expire. Until you have it made, you also need to sign in on the log every time you arrive or leave the building." She says while handing me the log so I can sign in.

"Your expected on the 46th floor. Miss Burke, Miss Steele's personal assistant will help you further." She says smiling and I can help but smile back.

I walk through security and just like last time, I stop at the waterfall. I try to find more creatures in it but I stay stuck one the ones I already saw. Oh wait, is that an horse? I chuckle because I know now that I will pass it many times to come and that there are many details in this sculpture that I can find. _If I can keep this job._

I take the elevator to the top floor and as soon as the doors open I'm greeted with the same lobby as the one I saw with Mark's office except that this one is bigger. It's sand coloured with the desks here also a darker sand colour. On the walls are again the paintings of that same artist. It looks welcoming and I'm doing all I can to not make an idiot of myself again like last time. I walk to reception and get greeted by a younger woman, probable in her twenty's with blond hair that's in a bun._ Maybe that's a rule here for woman, to have their hair like that._

"Sir, how can I help you?" she asks cheerfully

"I'm Christian Grey, I'm supposed to ask for Miss Burke." I state as confidential as possible. _That's good, pretend you belong here._

"I'm Miss Burke, but you can call me Carly. I'm Miss Steele personal assistant. You can take a seat in the waiting area for conference room 3D. Walk that way and it will be on your left. Mister Bellock will be with you shortly." She says while pointing toward a hallway in the opposite of her desk.

I nod and walk in the direction she pointed me at. Looking around I see that almost every door here leads to a conference room. I also pass the bathrooms which is nice because if my nerves don't calm down I'm going to need it a lot. Reaching the right door I take a seat and inspect my burn again. _I don't want them to be disgusted by me._

"Good morning, so you're also new?" a male voice asks and when I look up I see a young guy, probably around my age with black hair and an expensive suit. _Sure wish you wore something like that now_.

"Uhm, yes, I'm Christian Grey. And you are?" I ask

"I'm Darren Bell. It's my first day too." He takes a seat next to me and all I see in him is confidence and arrogance. _Fuck, I look like a loser here._

"Hey, you're both here, good. Just one moment so you can both introduce yourself to Miss Steele and we can start." Mark says while walking over with a smile.

He shakes hands with both of us but then excuses himself when his phone rings. _And now what?_

I sit down again and wait. He said we are going to meet Miss Steele. I'm getting really nervous again and I feel that my hands are starting to sweat. Fuck, I can't shake her hand like that. I start to wipe it on my trousers but it's not helping. Fuck!

"So, You're their charity case, huh?" I hear from my right.

I look up and see that Darren fucker smiling al smug at me. Asshole.

"What did you say?"

"You know, that guy that gets hired because they pity him. Every company has one, I guess they needed someone to fill it up here. Don't worry, I'm sure they will give you no more work than you can handle." He states like he's doing me a favour.

I cling my fists. Is he serious?

_I want to hit him. _

_I can't hit him. _

_I want to hit him._

_I can't hit him! _

_Fuck! _

"Who says that they didn't hire you as a charity case?" I ask through my gritted teeth.

He looks surprised and before he can respond, Mark's back and tells us to get ready.

I hear heels clicking through the hallway before she gets in view. And oh my god, she looks stunning. She isn't looking at us but at her phone which she is holding in her right hand. Under her left arm she's carrying paperwork and her briefcase in her hand. She's wearing an marine blue business suit that looks like she's moulded in to it showing her every curve and her hair hangs in loos curls. To finish it off she walking on high heels in the same colour as her briefcase, dark blue. I feel my mouth hang open just in time before she sees it and close it quickly.

"Ana, one moment before the meeting starts, I want to introduce you to these two man." Mark says to get her attention.

She looks up and I'm immediately lost in her eyes. Big clear blue eyes that looks like they can see right through you. I pinch myself to get me out of my shocked state and to not completely look stupid. Fuck, I'm going to work for her? _How? How can anybody work for her and actually do their work?_

"Yes Mark, off course." She says in the sweetest voice I've ever heard.

My thoughts start to wonder to the many fantasies I had during the last two weeks and my imagination of how she would sound screaming my name over and over again and I feel my blood rush to my dick. _Fuck Grey, Focus! Focus!_

She has put her phone away and gives her bag and paperwork to Mark. Then she turns to that Darren Fucker. _No, pick me! _

"Hello, Anastasia Steele" she states

"Hi, I'm Darren Bell. Thank you for hiring me, I will make sure you won't regret it." He tells her smoothly and even winks with it.

She doesn't look dazed at all. She just pulls her hand back to say; "Thank you, I keep that in mind."

Then she turns to me and hold out her hand. I take it and the moment I do, I feel a shock going straight through my body. _What the…?_

I must looked shocked or surprised and for a moment I think she felt it to. But before I can really see anything in her eyes she's back in her professional mode.

"Hi, Anastasia Steele." She tells me and I need to clear my throat before I can respond. She just waits patiently, all the while holding my hand.

"Christian Grey." And that's all I can say and not make an idiot of myself. _Stupid, I'm so stupid!_

"Welcome in my building. I hope you will like the job." She smiles at me and takes her hand back. _No, don't do that._

Then she turns back to Mark. "Ready?" she asks

"Yes, let's go."

She grabs her bag and paperwork back from him and walks into the conference room and Mark signals us to follow.

As soon as we enter I'm shocked. There are around fifteen people here that are already seated and there are four empty chairs at the front. Miss Steele takes her seat and Mark sit right next to her and signals us to take the other two seats. Darren walks over quickly to take the one next to Mark and obediently I take the one next to him. _Great start huh, you're already last in line._

"You want coffee?" Mark asks us

"Yes please." Darren says cheerfully while I just nod. I didn't expected this. Is this the weekly meeting Mark talked about?

He gives us both our coffee and give Miss Steele's hers before he sits back down again. Everybody is talking quietly and Miss Steele hasn't said a word yet but is focused on the paperwork she put in front of her. She hasn't even acknowledged anyone in this room. Then I hear Mark clear his throat and the whole room goes quiet. _Guess it's starting._

"Good morning everyone. I looked over the agenda for this meeting but I want to start with the introduction of two new members of our team." She states while looking around the room.

"The first I like to introduce is Darren Bell. It's his first day and he will be taking over for Damian who left for France." She tells everybody and continues with her introduction but I can't listen anymore. I can't focus anymore.

_What did she say?_

_She said that he was here to take over for Damian. _

_To take over for Damian? _

_And me? _

_I thought I was here to take over for Damian?_

_No! _

_This can't be true!_

_Why? _

_Why am I here? _

_Didn't they want me anymore? _

I feel as if I can't breathe anymore and I have to loosen my tie to keep myself from hyperventilating.

"Then I would like to introduce you to Christian Grey." I hear my name and look up. Miss Steele is looking kindly but also worried at me. She nods her head ones in question. When I slowly nod back she turns to the room again to continue.

"The last few months there has been several developments and they have let to Mark deciding to cut back on his hours. He wants to slow down a little and we have decided that we needed a second man for the job. That man is going to be Christian Grey. He will be working closely with Mark and in time he will take over the majority of work from Mark." She tells the room.

The room has gone deadly silent now and looking around I see nothing but shocked faces. Then I see some of them turning into anger. Why?

_Wait! _

_What did she just say? _

_I'm taking Mark's job? _

_What? _

_No wait, what did she say?_

While I'm trying to go back to the words she said my thoughts get interrupted by peoples throwing questions at Miss Steele.

"Not all at ones. You, Miss Sterling, you can go first." She cuts them all off.

"Well, I don't know Mister Grey but I think this goes for all of us. Why him? We all have been working here longer and it just doesn't seem right to put him in that position." She states while looking angry at me.

If looks could kill I would be having a stroke right now and the fact that the woman is a redhead isn't helping either.

"Miss Sterling, that is not an question for you to ask. It's not you or anyone else besides Mark and I to judge if someone is qualified." She answers and looks around the room. "Are there any work related questions about the changes?" She asks

Nobody reacts and the rooms is so silent, that it's scary. I look to my side and see Darren's ashen face. _Yeah fucker, guess I will be your boss from now one, who's the charity case now huh._

I catch myself just in time before I start to laugh. That wouldn't go over well with my new colleagues, would it?

"Good, if there are no more questions, let's start talking business. First point on the agenda please." Miss Steele states and the meeting is off.

* * *

The meeting lasted almost two hours but it was a good start to get some inside information as to how the company works. It also gave me some insight in the current projects we're working on.

_Yeah, we're working on. That sounds good. _

When the meeting was over Miss Steele wasted no time to summon Mark to her office and left the room. Mark excused himself and told me to check in with Marsha.

I arrive on the 45th floor and go over to Marsha.

"Good morning Marsha, I'm supposed to check in with you?" I ask her as nice as possible. She's nice for me, better return the favour.

"Yes, good morning Mister Grey. I will show you your office and help you to get settled. If you will follow me." She states while standing up and walking away.

I follow her and she stops at a door opposite of the lobby from Mark's office. I look at the door and see a nameplate with _Christian Grey _on it. Under the name is room for a title but for now it's empty. _My own nameplate? Wow, that's a first._

She opens the door for me with a big smile on her face and I can't help but copy it. When the doors open she gestures me to walk in. I walk in and I'm completely floored.

Wow, this is my office? I look around and it's huge. This one is even bigger than the one my dad has at his law firm. The wide of this space is made from a glass wall giving a beautiful view of the Seattle skyline. The right side is covered with bookcases that are only partly filled. My desk stand opposite of it and if I sit behind it I can look through the glass and look up to the door. Then I look at my left and am speechless again. In the corner is an sitting area and has the same two white couches as the one in the reception area.

I look to Marsha and she just smiles.

"I thought you liked them." She says while pointing to the couches.

"Uhm, yes, I did."

"Good, the furniture here is basic and if you want to make changes, you're more than welcome to do it. Just let me know. The door at your left will lead you to your bathroom and there is a safe hidden in the left bookcase over there. It's unlocked for now and instructions are left in it." She points towards the bookcases.

"Your new but with time you will get your own personal assistant but for now I will fulfil that role so when you're settled, let me know and then we can sit down and put down the points as to what you find important and how you want me to handle curtain situations like phone calls and appointments."

I must look completely overwhelmed because she stops talking and puts reassuring her hand on my arm.

"Don't worry, you will get used to it and I'm here to help you. Together we will figure it out. I will leave you to it for now and I'm sure Mark will be back shortly." And she walk out of my office and closes the door behind her.

I look around and I can't believe that this is going to be my office. It's beautiful. This is even better than my home. _Hell, this is bigger than my home!_

I put my briefcase on my desk and take my framed resignation letter from it. I look around and decide that it deserves a nice place in one of the bookcases. I haven't got my poster with me but I do want it in here. Maybe behind my desk? Or behind the bathroom door? In that way it won't look unprofessional but I will still have it here.

There's a knock on my door and I chuckle when I realise that this is my office and no one will be allowed to walk in unless I give them permission.

"Come in." I say laughing.

Mark walks in with a smile on his face.

"So I'm guessing you like you're new office?"

"Yes, it's beautiful and the view is amazing from here." I tell him honestly.

"Good, because you will be spending a lot of time here. I want to start with giving you my apologies. I blind sighted you during that meeting and it was wrong. I'm sorry and I should have told you up front about it. If I want to explain my actions to you I would say that I wanted to ease you into it, get you settled first and when times progresses inform you of my future plans and the part I want you to have in it." He stops a moment to look around.

Then he turns back to me and continues.

"In hindsight I should have known that it would backfire because I let Ana introduce you during the meeting and she had to tell them something. I guess I didn't anticipated that in my plan. And don't worry, she already lay in to me big time." He says while shuddering before he starts to laugh.

"Nothing like a woman's fury, huh?" and I start to laugh with him.

"Anyway, like I said, my apologies and I won't do anything like that ever again. So, do you accept?" He asks

_He's apologizing to me? He's the one giving me a chance here. Shouldn't I be thanking him?_

"Of course." I state as quickly as I can.

"Good. Oh, and just so we're clear; I do what I want and when I want it. I have no problem telling somebody no and I have no problem in telling someone that I don't want them here. I saw your face when Ana introduced Mister Bell and if you ever find yourself in the same kind of situation, don't doubt yourself so much but listen to the whole story. Got it?"

"Yes, got it." I nod at him.

"Good, shall we get started? Oh, you also have your own coffee machine. I will show you how to use it and then we can get started. How about that?" he says cheerful.

"Sounds good to me." I say with laughter in my voice. Yes, let's get started and I shake my head. This is going to be my future and I'm liking it already.

* * *

**ANA POV**

I storm in to my office and slam the door behind me. How dare he? How could he have done this?

I hear the door open behind me and I know it's Mark. I turn around

"Close the door behind you." I growl at him.

"What the hell happened in there? You should have told him!" I start to yell.

"Look, I thought I knew what I was doing and I'm sorry, this is not what I envisioned." He's says apologetic.

"Not what you envisioned? Are you crazy? Did you not see him almost having a panic attack? You stated yourself that he's lacking confidence and this is what you do? Blind sight him?" I nearly yell at him.

"It was never my intention to blind sight him, you did that with your introduction." He throws back at me.

_What the hell? Oh, no you don't!_

" Don't put this on me! What was I supposed to say? It was an introduction meaning that you introduce new employees and the work they will be doing. You should've known that." I point my finger at him. "You've dug your own grave. Yes I was the one throwing you in but you picked up that shovel yourself, not me!" I throw right back at him. This was not my fault.

Mark sighs. "I guess your right but… Fuck… Now what?" he asks looking pleadingly at me.

"Well, go downstairs, apologize to him and hope he hasn't left yet." I state

"I will do that. Anything else?" he asks

"No, that's all for now. Just go to him and apologize."

"Ok." And with that he leaves.

I sigh and sit down behind my desk. Damn! This shouldn't have happened and could all have been avoided if Mark wouldn't play these cat and mouse games. How could he do something like this? _Why do I care?_

When I met Christian he wasn't what I expected him to be. You could see that he's insecure and his eyes do tell a story but what I saw most was a tall man, clearly muscled under his suit and a beautiful face to top it off. A man that could have every girl, walk around as a player and get away with it.

He might wear a cheaper suit but he sure outdid that other guy, what was his name? Bell? Yes, it was Bell. What a jackass thinking he could smooth talk me. If that is what he thinks he's here for I don't see a long employment here. Don't need someone like that around because it will only piss me off.

And what was that when I shook Christian's hand? It felt like a shock went straight through my body. I know he felt it to but I can't explain it. That never happened to me before and it sure felt strange. After that I needed some time to get my head back in the game again and took a few minutes to bury myself in my paperwork before I started the meeting. That really was a first. Thank god no one noticed, not even Mark. God, what a mess. I drop my head in my hands and try to make sense of any of it. Maybe it was nothing.

I do know that he has beautiful grey eyes. They hold so much emotion and you can see that he has a story to tell that's raw and painful. His eyes tell you everything because when I arrived and he looked at me I was pretty curtain that his thoughts needed to be labelled with three x's. I smirk, yeah I get that more often. Normally I would say something about it. Show them how unprofessional it is but I couldn't do that with him. I don't know if it had to do with the fact that he has so many insecurities or if there's more. I sure hope not because that would not be good. I'm the boss and I don't do unprofessional.

Damn, I'm all over the place right now. I shouldn't be thinking about things like that. I shouldn't give a crap about someone's personal being. _Get it together Steele!_

I take a deep breath and put my focus back on my work. I look at my calendar and see that I have three more meetings today and that there are at least five files that need my approval. I grab the first one and force my mind free from all other thought.

* * *

I'm finally done with my workload for today and look up at the clock. It's almost seven o'clock and I stand up and throw my phone and laptop in my briefcase. Time to go home. I can't wait to be at home so I can take a relaxing bath and eat something. Maybe I can muster the energy to work out tonight.

I grab two remaining files from my desk and decide to bring them to Mark's office myself. I'm leaving and a quick stop at his floor won't hurt. He needs to look over these first thing in the morning and Carly left an hour ago. I test security that I'm ready to leave and walk out my office.

When I arrive at Mark's floor I'm not surprised to see Marsha has left for the day. She's a single mom and while doing an amazing job here, she also manages to take care of her son and make sure she's there every night for dinner. I walk in Mark's office and see he also has left for the day. I look over his desk to see where I can put these files.

I shake my head. I swear, how he can work like this I will never know. There are files everywhere and a teenagers room will look clean compared to this. I put the files on his keyboard and leave. I walk through the lobby and then I hear clicking sounds. _What is that?_

I stand still and try to figure out where the sound comes from. It stopped and just as I'm about to take my leave I hear it again. I turn around and see light coming from the second office. I walk over to the door and see the nametag; Christian Grey.

_He's still here? Why?_

I knock but there's no answer so I open the door to find the man himself sitting behind his desk completely engrossed in whatever he's reading._ Is he still working? _

He hasn't noticed me and unsure if I should just walk over or make my present known otherwise I decide that knocking the door again would be the best idea.

I knock again but he still doesn't look up. Going for a different tactic I clear my throat as loud as I can and he comes up straight, shocked look on his face and dropping his pen. _Guess I'm scarier than I thought._

"You're still working?" I ask while raising my eyebrow. Let's see what he's got.

He clears his throat and looks a little dumbfounded. When his brain starts to cooperate again he responds.

"Yes, I was going over this file for the purchase of a publishing house in Seattle. I wanted to finish this before going home." He tries to say confident but his voice cracks a little. _At least he's trying._

"Surely Mark wouldn't force you to stay late on your first day? And I thought that we still had time on that acquisition?" I ask, now curious. I know that file and I also know that the first meeting with that company to talk about it isn't earlier than next week.

"I know, but I guess I lost track of time. I will be done shortly." He says as if he's apologizing about him being here. Mark was right; insecurities all over the place.

"Can I have a look at it?" I ask while walking over to his desk.

He gives me the file with shaking hands and I start to look at the changes he made in it. These are good, really good. I see he also highlighted some of the finances from their current higher management and I see that there is a pattern in it that shouldn't have been there. They are making fraud with their declarations. Damn, that is going to be a lot of work, I need to make copies and have Accountancy go over it.

While going over the file I notice that Christian is watching my every move and is getting nervous. If somebody is having trouble with believing in himself he surely will be thinking that I'm here to lash out at him. _Sorry, but I'm tired and this is good work so I have to refrain from it and do it another time._

"This is good work." I close the file. "and as your boss I'm telling you to stop working right now, get your stuff, go home and have a good night. Get your rest and I see you tomorrow." I state with a smile on my face so he knows that I'm not angry or disappointed. I throw the file back on his desk and then I wait.

He sit's their looking shocked and completely unsure of what to do. What the hell happened to him? Most guy's would jump up, grab their stuff and be out the door before you can say good night.

Guess he needs a little more encouragement then that.

I point to his jacket. "Your jacket and briefcase. I'm sure you want to take them with you. Let's go, sharing an elevator will save on the environment. Every little bit helps right?" I say, trying to make it sound light.

Hesitantly he grabs his stuff, struggles to get his jacket on and when he's done he just stands there obediently waiting as if he needs more commands. _Ok…._

I turn around and start walking keeping the door open for him and he follows silently. When we arrive at the elevator he stand nervously next to me and I have to keep from laughing. _Is he always this nervous? Or is it just me making him like that?_

When the elevator arrives we both walk in at the same time and he bumps straight in to me. He steps back immediately while murmuring; "Sorry." When I turn around in the elevator he's standing outside of it while looking at the ground. I frown, why isn't he getting in?

I hold the door and wait but nothing happens.

"Are you stepping in?" I ask patiently. _Am I that terrifying? It's not like I will bite your head off._

He steps in and we stand silently next to each other. It's weird because it feels like the elevator is heavily charged with energy and the feeling he gave me when we shook hands is coming back with a vengeance. I close my eyes and try to count it out until we reach the lobby. _Damn! Can't this thing move faster?_

As soon as we reach the lobby I stride out of the elevator. I need to get away from here!

Fuck, now I'm being rude. I turn around and look at his questioning face. _Did he felt it too?_

"Good night Christian, I see you tomorrow." I say almost sounding breathless. _Fuck! What's wrong with me?_

Before he can answer I turn around, greet David, my head of security and I walk out of the building. This day needs to be over. I take my seat in the car while David takes his and I look out of the window to find Christian standing in front of the building watching the car. _Thank god these windows are tinted._

His face looks puzzled and I'm sure that it is reflecting the same expression I have on my face.

I shake my head and look up at my driver.

"Good evening Ricardo." I say

"Miss Steele." He nods at me. "Your destination?"

"Home." I state and we drive off.

_Yes, home is where I need to be right now. _


	6. Pick your fight

**Wow! Just Wow, Thank you for all your reviews! They sure made my day :-) As for messages that I haven't responded to yet (!) I will! I swear, it's just been a very busy week. **

**I struggled a lot with this chapter to get it right and ended up rewriting it several times but for the record; I don't mean to offend anyone! I hope you get why I'm doing this because I do have a purpose but if you have questions, just let me know. I promise to answer but it might take some time but to give you a heads up; there is a important turning point in this chapter. I'm curious to know if you find it.**

**The questions about a schedule; I'm working on it but I'm going through some mayor life changes right now, so I haven't figured it out yet. The original plan was to post twice a week, but like I said, I'm still working on it. If I have one I will post it above a chapter.**

**Anyway, back to the purpose of this site; let's see how C & A are doing, shall we ;-)**

**Hope you like it!**

* * *

**6 Pick your fight**

**Christian POV**

I close the file on my desk and lean back in my chair. I can't believe it has already been one week that I'm working here_. I better start believing it because it's the truth_.

Who would have thought? I know I didn't. It's hard work but I'm loving every minute of it. It's amazing to feel that useful and to be needed.

It's Friday and it's the end of my workday. This entire week went by in a blur and I already learned so much. Mark has been a great mentor and has been there every step of the way. On Tuesday he sat down with me to explain as much as possible about the company and to help me to get settled in my new office. I couldn't believe that he had his whole schedule cleared out for me.

We went over different projects that he's currently working on and he even gave me one of them to start with. I was completely overwhelmed with the trust he's already putting in to me and not wanting to let him down I just kept on going and lost track of time. And me forgetting said time led to Miss Steele walking into my office and throwing me out.

I can't say I was shocked when I looked up and saw her because it was much more than that. I guess the fact that she's not only my boss but also that unbelievable beautiful made my brains go to jelly and become stupid. Damn! I didn't even recognize my own behavior. I should probably make an appointment with a doctor to get a brain scan because clearly something's wrong with me.

She told me very nicely to get out of the building and when she smiled at me I felt an immediate reaction going through my groin. I just sat there hoping she would leave before she would notice but no such thing happened. She stayed and while looking at her all I could see was that smile and her sexy body and that wasn't making it better in any way.

It made me even more nervous than I already was and I couldn't even get my jacket on. And then, when we did reach the elevator I was rude and instead of letting her go first I nearly knocked her over. It's a miracle that she didn't call me out on it and threw me right down that elevator shaft. I think I would because I was ready to take that jump myself. How embarrassing to have your first one on one interaction with your boss go like that.

And what was that in the elevator? I don't know what it was but as soon as the doors were closed there was so much energy that it took all my strength not to start dry humping on her. _That sure wouldn't go well now, would it?_

As soon as the doors opened she left in a hurry and I couldn't blame her. I wouldn't want to spend time with me like that either. Although her walking off like that did gave me a nice view of her ass.

I smirk. Yeah, very nice it was. That sure gave me some pleasant thoughts before calling it a night.

We already had several meetings this week and I'm getting more comfortable around her but I have to admit that it is difficult to stay focused. It doesn't really matter what she's saying or doing I keep getting distracted with all kind of thoughts about her. They are mostly inappropriate ones that if they ever came out, I surely would get fired.

But it was nice to see her office. It's huge but very comfy and inviting at the same time. She doesn't keep much personal items as pictures in her office but I did notice several paintings from elephant's on her walls. No, all the paintings in her office were with elephants on it. They were all modern looking with a lot of color in it. I don't know why she has them but my guess is that it's her favorite animal or something like that. _Why else would she have them?_

I shake my head. If there is any word that would describe Miss Steele it surely would be that she's unpredictable. You never know what to expect from her.

I chuckle, yeah that would be the right word.

I stag al my paperwork away and decide to take two files home with me. It will give a nice distraction from reality and I really want to finish them.

I sit back behind my computer and start up the internet. I need to do some serious grocery shopping so me and Kitty Cat won't starve. All the cabinets are empty and I promised her to buy food on my way back. She was throwing a real fit when I didn't had any food to give her this morning and if I don't have something for her when I come back, I'm sure she will kill me.

I log in on my bank account to see how much money there is but when I see it, I need to do a double check. _This can't be real!_

It's empty! Completely empty! How is that possible? I check the calendar and going over the dates I get even more confused. It was payday from my old job yesterday and I should have my salary by now. _Where is it? Where's my money? _

I stare at the computer screen and I can't believe this. Was there a problem at the bank? Maybe I should call them? Or was there a problem at the law firm? I always get paid on the same date every month. Why not this month? I left but I do worked half the month so they surely should pay me for that.

I take a deep breath and look out the window while contemplating my next move. Should I call my father? Will he even care? I do need that money really badly and I have nowhere else to turn to. Swallowing my pride I decide to make that call. I just don't have another choice.

"Grey" my father states

"Dad, can I ask you something?" I ask as nicely as possible.

"What do you want? Got fired already?" he snaps at me.

"No, but I have a question about my salary. It hasn't been deposited into my bank account. Do you know why?"

"Yes, I do." He states without further explanation. _Why?_

"Why?" I nearly yell at him

"Because I definitely want to know that I will get my money and since you're only in your trail basis I decided that with keeping your salary I will at least get some part of it." He states matter of fact.

_What? He can't do that, can he? And how am I supposed to live?_

"You can't do that!" I yell.

"Yes, I can. Was that all? Your mother and I have an important function to attend so goodbye." And he hangs up.

What? He kept my salary? He kept my salary! What am I supposed to do now?

I need food and I have bills to pay.

Fuck! Fuck! Double Fuck!

And what do I do now? I need money, but how will I get it.

Get a loan from the bank? Should I ask for a one time overdraft? And then what? That will take time and right now, I don't have that time.

Ok, I need to think. There is always a way I just need to figure it out.

I grab my jacket and leave. Walking home will clear my mind and help me come up with a solution.

_I have to!_

* * *

Arriving home I'm still not closer to a solution. Walking in I slam the door behind me. Right now I'm too pissed to care. Like I expected I find Kitty Cat throwing a fit as soon as she sees me. She will not be happy about me coming home late without the food she asked for.

That thought makes me chuckle. She sure sounds like a woman to me; nagging your ass off as soon as you walk in the door. _Is this what it will be like when you live with someone?_ Surely, a woman will give more service to her man than that, right? I don't know how it's supposed to be but why else would you live together? Although, looking at my life it would be nice to come home to that, having somebody that cares enough to throw a fit over you being late. _Wouldn't it?_

I throw my jacket and briefcase on the floor and walk straight to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator I find it almost empty. Besides ham and pizza leftovers there is nothing in it. I grab the ham and put it in Kitty Cat's bowl. That should keep her quiet for now.

I grab the pizza and heat it up in de microwave. It's probably disgusting but I need to eat something. I look around and I guess I will be eating it with a glass of water.

I settle in the kitchen with my plate and glass while going over the options I have. Maybe I should call Damian? I know he would help me but I don't want to bother him. _Will I bother him? _

He's in France living his dreams and I'm sure he's busy and besides that, he already helped me with this job. No, I shouldn't call him for this. There has to be another way.

I take a bite from the pizza and I spit it out immediately. It didn't only sound disgusting, it is disgusting! _Guess we won't be eating tonight._

I sigh. What's next?

* * *

After showering and getting dressed in my sweatpants with a shirt I lay down on the couch. And I'm still trying to find a way to get money for the next two weeks. I thought about asking Mark for a salary advance but it just doesn't feel right. I have only finished my first week and I'm not even fully hired yet. I also figured it wouldn't look to good for me if he knew about my financial troubles.

Looking up at the ceiling there is one solution that keeps coming back to my mind. It is the quickest way to get cash and if I'm doing it right, no one will find out. I just need to make sure that I'm fully focused and stay one step ahead of the others.

I did it before, so it shouldn't be that difficult and I can walk away with more money then I will need.

Yes, that is what I'm going to do!

I get off the couch and search for my phone. Just one phone call and I can make this right.

I dial the number and wait.

"Greg."

"Can you book me in for tonight?" I ask

"Yes, you can start at eight."

"I'll be there." I state and end the call.

_See, there's always a way._

* * *

**ANA POV**

Walking in the office on Monday I'm not sure what to expect. No, that's not true, I know exactly what to expect I just don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what's wrong with me but I keep thinking about Christian Grey. _Damn him for getting in my mind like that!_

We are going to start with a meeting and Mark and Christian will be there to. He is doing an excellent job so far but I can't help being distracted by him and his looks. _God, I need to stop thinking like that. _

What is wrong with me? I'm his boss and I need to act like one. I know it's unethical to even think about him other than in a professional matter but a girl can have fantasies right? As long as I don't act on it, it should be fine. _Is it?_

Damn it, my head is all over the place and I really need to find a way to get these thought from my head. This is a workplace and there are rules to follow. I even made those rules myself, so stop it!

I sigh. I blame him. Yes, that's the way to go, put the blame on him. I can't help it that he looks that good and I also can't help it that he's walking around with a hidden Greek torso.

I smirk. Yes he must have a nice body hidden under his suit because I'm sure that I felt a pretty muscled body when he bumped in to me on Tuesday.

God, he was such a nervous wreck that I really felt bad for him. I don't really understand why he was that nervous. Was it because I'm his boss? Or was it because I'm female? Maybe both reasons made him like that. Or is it something else? Like what?

He does seem more comfortable during the meetings but only slightly. Mark says that he's getting more confident with his work and colleague's including himself. For now I just have to trust Mark's word on it because the interactions I had with him weren't that smooth. I don't know what's wrong but it does hurt a little to know that he's fine with everyone except me. I'm supposed to work a lot with him but I haven't seen that much of him so far. It's like he's avoiding me. _Is he?_

I sigh. I know it's not fair to put everything on him because I know that I'm part of the problem here. Part of me was actually relieved that I didn't need to spend that much time with him yet. I need to get myself together before it comes to that. I can't sit there drooling and giggling like a teenage girl while I'm supposed to be his boss and manage this company. _Well, he's the one that's illegally handsome, a girl can look, right?_

No, I can't keep talking this right. I need to make up my mind and move on with work. I am not going to drool over an employee. _Or over any man for that matter. Remember last time? How did that worked out for you?_

I do the one thing I know I will do right, work. I start my computer and put my focus on all the paperwork that I need to have ready for the meeting. I need to get more information on the finances from that publishing house. I also need to have a look at the current numbers from those salon's I recently invested in. I have no interest in any of those salons but Damian convinced me to buy them as they are profitable and didn't cost me that much money. Damn Damian. I'm stuck with them and he's gone. What am I supposed to do with it? I have no interest in it and now I'm forced to deal with them.

I sigh. Maybe I can sell them or hand them over to Mark. I will discuss this at a later time with him but for now I will just do what I have to do. First thing; the numbers. Maybe accountancy has those files ready for me.

I look at the calendar and see that I have an appointment with Geraldo to go over the new menu. I'm normally not involved in the menu's from the restaurants I own but this one is personal, it's close to my heart and Geraldo and I always go over it together. We sometimes end up cooking together and trying new things. I love to cook and it's always a lot of fun. He said that he wanted to try new things for the menu and knowing him, it's going to be amazing. I can't wait to have my lunch there today.

I get interrupted by a knock on my door. I look up at the clock and see that it's already time for the meeting. _Fuck! I better get my poker face on._

"Come in." I snap.

Yes, angry is something I can handle. Just be pissed off for him being in your mind like that and giving you those damn fantasies!

Mark walks in looking distracted and it doesn't even looks like he noticed me.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It's probable nothing but Christian didn't show up for work. I tried to call him but there's no answer." He tells me and I frown

"That's strange. I thought he liked this job?"

"I thought so too. Look, like I said, it's probable nothing. I'm sure that there's nothing to worry about and he will be here before the meeting is over." He tells me trying to sound reassuring but failing miserably.

He puts his paperwork on my desk and walks out to get us both our coffee while we wait for the others to arrive. I turn to look over the Seattle skyline. Why isn't he here? Didn't he want this job anymore? Was it me? Didn't he wanted to work for me anymore? Did something happen? No, then we would have been told by someone.

Mark comes back in the office with the others trailing behind him. I get up from behind my desk and take a seat at the conference table. My mind is piling up with questions about Christians absence. I just don't get it. _Well, you can't do anything about that now so focus!_

I look over the paperwork and questions I have lined up for this meeting and as soon as everybody is seated I get myself together and start to fire away with my quest for information. I need answers and the ones that I can get right now will have to do.

By the time the meeting is finished and there's still no sign of Christian I have made up my mind. I am going over to his place and get the answers I want. If he doesn't want to work here anymore than I think I deserve an answer, even if it has to do with me. He was given a chance and decided not to want it and I want to know why. _Do I really want to know why? What if it's me?_

I text Geraldo to reschedule our appointment. Maybe I can go there tonight but he knows better than anyone when there is time for it so I let him decide.

Everybody stands up to leave and I decide not to waste any time.

"Mark? You have a minute?" I ask and he just nods and sits back down.

My phone beeps, indicating a new message and when I look at it I see it's a response from Geraldo telling me that tonight will be fine but preferably before or after rush hour. Damn, I wanted to eat there to tonight. I text him back that I will be before dinner time so when we're done, I can stay to eat.

I put my phone away and look at Mark. He's also checking his phone and doesn't look really happy with it.

"I assume you haven't heard anything yet? I ask

"No, nothing. I don't get it. I thought he was really happy and eager but to not show up at work like that and not giving any kind of message, that's not professional or accepted behavior." Mark shrugs apologetic.

I know why he feels this way. I wasn't exactly supportive to begin with and a no-show like that is reason to give someone their first strike, if not getting fired for it.

"Mark, don't put this on yourself." I say while reaching out for his hand.

"Look, maybe something's wrong. I am a little pissed over it but the biggest part of me says that he wouldn't do this unless there is reason to." I tell him reassuring. I don't want Mark to feel bad. He isn't at fault here.

"Listen, I have a meeting across town with Geraldo. If I leave now I have time to stop by his house to see if he's home and why he didn't show up. What do you say?" I ask

_I'm wrong here, don't do this! What am I doing?_

"Are you sure? I know you're busy but my meeting with legal for that hotel take over is starting in ten minutes. I can't skip it but if you prefer I can go there afterwards." He asks

"No, it's fine. I just take a quick stop and then let you know what came out of it. You can go to your meeting and I see you after that." I state softly. Mark needs to focus on his meeting. He has worked really hard for this take over and worrying about Christian shouldn't be his priority.

_Should it be mine? He's an employee, what am I doing? I shouldn't be bothered with this either._

Mark nods and stands up to make his leave. Before he walks through the door he turns around. "Thank you Ana, let me know what you find."

"I will." I state and he takes his leave.

I text David to get Christian's home address and to inform Ricardo of our drive. When I'm done I find myself staring out over the skyline again. I always loved this view. Everything looks so close but still so far away. I'm standing in my own little save bubble and nothing can touch me. Even better; no one can touch me.

I lean my head against the window and sigh. What am I doing here? I know I should just send someone to check up on him but for some reason I want to do it myself. I don't know why but I do. I'm actually quit curious to see how he lives. My bet is that it's an apartment. Some fancy place that he uses to sweep the woman off their feet. Living like a true bachelor.

I frown at that thought. Woman? He doesn't seem that comfortable around them. Maybe he prefers men. Is that it? Is that why he gets along just fine with Mark but not me? Is he really that scared that I will do something? Is he still in the closed? I haven't asked because that could cause me a lawsuit but still….

He is best friends with Damian, right? Maybe that's how they met. I start to laugh to myself when the thought of Christian wearing a dress comes to mind. Would he do that? No, he wouldn't. Or would he?

He doesn't look very feminine to me but that doesn't mean that he won't do those things.

I start to laugh even harder want I try to picture him in high heels. From what I have seen so far he can barely stand on his feet in men shoes so how would he walk around in high heels without being a walking disaster?

Well, him being gay would be kind of typical, I mean, another fine men lost to their own gender. It would surely be another loss for us women. I chuckle, you can't really blame those men for not wanting to live with a woman. Even I have to admit that we can be pretty difficult even if we don't want to be. I can't explain the reasoning to anyone because sometimes I have trouble myself to understand my own emotions or reactions. All I can say is that I blame my hormones. Isn't it that we women come from Venus while men come from Mars. It sure is and I don't think anyone want to know why we woman function the way we do. We just do.

I shake my head. If he is gay, it would make working with him a lot easier for me. It means that whatever is going on with me or is poisoning my mind won't matter. Yes, him being gay would be good for me.

Is that what cost a rife between him and his family? Maybe they don't accept it? I heard and read enough about family's that don't take to well when they find out that their son or daughter turns out to be gay. Ridiculous if you ask me but it does happen. I know it happened with Damian. Maybe that's why their such good friends.

If that's the case then I just have to make sure that he understands that me nor Mark would care. He should know that already but we just have to make sure we support him. I really don't care about someone's preferences. As long as you don't force me to anything, we're good. Maybe if I can make him understand he would be more comfortable with working with me. _Is that what's bothering him? Does he think that we would fire him over something like that? That's ridiculous!_

But if that is the case, it still doesn't explain why he isn't here right now. Well, whether he likes it or not, I'm going to get my answers. I look at the clock and realize that David should be ready to leave by now. I grab my bag with my phone and put my jacket on. Time to leave and find out what's wrong.

It's silent in the car and right now it's exactly what I need. It gives me time to get my mind back in order and contemplate how I'm going to approach this. My first reaction would be to demand answers but that could backfire since he's already insecure and it might makes him shut up altogether. No, I need to stay calm when I ask him why he didn't show up and why he couldn't pick up his phone.

* * *

I look out of the window from the car and get a frown on my face. Why are we driving to this side of town?

"Ricardo, where are you going?" I ask confused.

"To Mister Grey's home address, Miss Steele." He states

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

Huh? This is not what I expected. I was convinced that he would live somewhere else but there are no swanky apartments or houses here. Everything on this side is outdated and mostly occupied by people that don't make much money. There is nothing wrong with living here because it means that you have a roof over your head but still, I didn't expected for Christian to live here.

We stop in front of an old building and looking at it, you can see that someone stopped loving it a long time ago. There hasn't been a painting job done in a long time and it looks like maintenance hasn't been done either. Is it safe?

"In which apartment does he live?"

"On the third floor, apartment 14B."

"Thank you Ricardo."

I get out of the car and David stands immediately be my side. Although his stance don't give much away I can tell that he's nervous. He doesn't like this and I'm sure he has many scenario's running through his head about us getting mugged or worse.

I shake my head and turn to him.

"It's ok David, you don't have to come. I will only be gone for a few minutes tops. Maybe less if he isn't home."

He shakes his head but doesn't interrupt. He knows better than to talk back at me and I know he will follow me anyway just not all the way to Christian's apartment.

I walk to the front door and see that it's open. Do people not lock up behind them? Anyone can be walking in, what if it's a burglar? Do they even come here? People living here may not be rich but their personal stuff would surely have emotional value, right? And the fact that someone would have snooped around you house, I know I would go insane with that thought alone.

I stand still for a moment to think about my next move. Should I buzz or would it be better to just walk straight to his front door? I look around and having all those questions piling up on my mind I decide to just walk straight through and surprise him at his door. _Yes, that's what I will do._

Reaching his floor I look at every door to find the right number. 14B was it right? After the fifth door I find it and knock. There is no answer but I do hear shuffling behind the door. I knock again and the door flies open. My mouth falls open in utter shock. _What the hell?_

In the door opening is standing a hardly recognizable Christian Grey. He's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. His face looks battered with several bruises on it and his nose looks like it has been broken. But what makes me shocked the most is that he's holding a baseball bat in his right hand in a position like he's ready to knock me out.

I don't know how long we stand there like that but after what feels like minutes he recognizes me he drops the bat and I see his cheeks turn red out of embarrassment while he drops his head to look at his feet. _Damn, that was not what I expected to find._

Knowing that one of us should start the talking I clear my throat several times and try to find the words. Was he really going to strike? Would he have hurt me if he didn't recognize me in time?

"Uhm, hi, I'm…" I try to break the silence but I feel as if I lost the ability to speak. What do I say? Shit, I need to think of something because it's pretty clear that he won't.

Ok, think… I take a deep breath and decide to approach this a little different.

"Can I come in?" I ask

He nods but still hasn't looked at me yet. He steps aside to let me in and with as much confidence I can muster right now, I walk past him into his apartment.

As soon as I enter I see that it isn't an apartment but a studio. From the door you stand immediately in his living room and I also see his bed in the furthest corner. I hear the door close behind me and when I turn around I see him standing awkwardly in front of the door.

"Can I sit down?" I ask softly. I need to get him more comfortable to talk to me if I want to get any kind of answer.

"Uhm, yes. Off course." And while still not looking at me he walks to his couch and takes his duvet from it and gestures for me to take a seat.

I sit down and before I can react there's a black cat jumping on the couch and is shamelessly pushing my purse away to sit on my lap.

"Hi there, aren't you a pretty cat." I say while I start to pet her. She's missing one eye and I see some scars on her back giving her bald spots. Poor thing.

"You have a cat." I state more than I ask. I didn't thought he would be a cat person but I guess I made another wrong assumption here.

"Uhm." He clears his throat. "Yes, I have. Her name is Kitty Cat." He tells me like he's asking me a question while still standing next to the couch with the duvet in his hands and nervously folding it over and over again.

"Kitty Cat?" I burst out laughing.

"I guess only a man could come up with a name like that." He laughs a little but I can tell that he's completely closed off right now.

I decide that I need to make him a little more comfortable with easy conversation.

"I had a cat ones. His name was Brutus." I start to tell him while petting Kitty Cat on my lap.

"He was grey with blue eyes. He was also very lazy and carried around a lot of extra weight." I giggle. Yes, he was one fat cat.

"I was around eight when we got him. He wasn't allowed to come in my room but I used to hide him with me. I loved his company and gave him way to much food. Can you believe it when I tell you that I used to be overweight and never stopped eating. Brutus was always more than happy to join me. He didn't have table manners but he was great dinner company." I tell him and I see him getting more relaxed.

"You were overweight?' He asks curiously but he's still refusing to look at me.

"Yes, I was really short and was always eating. When I became a teenager I when'd through a growth spurt and lost it all. Well, that and changing my diet. I felt like the world came to an end when I had to give up on eating chocolate every day." I tell him honestly while shaking my head.

It is the truth. I was struggling a lot with it while growing up. Always embarrassed of myself. When puberty hit me and I became the woman I am today it sure felt good. I was finally getting noticed and instead of hating my looks I was able to use it to make money so I could start my own business.

Christian decides that the duvet has been manhandled enough and puts it on his bed. For one small moment I think I made progress here but when he just stands there awkwardly and doesn't know what to do with himself and I know that we're not there yet.

"Can I have something to drink?" I ask him softly.

He looks up at me for the first time and nods his head slowly but just as quick as he looked up at me he turns his vision back on the ground.

"I'm sorry, I don't have much in the refrigerator and I'm out of coffee too but I can offer you some water if that's ok." He says apologetic and for the second time since I got here I can see his cheeks turn red.

"Ok."

"That will be fine." I add quickly.

He walks off to what I guess is his kitchen and I take a moment to look around some more. It's really small but it doesn't feel that small. It's clear that he put much thought in redecorating it because everything matches. There are not many personal items in here to identify the owner but it does look comfy.

I suppress my laughter when I see that his bed sheets are matching his couch. Yes, I think I was right about him being gay. It surely doesn't look like a bachelor's home, everything is neat and clean, there is absolutely nothing out of place.

I hear him rummaging in the kitchen and I'm not sure why. All I asked for was a glass of water, right? It shouldn't take up that much time. Maybe he's plotting his great escape from his own home to evade my questions. I'm sure he knows why I'm here.

His cat is still sitting on my lap and decided to crawl up to my breasts and nuzzle between them. I get a smile on my face and lean back. Brutus used to do this to. I guess that hearing my heartbeat is relaxing for her.

Christian comes back and when he sees me he has a shocked look on his face. Why? What's wrong?

Before I can ask he recovers himself and hands me a glass of water. And again, he just stands there.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" I ask

Without saying anything he sits down and I make an attempt to get his cat from my lap but she doesn't cooperate.

"I'm sorry, I guess she really likes you." He says apologetic.

_Wow, he can speak!_

"I guess you're right." I say while I'm still trying to get her from my lap. While I try again she digs her nails in my clothes and my skin with it.

"Damn cat, that hurts." I state and Christian reaches out to help me but fails miserably.

As soon as he tries to grab her she jumps away and he ends up grabbing my right boob. I see his shocked look and immediately lets go of it and sits back. _What just happened?_

He's clearly ashamed and his cheeks turn red again and I don't know what's interesting on his hands, but there must be something because he makes a huge effort in studying them.

Honestly, I don't know what to say either. What do you say when an employee grabs your breast unintentional? I don't know if I should tell him it was alright or that I didn't mind. Somehow I don't think that would be appropriate, would it?

I decide to go with neutral ground.

"It's a lovely home you have." I state to change the subject and avoid further conversation about my breasts.

"Uhm, thank you. I know it's small and uhm…"

"Christian, shall we get some of the awkwardness out of the way first before we get to why I'm here?" I ask patiently because at the rate this is going, it would take forever. We don't live that long.

"Ok." he frowns and I see his wheels spinning in his head.

"Ok, first of, yes you live small. So what? You have a roof above your head and it's clear that you tried to make something out of it. You have a place to come home to and you can take care of yourself. Isn't that what's important? You shouldn't be ashamed of that because not everybody can manage this." I tell him while gesturing around me.

"I know, but…" he starts and I cut him off

"No but's. Does this have anything to do with me and how you think I live? I ask

"Well, I guess. I mean, I'm sure you live really nicely and…." I cut him off again.

"Yes, I have a lovely home but it wasn't always like that. I lived in an apartment like this for several years. The difference was that I wasn't living alone. I lived with my two brothers. And prior for that I didn't had a roof to sleep under for more than one year. You don't have to look that shocked because it's just the simple truth. I don't like talking about it but I'm not ashamed of it either. It was just the way it was and I survived. Even better, I turned my life around and now all I have to do is to make sure it will never get to that again.

Just because these are your living arrangements now doesn't mean that it will always be like that and you shouldn't be ashamed of it." I lecture him. "You should never be ashamed of who you are and what you do. Just as long as you keep working on your dreams and make yourself a better person along the way you should be fine. Got it?" I ask with one raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I do. It's just that I'm not really used in having visitors here, well, Damian has been here several times but other than that…." He trails of while waving his hand around his studio.

I frown. Besides Damian no one has been here? That's strange. What about his family? Or his friends? Boyfriends?

I decide to let it drop and continue.

"And for everything else. You know, you opening the door being ready to strike me with a baseball bat and that with your cat a few minutes ago. Let's drop that altogether. No need to make it worse than it was, right?

"Ok. I'm sorry." He tells me apologetic.

"No, I said we're going to drop it so no apologizing either." I state and my voice sounds harsher than I intended it to be.

"Ok." He tells me and leans back. At least he's a little more relaxed now.

"Ok." I repeat and again there stretches a silence between us. It's not as uncomfortable as before but it doesn't feel right either. He isn't making any attempt for a conversation so I guess I have to start again.

"I assume you know why I'm here?"

He nods his head slowly but doesn't respond otherwise. Ok….

"You weren't in the office this morning and you also didn't respond to any messages that Mark left for you. I dropped by to see if you were alright and why you weren't there but looking at your face I assume that has something to do with it. Can you explain?

I understand if you're not happy that I showed up here but you should have called. At least to Mark to let him know what's going on and that you wouldn't come in the office today. It's protocol and if you read your contract you should have known that." I state.

It is the truth. I can wrap it up with a nice bow around it but it wouldn't change anything, he should have called.

"I know and I'm sorry." His voice cracking a little

"I think the battery from my phone died and I was sleeping and I forget the time and I'm sorry, please don't fire me." He ends in a whisper while rambling his excuses and apologies.

Fire him? Why? Even if we would make it an official strike, he wouldn't be fired right away. Why does he think that we would fire him immediately?

"Christian, why would you think that? I'm not here to fire you I'm only here to see if you're still breathing and why you didn't came into work today." I tell him softly. What the hell happened that he thinks I will fire him?

"Can you tell me what happened with you that you ended up like this?" I ask while pointing at his face.

He closes his and shakes his head like he's not sure if he's going to answer me or not.

"Christian, I'm not here to judge but I would like the truth. I understand if it's difficult but maybe we can do something to help you." I tell him softly trying to reassure him that he can tell me what happened.

"I can't. You will think I'm stupid." He says in a whisper and I nearly miss it.

"No, I won't." is state hoping he's getting the message.

"I took part in a tournament." He states as if I should know what that means.

"A tournament?" I ask curious.

"Yes, kickboxing."

"Ok, and what does that mean?"

"Well, people buy tickets to see different matches and you have different rounds and every time you win, you get one round further until there's one winner left." He explains.

"And then what?" Am I stupid? Why would you do that?

"The winner takes the prize, which is money. It's underground and people pay a lot of money to be there and part of that money and the placed bets go to the winner of the tournament."

"Ok, so I assume you didn't win. Or can things get worse than that?" I ask confused.

"It can get worse but no, I didn't win." He shrugs.

"Then why did you do it?" What am I missing here?

"I did it because I wanted to win that money." He says shameful now.

"Why? Did you need it that badly to do something like that? It sounds pretty brutal and dangerous to me."

"I needed it and I thought I could win. I know you won't understand but I did it before and thought that I could win it again."

"But why? You have a job right?" I look around and unless he has a hidden addiction I don't understand why he needed that money so badly to do something like that.

He still hasn't answered me and when I look back at him it's clear that he doesn't want to give me one either. Just like before he's fidgeting with his hands finding them very important.

"Christian, why did you need that money so badly?' I ask him softly

"Because I don't have any left." He chokes out.

"Hey, it's ok, I understand what it is to be broke or to have a part of the month left at the end of your money. I already told you that I'm not here to judge." I tell him hoping he will explain more.

"My dad didn't pay out my salary from last month and I just started working for your company and payment is two weeks from now and I needed to do grocery shopping and I'm sorry, I just thought…" he's rambling again and I see him gripping his thighs with his fists and his knuckles are turning white.

"Christian." I put my hand on his shoulder trying to make this better somehow. "that you haven't got your salary is wrong. He should have paid you for your work. Do you know why he did this?"

"I own him money and he said that he wanted to make sure that he got a part of it." He tells me clearly ashamed. He owns him money? From what?

"Why didn't you say something to me or Mark? We could have helped?" I say while ignoring his explanation over his father.

_Why didn't he?_

"Because I just started this job and I didn't wanted to be a bother."

"Don't you have a family or friends to turn to?

"No, I don't have any besides Damian. And he's in France and I didn't wanted him to worry or be bothered with something like this." And he's gripping his thighs with so much force now that I'm afraid that I have to call an ambulance soon.

God, this is worse than I thought. He has no one? How is that possible?

He's struggling here and me probing for information isn't helping. I need to stop asking questions and help him solve this. He's getting more embarrassed with every second that passes that I start to feel embarrassed. I know that I should chew his ass out over this but I can't do that, I'm not his mother or wife, I'm just his boss. I can't tell him how to live outside his job.

"How much do you need?" I ask

"What?" he nearly yells at me and looks up with a shocked face.

"How much?" I ask again

"You are going to give me a salary advance?" he asks in disbelieve.

"No, I'm lending you the money." I state.

"Your father has no right to keep your salary away from you and as soon as you can, you will make an appointment with legal so they can figure it out. Your father is a lawyer but I have lawyers too. He shouldn't have done that." I tell him while grabbing my purse.

I take my checkbook from my purse and sign one for him leaving the amount open. Then I hand it over to him but he doesn't take it.

"Christian, take it. I left the amount open so you can fill that in yourself. Take what you need for the next two weeks. Legal will get that money back from your father and then you can repay me. If legal fails,, I will just have to find a way to live without it." I say while winking at him trying to make the mood lighter.

"You are going to get dressed and make a stop at the bank to get it and I will check if you did?" I warn him.

"You will also be working from home this week. I can't have you walking around the office like this because it will only be a matter of seconds before rumors fly around that I beat up my staff. We can't have that can we." I say smiling while he's still looking shocked. What?

"Look, between you and me, I have thought about beating some of those jackasses but orange isn't my color and I don't like to waste money on them either. And I also don't think it would do my reputation as American sweetheart any good. So take that damn check and I will make sure you have everything you need to work from home." I snap.

I didn't mean to be rude but damn it, take that check before I make you eat it!

He's still looking shocked but with shaking hands he takes it from me. He looks at it puzzled like it's a foreign piece and he doesn't know what to do with it.

"So, we have a deal?" I ask while offering my right hand and smiling at him.

"Uhm, yes. Yes, we have a deal." He tells me hesitantly and takes my hand.

And damn it, again that damn cursing energy goes through my body. Fuck I need to get away.

Relax and stop worrying. He's gay remember? Is he? Yes he is, he must!

I take my hand back as quickly as I can and shake my head to clear it again. I really need to find out what that was. Why does it keep happening? Why?

"Good. I will arrange it for you and I see you next week." I say while standing up.

"Thank you." He tells me honestly while standing up with me.

I turn around and am confronted with his cat again. She looks up and meows at me. I squad in front of her to pet her one more time. After that I stand up again to make my leave and I here Christian saying something under his breath. I don't think I should have heard that, but I did.

He clearly said; "Damn it, jealous of a cat."

Why did he say that? I decide to ignore it because it was clearly not mend for me and walk to his front door.

He strides past me and opens it. I turn to him one more time before I leave.

"Christian, take care of yourself and come back whole next week. I'll see you then." I tell him softly and without waiting for a reply I leave.

What is wrong with me? Why did I tell him all those things? Why did I gave him money? Why?

I walk out of the building and quickly I get back in the car. I don't even acknowledge David standing to the car waiting for me.

"Back to the office, Ricardo."

"Yes Ma'am." And he drives off.

I lean my head back on the seat while wondering what's wrong with me. Why do I care about him? I shouldn't. I can't. No, I won't go there.

I sigh. Thank god I have another week to get myself together. Yes, a week should do it.

_Would it?_


	7. Anywhere but here (part one)

**Thanks again for the reviews :-) I loved them! I saw a few questions, so I hope this answers them:**

**A schedule; starting next week I will post every Wednesday night and IF I can manage it, there will be a second post on Sunday night. So, unless there are volunteers to take care of my husband, children and household (not necessarily in that order) than I'm willing to rethink this schedule otherwise, one post a week is a promise, the second is a maybe.**

**The pace of this story; People don't change overnight and it will take a long time before they will be able to push their insecurities and fears aside and move forward. I know that and I want it to be realistic. If I would write it all out, it will be boring to read and I'm writhing from the perspective how I like to read my books so, to keep it going I will skip days or weeks in the story and use summarises or flashbacks to cover it just like I did with last chapters. I only want to focus on what I find important or what I want mentioned for the plot.**

**So, I hope that covers it, if it doesn't; let me know.**

**As the title states, this is part one of the chapter. I know I post long chapters but this one was too damn long so I needed to cut it. I will do my best to get part two up as quickly as I can.**

**And just so it's clear and before someone goes nuclair on me; I'm a HEA kind of girl ;)**

* * *

**7 Anywhere but here (part one)**

**Christian POV**

After one week of rest I'm finally back at the office. Last week was nice but also terrible boring. I felt like the walls were closing in on me but I couldn't blame Ana to force me to stay home. She was right about the bruises on my face being horrible and they were severe enough to give me headaches. Lucky for me they are pretty much gone because I wouldn't be able to survive a second week at home.

I enter the lobby on my floor and am greeted by a smiling Marsha.

"Good morning Marsha."

"Good morning Mister Grey. It's good to have you back." She tells me.

"Thank you Marsha and you're right; it's good to be back." I say smiling back at her

"It's been a busy week and Mark's not in right now. He has a meeting on the other side of town. Why don't you settle in your office and let me know when you're done so we can sit down and get through your schedule for this week?" She asks me and her smile grows bigger. Why?

"Yes, that's ok." I state and walk to my office. That was weird.

As soon as I enter my office I close the door behind me and walk straight to my desk. I don't pay any notice to my surroundings and when I'm done with fishing the files and my phone from my bag I drop it on the floor, throw everything on my desk and fire up the computer. I sit down in my chair and look out of the window and start to think back to last week and that surprise visit from Ana.

God, thinking about Ana in my home and the way I behaved towards her are still making me angry at myself. I acted like a complete idiot in front of her. Even though she was really nice I'm pretty sure that she wanted to be anywhere else as long as it was not in my home and not with me. That's another reason why I needed to get out of my house; I couldn't stop thinking about her visit. No, if I'm honest I just couldn't stop thinking about her altogether.

She has been a constant factor on my mind and if it doesn't stop soon I know it will only be a matter of time before I go completely crazy. My mind is constantly going back and forth between her caring for me and her hating me, thinking I'm the biggest lunatic walking around.

For the last week I have tried to analyse every interaction we had so far but I can't come up with any kind of excuses for my reactions. She has been nothing but patient and kind and all I seem to do in return is to act stupid and become dumb. It's not like I don't know how to communicate with women in general but there's something about her that throws me of my game.

I also blame the fact that I wasn't expecting her standing in front of my door. I mean, I know I was wrong when I realised that I did not only forgot to call in sick but that I also failed to answer my phone but how was I supposed to know that she would stand in front of my door? Why would she even bother? And that is also when I made my first mistake. I opened the door with a baseball bat like I wanted to strike her. I still remember her shocked face with big blue eyes looking up at me. When I realised it was her, all I could think about was that I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

And then, when I started to relax and thinking that things couldn't go worse, I ended up sexually assaulting her. I still can't believe I did that. Well, it wasn't entirely my fault; Kitty Cat had part of the blame. _Did she?_

After Ana left I wasn't sure if I should've been grateful or angry towards that stupid cat. Yes, she nearly got me fired but on the other hand, I did get a good feel of her right breast.

I smirk, yes it was very nice. It fitted perfectly in my hand.

I shake my head. I really need to stop having those thoughts. I look if my computer is done yet and I see something from the corner of my eyes that isn't right. I look up to my sitting area and my eyes stay stuck on the wall behind it. Above the couch is a massive painting from the same artist that hangs everywhere in the lobby on this floor and the lobby from Ana's floor. _How did that happen? Who did that?_

It's beautiful and the magnitude of it combined with all it colours makes it an eye catcher. Wow. That must have cost a fortune. Is it for me? Maybe somebody made a mistake by hanging it in my office. I probably should talk to Marsha about that. Maybe she knows where it should have been.

Or should I wait? I do like it a lot and if I could, I would keep it. No, that's wrong, it's not mine. Maybe I should wait a day before I tell her about the painting. Would it be bad if I kept it one day extra before turning it in?

No, I have to tell her because I could get fired for something like that, right?

Just when I decided to call Marsha in I notice that there is more new in my office then that painting. Next to my bathroom door hangs my beach poster. No wait, that's wrong. That can't be my poster. This one looks new. I get up from my chair and walk over to have a better look at it.

It looks exactly like the one I had but this one doesn't have cracks in it. This one is completely new and framed in a beautiful antique frame with glass to cover it. _What? _

While I'm still trying to progress this I hear a knock on my door and before I truly think about it I answer.

"Come in."

Marsha walks in with a big smile on her face.

"You like it?" she asks cheerfully.

"Yes, but…" I stop talking. I'm at a loss for words here and I turn back to the painting. She knew?

She starts to laugh and when I turn to her she's pointing at the painting.

"Courtesy of Miss Steele, she thought your office was too sterile and I told her that you really liked the paintings in the lobby. So you have your own to look at all day. And that beach poster on that wall." She turns and points to it. "Well, she saw that one herself and figured that it probably represented something big for you. If something is that important you should be able to watch it whenever you want and a new one that's framed would do well in your office." She tells me.

She did what? She got me these for my office? Why?

Marsha must have mistaken my shocked look for something else because she continues her explanation.

"Don't worry, the one you already had is also framed and on the other side of it. Miss Steele would never throw away someone's personal items and in that way you will still have it here, it just won't be visible in that state and you have your new poster to look at." She states.

I start to laugh. I got my own painting and a framed beach poster. How did she do this? Where did she find that poster? I'm not even sure how I got it. No wait, wasn't it a present from Damian when I turned 25? Or was it 26?

"Wow, I'm speechless." I tell her honestly. How do you react when you get something like this? When you find an expensive piece of artwork and a priceless dream hanging in your office?

I turn to Marsha and say "Thank you."

She starts to laugh again.

"No Mister Grey, this wasn't me. You should thank Miss Steele for it." She tells me.

I look back at the beach in the frame. It's beautiful. My dream poster has been given a beautiful frame. Now all I need to do is to frame my dreams and to make them come true.

I hear the door behind me and when I turn around I see that Marsha has left. I turn back to the poster again and my mind starts to drift. Why did she do this for me? I don't have an answer but I do know it's confusing the hell out of me. On one hand I like to think that she cares for me. That she sees me for me and the smallest part of me hopes that it means that her interest in me goes further than working for her. That she wants me; Christian Grey.

I know that's not the case. She's a beautiful successful woman and I know for a fact that she can get every man she wants. I see man throwing cheap lines at her as soon as they have the change and I also saw a lot of forums on the internet about men and women talking about her and wanting to be with her. I can't blame them because if I'm honest with myself I would admit that I'm one of those suckers. _But I can't be honest here because she's my boss._

But it still doesn't explain something like this, arranging this poster for me. If anything, it is making things worse for me. When she pretends to care for me or shows any kind of interest in my personal life my mind takes over to fantasyland and I'm gone. I used to look at that beach and dream about me being there but right now, all I see is me there with her. My arms wrapped around her and watching the sun go down. Her laughing and joking at me but mostly it's about that she would love me.

It's stupid and I curse myself for it. I'm nothing special and if you would describe me with one word, I think a failure will do it. Why would she ever take interest in someone like that? Why would she love me? I'm not capable of love and if I learned anything in my life, I don't deserve it to receive love either.

And if that wasn't the case than my behaviour around her will definitely have killed any possibility for any kind of feeling from her side. I have acted completely brainless around her and every time I start to get my act together, something happens and throws all my mustered confidence out of the window.

My mind wanders back to her visit from last week. I still don't understand why she came by my house but seeing her one my couch with Kitty Cat shocked the hell out of me. She looked really relaxed and happy in that moment that I saw when I walked out from the kitchen. I liked it a lot and I had some nice dreams during my sleep about her spending the night at my place. Or visions about her coming over to have us watching a movie together while she snuggled against me on the couch.

I smirk. Snuggling against me? I'm pretty sure Kitty Cat would throw a huge tantrum and would take matters in own hands to get her attention. That damn cat sure gets her way and if she wouldn't, she will definitely kill me this time.

I also thought a lot about the conversation we had. No, she talked; I was too stupefied and embarrassed to say anything. She did tell me something about herself. It surprised me a lot to find out that she used to be overweight and was homeless for some time. I felt really bad for her and had trouble to believe it. It sure was the unexpected again.

I sigh. Yes, she is full of surprises but me; I'm not one of them. Maybe I should just get laid. Maybe Damian's right about me getting laid. Maybe if I would be getting a one night stand or something like that it would fix this all. Since meeting Ana I'm a walking bomb of testosterone and feeling like a horny teenager and if I would take care of that than maybe I can forget about her and act normal with her.

_I could move on._

No, who am I kidding here. It wouldn't help me at all because the day after would just be another day of working with her. It would be another day of me being confronted by her and her damn thoughtfulness. Fuck, I'm truly screwed here and there is no escaping. I just need to find a way to get past it, a way to get over her and move on.

I look back up at the painting and sigh.

And now I need to talk to her to say thank you for it and if the past is any indication; it means I'm going to make an ass of myself.

I look at the clock and looking at the time I realize that I should get moving and start working. I will go to her on a later time but for now, I will just start with working and give myself some time to figure out how I'm going to do this. _How not to make a fool of myself._

* * *

Looking at the current numbers from this company I know something is wrong. It just doesn't make sense why a company with a profit this high would sell it. Why would someone be happy with one golden egg if it means that you have to give up on the chicken that lays them for you? I know I wouldn't and with the greed that is within most peoples nature it means that there is something wrong, I just need to find it. Maybe I should dig deeper in the background from the current owner and the board of the company. I should ask Mark about it when he gets back. He will know how to approach this.

I lean back in my chair and keep staring at the numbers in front of me. Why can't I find it? Have they altered the numbers? No, that's impossible because then you need to have more people in on it and more people having knowledge of it means that it's only a matter of time before someone rats you out and start talking.

And that still wouldn't make any sense because it wouldn't change the buyout and with the economy of today and the government looking for money everywhere the IRS is on top of everything trying to find their own golden eggs. If they find one questionable number or activity in your company, you might as well close up and leave the country before you're running dry and there isn't a respectable company that would be interested in buying you out. So, what is wrong here? What am I missing?

I sigh and give up for now. I can't work this out with the numbers alone. I need to find a way to get more information. Maybe the fact that I'm distracted by my own fucking mind explains it.

I found myself staring at the clock several times already. I keep thinking about Ana and facing her to thank her. I still haven't come up with anything right to say to her. Walking up to her office means that I have to say more than thank you but waiting for the next meeting might seem unthankful.

Maybe I should go to Wal-Mart and see if they sell brains and balls to. With the rate I'm going I sure could use a new pair. What is wrong with me? Why do I have so much trouble with this? She's just a woman and nothing more.

And now I definitely know that I'm lying to myself. She's not like any other woman and that's where I get in trouble.

I'm taken from my thoughts by a knock on the door.

"Come in." I state

The door opens and Mark walks in.

"Hi, glad you're doing better." He smirks at me.

Mark has stopped by my place several times this week to bring me my work and talk things through. He also brought me a new laptop to work from because the one I had was ready to die. It's a beautiful Lenovo ThinkPad and it even has a touch screen. If Ana isn't making me speechless then she always has Mark to cover for her.

"Yes, I'm glad to." I tell him smiling.

"So, you've seen your new office interior and judging by your face I think you're really happy with it."

"Yes, the painting is beautiful and I really love that frame."

"Good, I hope you have a strong heart because I have another something for you." He tells me and I frown.

He has something for me? What? I already got more than my contract stated, didn't I?

"Here, catch!" And he throws something my way.

I'm just in time to catch it before it hits my head and when I look at what it is my mouth falls open.

"What?" I barely manage to say.

"Your company car. I hope you like it." He says laughing. "Wow Grey, you sure are fun to give presents too. That face of yours is definitely a Kodak moment."

"I have my own company car?" I ask in disbelieve.

"Yes, you don't have a car right now, right? We want you to be able to get to every appointment yourself and to make sure you're always on time. Therefore; your own car. It's in the contract that you would get one it's just a little earlier." He shrugs.

"Oh…"

"You want to see it?" he asks enthusiastically.

"Yes please!" I almost yell at him and immediately I stand up to go.

He starts to laugh and opens the door for me to pass. We take the elevator to the garage and within seconds I stand in front of my own car. It's a beautiful Audi RS4 in the colour grey and it has tinted windows and is brand new.

Damn, I want to ride it!

"Relax Christian. You will ride it. I'm sorry to disappoint you but you won't ride it right away. I wanted to wait with this news and tell you after work but I got a little too much excited and carried away. So…" he tells me apologetic while pointing at the car.

"Oh, before I forget to tell you, this is your parking space. There's a name tag on the front of it. So, when you arrive here tomorrow, make sure you park here. You wouldn't want that car towed away on the first day you arrive in it." He smirks

I laugh about that because with the downfall of stupidity coming over me lately, it wouldn't surprise me anymore.

"And, to rain some more on your parade, Ana drives a brand new Audi RS8 convertible. There is always someone trying to make a bigger statement huh?" he tells me between his laughter while shaking his head.

She drives a car like that? Is that save?

"I thought she had a Bentley?" I ask Mark.

"She does but she only uses that one when she's chauffeured."

Before I can think more about it, Mark clears his throat and while he's giving a longing look at the car says; "Well, let's get back upstairs and pretend to work before we both get fired." He says and turns to wink at me.

I smirk. "Yes, let's do that because if I get fired it will mean I lost that car before I could drive it. And to be clear, if that happens I will spend every waking moment to plotting my revenge on you for that." I laugh at him.

We get back to my office and I grab the files we need to talk about. He's here now so I might as well use it.

* * *

After a few hours we are finally done and made a plan of action. We are going to look further in the financial records from the current owner and we are going to do the same for every member of the board. Hopefully we can find something there that can explain it and if we can't find anything there we are going to look further into their husbands, wives, children or other family member's finances.

It seemed to go very far to me to do something like that but Mark explained that when someone wants to cover for fraud they mostly intend to use their partners or family for it because they know that their own records are the first ones to be checked. He also told me that he was surprised to find the number so high because he already met the owner several times and he seemed very eager to sell. He said that I might be on to something here and that he wanted to stay in the loop.

When he left my office I felt like cheering and clapping for myself. I did something good and Mark complimented me several times. That sure felt good, really good. _Yeah, my ego got a boost from it._

I send the last mails over to the names that Mark gave me and make the necessary scan's to attach them for the different departments so they have all the information they need for these checks. After I'm done I sit back and stare blankly at the screen. And now I have to wait.

Damn, I hate waiting but Mark explained that these investigations can take up days if not more. If you are going to do this, than it has to be done right and within the confident of the law. He doesn't want to use illegal ways to obtain any information because if we do find something wrong we have an obligation to hand it to the IRS or the Fed's.

I honestly hadn't thought about that but Mark told me that it wouldn't mean we would lose the company. We could still take over but it will take some more time than we wanted it to be but by the time we would be the new owner, everything would be cleared out and clean, at least book wise it would be and it also would cost less than the asking price is right now.

The normal procedure is that if it comes that far, I would be taken of this case and would have to hand everything over to Ana. She would be the primary spokesperson for the authorities and would arrange everything with them. It can vary from ending with the entire company but paying the debts or fines for their wrongdoings so the company can still exist and move on, but it could also be that she will only buy a small piece, like their patents, staff or their client base and start somewhere new with it. It all depends on the value and prospects.

If it is too much hassle she will drop it completely, take her losses and move to a new project. Most likely the same and be their biggest concurrent in the market meaning that the company will bleed out and she will still end with what she wanted in the first place. _I don't want to be on her bad side._

When I was getting in trouble with processing everything that he was telling me and the information overload was pouring from my veins he stopped and told me that we were getting ahead of ourselves and that we would talk further after the first results from the investigation returned.

He also gave me the perfect reason to go to Ana's office and talk to her to say thank you. He told me that I needed to talk everything through with Ana about my findings concerning this take over and how we're going to proceed with it. I need to show her copies of the emails and the files we have so far and if she finds it necessary, she will take over immediate.

I couldn't hide my disappointment over that because I really want to be a part of this and finish what I started. Mark saw it and assured me that it was unlikely for Ana to take it over already and that she would probably wait until the reports came back and showed inconsistencies or fault in it. He also assured me that if she did take over, he would talk with her so I could work with her on this although he already assumed that would be the case because I already know most of it so she probable wants my help anyway.

Wow. I can't believe that in my third week here I can already see something going down like this. I mean, maybe I'm wrong but Mark knows what he's doing and he agreed with me.

And that also means I will be working close to her. Damn, I don't know how I will survive that. I need to find a way to do it. Maybe I need to search on the internet for tips and tricks for it. The first thing that comes to my mind is meditation. It's supposed to help you relax and all that shit right?

I snort; yeah sitting cross legged in the middle of the conference room doing breathing exercise surely won't make her think strange of me.

I have a big pile of files and copies and all I need to do is to pick it up and go to Ana's office. God, why is this so difficult? I decide that I need a minute to collect myself and keep the nerves under control. Distraction! That's the way to go. I grab my phone and decide to send Damian a text about my current job.

"How's France? Guess who's having the better job? C"

"Me, because my tan never looked as good as now how's life? Xoxo D"

And I know what he means. This question exists out of three words but is loaded with so much more. I wonder if he knows about my stupidity from last week. I think he does but he didn't say anything about it when I talked on the phone with him a few days ago. I decide to go with simple.

"Good and quiet. Got a sweet ride now, will send a picture later today. C"

"Yes, make me jealous you know I love that. Who's sitting in the passenger seat? I have a nice six-pack next to me, xoxo D"

"Didn't take you for a beer drinking guy. And you already know that answer."

"Yes, I know and if you had some yourself you would now that I wasn't talking beer. The only pussy you're getting is Kitty Cat. Shame, didn't took you for a fur lover. You should try them waxed, way better and less hair between your teeth."

"Bastard!"

"Yep, that's me. Give her my love. Got to go. Speak soon! Xoxo D"

I smile but it's bittersweet. Will I ever get used to not having him around? I like to think that it will get better but so far it isn't. It was nice to have somebody to talk to even when he chewed my ass over it.

I sigh. It will get better, I just need time. _I will get there, right?_

I look at the clock and realize that I can't stall it any longer. I need to go up there and face Ana. I grab the files, take a deep breath and go to the elevator. Marsha is smiling at me when I pass her but right now I'm too nervous to response to it. Or is it excitement? Honestly, my head is all over the place so I wouldn't know. Maybe it won't be so bad. I was able to talk to Mark about it and say a normal thank you to Marsha, why not to Ana?

I get out of the elevator on the top floor and walk over to Carly.

"Mister Grey." She nods at me.

"Hi Carly, is Miss Steele free right now? I have some files that I want to discuss with her." I explain

"I'm sorry Mister Grey, but she's in a meeting right now. Can I give her the files or take a message?"

And all my mustered confidence I had to do this leaves my body and disappointment takes over. I had it all worked out in my head and this hitch in my plan has destroyed it. Now I have to start over and I'm not sure if I can. Damn! Why didn't I call first?

Carly is looking expectantly at me and I realize I have to come up with something.

"Uhm, no that's fine. I will come back another time. When is she free?" I ask

"I'm not sure. This meeting wasn't planned so I don't know how long it will take. If you want you can wait for her." She tells me.

"No, I will come back later." I tell her defeated and walk back to the elevator.

While I'm waiting for the car to arrive I hear her office door open and being slammed to close. I turn around to see what's happening and find myself face to face with none other than Carrick Grey.

Damn, I really need to get away. I turn back around and start to push the call button a couple more times. _Like that will make it go any faster. Please give me some luck here!_

But no, luck is not on my side and from the corner of my eye I see my father taking a stand next to me.

"Christian."

"Yes." I reply without looking up.

"So, you're still around. I didn't think that would happen." He snaps at me

"Well, apparently I'm good at the job I have here and they are happy with me." I snap back. He is not going to rain on my parade.

"I see. Keep thinking that if it makes you sleep at night."

"You know I don't sleep at night and I know I'm doing well here, it's a fact not a make believe."

The elevator arrives and I almost jump in and damn it, I have to share it with him. As soon as the doors close he starts to laugh.

"What!" I snap

"You keep believing that." He says between laughter.

"Why do you think I was here?" he asks amused.

Why is he here? Why did he have a meeting with Ana? What was there to discuss?

"Oh, I see the wheels spinning in your head. Well, let's just say I gave her some facts. You see, Ana and I go way back and have a common understanding when it comes to business. She thought by hiring you she could get back at me over a business deal going sour and making things personal. We may not be in a good place but that doesn't mean you're not my son, so I had a talk with her about the way she's using you and how futile it is. Sure you can understand that or did you think you were hired for different reasons?" he asks.

The blood drains from my face. He told her? He told her about my past? And what did he say about using me? She's using me? I feel the elevator closing in on me and when it reaches my floor I waste no time in getting out and almost running to my office. I hear my father laugh behind me but right now I just don't care. I slam the door behind me and let myself fall on the floor.

She's using me? No, she wouldn't. Would she? I don't know her that well but I didn't think of her to be like that. Is she like that?

I think back to the conversations I had with Mark about the way she handles business and realise that when it comes down to it, she plays hard. She has no problem in destroying a company but that isn't the same as with people, right? I mean, if she is using me than it would mean that she can destroy me along the way. What am I then, collateral damage? Is that all I mean to her?

I'm feeling the walls closing in on me and loosen my tie. Is that why I'm here? So she could get back on my father. Why would she do that? Think Grey, think!

He said something about a business deal going sour. What business deal? My dad is a criminal layer, a defence lawyer; he isn't specialized in anything remotely close to business law but I also know that it doesn't take much for my father to piss somebody off. Did he piss her off? I don't get it, how? Did she broke the law and my father didn't help?

God, this can't be happening. He must have been lying to me. Right? But why would he do that? I can pay him so much more money if I keep this job. Isn't that what he wanted in the first place? His money?

I'm getting nowhere with my thoughts all over the place and look up at my poster.

I frown, if she's using me than why do things like that? Is that all part of a bigger plan here? And how would she get back at my father by letting me work here? Wouldn't I be able to do more damage to her than that it would help her? From this position I can get to all the company information, including the secret ones. Wouldn't it been better to have me working somewhere else, and what good would that do? I don't get it.

I look around my office and I'm getting more and more confused with every second that passes. Is all this a sham, a way to win my trust or something? Wouldn't it have been better to take Elliot or Mia? I don't even have contact with my family so what would she gain from it? Did she seek me out as the weakest link?

Christian Grey, black sheep and failure ready to get manipulated. Is that it? Oh god, I'm getting manipulated by a conceiving bitch and the worst part is that I let her. Did I? Is that what she is doing here?

Well, my dad was there for a reason and since business wouldn't explain it, than what? No, that would mean that they are working together on it. Is that what they are doing? Are she and my dad executing some master plan to make me hit rock bottom. Is Damian than in on it to?

No, he wouldn't do that. He's my friend. But then what?

I try to get the facts straight but I just can't. Nothing seems to make sense and my mind is starting to hurt. I get off the floor and go into my bathroom. I get in front of the mirror and look at myself.

Why did I get this job? I'm working to take over for Mark but I don't have any experience. There are many people in this company who have it all and could take over in no time. Mark wouldn't need to clear out his schedule for them or explain basic stuff. So why me?

I think back to that first meeting that they introduced me. The room felt really hostile and someone even pointed out that hiring me didn't make any sense. How did Ana respond?

That's right; she said that it wasn't up for questioning and that only she needed to know the reasons. Was that her reasoning behind it? My father? Thinking about it, it does make sense. I know I wouldn't hire me so why would she?

I splash cold water over my face and dry it. I walk back into my office and sit behind my desk.

Yes, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. My dad is behind this! He did this! There just isn't any other explanation for it. I got hired because my dad arranged it and like the fool that I am, I took the job.

I start to feel really hurt. I know it was ridiculous but a smaller part of me felt like she cared for me. That she saw me different from everybody else. That she saw me! And realizing that she's only using me hurts like hell. God no, that can't be true.

I drop my head in my hands and feel like crying. This can't be real. This can't be happening to me. Why is it every time that I start to feel better, something happens and throws me right back to the ground. No, I will not feel sad. That bitch upstairs did this. She's the one using me!

She's like a spider, luring me into her web and as the stupid fly that I am; I'm walking straight in it.

No! I feel rage consuming my body and the more time I take to think this through, the angrier I get. There is no other explanation for it and I will not be used! I will tell her that and quit! I don't want to be here anymore. How dare she!

I get up from my chair, grab the keys from the car and storm out of my office. If she thinks she can play with me she has another thing coming her way; me!

I want answers and I will get them. She has a lot of explaining to do and right now, it will be on my terms! She will not take advantage of me!


	8. Anywhere but here (part two)

**Here's the second part, hope you like it**

7 Anywhere but here (part two)

**ANA POV**

I sit back down behind my desk and sigh. Damn it! Why did he have to show up and ruin my good mood? That asshole, walking in here like he owns this place, who does he think he is? God? And then talking to me like that? I'm not his bitch!

Although I have to admit that it felt pretty damn good to put him back in his place. Yeah, threatening with a public throw out from the building sure got him quiet.

I start to laugh. Damn, his face was priceless. Asshole, thinking that I'm just a weak woman that he can overrule like that. I didn't build this business up by being weak. Why do men always seem to forget that? Do they think that I'm just the face and have men working behind the scene, arranging everything?

I shake my head. Yes, the business world is not a lot of fun for women, always being underestimated. Good thing I stand strong in my shoes. No it's even better; I can do it in killer heels. I don't see a man doing that anytime soon.

I look out of the window and I see that it has started to rain. I'm staring at the raindrops falling against the window while going over my conversation with Carrick Grey again. I don't understand why he thought he was welcome here. I don't remember giving him even the slightest confirmation for it.

I also know that this isn't my fight to battle out with him but it does feel personal right now. I don't know why but I start to feel really bad for Christian. If his rage towards me is any indication on how he treated his son I can understand why Christian became the way he is. And why would he have deserved it to be treated like that?

Carrick came here raging at me for throwing my lawyers his way over that salary issue. He stated that it was none of my business and threw his phone my way to call my dogs off. I just threw it against the wall and watch it fall on the ground in pieces. Then I turned back at him and saw his shocked face. He was not expecting that. And to top it off I stated really calmly; "This bitch isn't calling any dog off. If you're bothered buy them, then pay up." And I saw the wheels spinning is his head. In that moment I think he was doing cartwheels over the fact that he doesn't have me as his daughter in law and their match with Elliot didn't work. Yeah, I'm glad for it too.

Well, what did he expected from me? That I would nod obediently and make that phone call? Why would I? He had no right to keep Christian's salary and as a lawyer he knows that too.

I sigh. If I thought that was nasty he sure got to it right after that. He called me many horrible names and then he accused me of using our past differences over it. Sure, I can't say I'm happy with him because he did screw me over. I was never able to prove it but I know for certain that he played that information to his so called friend. That ended with me losing the deal and I had to take my losses. I know that if Carrick didn't do that, I would have had that deal and yes, that still pisses me off. But no, I would never do something personal like using his son. And if I would, why the hell would I go after Christian if I could get to Elliot? Wouldn't that have been easier?

Idiot! I'm not stupid; don't treat me like that either. And when that accusation didn't do what he wanted it to do, he tried to throw Christian's past to me. I just cut him off right there.

Yes, I want to know what happened with him. I want to know why he became who he is and why he's separated from his family like that. Why did he stay at his father's law firm? Was this the way he got treated there? If that's the case then I think it's a miracle that he didn't commit murder._ I think I would._

But no, I don't want to find out like this. If I am going to be told be someone, it has to be Christian. Carrick was using his last card and with his behavior until then I know it would only be bad, if he would be honest at all. He did everything he could to stop Christian from working here so his judgment isn't really reliable right now. And even it was, it still wouldn't be right to let him tell me about their past.

That is Christian's tale to tell and not his. His background check came back clean and that's all I need to know as his boss. I have to admit that my curiosity is killing me but I don't want to go behind Christian's back. I can't do that and all I can do is wait to see if he ever will tell me. And if he doesn't, then I have to resign to that.

I'm following the path from the raindrops and start to wonder if he saw the painting in his office. Did he see that beach poster? It shocked me when I saw that poster on the other side of his bathroom door. I couldn't figure out how he would've gotten it. It confused the hell out of me but then the answer just came to me; Damian.

He's the only one that could have gotten it and I didn't hold back when I called him out on it. But in the end I did feel a little honored by it.

I chuckle, yeah Christian has been staring at that poster for years. I can't believe it!

I start to laugh. Damn and now all I can think about is him on that beach. Fuck, I need to stop doing that, this is not good. I have to stop fantasizing about him because if I keep going at this rate I will surely make mistakes. Hell, I might even start saying things I shouldn't and get an sexual assault case thrown against me. _Well, it might be worth the money._

I frown. He must have seen it by now but I haven't heard anything from him yet. He's supposed to start again today so I know he has been in his office. If he wouldn't have come in I would know, someone would have told me.

I look at the clock and see that it's much later than I expected. Is he not happy with it? I thought he would love it but then he surely would have said something to me about it. Or at least send me an email of something like that. Should I reach out to him? I do need to tell him about his father's visit and give him the envelope. Maybe I should go to his office later.

The ringing from my cell phones takes me from my thoughts and I answer it without looking.

"Steele."

"Hey sis! Do you have a minute for your favorite brother?" Armando asks. Who else?

I start to laugh. No matter when or where, he and Lucas will always battle for that one.

"For my favorite brother, always." I smile

"Good, did you receive my email?"

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry that I didn't responded right away, I was a bit busy." I apologize.

"Busy with work? Damn sis, take a break every now and then." Armando chastises me.

"I know, I will slow down." I respond. I did read that email but I forgot to answer because I was distracted, just not with business. I can't really tell him that I was busy on a date with BOB while thinking of an employee now, can I?

"That's okay, I know you're busy with work but you need to have fun and rest to. Anyway, was the date I proposed alright?"

"Yes, it's fine. I will arrange everything and all you have to do is show up." I say

"And did you look at my business proposal?"

"Yes, I did, wait one second." I ask him while grabbing the paperwork to look at the notes I made.

"Sure." And I hear him whistling a waiting tone on the other end to fill up the quietness. I giggle, yeah that's Armando and as long as I can remember he is doing this over the phone as soon as there is a silence.

"So, now I'm getting impatient. Are there ten more waiting in front of me on your hotline? One of them a brother in law for me? I would like one to play with, you know that right? What did you come up with sis?" he says with laughter in his voice and I giggle.

I'm about to answer him when I hear my office door open and slammed shut right after that. I turn around and I'm greeted with a very angry looking Christian. What the hell?

"Can I call you back?" I ask Armando while still looking at Christian and I don't know why but I'm starting to feel really nervous. Was he not happy with the painting?

"That's fine. You can also email it to me if you want."

"Sure, I will do that. Bye." I end the call not waiting for a response and put it on my desk.

"Christian? Are you ok?" I ask concerned.

"Am I ok? Am I? Don't play cute because we both know you're not!" He starts to yell at me. What? His yelling is startling me and as a reflex I let all the paperwork drop to the ground.

"What are you talking about?" I ask as calmly as I can but even I can tell that my voice is cracking a little.

"Oh, so now you're going to act stupid too! You know exactly what I'm talking about, you bitch!" He nearly screams at me.

What did I do? Is this about the painting? No, that can't be, it's just a painting. Is it the poster? I didn't threw it away. Is that it? What happened? _Wait! Did he just called me a bitch? _

I'm sitting down on my chair completely stupefied and Christian stalks to me. He twirls my chair towards him and put both his hands on the armrests, closing me in and leaning in to me.

Fuck, he's gone. He's completely gone in his anger and while I'm trying desperately to find the reason for it, my mind comes up blank.

I watch him examining my confused face for a moment and I watch how his anger gets more fueled by it. What did I do to him?

"Don't even think about playing the innocent here! I know your game plan and it won't work. Did you really think I wouldn't figure it out? Too bad that Carrick ruined that one for you!" He spits at me.

"What? I don't know what you mean." I nearly whisper because he is really scaring me right now.

"I really don't know. What game plan? What are you talking about?" I say with a shaky voice.

"Wow, you're sure good at it, aren't you! Well, guess what. IT. WON'T. WORK! I will not let you use me like that!" he growls at me.

"Christian, please calm down so we can talk about it. I really don't know what you're talking about and honestly, you're scaring me right now." I try to plead with him. No, no, no. This can't be happening again. Please don't let him hurt me, please.

I start to shake a little and try to make myself small in my chair. Please go away, please!

"No! Why? So you can manipulate me some more! No! That will not happen!" He says while standing straight again. I let go of the breathe I was holding and try to compose myself a little more but I can't. I feel tears coming and I have to focus everything to not let them fall.

I try to focus my vision on him but I can't. All I see is hatred and ones again, I'm that lost little girl that can't stand up for herself.

He starts to pace the floor in front of me and he yells something at me but I can't hear it anymore. My mind is frozen and all I can do right now is to try to count it out and hope that the panic will stay away.

I want to say something but I don't know what and I'm honestly scared that it will fuel his anger even more. No, I have to stay quiet and make myself as invincible as possible until he goes away. I have to hope it will make his anger die down a little and stay out of the fire line until he leaves.

He throws a set of car keys on my desk and it startles me. I let out a involuntary whimper and my reflexes makes me curl up in my chair immediately. Please don't react. Please don't hurt me.

I'm waiting for the violence to start. For the hit that never comes. Why isn't it coming?

When I finally look up I see him standing there, looking puzzled at me for a moment. I don't know how long we're staring at each other before he breaks the silence.

"You know, I really thought I was given a fair chance here. Guess I didn't thought that you would be such a conceiving bitch pairing up with the devil himself." He spits at me and walks to the door. Before he opens it, he turns around again.

"I quit." He spits at me and walks out of my office and just like when he entered, he slams the door behind him, making me flinch.

* * *

I don't know how long I'm staring at the door but realizing that I was still holding my breath, I let it go.

What just happened? I feel that my body starts to shake uncontrollable and I'm trying to focus on my breathing to prevent a panic attack.

When my breathing calmed down enough so I know I will be good I look around my office and see the paperwork spread out over the floor. How did this happen? After years of therapy I thought that I had it under control. I really thought I did, but now…

I deal with angry people on a weekly base, hell I had his father in my office screaming his lungs out just a few hours ago and I was fine. Then why wasn't I fine just now?

I feel tears in my eyes and realizing that I'm alone in my office and reassuring myself that he won't come back I let them go. Why did this hit me so hard? Why couldn't I just stand up for myself and demand answers? Demand an explanation? Why did I let him have a go at me like that?

I know I need to let this go for now. I grab my phone and scroll through my contacts. I need an appointment to talk about this. I send a text to my therapist and put the phone down.

I'm feeling a little more relaxed and I try to recall what happened here. He came to my office and he was angry. Angry about what? This wasn't about a painting, that surely couldn't have been it. If that would be the case I'm sure he would have just given it back to me.

But why was he so angry then? I'm trying to recall the words he said to me but my mind isn't cooperative anymore. I get up to get a glass of cold water and sit back down again.

My hands are still shaking a little and my eyes feel tired from the tears that fell. I drop my head in my hands and try to focus again.

What did he say? Think. There must be some clue in it, right? He said that I was a bitch. He called me a bitch! What in his right mind gave him the impression he could call me that? I have been nothing but kind to him. Well, maybe a little short at times but still, I haven't gave him any bad attitude.

Then why did he call me that? What else did he say? He was talking about a game plan. What game plan? Him taking over for Mark? Well, that isn't really a secret, isn't it. He was told on his first day that he was hired for that. No, that can't be it either.

Then what? Wait! He mentioned his father. Is it something to do with him? Would could that possible be? Yes, his father was here this morning, but that wasn't a secret either. Did they meet up? Why would they do that? It's not like they are best friends here so that doesn't make sense either. I don't see them calling and texting each other about their day to day plans.

But it has to be something involving Carrick. Did they meet? What did Carrick say? Where were they supposed to meet? It's not like Carrick knows where Christian's office is, for all he knows he could be working in the mailroom.

Yeah right, like you would interfere with a salary issue for the mailroom guy. Do you even know the people that work there?

Fuck, off course Carrick knows that Christian would be working on the higher management. But security told me that he left the building straight from my office. When were they supposed to talk?

I look at my desk and see the car keys lying there. I picked that car out myself. I love Audi's and I thought that the RS4 would be perfect for him. I choose the color too. When I saw it, it reminded me of his eyes so that's the color I picked; grey. I thought he would love that car. Why did he leave those keys here?

And then it hits me. His last words were; I quit. He's quitting? Why? No, he can't quit. Shit!

I grab my desk phone and dial Mark's number. Please pick up.

After the forth ring he answers

"Bellock."

"Mark, it's me. You need to talk with Christian. I don't know what happened but he's furious on me and he said that he's resigning." I ramble

"Why?" he asks shocked.

"I don't know Mark. I don't know why he's angry but he's quitting. You need to talk to him." I almost plead.

"I will." He states and hangs up.

I hang up and turn to look out of the window. It's still raining and ones again, I find myself lost with the tracks of the raindrops. _Why does everything always have to be complicated?_

* * *

**CHRISTIAN POV**

As soon as I'm back in my office I walk straight to my chair and sit down. I drop my head in my hands that are shaking now. What did I do? I called her a bitch! Fuck, I lost my temper completely and look where that got me. Fuck!

I look around my office and realize that I should be packing. I guess that it won't be long before security gets here to throw me out. I'm sure she has called them by now. Fuck, what have I done!

I don't know what happened with me but with every step I took to her office I got angrier and angrier. And then when I walked in and heard her giggle and happy and carefree I just lost it completely. My life is falling apart while she is just happily living hers. She crushing mine and she doesn't care.

The realization had hurt me so much that I started screaming at her and I couldn't stop myself anymore. I barely recognized my own voice.

I went to her office for answers, to get an explanation but instead I yelled at her and cut her off at every opportunity she had to talk back to me. And when she acted scared and shocked I know I should have stopped but at that moment, it just fueled the beast inside of me. And now, I have ruined every my job, my life.

I get up from my chair and walk over to the beach poster. Will it be ok if I took this? Am I even allowed to take anything with me? I frown. Looking at the poster something seems off. It's like it's different from the original and I'm missing something. What's different?

Before I can put more thought into it, there's a knock on my door. _Yes, that would be security for my walk of shame._

I clear my throat.

"Come in." I say hesitantly.

The door opens and instead of security, I'm greeted by Mark.

"Christian, can I have a word with you?" he asks uncertain.

"Uhm, yes, of course." I gesture to the couch and we both sit down.

He clears his throat.

"Ana called me and said you're quitting. Can you explain?" he asks.

"Uhm, well, I'm not sure where to start." I tell him honestly.

How can I explain my own stupidity? How can I tell him that I called Ana a bitch?

"That's ok, just start at the beginning." He says while gesturing at me.

"Well I went to talk to her about something and ask questions but instead I lost my temper and called her a bitch." I tell him

He flinches at the word bitch but says nothing about it.

"I see, and what brought it on?"

"She's working together with Carrick." I state

"Really? On what?" he asks curious now.

"I don't know."

"You don't know on what but you do know that they are working together?" he asks amused.

"Yes, against me. And don't laugh, it's not funny."

He chuckles a bit.

"I'm sorry but can you explain how you know this?

"Yes, I saw him leaving her office and then he told me." I tell him

He starts to laugh really hard right now and I'm getting angry again. What the hell!

"Stop laughing!" I nearly yell at him.

"I'm sorry Christian but thank fuck you're not a journalist."

"What are you talking about?"

"You see your father leaving Ana's office and then he tells you that he and her are working against you and instead of asking Ana what that meeting was about, you start raging against her because your one source told you so. You didn't second guess the source or its reliability."

I look puzzled at him. Where is he going?

"How reliable is your father to you as a source? How much support did he gave you when you started working here? How truthful are his words?" He shakes his head.

"Damn, for a smart man you sure act stupid. Didn't I tell you one your first day to never make assumptions but to look over the entire situation first? You made an assumption and stuck by it, a very negative assumption might I say.

When I would be seeing Carrick leaving Ana's office I wouldn't have made the same you did. I would have thought that maybe there is something business wise. Or maybe Ana broke the law and needed his advice because as a defense lawyer, he is pretty good.

Or maybe he was here because of Coping Together, your mother's charity since Ana does donate quite often to honorable charity's.

"Or maybe he was here because it was Ana that send out her lawyers to get your last paycheck from him." He tells me and I feel the air sucked out of my lungs.

Was that why he was here? He was here because she tried to defend me? Oh my god, what have I done?

"Christian, you're doing it again." He states

"Doing what?"

"Making assumptions. I just gave you a couple examples but none of them were facts. I wasn't present during that meeting so I don't have the answers too. You could have had that explanation by now, but instead of asking you jumped straight in and made horrible accusations. So, how did that worked out for you?"

I drop my head in my hands. Why couldn't I just ask her why my father was here? Why did I had to accuse her of those horrible things and throw my spiraling anger at her? Why?

"I'm sorry." I choke out.

"You don't have to apologize to me, you should tell Ana that.

You can't keep doing this Christian. You can't just jump to conclusions and act on it if you don't have the facts straight. Not everything is what it seems, sometimes the answers are not negative or bad for you but can lead to better or bigger things. Why is it so hard to believe that you got hired here for your own quality's and that there is no master plan to destroy you? Not everyone is out to get you."

I look up at him

" Because…. Why else would Ana hire me? She said herself on my first day that it was only her answer to know."

"Yes, she did. I'm sorry to tell you this but it wasn't Ana that hired you. That was all on me. Ana wasn't even here when I did that and when she did found out… Let's just say that she wasn't to trilled with it. But that was a discussion between her and me and no one else in this company needs to hear any of it. When it isn't just the two of us, we form a solid block and stand united. We have each other's back and no one on the staff is allowed to question that."

She didn't hire me? Didn't she wanted me here? Oh god, Mark hired me and she didn't even knew?

"I feel so stupid right now." I admit to him.

"Yes, you should because what you did was stupid." He states.

"Look, give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts and then you should go to Ana and apologize to her."

"What's the point? I already told her that I quit and if I didn't do that I'm sure I'm fired by now."

"You're not fired yet and Ana isn't some ice queen. You said things in the heat of the moment. Well, your moment that is. Just try to explain some of it to her and it will be just fine. Just don't ever do something like that again!." He warns me.

"I won't, I promise."

"Are you sure? You can't throw out promises and not live by them. It really has to mean something otherwise they will become worthless."

"I'm really sure."

"Good, because you work for a woman here."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask confused.

"You don't understand a thing about woman do you?" he asks amused.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Ok, let me ask you this; have you ever been in a serious long term relationship with a woman? Or did you ever had a close friend that was female?"

"No, I haven't had both." I answer. Where is he going with this?

"Then I assume that you don't know a lot about how a woman mind works?" He continues

"I guess." I shrug.

"I'm going to grab some coffee. You want some too?"

"Sure." I say unsure of where this is going.

Mark stands up and makes both of us a coffee. Where is this conversation going? What is he getting at? The female brain? Does anyone out there know how that works?

He gives me my coffee and sits back down again.

"Christian, you are working for a woman and I think it would be wise if you learned a little about the female's line of thinking so when you find yourself in a position like that again, you will think twice about it and won't let it get out of hand like that."

He takes a sip of his coffee before he continues.

"Have you ever noticed the paintings in Ana's office?

"Yes, I did." _Huh?_

"Good, what did you think of them?" He probes.

I shrug. "I don't know, they are okay I guess."

"I'm sure you noticed the theme?"

_I'm getting a sense of déjà vu here…_

"I don't know if it's a theme but they are all of elephants."

"Yes, every one of them is a different outline from an elephant. I gave them to Ana at every occasion that I need to get her a present. I still give her a new one every year for her birthday. She wasn't completely sure about it but she hangs them in her office like I told her too. They are there to give everyone a warning before they try to cross her because it's the way I view woman; like elephants."

I almost choke in my coffee. What did he say? He thinks Ana is an elephant?

He starts to laugh and I need to cough several times before I get myself together again.

"You think Ana is an elephant?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Yes, I do. That's why I call her Elf. But I'm talking in more general terms here because I think all woman are elephants." He state matter of fact.

"Why?" I say shocked.

"Several reasons. The first one being that from afar, elephants look cute and huggable but when you are close to them, they have the ability to squash you with one foot and are scary as hell." He states.

I start to laugh. Is he serious?

"It's the truth. And just like woman they have the ability to be loving and caring. They stick up for themselves but also for their close ones. They form a pack and if they have the choice, they will never stray from each other. They are the spill of the family and keep everyone together through the good and the bad. That is one of the reasons why I call Ana Elf, because she is the spill of this company, keeping everything together and she will always stand up for her own staff. She will protect them if necessary and be the mediator when needed.

Then there is the fact that woman have an impeccable memory. Just like elephants they will never forget anything. We men can shrug things off but a woman can't. Even if she wants to, it will always be in the back of her mind bothering her or even haunting her. It's not that woman want to be like that but it is a fact.

We man can do a woman wrong and walk away from it like nothing ever happened. We can turn our backs and start a new life somewhere else, or with someone else. But a woman can't. She will be stuck with it and when you meet her again, she will still remember every detail from your wrongdoing. And if it's really bad, she will still hold a grudge. If you find yourself in a situation like that, my advice would be to run. Beg the police for a new identity and hide on the other side of the world. There is nothing like a woman scorned." He shakes his head.

"And in all honesty, can you blame them? They have been living with your wrongdoing for years, if not longer and whether she wants it or not, it has been effecting her life. And for all those years that you have let her be, her mind has been working overtime and plotting her revenge. Even ten years later they can still take it there and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Why?

Because unlike us, they think things through up to every small detail. They don't leave things to chance but they organize their head before they act. That's why you will never win a discussion from an angry woman. Before you have figured out why she's actually mad at you, she has already planned the entire discussion. She will only give you facts and reasoning and there is no arguing at that. They can mull it over for days before the fight starts and us stupid men, we get taken by surprise. We keep thinking that because she didn't say much about it to begin with, that the discussion is over. That she forgot about it or has moved on.

But woman don't do that. They want to get their right and they want to point out your wrongdoing.

Elephants do that to. They don't forget. I've seen documentary's from elephants that mourned at a grave from a family member while the body was already gone for years. They remembered exactly where it happened and who they were mourning. Even the little ones would participate in it. I have also seen elephants getting there revenge on humans for destroying their family.

They needed to be moved and because they couldn't take the bigger ones, they killed them. Their mothers, aunts and grandmothers were killed in front of their eyes and the little ones were dropped somewhere else. Ten years later, they were all grown up and started to kill people. Humans were responsible for the loss of their family so humans had to pay. It's true. I can look it up for you if you want to see it.

The same goes for their intuition. Woman live by it and us men shouldn't judge that. I have seen Ana pulling out of business deals while there wasn't a clear reason for it. Sometimes she would tell me that she couldn't explain but that it wasn't right. Months later I would turn on the news and see a story from that company with fraud problems or something like that. Don't get me wrong because they are not always right. Ana ones pulled out of a business deal simply because she and the current owner it had, a woman, didn't like each other."

He starts to laugh and I frown at that. Why would she do that?

"She stated that she didn't wanted to spend money on a skank like that and just left. Anyway, getting back to my story.

Woman and elephants aren't that different from each other. When you have a girlfriend or wife and you take her out and she finds you staring to long at that sexy waitress, you will know. Not only that night. But five years later when you go to that same restaurant and that same girl is waitressing your table, she will tell you exactly when you saw her before, what everybody was wearing, how you looked at her and what an asshole you are before demanding a different venue. Unlike us, they look at complete situations and make their judgment on that, not just one particular thing, but everything.

The reason I'm telling you this is because you seem clueless when it comes to woman. I don't know what happened to you or with you but you can't fault the entire world for it. It's clear that your father has been a main factor in it but you can't take it out on others. Whatever happened, I'm sure that Ana had nothing to do with that. I get that she was an easy target to be subjected to your rage, but she isn't your father. You need to think things more through before you act because like I stated, woman won't forget. And since she is your boss, it could cost you your future at this company.

You have to work close with her so I hope that if there is a next time, you will remember what I told you and think twice about a reaction like that." He finishes his story.

Damn, he's right, woman are like elephants. God, I'm screwed. She is never going to accept my apology, is she? Fuck! How am I supposed to fix this? I want to but I don't know how.

"Christian."

"Yes."

"Talk to her. You went to her office for a reason so bring that with you. Talk to her and give her your apologies, you will be fine. " he says will slapping my knee.

He gets from the couch and straighten his jacket.

"Oh, I think I should be the first one to ride that car now, don't you think?" he asks bemused.

"Hell no! If somebody is going to ride it, it's me." I laugh

"Well, then you better get your ass moving and start apologizing to the boss upstairs." And with that he leaves my office.

I lean back and look at the raindrops hitting the window. Why did I acted so stupid? Why did I lose it like that? Looking back it just doesn't make any sense. God, I'm such an idiot.

I take a deep breath. I need to go to her office again and grovel. Maybe I should just beg at her feet. _That wouldn't be a first._

I'm tapping my fingers on my knee while I'm trying to figure out how to approach this. Mark was right about one thing; when it comes to women, I'm fucking clueless. Fuck!

I get up from the couch and start collecting the files that I wanted to show her in the first place. I straighten my tie and leave my office. I'm walking like a man walking his last mile on death row. I'm sure she will fire me now. My own stupidity brought this on and now I have to man up and take it.

Damn! I really wish that I didn't woke up this morning. That I took another day off. If I had done that, I wouldn't have seen Carrick and I wouldn't have made a fool of myself.

I arrive at her floor and hesitantly I walk to her office. I didn't even bother to ask Carly if she is free right now. I muster all the courage I can find and I knock on her door.

"Come in." I hear her say and with one last deep breath I open the door facing whatever may come my way.

_God, I wish I was anywhere but here right now._


	9. Sweating in musth

8 Sweating in musth

**Christian POV**

With nervousness cursing through my body I walk in Ana's office and I spot her immediately sitting behind her desk. I watch her face for a moment but I can't trace any anger in it. I do see some sadness but I'm not sure for what.

She is holding her phone and gives me the signal that she's in the middle of a conversation. I nod to her to let her know that I understand. _And now what?_ I stand awkwardly in the middle of her office and rubbing my dumb on the inside of my hand to keep me from fidgeting with my tie. What am I supposed to do? Should I sit? I look around and I just don't know what to do.

I look back at Ana and she has noticed it too. Fuck! I'm an idiot here.

She points towards the left corner of her office where I can get coffee. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. At least I have something to do. Wait, do I need to get her one too? I start making my coffee while contemplating what I should do next. I should ask her. It would only be the right thing to do. I think I have been rude enough towards her.

I turn around and hold my cup up to ask if she wants one too. She's still talking in the phone but notices my movement and shakes her head. Nope, no coffee for her. Damn, there goes my plan in keeping myself busy.

I sigh and turn around. I should sit but where? She has a sitting corner with two couches and two chairs. Should I sit there? Or should I sit on one of the chairs around her conference table? Or should I take a seat in front of her desk?

Damn it! Why am I making such a big problem from this? It's just a seat, it shouldn't be so difficult.

I look around one more time and decide to sit on one of the couches. At least in this way, when she tells me I'm fired and I get a heart attack, I will be lying comfortable. I walk over to the couch and sit down. This one sure sits well. It's leather but it sits softer than I expected. I look at the stitching on the pillows, it looks handmade. It's double crossed but there are small inequalities that show that this wasn't made by a machine.

Damn it Grey, talking interior decoration? Pillow talk? What's wrong with me? _Who am I?_

I shake my head and look around the office. I look at the elephant paintings and stifle a laugh. Ana the elephant. Who would have thought? I know I didn't but Mark had no trouble in calling her that. He even has a nickname to go with it. What was it? Elf? How does he come up with stuff like that?

I look over where Ana sits and finding her engrossed in paperwork on her desk I take my time to study her. She isn't looking my way and I lean back a little to have a good look at her.

She has her hair hanging in loose curls and has a headband in to keep it from her face. I don't see much jewelry except for small earrings. No ring on her finger. Does this mean she's single? If she was dating someone wouldn't he put a ring on it as soon as possible? I know I would.

She's wearing a white business suit and from my position I can see that's she's wearing nude heels under it. Damn, those heels are high! What are they? 5 or 6 inches? Higher? She does look very sexy in it.

My mind start to take its own course and I'm starting to get visions of her wearing those heels without the business suit. Her body only covered with laced nude lingerie. I close my eyes and wonder what her body would look like. No wait, that's stupid I saw lingerie and swimwear pictures from her on the internet. Fuck! Focus! How is an apology going over when you're having a hard on?

God, that is probably the biggest problem here; she isn't just sexy in her clothes but I also saw what's underneath it. Well, not naked but she was almost naked and ever since I saw that, I can't stop picturing it.

I look back in her direction and see her leaning back in her chair. I watch how she's taking a deep breath and closes her eyes. She looks aggravated but I can't be bothered with it. Al I can see right now is her arched back in that chair and her breast expanding from her deep breaths. Damn, that's hot.

She throws on arm over her head in frustration and it's only making my view better. Yeah, you get irritated and I watch the show. Fuck, if she's always like that then every man in this building will watch her like this. Has Mark seen this? He's straight so there must be some kind of reaction to it.

God, if she was mine I would have to lock her up in my house or forbid her to be sexy at all times outside of it. Can you do that when you have a girlfriend? Can you tell her not to be aggravated or angry? Or funny? Sexy? Maybe I should Google that. Wait! Girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend so I can't say anything. Damn!

I watch her getting angrier on whoever is on the other side of the line but it is only turning me on more. Damn, she's hot when she's angry. My thoughts drift to fantasyland and I'm starting to think about angry sex with her. I think that would be hot. Maybe I should propose it for now. I almost chuckle out loud with that thought.

_Yeah Ana, I know I was wrong and I'm sorry. Why don't you take it out on me on this couch? Or do you accept my apology and want make up sex? _

Immediately visions of her on this couch come to mind and I realize that I'm still staring at her. Fuck! This is not good. Before she catches me staring at her breasts like a hungry man I grab my paperwork and start rummaging through them like I'm searching for something. I need to distract myself because I'm getting harder by the second and with the suit I'm wearing, there's nowhere to hide it.

Fuck Grey, think of disgusting things, normal things. I close my eyes a moment and try to come up with something. I start to think of that bitch from reception downstairs but it doesn't help. Yes, she was horrible but the suit she was wearing; it would have looked really good on Ana. _No, think something else here! _

I think of Kitty Cat but again, it's not helping. Kitty Cat lying on her breasts leading to me grabbing one breast. _No, no, no!_

Wait, grandmother sunbathing topless in a thong. Yes, that's better. I feel a shiver running through me from that memory. Some things shouldn't be seen by children but it's helping me right now so maybe I should write her a thank you note.

I frown. I haven't seen them in a very long time. I don't even know if my grandparents are still alive. No, they must be. If they would have past away I would have been notified. I would have been invited to the funeral, right? They are my grandparents. Maybe I should visit them sometime? While the open their door for me?

I get taken from my thoughts by Ana slamming the phone down and cursing out loud.

"Fucking hell! Arrogant asshole talking to me like that." She sighs and leans back again for a moment.

Damn, she is really pissed off; maybe it's not a good idea to talk to her now.

_Well, a little late for that, you can't walk away now._

She seems to realize that's she's not alone in the office and look up at me.

"I'm sorry, it's just that…" she says while gesturing to the phone.

"Some men just don't get it. This bastard kept asking for Mark and wanted to talk to the CEO because I could not be more then a secretary here. He just wouldn't take my answer for it. Damn that bastard." She ends cursing under her breath.

She stacks the files on her desk and I'm wondering if I should say something. I'm not sure what there is to say. She was talking about men and I'm pretty sure that she is thinking the same about me right now.

I just stay silent and wait for what's to come. She walks over to get herself a new coffee and then walks to the couch and takes a seat next to me. I'm getting so nervous that I just look at my shoes and make myself busy with removing imaginary loose fabric of my pants.

I feel her body heat next to mine and I know she's watching me. Damn Grey, you need to start soon. Just do it like ripping a band aid. Fast and quick and hear her judgment and start your walk of shame.

"So, I guess you're here because of that outburst this morning?" she asks softly. Is she not angry?

"Uhm, yes. I am." I almost stutter.

"Do you think you can explain to me why that happened?"

_Because I want you and I thought you were playing me._ I can't say that so I swallow before answering.

"I thought you were using me." I say unsure. That did not come out right.

"How?" I hear the shock in her voice.

"I saw my father coming from your office and he said that to me. I'm sorry, it's just..." I stop talking. What can I say? No matter what I tell her, it will sound stupid. God, I'm such an idiot.

I drop my head in my hands and wait for the sound of her voice to tell me that I'm fired.

I feel a hand gently touching my arm and look up; right in her eyes and all I see is concern.

"Christian, why would I do that? I just don't understand why you would think that of me." She tells me softly and I see hurt in her eyes but just as quick as it was there, she composes it and it's gone.

"I… God, I'm so stupid."

"No you're not. No one is saying that except you. I want to explain everything but I need to know your reasoning first."

"Well, my dad said that you..." I clear my throat before I continue. "That you and him are working together and that that is the only reason I got hired."

She takes a deep breath and when I look up again I see her frown.

"Well, that is not what I expected." She says confused. "Look, you got hired here on your own. I had nothing to do with that. I didn't even know you before your first workday. I don't know anything about some game plan that you kept talking about but I do know that the one me and Mark have for you is what you got hired for, partly taking over for Mark. Is that what you meant?" she asks.

"No and I know that now. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I really like my job and working at this company. Please don't fire me. It won't happen again, I swear." I almost plead.

"Christian, no one said anything about firing anyone. If you were fired, you would have known that already."

I let go of the breath I was holding. I'm not fired? I'm not fired!

"I'm not fired? Why?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Several reasons. Look, yes you were wrong in what you did, storming in my office and than talking to me like that so make no mistake; don't ever do that again! And the next time you come in here raging like a bull in musth; you will be fired!" she warns me and I can't help it but start to laugh.

"What?" she asks confused but I can't stop laughing.

"I'm sorry, but you and Mark…. What is it with the two of you and elephants? In must? Me?" I choke out between laughter.

She starts to laugh with me and shakes her head.

"Yeah, I guess it's safe to assume that Mark gave you that whole woman and elephant lecture."

"Yes, he did. He said you're an elephant." I try to say serious but failing miserably.

"I know. You do realize that he's wrong with his analogy?"

"Why?" I ask between laughter.

"I don't think it is doing the elephants justice to be compared to me like that. Or to woman in general. Either way, I'm stuck with these paintings so if you want one for your office, feel free to take it. Keep it as a reminder when you feel like flying of the handle next time." She winks at me.

"Yeah." I sigh. "That might not be such a bad idea." I admit.

I know I have a problem with my anger. No, I have a problem with my emotions in general and I really need to figure it out before I do something stupid like that again.

"Well, you admitting it is the first step, so that's something.

Christian, not everyone wants to see you fail. I know I don't because with the position you have in this company you could destroy it. Mark hired you because he believed that you're capable to do it and I have to admit that I had my doubts in the beginning. I wasn't here when he hired you and my first thoughts were that he made a mistake."

I slump my shoulders a bit. She doesn't want me here. She thinks it's a mistake. Fuck.

"I'm not telling you this to push you down but I'm telling you this because you surprised me. So far you have done a very good job. Mark is really pleased with your progress and your work is very accurate. Last week, when you didn't call in sick, that was stupid but you did worked from home after that was solved. I'm sure you had a pretty bad headache but that didn't stop you. You're driven and eager to prove yourself which you are doing but don't loose sight of yourself. You let other people get to you, people that shouldn't matter."

I look up at her. What is she talking about? What people? She sees my confused look and continues explaining.

"I'm talking about your father, Christian. I don't know much about you personally but it's clear that you and your father aren't best friends or anything else for that matter. He has been doing a lot to stop you from working here or making you quit to take it this far. You're 27 years old, living on your own and you're trying to make your own life. You shouldn't let him get to you like that, not anymore. Be happy with the things you have accomplished so far and let go of the negative."

She let's go of my arm and I immediately feel bereft of her warmth. _Put it back! _

I sit back and think over her words. She does have a point but how am I supposed to do that? My life has been like this for such a long time and I don't know how to change it.

"Oh, I have something for you." She tells me and stands up.

She walks towards her desk and grab a small envelope from it. When she returns, she sits down again and gives it to me.

I look at it confused. What is this?

"Well, open it. It's yours." She tells me while giving my arm a push. I smile, if she does that again if I wait longer; I have time.

"Come on. If you don't open it I will do it." She probes while pushing my arm again.

I chuckle and open the envelope. Inside is a check written in my name. Huh? I scan it and see that it's signed by my father and the amount is equal to the salary I missed last week.

"Your paycheck. Guess I'm scarier then I thought for him to give this, don't you think." She laughs and I shake my head. How did she manage this? My dad was really amendment not to write this out.

I look at it one more time and then I hand it to her.

"What?" she asks.

"It's yours remember. You borrowed me the money."

"Oohh, its better than that. That one is yours, don't worry about me." She gets up from the couch again and I follow her with my eyes. What is she talking about?

She grabs another envelope from her desk and walks back to give that one to me to.

"You can open it, but it isn't yours Mister, that one is mine." She says while pointing her finger at me.

I open the second envelope and inside I find a second check also signed by my father with the same amount on the bottom. I look confused at Ana and she just laughs.

"Yep, I'm definitely scarier then I thought because he signed a second check. The first one is yours and I will keep this one so we're even again, don't you think?"

"How? How did you do this?"

"Well, he was pretty angry but after he signed the first check I demanded a second for the interest and lawyer expenditure that he cost me. If he followed the law and paid your salary like he should have, it could have been avoided so that was his responsibility. Besides, you are going to need that check."

Wow! She had my father by the balls because he would never do this freely. What the hell did she do with him? I never have seen my father bow to anyone's demands so she must have pretty scary for him to do this.

Wait! I need this check? For what? They already gave me a car so I don't need to buy one myself anymore. Oh shit, do I still have that car? I threw those keys at her desk, are they still there? Am I getting it back? Fuck, I haven't even taken it out for a ride. Damn, I really wanted to do that!

"What?" and that is all I can respond with.

"There is a business dinner next week. The side cause is to raise money for a charity that focuses on abused children and giving them a better future but it's mostly for people to be seen and heard. Most of the society from Seattle will be there and it's all about making connections and meeting the right people to keep your business moving." She sighs.

"I know it's boring and it would be easier to just write out a check but some of the guests could be really good for future business plans or helping you out some day so I have to go. Normally I would go with Mark but he has a long weekend with his daughters so he can't.

Basically it means that you drew the short straw and have to go with me. Therefore; you need that check. You need to by a tux, unless you already have one."

"No, I don't have one." I say while frowning. A tux? I never needed to wear one before.

Wait, a dinner? I have to go to a dinner with her? If I have to wear a tux then she will be wearing an evening dress right? And if I'm going with her, does that make me her date? No, its business so then I would be going as an employee.

Nope, I'm sticking with date. _That has a way better sound to it._

Oh god, I have to buy a tux. How much do they cost? Is this check enough?

"Uhm, this might sound stupid but…"

"Do you know where I can buy one?"

"Just ask Mark, he knows. There is one store where he buy's everything and he will be able to help you out with it. They have a tab for us so just give them Mark's business card and that check and they will take care of everything."

"Now, getting back on topic, I assume you came in here this morning to ask about your father's presence here."

Oh fuck! She wasn't done yet.

"Christian, relax. I'm only getting back on this because he is your father and that meeting was about you. I want to give you a summary from that meeting because I think you should know. So, think you can hear me out without jumping to conclusions or flying off the handle before I finish my run down from my conversation with your father?" She asks and I take a deep breath.

Do I want to hear this? Do I want to know? I do but what if it's bad? No, I want to know. What if he told her everything? No, he didn't. If he did I would have been fired so it can't be that bad.

"Ok." I tell her hesitantly.

"Well, he came in unannounced because he received a letter from our legal department. The letter informed him that he had one week to pay out your salary and if he refused to do that a formal notification would be used at the courthouse and if necessary, it would come to a lawsuit and a judge could decide. It was pretty much a basic letter as a warning and for him to pay your salary. You can imagine that he wasn't happy with it so he came here to talk about it.

He thought that you used the legal department here for personal matters and that you were doing it behind my back. He was convinced that if he talked to me and showed me that letter that I would make a few calls to stop it all and probably fire you.

When he realized that I knew about the letter he tried to convince me about the wrong from it and that he was in his right to keep that money.

At first he used basic arguments about this being something personal between the two of you. Which is true because you owning him money is between you and your father but that doesn't mean that I can't make it my case. You work here and if you can't live by basic standards because he unreasonably keeps money from you and I can help with that, then I will. "She stops a moment and I think about what she just said.

So far it isn't that bad what she told me. I mull over her words about helping me. She wants to help me? She has been doing that so far but somehow I think that if she ever find out the truth she wouldn't be so helpful anymore. _Hell, she wouldn't even want me near her anymore!_

"Anyway, when he realized that I wasn't going to give in and put a stop to it he lost his temper. He accused me of using you for some kind of revenge and when I threw his phone against the wall he..."

I cut her off

"You threw his phone against the wall?" I ask aghast.

"Yes, he threw it at me to call it all off and I reacted by throwing it against the wall. If you want it, it's in the trashcan." She shrugs.

She threw his phone? She broke it? Oh my god, I wish I was present when that happened. I wish I saw my father's face when she did that.

"Well, to make a long story short he gave up and signed those checks." She states and I'm still hung up on the fact that she destroyed his phone.

"Christian." She says softly will putting her hand on my knee. "I do need to inform you that your father tried to tell me about your past. I don't know what happened because I cut him off but I think you should know that. He was really angry and wanted to use your past against you." She tells me and I freeze.

He tried to tell her? Fuck! She knows? Wait, she cut him off? Why would she do that?

"Why?" I ask

"I don't know why. I don't know what happened so I can't answer that." She answers.

"No, I mean, why did you cut him off?"

"Because it isn't his story to tell. It's yours. If you want to tell me what happened then it's fine but only then. He shouldn't be the one doing that because it's your tale to tell. It's obviously something from the past and it must be something big to affect your life like that but I don't think he would have been honest with me anyway since he was that pissed off."

I slump my shoulders. He wanted to tell her? Why? Oh god, how many more people have he told?

I lean my head back and close my eyes. I feel like crying right now. I'm finally getting a chance for a bright future here and he doesn't want me to. No matter where I go or what I do, my past will always haunt me.

I feel Ana's soft hand stroking my leg softly and instead of making me feel better, it's only making me feel more terrible. She doesn't know me. If she knew what happened she wouldn't be doing this. Right now she is trying to comfort me but I don't deserve it. And it's also in this moment that I realize that I will never have that normal life. That life where I will have a woman standing next to me holding my hand.

Having that will mean that I have to tell her my past and no woman will stick around after that. I feel my emotions taking a nosedive and take a deep breath. I know I should be saying something but I can't. As selfishly as it may seem, I don't want her to stop. It feels good to have her next to me like that and I want it to last. I know it can't but every second is another one, right?

I also realize that I'm actually feeling relaxed sitting next to her and talking to her like that. It feels normal. That's a first.

"Christian, are you ok?" she asks me and I open my eyes.

"Yes." I clear my throat. "It's just that…." I try to explain myself while gesturing my hand.

"I never thought my father would go so far, I guess."

She looks at me with concern in her eyes.

"I wanted to tell you that because I think you have the right to know. You may not see it now but there will be a day when you can live your life. I don't know if your past is bad enough for you and your family to stay estranged forever but that shouldn't mean that you can't live in happiness. You just haven't found it yet, but you will." She tells me while smiling sadly.

"We all have our pasts. Yes, you're not the only screw up." She laughs.

"I have one too and I will be the first to admit that I have done plenty of stupid things in my life. I made wrong decisions and I have hurt people along the way. Do you think that I don't deserve to be happy because of that?" she asks

"No." I tell her honestly. She should be happy. I want to ad that she should be happy with me but I can't say that, right?

"Well, then you should get your own happiness too." She states.

We both get quiet for a moment and she stops stroking my leg. No, don't stop!

She leans back and I look at the empty spot on my leg where a few seconds ago her hand was. It feels empty. Would it be wrong to ask her to put it back? I think it is but still….

I decide to break the silence because this question had been in my mind all morning.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why was my father talking about revenge? What did he mean by that?"

She sighs. Oh boy, this can't be good. She leans her head back and looks up at the ceiling.

"Years ago I decided to move back to the states. I was done with modeling and with the business going good in Europe I wanted to make it on the other side of the pond. At first I wasn't sure but this is my home country and when I inherited a plot of land in Seattle the decision was made. I was going to the states and make my company known here.

It's weird and I'm not sure how to explain this, but I had never been in Seattle before that. My birth father was from here and I was born here but I only lived here a few days before me and my mom moved. My father died one day after I was born and we went to live with my grandparents. We moved a couple of times and when I became a model I moved to Europe. That became my home and that was it.

On my 21 birthday I received a letter that I inherited land in Seattle. It was owned by my birth father and he left it to me. After several months of ignoring the letter I took a flight to here and well, I stayed." She stops for a moment and frowns.

Her sitting like this gives me a moment to just listen to her and most of all; look at her. She really is beautiful. And I'm feeling really comfortable in sitting here with her and just talking. I know it can't last, it won't but for now, I will do my best to prolong this.

She takes a deep breath before she continues.

"I started Steele Cooperation while I was still modeling. I met Mark at some conference in Rome and we hit it off right away. We found that we were much alike and he came on board only a few months after I started. He is an American so he was one of the factors that also pushed me back to the states. I know I couldn't have done everything without him. He's sharp and a tough business man. We work really well together.

Anyway, when I came to the states my modeling career was thrown in my face. No one wanted to take me serious and there were many nights that I was the center of stupid jokes. You wouldn't believe how many times I've been told that I should just shut up and stand pretty. That I shouldn't bother and just become someone's trophy wife." She says while shaking her head and closing her eyes.

Damn, that is harsh. That must have been awful to have people talk to you like that. For a moment I think I should do the same as she did for me but I'm not sure if she will appreciate it if I touch her like that. Would she?

Before I can think further about it she continues.

"I'm not sure why but I really wanted to become a big player in Seattle. I guess the fact that my birth father was from here and that I was born here are a part of it. We were in the middle of a negotiation with a publishing house here. I love everything that has to do with publishing and I wanted it really bad.

We were reaching the end of the negotiations and while I was at a fundraiser I got a call from Mark. He knew how important this was for me so he called to tell me about the approval from the owner for the final draft of the contract. I was so happy that I forgot my surroundings and talked openly about the deal with Mark. I thought I was alone but I wasn't. When we were done talking and I hung up I found your father standing next to me. He said it was an accident and that he didn't meant it to overhear my phone call and congratulated me on the takeover.

I didn't think much of it and forgot about it but I was really naïve. The next day when we went to the final meeting for the signing of the contracts, the owner refused to see me. He said that he had received a better offer and that he was done talking business with me. I was a dumb model and if he would sell it to me his reputation would be ruined as well as his business.

I was really hurt by that and tried to move on by focusing on other deals we had going but something kept bothering me. Then I found out that the new owner was a close friend from your father and putting everything together I realized that your father must had heard it all and informed his friend of it. It had cost me the deal and I know I had myself to blame for it. It was stupid to discuss such important thing at a fundraiser but I do blame your father to. He had no right to do that. He was eavesdropping and made me loose that deal too. I have never been able to prove it but I know I'm right.

That and an altercation with your brother is what your father is referring too." She ends.

My brother?

"What altercation?" I ask. I really want to know and I feel myself stiffen.

"Your parents tried to set me up with him. I was at your mother's event for Coping Together and they tried to match us." She says and I feel rage coming up. She was with my brother? No, please no!

I squeeze my fist in the couch to absorb my anger and wait for her to continue. Please don't let that be true. I won't survive that.

"They failed pretty badly and your brother kept throwing cheap lines my way."She says while shaking her head. Please continue….

"He wouldn't take no for an answer and it ended with me giving him a knee in his balls. "She states and I start to laugh.

She kneed my brother in his balls? Oh my god, she just keeps those surprises coming.

She starts to laugh with me.

"I'm sorry, but your brother deserved it. He was irritating the hell out of me and the fact that your parents kept pushing me to go out with him wasn't helping either."

She sits up straight again and looks at the table. She points to the paperwork.

"I guess you came in here for that."

"Yes, I needed to discuss those papers with you."

"Good, maybe we should start on that so I can stop the rambling."

Damn, and just like that it's back to business. I want to hear more from her. I want to know more from her. Maybe I can ask her more on another time.

She looks at the clock and then turns back to me.

"Have you eaten yet? She asks

"Uhm…"

"I haven't and it's already pass twelve 'o clock. I'm feeling hungry so I'm going to order something. Do you want lunch too?"

"If it's not a problem."

"Nope." She says while popping the p.

"I'm not cooking, just ordering. Is Sushi fine?"

"I have never eaten Sushi before." I say unsure.

"Well, I know the best place around here for it so I will call Carly to arrange it. I'll be right back and then we can get started with those files." And she stands up to make that call.

Wow, I guess I'm going to be eating with her. Sushi? I never had it before but I do like fish. Maybe it isn't as gross as I think it will be. I'm not sure about cold rice or seaweed but if she likes it I want to try it.

I take a moment to think about the conversation we just had and I have to admit that I never thought it would go the way that it did. I expected to be fired but instead we had a normal conversation. Damn, she even told me a little about herself.

I look to were she's standing and watch her talking on the phone. Yes, I was right; she never gives what you expect. She's unpredictable and I like it. That is probably one of the reasons why she's good at running this company. I thought she was going to yell at me, curse me out or even hit me. I sure would have deserved it but instead of that, she was really sweet and caring. She wasn't angry or bitter and all she asked for was an explanation.

And for the first time that I'm spending time with her I'm actually comfortable and relaxed. I guess it will be a little easier for me to work with her. The only problem is that she's still to damn sexy. Maybe I should ask her to wear a garbage bag to work instead of these suits.

I almost snort out loud and catch myself just in time before she hears it. Yeah, like that would work. I bet she will still be sexy in that.

She hangs up and sits back on the couch.

"Ok, let's start."

I grab the first file and start to explain everything that Mark and I have talked about.

* * *

We are half we through the files when we are interrupted by a knock on the door. She looks at the clock before answering it.

"Come in." she states. "That must be our food."

She throws the paperwork back at the table and stands up. Carly walks in with a big bag of food and I must say it does smell good.

"Thank you Carly. I'll take it from here." She says while taking the bag and Carly walks out.

She comes back and while sitting down she puts the back on my lap. Huh?

"Wait, I don't want the paperwork to get dirty."

She piles it all up and then she puts everything in the chair opposite of us. Then she takes the bag from me and starts to lay it out on the table.

I guess wishes come true because without the paperwork I'm hoping that this means that she wants to talk about other stuff.

I look at the food on the plates and I frown. Do people really like this? I get even more confused when she put the chopsticks next to it. Is she expecting me to eat with those? I can't do that.

"Have you ever eaten with chopsticks before?" she asks and I shake my head.

"Ok, I will show you. It's not that difficult as it seems you just need to know the basics and then practice it."

She takes the chopsticks from the packaging and leans sits next to me.

"Give me your hand."

I give her my hand and she takes it.

"Here, you have to hold it like this." She says while moving my hand and puts the first chopstick in the crook of my hand where my thumb and pointer finger connect and moves that finger so it rests on top of the chopstick. Then she grabs the second chopstick and puts it under my thumb and makes it rests above the first chopstick.

"That's how you hold it. You grab the sushi like this."

She moves my hand above the food and tries to show me how to pick it up but fails. My hand is not doing what she wants it to do and she starts to laugh.

I know I should be more cooperative but I'm too distracted with her sitting this close to me and holding my hand.

"You do need to work with me on this, Christian." She laughs at me while letting go of my hand.

I shrug and decide to be a good sport. I lean forward and make an attempt to pick up the food myself. I manage to do that and I start to laugh at that. Who would have known that I would be eating sushi with chopsticks!

"Wow, you did it." I look at her and laugh.

"Yeah, I can eat with chopsticks!" I state proudly.

But gravity decides to proof otherwise and in my distraction to look at her, I drop the sushi back on the plate. What happened? I had it, didn't I?

I hear Ana laughing really hard next to me and I turn back towards her.

"Hey, don't laugh at me! I'm trying but it's these damn chopsticks that are the problem." I try to tell her seriously but failing miserably.

That only makes her laugh harder and I can't help but join her. Damn, she really has a beautiful laugh.

I shake my head and look back at the chopsticks. Did they put cutlery in the bag too? At least I know how to eat with that. Like she has read my thoughts she gives the bag a push with her heel.

"Ahh, don't give up now, you only tried it ones. You will get better at it, I swear." she says between laughter.

"Here, I'll show you how it's done."

She leans forward and grabs sushi from her plate as a pro. Then she dips it in some sort of sauce and puts it in her mouth and damn, that's distracting

After she swallowed it she points to my hand. "You better start practicing if you don't want to starve." She says while raising her eyebrow.

I make a second attempt and this time it doesn't drop back on the plate. I look at the different sauces and being the first time that I'm going to eat it, I don't know which one I should use.

"Try that one." She tells me while pointing at a red looking sauce.

I dip the sushi in it but when I want to take it out I loose it again. Those stupid chopsticks! Come on! You make me look stupid here, work with me, please!

Ana starts to laugh again and I'm thinking that she's having way too much fun with this.

"Yeah, you keep laughing while I keep starving here." I say while pouting.

"Ahh, poor thing." She says giggling.

She grabs the sushi out from the sauce and then puts it back on the plate.

"I don't think you want to eat that one anymore. That sauce is hot."

She grabs another piece from my plate and dips it in the sauce.

"Come on, eat. I can't have you drop dead in my office. Bad for business." She says winking while holding it in front of me.

I eat it from her chopsticks and damn, that does taste good. I lean back to enjoy it and Ana looks expectantly at me.

"So? Is it good?"

"Yes, it's really good. I didn't expect that." I tell her honestly.

"Good, now chop chop." She says while grabbing my hand and forcing me to sit up again. "Start eating big man."

She starts to eat herself and while watching her, I realize that she actually fed me. I smile, yes she fed me.

I lean forward towards my plate and try again with the chopsticks but I'm only getting more frustrated that they are not doing what they are supposed to do, I look over at Ana and she is using them as if it's the easiest thing to do. Why can't I do this?

"You want a knife and fork?" she asks and I nod.

"They're in the bag."

"So I don't have to eat with these anymore?" I ask while raising my eyebrow and waving the chopsticks around.

"No, at least you tried, that's what matters." She shrugs and continues eating.

I grab the bag and take the cutlery out. I grab the fork and start eating. Yes, much better. At least I can eat with that.

I take the last piece of sushi from my plate and put it in my mouth. Lunch was really good and it was nice to talk so freely with Ana. She told me about her older brothers and how they love to harass her as their little sister. She also told me about her grandparents and her absence because of his death bed. Damn, that must have been really hard to witness. The way she talked about her grandfather made it clear that he was a very important man in her life.

She also explained some of her business choices. Apparently she grew up with her grandparents for the most part of her youth and while her grandfather was a farmer, her grandmother would use his products at the small dinner they owned. She would only use their own products because in that way they knew for curtain that the food would be good. Ana loved that idea so much that she made it the foundation of the restaurants she owns. She wanted to do the same thing as her grandparents did but than more worldwide in honor of them.

It was really fun to hear her talk about her growing up at the farm and the trouble she would get in. how it's not a smart idea to try to ride a cow like it's a horse or how you shouldn't run after a goat because it's only a matter of time before it turns around and attacks. I loved watching her getting al animated in her descriptions and smiling over those memories. She really looked happy while recalling them.

I also shared a few memories from my childhood with her. I told her about the fishing trips we had and the how we spend the summers. Have way in my story I choked up. It's still difficult for me to talk about it with the knowledge that I lost it all. That I will never get it back. Fortunately it looked like Ana understood and she didn't probe for more but instead she cut in and started telling me more about herself.

"Oh look, fortune cookies." Ana says and taking me from my thoughts. I thought you only get those with Chinese food?

"Here, open it." She says while giving me one.

I frown. I never really did these things. Like a cookie can give you good advice. Who believes in that?

"Hey, who knows, it might tell you that you will be rich one day." She says while laughing.

"Yeah right." I snort. "Like these things actually work."

"Oh you nag, just open it." She pushes me against my arm and I decide to play along and open it.

Before I opened the paper she's already pushing my arm again.

"Come on, what does it say?" she asks impatiently.

"Wait Miss impatient." I laugh at her and open it.

"Conquer your fears or they will conquer you." I read out loud. I frown. Is that my problem?

Before I can think more about it Ana cuts in and takes her fortune cookie from the bag.

"Oh, now mine. What will it say? Will I be rich? Will I be successful? Oh, I know; I will be famous." She says while shaking her cookie in front of me and laughing.

Her laugh is contagious and I chuckle. Damn, that is really cute.

She opens it and starts to laugh really hard while falling back on the couch.

"I think the guy who wrote this was drunk." And she hands me the paper. "But it's so true." She chokes out between laughter.

I look at it; _It is written that a wise man knows his place, and a wise woman placed him there._

I start to laugh. "Yeah, you're right; the person who wrote this must have been very drunk or at least had a woman pointing a gun at him." I shake my head. I can't believe that she got a cookie saying this. Damn.

"Oh, hell no! That is a fact!" she points at the paper in my hand. "Wait, give it back. I need to frame that one." She jumps up to take it from me and I quickly move my hand away from her.

Not willing to give up she's grabbing my arm trying very hard to move my hand towards her to get that paper back. _Does she really think she's stronger than me? _I start to laugh really hard when I watch her giving it her best effort and failing miserably.

When she realizes that she's not going to win, she sits back and starts to pout. And fucking hell, why does that look sexy? Fuck, I need her to stop that before my body starts to react all on it's own.

I give her back the paper and she's smiling about her victory. Yeah, yeah you won. I shake my head. She does not play fair and she knows it.

"I think you cheated." I state while faking to be hurt.

"Nope, pinky swear." She laughs.

"How did you even get these cookies? I thought this was Japanese food."

Yes it was. I'm the owner of that restaurant. They don't do take-out food but as an owner I can make my own rules and have it delivered whenever I want. The chef always put's these in with it as a joke." She shrugs.

She gets from the couch and walks over to her desk and places the piece of paper on it. Then she walks back and sits back down again.

"So, let's clean this up so we can get back to work." She says and I feel disappointed. I want to spend more time with her like this but she's right, I know that. With no other choice but to except it I make an attempt in taking the plates away.

We both reach out to grab the same plate at the same time and while we both are realizing this; we both let go. The plate clashes on the table ones and falls over to the ground. While falling down it hits Ana's leg and there's sauce all over it.

"Damn it." She curses and I jump up immediately.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" I ask franticly. Fuck, did it hurt her? Please no! Damn it, I'm such an idiot.

"No it didn't but I'm pretty sure I can throw this suit away. Look, calm down. Why don't you try to clean this up." She says while gesturing at the mess on the floor. "And I will go to the bathroom and try to clean this up. Maybe I can get the stains out if I'm in time."

She stands up and walks off to her bathroom. Damn it Grey, you just had to ruin it.

Fuck! That was not supposed to happen. Everything was fine and now I had to drop a plate full of sauce on her. _Will I ever be able to not screw it up?_

I sigh and look at the table. We did have a really nice lunch. Maybe I can arrange all our appointments in the future around lunchtime so we can do that more often. Well, without my stupidity if I can manage it. I know she will never be more then my boss but I really like her and if this is all I get, then I will take it.

I look towards the bathroom door and I can't help but think about her standing behind it. Did she took her clothes off? I get visions about her standing on the other side of that door in nothing but lingerie. Maybe she will take a shower too.

I shake my head. That is the last thing I should be thinking about. I should focus on cleaning this mess and hope that I didn't ruin anything between Ana and me. She didn't scream at me and she didn't curse me out either so maybe she isn't angry about it. Or maybe she is just trying to be polite.

I clean everything up and organize the paperwork. I figured that it's best to put her focus on something else and pretend that I didn't drop that plate against her. I sit back down and wait for her. She still hasn't returned from the bathroom and I'm not sure if I should offer my help or ask if she's okay.

Maybe she was hurt and doesn't want me near her right now. I can't blame her if that is the case.

I look up at the ceiling and start to wonder if I will always be like this around her. Did Ana meant it when she said that she didn't thought I was stupid? That I'm the only one that feels that way about me. That fortune cookie said that I need to conquer my fears. Is that my problem? Do I let my life be controlled by my fears? If that is what I'm doing; how do you conquer them?

* * *

I hear the bathroom door open and look up. My mouth drops open in utter shock and my heartbeat speeds up dangerously when I see Ana walking out. She isn't paying any notice to me and I'm feeling like an intruder. Did she think I left? Did she forgot about me?

When she reaches her desk she turn towards me and leans back against it, arching her back and making her hair fall down on the desk. She regards me for a moment and licks her lips.

_Oh my god! Did she do this for me? She is looking at me, so it must be, right? _

"So, you managed to make quit a list of misdemeanors in your sort time as an employee here and I think you own me a proper apology, don't you agree?" She says seductively and I'm gone.

I want to respond but my brain isn't functioning anymore and all I can manage is a small nod.

"I also think it is clear how I want you to apologize and judging by that" she says while pointing at my crotch where my dick is standing at full attention now and throbbing painfully. "I think that you won't have a problem with it." She finishes and turns her hand to gesture me with her finger to walk over to her.

My brain is having trouble to catch up with what she just said while I'm watching her standing in front of her desk, wearing nothing but white laced lingerie and her sky-high nude heels commanding me to come to her and finally it hits me: she wants me! _Holy fuck!_

* * *

**Explanation: **

**An elephant in musth/must; this is a period among adult male elephants (bulls) that they show heightened aggressiveness and sexual activity. They have so much testosterone cursing through their body's that they will endure high sweating between the ears and their eyes. All they can see is their target, the female elephant and do everything they can to get to it, even if it means killing the handler/bystander or attacking other elephants.  
****Ana was obviously referring to Christian's aggressiveness and testosterone boost when she mentioned it. **

**Fortune cookies are given with Chinese food and often used as dessert. The recipe comes from the Japanese and a group of immigrants in California have claimed to introduce them to the Americans. Even though it's pretty custom to get them with your Chinese food, you won't find them in China yourself since they think it's to American.  
****The reason Ana got them with her food is because as the owner, she basically forces them to deliver her food while this isn't custom. I guess you can figure out why the chef puts these cookies in the bag. **


	10. Are you coming?

**Yeah! Kicked the laptop a couple of times and than I kicked my own ass to get the rewriting done. Damn that was difficult. I was already a couple chapters further so I had to put my mind back on this chapter. Not letting that happen again!**

**I saw the reviews and thank you! Loving them! They made my day a little better when I read it! I saw a question if this is a cheating story: Hell no! Does that answer it? **

**I can't write about that because if I did; one of them (the cheating character) would end up lying on the floor while being outlined with chalk (or two characters, depending on the cheating spouse, you know which one I'm talking about) and the other would be taken away in handcuffs to face a lifetime imprisonment. (And yes, that is how I feel about cheating)**

**So, that would make this story end really quick and since I'm doing this as a way to fill up some of my free time, I intend to keep it going for a while. **

**So, the chapter; I'm really nervous about this one. Don't ask, I just am. So I'm really curious at what you think of it.**

**Here it is, hope you enjoy **

**9. Are you coming?**

**CHRISTIAN POV**

I sit frozen on the couch while I watch Ana standing there. In my head I have run over to her several times already but my body isn't cooperating. My body is in shock and the only part of me that is reacting is my cock standing at full attention, starting to ache painfully in my pants.

"Well, is there a problem?" she asks me and because I'm still not sure of my own voice I shake my head. _Fuck Grey, what's the problem!_

"Then I think you should come over here." She says seductively and I slowly stand up. I feel my knees trembling a little and because I can't take my eyes off of her I manage to nearly trip over the table.

"tut tut tut, that will also be added to your list of faults. I can't have you get injured in my office. I guess this won't be your only apology now but that I can expect a few more in the future." She licks her lips and I have finally reached her.

I look at her and all I can see in her eyes is lust and the idea that it's because of me makes me want to jump for joy. She looks me over a couple of times and I start to feel really nervous. What if I disappoint her? What if I'm not good enough? I mean, I'm not a virgin but it has been a long time since I had sex. What if she thinks I'm a joke? Should I back down?

No, no, no! This might be my only chance, don't back down! I take a deep breath and wonder if I should do something. _Like what?_

Before I can think further about it she's standing up again and grabs my cock through my pants. I grasp for air from the shock and I feel her starting to stroke me. _Fuck that feels good._

Watching her doing this is almost enough to make me orgasm so I close my eyes while I'm trying to take in the feeling of her hand stroking my cock. She's making long strokes, taking my entire length and she's using more force in her grip with each stroke that passes. I can't help the moans escaping me and lean in to her hand. I'm lost in her touch and let my head fall back. I push my hips forward to get more friction from her hand and I know I'm close already. I feel like a horny teenager but I can't care about it right now. All I care about is her hand stroking me and feeling the warmth radiating of her body standing in front of me.

And then it stops. I open my eyes and see her leaning back against her desk. My breathing is labored and I'm trying really hard to control it. I feel my cock throbbing and watch her looking at it. She licks her lips again and bites in her bottom lip, holding it between her teeth_. I want to do that!_

"Take off your jacket. You won't need it." She's commanding me and looks back at my face.

I shrug my jacket off but realizing that I don't know what to do with it, I hang it over my arm.

"No, just drop it."

I do as she says and because my cock is becoming really painful now, I rub it through my pants, trying to adjust it to a more comfortable position but no such luck.

"Stop! You are the one apologizing to me. Your hands shouldn't be on yourself, they should be on me." She warns me while pointing her finger at me. Damn, she's spicy and controlling and it's turning me on immensely.

She grabs both my hands and pulls me forward so I'm standing between her legs. After she made sure that my hands rest on the desk on each side of her, she sits back up on her desk and leans backwards. This position is making me stand really close against her and if I move my head only a few inches it will be right between her breasts. _Damn, I want to bury my head between them_. They sure look inviting from here.

"I think you should start here." She tells me while pointing to her neck and leans her head back to give me full access. Not wasting anymore time I lean straight into her and start to kiss her neck, working my way up to her ear. I lean my crotch against her to get some kind of much needed friction hoping it will satisfy my aching cock a little. She feels warm and soft and I can't stop my hips from moving rhythmic against her.

When I reach her ear I lick the soft spot under her earlobe and I'm rewarded with a soft moan coming from her. Fueled by it, I grab her earlobe between my teeth and bite softly followed by sucking it between my lips. I trace the outline with my tongue and continue my path on her ear shell. When I reach the end, I make a trail of kisses beside her ear towards her collarbone and than return back to her ear to do the same thing again.

Her breathing is becoming more labored and she pushes her breasts against me. I want to grab them. I want to grab her. I want to touch her everywhere but I don't know if I'm allowed. She's the one that made my hands stay flat on the desk and I don't know if this is a rule. To avoid temptation I push against the desk as hard as I can.

She grabs my head and is kneading my scalp softly while I hear her panting in my ear. _Fuck, that's hot!_ Her head is now thrown back and she forces me to het other side. I make my way to her other ear, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck and start with the same routine of liking and biting.

I'm just working my way back to her ear when she grabs my hair forcefully and pulls me back.

"Stop!"

She pushes me back by my shoulders and I must look really confused now. Is this not what she wanted? Didn't I do it right?

"Get on your knees baby. That's how a proper apology works." She tells me softly while she pulls on leg up on my shoulder to push me down.

I sit down obediently while I'm still contemplating if I did it wrong. I thought she liked it. Was it to much?

"My leg is feeling left out and I want to feel your tongue everywhere."

I take a deep breath and let her words sink in. Everywhere? Everywhere! I get to touch her everywhere!

I waste no time in grabbing her calf and I start to kiss her ankle. I feel her eyes watching me and it's only turning me on more. She wants to see me do this! When I reach her knee, I move a little more forward for a better position and use my tongue to reach the soft tissue on the underside of it.

I hear her starting to pant again and I lick the inner side of her thigh, slowly making my way up to the one place I want to be right now. I can smell her arousal already and I need to pace myself to not just jump forward to get there.

I use my hands to rub her thigh and keep kissing my way up. I'm getting closer and closer and close my eyes to take in the feeling of her body. Her skin is soft and smooth and I want to be able to remember this.

"Stop!" she pulls me back by my hair and I sit back on my heels. I really didn't want to stop but at the same time, I want to know what's next.

She takes her leg from my shoulder and I use all my strength to not throw it right back there.

She pulls her other leg up to lean it on my other shoulder and I start to give it the same treatment. I kiss and lick at every spot possible and use my hands to stroke her thigh.

"Mmm, that feels good." She purrs and grabs my head again. I feel her playing with my hair, softly kneading my scalp and I close my eyes to take in this feeling. I moan against her thigh while I keep kissing and licking it.

When I'm getting close to her vagina, I brace myself. I really don't want her to stop me but I know she will. I close my eyes and wait for the moment she pulls me back while I'm trying to enjoy the feeling from her skin on my tongue.

I reach her panties and take long strokes on the side of it. I'm following the outline with my tongue while I'm trying to push it aside.

When she doesn't stop me I make my strokes more deliberate, pushing a little harder and she moans louder in return.

I look up at her, silently asking for her permission to go further and what I see is almost my undoing. Her eyes are full of passion and lust while her mouth is slightly open. She licks her lips and I take that as my answer. I lick the length of her vagina over her panties. I really want to take them off but I'm afraid that it will stop her again.

I smell her arousal and take a deep breath. Her thong is soaked and I close my eyes to take in the scent and taste of her. I keep making long strokes while putting more pressure with each one I make.

Her head is thrown back now and her back is arched, pushing her breast forward and I watch them bounce in her bra from her short pants. Fuck! She sounds so hot and my cock is throbbing painfully in my pants. It starts to really hurt and since she isn't looking I decide to take some action on it.

I grab my belt and pull it loose. Then I unbutton my pants and push it together with my boxer briefs down quickly, freeing my cock. Fuck that feels good!

I'm tempted to stroke myself, giving myself a release but I'm scared she will stop it altogether. That she will punish me for it and throws me out of her office. I feel the precum dripping down my shaft and I really hope she will let me come inside of her. If she doesn't, then I just have to use this as a memory to jerk off, I guess that's the next best thing.

I look back up again and sitting between her legs gives me a beautiful view. Her legs are spread out and she holding them up by her own strength now. I grab them both and put them on my shoulders and use my hands to grab her hips while I start to make soft short strokes on her clit.

She grabs my hair hard and pushes my head harder against her. Her hips start to move, fucking my mouth and I let out a moan against her clit to let her know that I want her to continue, that I don't want her to stop. I want her to use me for her pleasure and I want her to get lost in it.

"Ahhh"

Her head is thrown back while she starts to fuck my mouth harder and harder. I put more pressure in my strokes, licking her clit fast and hard and I feel her pulling my hair. _Fuck, this is so fucking hot._ I dig my fingers in her thighs and I feel she's close now. Her breathing is hard and fast and her moans are getting higher with each lick I take.

I look up and watch her tits bounce and I know its wishful thinking but I would really like to fuck them, to have my cock stroking between them. Fuck Grey, don't even think about it!

Ana lifts her head to look at me, watching my head between her legs and I start to give her clit really fast hard flicks with my tongue using all the pressure I can put in to it.

"Ahhhhhh.. Fuck..."

Her head falls back again and I feel her body stiffen.

"Aaagghhhh" her orgasm ripples through her and I decide not to waste any time. I'm not giving her time to think here and I'm not waiting any longer, not anymore. I need my own relieve and I'm making that happen. I want to cum inside of her and she's not going to stop me.

I stand up quickly and grab both her legs, pushing them around me. I lean over her and take her face between my hands. She's still panting, eyes closed and her mouth is hanging slightly open and I'm using it. I force my tongue in her mouth, kissing her forcefully and after a few seconds of hesitation I'm rewarded with a moan and she starts to kiss me back.

I let go of her head and take both her hands to put them above her head, grabbing them with one hand. I don't know if she's realizing what I'm doing but she doesn't react. I'm still kissing her when I let my free hand tracing her body to her panties and when I reach them, I rip them off.

She grasps in shock and not wanting her to think things through I continue kissing her. When she kisses me back again I push my hand around her waist, grabbing her ass to force her hips in a better angle. I know she's ready, I know she's wet and since I already took my pants down, nothing is stopping it from happening.

I push my cock inside of her pussy as slowly as I can. I feel her wetness and she tightening herself around me and I take in the feeling of arriving in heaven.

"Ahhhh, baby." She pants and I push myself further in.

I'm in her balls deep and Ana arches her back, pushing her breasts against my chest and giving sensual strokes on my tongue. I moan in her mouth and start to move my cock with slow strokes.

I break the kiss and watch her face. Her eyes are closed, het mouth slightly open while giving soft moans of pleasure. I stroke her cheek and she opens her eyes looking straight in to mine.

I start to move a little faster and harder and I watch her eyes full of lust, begging for more.

She closes them again and leans her head further back. I start to kiss her ear while grunting and moaning with each stroke getting lost in the feeling of her body wrapped around mine.

She's digging her heels in my ass trying to make me go harder and faster.

"Baby, please." She begs between her moans.

"What do you want baby. Just tell me." I say while sucking and biting her earlobe.

"More, I want more. Please."

I let go of her hands and stand back up. Grabbing her hips I slam my cock inside of her, over and over again, using as much force as I can.

"Is. This. What. You. Want." I grunt at her.

"Yes! Yes!

"Ahhhh"

"Don't stop!"

"Please don't stop."

I watch her squirm on her desk and I feel her trying to move her hips to meet my strokes. I dig my fingers in her hips and I feel I'm close. Fuck, I'm not going to last long like this.

"Fuck!"

I feel her tightening around me, clinching herself on my dick and I throw my head back trying to keep my orgasm at bay.

"Ahhhhhh" I feel her orgasm ripple through her, her body shacking uncontrollable in my hands. I look back and watch her riding it out while screaming my name.

"Christian!"

"Christian!"

"Ana!"

* * *

**ANA POV**

I throw the file back on the table and look at the stack of files next to it. Which one should I get next? I have been trying to focus for the last hour but I can't. I keep getting distracted and I blame the man sitting beside me. I don't know why but for some reason he got inside my head and he just won't leave.

I look to where he's sitting and smile. Yeah, he does look adorable like that. He's leaning back on the couch, his face pointed to the ceiling, eyes closed and slightly snoring. I found him like that when I left the bathroom. Normally; I would get angry, throw a fit and fire the jackass that fell asleep on the job. But again, that is normally. I don't know what's wrong with me but this time, this time I just found it cute and I caught myself in wanting to be quiet to let him sleep. I even turned off the sound from my phone. Fuck, again; what's wrong with me?

I shouldn't be bothered. I shouldn't care. Hell, I never cared for an employee before so why the hell am I trying to take care of him. _Damn it!_

Although; he does look really cute like this. I bet it will feel really comfortable to just put my head on his chest and snuggle against him, to feel and hear his heartbeat and fall asleep on it. Yes, that would not make me a creep at all. Nope, he won't find you weird when he wakes up and finds you in his lap. He will just think its normal and not freak out on you.

I shake my head. How can someone get to me like that? I promised to never go there again and now I am sitting here having these stupid thoughts about an employee. I really need to find a way to stop it all.

I think back to the events of today. It sure was unexpected. I did expect a conversation between the two of us about his fit in my office but I didn't thought it would go the way it went. Before he got here, I had my whole speech ready about me being the boss and him putting his ass back in line. I had it all figured out about keeping distance between me and him by giving it to him the hard way. Making sure to set up boundaries and most of all, making sure that he would see me as a bitch of a boss and keeping his distance like he should.

I know it's stupid and not really possible for the position he's hired for but with the rate my thoughts are flying through my head, I needed it. I still need it but it feels wrong. I want him here and I like having him around. I just can't push him away like I should. I thought I could berate him and lecture him on crossing lines and I convinced myself it was the right thing to do but then he came here to apologize and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him all that.

He stood here radiating guild off of him and I felt really bad. All I could think of was to comfort him, take care of him. I know he's not to blame for it but still; damn him! Why does he have to look so good? Why does he have to get to me like that? I'm his fucking boss for Christ's sake.

I sigh. I know I shouldn't do this but since he's asleep, I think I can get away with it. It's not like he will know, right? I lean back and take a moment to study him. He really is handsome. Maybe I should change his contract. State that he's not allowed to shave himself anymore. Or that he can't come in the office unless he has an ugly pimple on his face. _Yeah, like that will solve it. Like that will stop my reeling mind. And how will that help him? Isn't he insecure enough?_

That's the biggest thought that's consuming me. How can a man like him be so insecure? How can he not see that he's more then capable? That he's smart? That he's beautiful? That he's wanted? I just don't get it. I know that there are at least two women on the management team that would want to take him home. That they would love to drag a man like him to their bedroom to live out their fantasies. Does he not know that?

And why the hell is his father playing this stupid cat and mouse game? Why the fuck is he playing his son like that? What could Christian possibly have done to deserve that treatment? Did he do anything at all? I know how families can fall apart, I'm living in one but still, what can justify a father's behavior like that? Christian looked completely broken when I told him about the conversation between Carrick and me and when I mentioned that his past came up he almost broke down.

My curiosity has peeked but I swallowed all my questions. I felt so bad for Christian that I just wanted him to feel better. That's why I ordered lunch. I thought it would make him loosen up a little. That it would put his fathers visit on the backseat and he could move on from it.

I stifle a laugh when I think about him eating with chopsticks. Damn, that was funny. His big hand trying to control two chopsticks and failing miserably. Well, I can't see that I minded helping him. He was laughing and joking so I thought I succeeded in my mission until we dropped that plate. He went straight into panic mode again. Why? It was just an accident. It's not like anyone got killed. Yeah, it ruined my new suit but it's just that, a suit.

I look at his face again and I shake my head, I really need to get back to work and stop gawking at the man like he's a piece op meat. A nice piece of meat, that's for sure. But still, I can't do this.

I look back at the stack off files and contemplate which one I should get next. I hear a soft moan next to me and look back at Christian. He has a small smile on his lips and I watch how he grabs a pillow from the coach and puts it in his lap.

What is he dreaming about? He's smiling so it must be good. It would be nice if it was about me, if I was the one that made him smile like that but I know that's ridiculous. He wouldn't dream about me. Why would he? I'm just his boss.

I grab a file from the stack and look over it. I have taken pen and paper to write down questions for Christian for when he's awake again. How long will he sleep? He did looked really tired when he came in my office and judging by the way he struggled with his words, my guess is that he would be sleeping a long time.

I sigh. I really need to start doing some work. But when i think about it; i can always work. How many changes do I have to gawk at this man so freely? No! work! I need to work.

* * *

I look over the finances from the last three months and I'm trying really hard not to curse out loud. This is screwing my plans and I really wished that everything was in order. Fuck! This means that I won't succeed with this take-over the way I wanted it.

Seattle is the place I was born, the place I live and the place where the headquarters from my company are based at and why the fuck can't I have my own publishing house here. Publishing is my passion; it's what I'm mostly interested in. I had a chance in buying a publishing house when I first got to Seattle and managed to screw that one up with one phone call. This is my second change and by the look of it, I won't be getting it any time soon. _Fucking hell!_

I lean back on the couch and look up at the ceiling. It has been my drive for the past years to have my own publishing house here. I really want to get back at Raider for taking my first opportunity away. He bought that house with information he shouldn't have had and I want it back. For the last few years, I have worked really hard on a plan to make him go bankrupt.

I would be buying my way in through another publishing house, making it the biggest competitor in Seattle. I would be making sure that all the good writers would sign with me, steal them away from him by giving them the better deals and take the upper hand. By doing that, Raider would loose them all. Publishing is a small world and when they start to talk about it, they would come freely to me. If Raider looses his writers, he would be losing money and it will only be a matter of time before they are out of business.

It might take time to get them to go bankrupt but that would have been fine with me. To watch his company drown slowly would give me more then enough pleasure. I know it's cruel for the people that work there but if Raider is going down, it means that my company could grow and I could hire them. But now, there is another hitch in my plan. The company that I can buy this time isn't following the books.

I could start from scratch. Start a company from nothing and use other publishing houses that I own as the leading company but I don't want that. Seattle has several publishing houses already and it would cost me more money then I want to spend to create a new one. Guess my plan needs to wait longer.

I sigh. I really wanted this to work out. Maybe it's not so bad and it can be solved quickly. Maybe it's all a mistake and there's nothing wrong. I smirk, yeah with the luck I'm having lately, that company is screwed. They're most likely in mayor debts and want me to pay for it. Maybe starting a new publishing house won't be so bad after all.

I feel movement besides me and hear Christian mumbling. I look at him and see him getting more restless by the second. He grabs the pillow on his lap and starts to fist it really hard, making his knuckles turn white while shaking his head from side to side.

"Aarghhh" he screams and I'm sitting frozen in my place. Fuck! He's having a nightmare.

I look around the office although I'm not sure for what. What am I supposed to do? Looking back at Christian I see he's starting to sweat and he's gripping the pillow with so much force that I wonder why it isn't torn yet.

I sit up on my knees and grab both his shoulders and shake him gently.

"Christian."

"Christian"

"Ana" and he opens his eyes. He sits up straight and his breathing is harsh. _Fuck, some nightmare._

"Christian, you're okay. You had a nightmare but you're okay." I tell him softly while I'm still holding his shoulders.

He leans back on the couch while looking frantically around him.

"Christian. You're okay. You're safe." I keep repeating hoping he will calm down.

He turns his head towards me and looks me over from head to toe. I frown. What is he searching for?

And then it hits me.

"Christian, it's me, Ana. I couldn't save that suit so I had to change." I tell him. I couldn't get the sauce from my suit so I had to change in a different outfit. I'm wearing black leather pants, red blouse and spiked heels. Not really the outfit I would opt for while in the office but it was the only one I had in the bathroom. Not wanting to go around the office naked I decided to wear it.

"What..." he starts but doesn't finish.

"You fell asleep. When I came from the bathroom you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you."

"I fell asleep" he states more to himself then to me.

"Yes. It's okay. I read almost every file and I wrote the questions I had about it down for you."

"I fell asleep." He repeats as if he can't believe it.

"Christian, its okay." I tell him while sitting back down and putting my hand on his knee.

He leans forward and drops his head in his hands.

"Oh god, I fell asleep." He growls.

"Yes, you did but its okay. You looked really tired so I guess you needed it." I tell him honestly hoping he will relax a little.

He looks back up at me with a look of shock and I still see the sweat on his forehead.

"Hey, it's okay." I lean forward and put my hand on his cheek. "You probably needed it and I'm sorry you had a nightmare." I say softly and I see his eyes turning into disbelieve.

"A nightmare?" I had a nightmare?"

"Yes, that's why I woke you up. You were having a nightmare. It's okay, you're awake now."

"A nightmare."

"Yes." _Does he not remember?_

We both lean back in the couch while we are silently contemplating our own thoughts. Does he not remember his nightmare? By the way he looked at me I think he doesn't. That's weird. I remember mine. I always do. I wish I didn't but some things stay stuck in your head. They keep repeating themselves over and over again until you can't take it anymore and wake up screaming. That's why I don't like to sleep because when your brain is completely relaxed the painful memories will hit you the hardest and they I can't remember a night that I didn't woke up screaming.

I don't know how long we sit in this silence but I decide to break it. It's getting late and it's getting uncomfortable now and if we sit any longer like this; I might end up doing things I shouldn't do.

"Christian?"

"Uhum. Yes."

"Do you want to take a shower?" I ask and I hear a gasp next to me. _Fuck! That came out wrong!_

"I mean, if you want to clean yourself up, you can use my office shower. I'm sure you will feel better afterwards." I explain hoping that I didn't give the wrong message. _Would it be wrong?_

"Uhm, are you sure?"

I turn to look at him. "Yes, I'm sure. Come, I'll show you where everything is.

I stand up and walk to the bathroom, hoping he will follow and thankfully, he does.

Walking in I grab two towels for him and a washcloth and puts them on the sink.

"Thank you." He tells me softly.

"You're welcome." I smile at him and walk out.

Before I close the door I take on last look back and I see Christian standing with his back towards me. His shirt already taken off and I get a good look of his broad shoulders. My mouth nearly drops open. Damn, he works out! I watch as he starts to unbutton his pants and I turn quickly and close the door behind me. _Fuck! I should not have seen that! Why did I do that?_

I walk to my desk and sit back in my chair. Damn it! Now I will be thinking about that the whole goddamn time. Fuck! It looked better then I thought it would be. He takes good care of himself to be muscled like that. I lean back and close my eyes. Yeah, he works out a lot and what I saw looked mighty fine. He would have no problem in lifting me up, carrying me around with my legs wrapped around his waist. _No! No! No! I can't let my thoughts go there. I can't!_

I hear the water running and only a few seconds later, I hear the uneven sounds from the water hitting the floor. That means that he's standing under it. Naked. Yep, he's naked, standing under my shower.

Soaping his fine naked ass under my shower. He's touching his own body under my shower. I could do thar for him. Wash his back if he wants.

Maybe I should make some excuse to walk in. Pretend that I forgot he was there so I can watch some more. I stifle my laugh. Yeah, like you could forget that there's a fine man standing naked in your bathroom. I can't keep my laughter back anymore when I think about me walking in, getting undressed and just stepping in the shower with him like it's the most normal thing to do. How would he react to that? Would he freak out? Would he get angry and sue me? Or would he just take me? I wouldn't object. _Would he?_

No, stop it! I really need to stop this. I can't keep thinking like this. Fuck! I need to leave. I need to get away from here, out of this office. I need to get away from him because I'm close in doing some very stupid things and I can't let it go that far. I can't do that to him. If I do that, he will probably think the worst of me. He will hate me for it. It will make me the disgusting boss that takes advantage of her employees.

I know that he likes his job and will do almost anything to keep it. He will most likely feel forced to comply. Isn't that making it rape? Fuck no; I'm not that kind of woman.

I grab my cell and throw it in my purse. I take his car keys from my drawer and throw them on the files on the coffee table. He will find them there.

I walk back and grab my jacket and I nearly run out of my office.

"Carly, something came up and I'm leaving. If you need anything you can call my cell. Christian is still in my office, can you tell him I had an emergency." I state while rushing by her desk.

"Okay, Miss Steele." Carly answers and doesn't question me. Good girl because I can't answer.

I wait on the elevator and call David.

"I'm leaving."

"Yes, Miss Steele." Good, another one that doesn't ask questions. Now all I need to do is go home and get my act together. _How hard can that be?_

* * *

**CHRISTIAN POV**

I stand under the shower feeling completely mortified and embarrassed. How could I have let that happen? A fucking wet dream about my boss while she's sitting right next to me. I should have known that it would be a dream. That it wasn't true but my fantasy won from the reality.

I sigh while I let the water drop on my head. God, she must think the worst of me. I'm sure she knows that it wasn't a nightmare. I smirk, a nightmare? Hell, that was nothing close to a nightmare. Nightmares don't make you feel that good and I should know because I have them every night.

I would replace them by this dream any time just tell me where to sign.

Fuck! I need to get out from the shower and face Ana. God, I can't. I can't look her in her eyes anymore. What will she think? Did I freak her out? Will she fire me now? She didn't look pissed and she forgave my outburst from this morning, but still… Damn it, why do I keep screwing things up. I really like my job and it would break me if I lost it. No, she can't fire me. I will just tell her that I will stay away from her if she wants me too. That I will avoid her at all times and make sure that we are never alone.

No, I don't want that. I like having her around. I like hearing her laugh. If I can't be around her than I won't be able to hear it anymore. Then I won't fee; her sitting next to me anymore. It will me we will never talk freely again like we did with lunch. If that would happen I would be devestated. _I want to be around her._

I sigh and lean my head back under the water. Maybe it won't be so bad to face her. She has surprised me before so maybe she will surprise me again. I will just have to get ready, walk in her office and face the consequences. I will need to face her.

I turn the shower off and start to dry myself. Looking around the bathroom I realize that she has showered here too. She uses this place and stood here probably naked. She wore a different outfit when I woke up, did she showered? She did take a long time to leave the bathroom again.

I spot the suit she had on before. It's hanging on a closet door and I see the stain on the pants. Yep, that's where I went wrong again. If she didn't have that sauce on her, she wouldn't have left the office and I wouldn't have fallen asleep. Yes, it's her fault. Period. Should I tell her that?

I get dressed and take one last deep breath before I walk in her office. I look around but she's not here. Where is she? Did she leave? I see the keys from my car lying on the files on the coffee table but there's no sign of Ana. Did I disgust her so much? Oh god, is that why she left?

There is nothing I can do about it now so I organize the files and wait. Maybe she will come back.

After I have reorganized the files for the fifth time and looked over the questions that Ana had written down for me I hear a knock on the door.

"Come in." and Carly walks in.

"Mister Grey, Miss Steele had an emergency and had to leave. She told me to give you the message that if there was anything important, you can reach her on her cell." She tells me and I nod.

She left? She really left. I lean back on the couch and frown. Did she really had an emergency or is she avoiding me? Does this mean I still have my job? I guess so. Carly didn't say I was fired.

I let out a frustrated growl. Fuck! _I need to stop making a fool of myself!_

I grab the paperwork and the car keys and make my way back to my office. It's already later then I thought and playing with the keys in my hand I decide to make an early leave. I want to drive this car and I'm going to drive it now.

"Marsha, I'm leaving for today. I'll see you tomorrow." I say when I pass her reception desk to the elevator.

"Good night, Mister Grey." She smiles at me and I step inside of the car.

When I reach my car I take a moment to look at it. It's really a beautiful car. I like the color of it; grey.

I smirk. Did they choose it because of my last name? Or is it coincidence? Either way, I don't care. They could have chosen red for me and I would still love that car. It's an Audi and it's brand new. And it's all mine!

I get in the car and adjust the seat and mirrors so I sit perfectly and can see everything. When I'm done I take the key and put it in the ignition. Let's see how easy a car can start.

I turn the key and the engine comes to live immediately. Wow, it sounds good. I close my eyes and listen to the rhythmic purring from the engine. Yeah baby, let's take you for a long drive.

I don't know where I'm driving to, I don't have a destination in mind but I'm going to drive and just follow the road to the unknown. I want to feel free right now and driving this baby will do that for me. I don't want to think about my past anymore. I don't want to think about my screw ups anymore and most of all; I can't let myself think about Ana anymore. I need to free my mind from her. I need to stop lusting after my boss and move on. I need to be free from myself. Even if it will only be for a short moment. _I need it._


	11. I'm screwed

**Wow! Loved the reviews, again! Yes, it was a dream but since the hea will take a little time, I thought it would keep you happy for now ;-)  
****Noticed how he never saw Ana naked in his dream? And yes, screaming out her name sooner would have been a give away but where's the fun in that ;-) **

**As to the review about Christian screwing someone else; when was that mentioned? He stated in chapter 7 that he already knows that it won't change a thing for him. And last chapter, he was talking about driving his brand new car.**

**I already stated that it wouldn't be a cheating fic so that can't be it either. Will cheating be mentioned? Yes, it will. Why? Because everything comes down to perception. Put ten people in one room and have them experience the same thing, at the same time. When you question them about it afterwards; they will still tell you different stories. Why; because the brain changes the experience with our own believes, past experiences and most of all, our own fears and insecurities and every emotion possible. **

**But no; no actual cheating going on in this story. Well, not by the leading lady and man.**

**So, since that is cleared up; **

**10. I'm screwed**

**Christian POV**

The last two weeks went by faster then I could have imagined. Works been busy and we're swamped with reorganizations and take-over's. Ana has put her sight on a publishing house in Chicago and we have been working non stop to get all the information we need to get the upper hand on the deal and loose the competition. There are at least three others that are interesting to buy and the current owner is sitting back to let the biddings run higher.

I can't blame the guy. This is probably his pension plan and he wants to take home as much money as he can. And to make things even worse, the board members are selling out to save their own asses. Those stupid fuckers have no dignity at all. I have received several calls during this week from different board members to buy their vote. Like we would actually do something stupid as that.

Right now, I'm waiting on the reports from our investigation over their finances. Fuckers like that must have done this before and I want to know their every move. I'm not that dirty that I will buy their votes but I'm willing to play it dirty enough to shove their illegal behavior under their noses.

Let's see how fast the want to sell to Steele Cooperation when shit hits the fan. I'm sure that they can't take the risk in getting exposed to the media like that and guess who can take it there.

I lean back in my chair and look out the window. It has been a crazy ride so far but I love every second of it. The working hours are long and the chaos is immense but it feels good to be useful like that. To be part of something this big, to be part of a team. I don't like all my coworkers but most of them are okay. There are two annoying woman on the team that I wouldn't grieve over when they get pushed out the window but other then that, it's great.

That Darren guy seems nice enough these days. I'm sure that my job weighting in above him has something to do with it. He probably thinks that I can fire him although I'm not sure if I can. I know Mark can make decisions like that but I'm not sure if I can do that to. I haven't asked it because I thought that it would come over the wrong way. If I do have the authority to fire people, I know who will go first; that bitch Stacey.

I really hate her and if I don't have to talk to her, I won't. She keeps coming by my office for small talk and she just doesn't take no for an answer. She's not ugly, if I'm honest she is kind of pretty but she's also as cheap as they can come. She keeps asking me on lunch dates and coffee breaks and yesterday, she asked me to go to dinner with her. She's constantly offering herself by showing off her cleavage with fake breasts or hiking her skirt up to high. I told her to take a hike several times but she keeps coming back.

I shake my head. How delusional can you be? She's making herself looking really stupid and if she thinks I'm even slightly interested I seriously doubt her insanity.

I sigh. Nope, not a chance in hell. Maybe I should tell Mark about it. Maybe he knows what to do. Or maybe he will just have a good laugh about it. He would probably tell me to have a go with it. To screw her brains out so she can prey on the next. Yeah, that's what he would tell me. That's how he's living his life. He told me that after he got divorced he made a promise to himself to never commit to someone again. Well, that may be how he lives his life, that's not how I'm going to live it. I don't want a woman like that. I want a woman with dignity and brains. A woman that can carry herself and knows what she wants. A beautiful woman that makes all the guys jealous. A woman that will wake up with me every morning and kisses me to sleep every night. That's what I want._ A woman like Ana._

I sigh. _Yeah, a woman I can never have._

I look at the clock and realize it's much later than I expected it to be. I'm supposed to go to a gala tonight but I'm not sure if I'm still invited. I haven't seen much of Ana these past two weeks. We had a few meetings since then but we haven't spent any time alone. At first I tried to avoid her myself after that embarrassing dream thing in her office. She said that I was having a nightmare and that it was okay but I think she knows better. Why else would she have left her office like that? I felt so ashamed about it and I just couldn't face her. But after these two weeks I am starting to miss her. I really like seeing her and I can't help but too hope that I run in to her. We work in the same building and we even take the same elevator every day but I haven't seen her once on accident.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in." and Mark walks in with a big smile on his face.

"Hey! Almost weekend for you."

"Yes, I'm almost there." I smile back at him.

"Well, I'm leaving now. Make sure you leave on time to get ready for tonight. I hope it won't be to awful and that you will have fun, although you might want to drink yourself numb after the third boring conversation. Can't say I'm sad that you're going instead of me." He winks at me and leaves.

I chuckle and shake my head. Good thing that he can't read my mind. I really want to go. I Googled the event several times this week to see what it is all about and Mark also explained a bit. I want to be prepared so I won't make a fool of myself. Mark told me to follow Ana's lead. That she will guide me through it.

From what I saw it's not just a simple dinner. It's a gala hosted by the Puget Sound Business Journal. They are going to reveal the rankings of the 100 Fastest-Growing Private Companies in the state of Washington and they will be honored for that and Ana's company is probably one of them. Last year, they had over 500 guests and there is a line up in front of the building for everyone to pose for the photographers. The only charity is up front where they have several donate points and there is a small action during dinner with sponsored getaways and retreats.

I looked through the photo album from last year and found a picture of Ana and Mark together. He had his arm around her waist and they were smiling for the photo. If I go with Ana tonight, it will mean that I will be that guy this year. That I can put my arm around her waist and stand in the picture with her. And tomorrow, I can find that picture all over the internet. The whole world will see it and I can keep that picture for myself. Yeah, I want that.

Although I hope that she won't be wearing a dress like she did last year. The dress was stunning and she looked really beautiful in it. It was sexy and fitted her body perfectly. It showed off her long legs that didn't seem to stop. I couldn't stop staring at her in that picture. And that is why I hope she won't be wearing anything close to that. I just know that if she will be that damn sexy that I will make an idiot of myself. I will probably become a stuttering mess with my tongue on the ground if she shows up like that and the world will see pictures of me standing there with a boner. I really don't want that to happen.

I want to show her that I can do this. That I can represent the company properly as part of my job here. I want her to be proud of me and will let me go with her more often. I would really love that. I would like it better if it was as her boyfriend but if this is all that there is possible, I take it.

My tux is lying ready on my bed. It's really beautiful and I can't believe that the check I gave them covers the costs. They tailored the suit perfectly and it's completed with a satin lapel, a three button vest and a pre-tied bow tie. Thank god for that because I got nervous with the idea that I had to do it myself. The man who tailored me joked that it would come in handy if I took my girlfriend home and she wanted to rip the clothes off of me.

I laugh when I think of that man. He sure was funny. I don't know why but he kept talking about me having a girlfriend. What a lucky man I must be and that she would love the tuxedo. Apparently it's a Brioni satin tuxedo and man all over the world wants them. He said I could be the next James Bond in it. Yeah right. Well, I could use it to be him right now; he always gets the woman, doesn't he. Maybe it will bring me some luck tonight.

The shoes are from Salvatore Ferragamo and made of calfskin. I took them in the same color as the tux, black. They tried to talk me into making a statement by using color but I thought better of it and took the save choice. I don't know much about fashion but I think I made the right decision. They fit perfectly and I was tempted to put them on to work. I just really hope that I won't embarrass myself tonight. Or even worse, embarrass Ana.

There's a knock on the door and I frown. I thought Mark left. Did he forget something?

"Come in." And I'm surprised to see Ana walking in my office. Why is she here? Is she going to cancel? Please no! I want to go.

I watch her looking at the poster. She hasn't even acknowledged me and seems to be lost in her own thoughts. I take a moment to look at her. She's standing sideways from me and I look at the frame of her body. She looks beautiful in a blue pencil skirt that ends just above her knee with a white blouse and blue heels. I don't need to see her face to know that it's the same color blue as her eyes. Her hair is tied in a messy knot but there is something off about her and I can't pinpoint it out. Is she here to cancel? Is she scared of my reaction? Is that what her body language is about?

"It looks inviting doesn't it, comparing to the Seattle rain. I don't know about you but I would trade the cold weather any day for a moment on that beach." I break the silence.

She frowns and turns to me. "Yes, it does. Have you been there?"

"No, I haven't. But I would like to go there someday."

She looks back at the poster. "Do you know where it is?" She asks.

"No. I have a lot of travel magazines at home to help me figure it out but I haven't found it yet." I tell her honestly. I have spent so many hours going through those magazines to find it but I still haven't got any closer. I do know that if I do find it, I will try to take the first flight to get there.

She's still staring at the poster and I wonder what she's thinking about. Maybe she wants to go there too. If she does, she can come with me. I wouldn't mind. She wouldn't even need to pack, clothes optional. Would she want to go? Yeah, she would but probably not with me.

"Do you know where it is?" I ask her and she freezes. I can tell she's holding her breath but why, I don't know. Was it wrong to ask her that? Was that out of line?

"No, I'm sorry." She shrugs and turns back to me. She walks over to my desk and takes a seat in the chair in front of it.

"If I do, I will let you know." She smiles at me. I smile back but inside I'm feeling like a ball of nerves. Why is she here? Is she cancelling tonight?

"So, I'm here to talk to you about tonight…" she trails of and I hold my breath. She doesn't want me to come. No! I want to go! Let me go!

"We're supposed to arrive at 17.30. If it's okay with you, I will pick you up somewhere between 16.30 and 17.00hrs. I have a meeting across town that I'm leaving for right now but we can make the drive to your apartment and we can leave from there. Is that all right?"

_I'm going? Yes, I'm still going!_

"Yes, that perfect." I smile at her.

"Good." She says while standing up. "Make sure you leave on time to get ready. I will see you tonight." She smiles at me and I nod. Right now, that's all I can manage but inside I'm cheering and clapping.

She leaves my office and I lean back in my chair. I can't suppress the smile on my face. I'm going to that dinner tonight. No, I'm going to that dinner with Ana tonight. Wow! I grab my phone and text Damian.

_Having formal dinner tonight. Advice? C_

I have never been to a formal dinner like this and I don't want to make a fool of myself. Damian has gone before; maybe he can give me some advice about it. Something I should think about or need to focus on.

I open up the internet and search for that picture from Ana and Mark from last year. I look at it and laugh. Yeah, tonight that will be me in the picture. The whole world will see me standing on that red carpet next to Ana.

I look at the clock and see it's already getting late. I need to get going so I grab my bag and my jacket. Time to go home and get ready. I walk out of my office and see that Marsha is on the phone. I want to say goodnight, so I decide to wait.

When she's finished she looks up to me.

"Mister Grey."

"Marsha, I'm heading out. Have a good weekend." I smile at her.

"You too, Mister Grey. Have fun tonight." She smiles back and I nod while making my leave.

Let's go home and get ready for tonight.

As soon as I arrive home, I walk straight to the kitchen and poor myself a glass of wine. Fucking hell! My nerves are getting the better of me and I need to find a way to calm them down. I grab the glass and sit down on my couch. Taking a few big sips, I almost finish the entire glass.

God, I'm such a nervous wreck right now and watching the clock ticking isn't helping either. For the last two weeks I have been thinking and fantasizing about tonight but now it's about to start, I'm not so sure any more. I really want to impress Ana tonight but I'm also terrified that I will ruin it.

I lean back and stare at the ceiling. Ok Grey, relax and think things through. What is the worst that could happen? Embarrassing Ana, making a stupid fool of myself. No, it's stupid. If I just behave like a gentleman and focus on the mingling and business talks I should be fine. I can do this. I will just follow Ana's lead. She knows I'm new to this, so she will help me, right? She will tell me what to do and help me through this night. Just like she did before. Will she?

What if she meets up with someone? What if she does have a boyfriend that shows up? She will dance with him and have her dinner with him. What will my place be? A cover up? Am I just there to avoid the media? Do I have to sit with them during dinner then? No, she doesn't have one. She can't. If I was her boyfriend than I wouldn't let her go with someone else. No, I would want to stand in the spotlight with her. I would make the whole world see that she belongs to me. But what if she wouldn't want that? What if you are her boyfriend and she tells you to take the back door. Wouldn't you do it? If that means you're with her?

Is that what Mark meant when he said it would be boring? Did he mean that I would be a third wheel? My mind starts to reel while I contemplate what tonight will be like. Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe Ana really wants me to be there with her. Maybe I'm over thinking everything. Oh god, I need to stop thinking and just let it happen. I need to get ready and let everything be. Who knows, maybe I'll sweep her off her feet.

* * *

I hear a knock on the door and open my eyes. What the hell! I fell asleep? Oh god, not again. I look around me in panic. Fuck! What time is it? I need to get ready. There's a knock on the door again and I stand up quickly. Fuck, she's here. In my haste I forget about Kitty Cat and with a loud meow, she falls on the floor.

"I'm sorry girl." I say apologetic and run to my bed to get my tux. I hear a knock on the door again and realizing that I'm rude, I run back to the door to open it.

When I open it, I look straight at Ana standing behind it. She's looking amused at me and she opens her mouth to say something but ends up closing it again. I want to say something but all the words have left my brain and besides one body part, nothing functions anymore. I stand there frozen in my place, taking the sight of Ana in. Her eyes show humor and are twinkling in the light from the hallway but what captures me the most, is her body and the dress she's wearing.

She's wearing a beautiful baby pink dress. De dress is a one shoulder, which is detailed with sparkling jewelry on the shoulder band and it's also detailed like that on her waist. De dress covers almost her entire body with its length to the floor and there is only a small showing of skin with an opening in the dressing starting above her left breast to her shoulder. Her purse is matching, made of the same stones as her dress and her hair hangs in loose curls to one side.

Fuck, she's sexy. Why couldn't she wore a garbage bag and have some mercy on me. _For fuck's sake, how am I supposed to function when she's wearing that! _

"I really hope that they didn't sell you that suit as a tux. I mean, it's lovely, but it's not really matching my dress." She winks at me and I'm still at a loss for words.

I clear my throat, trying to come up with something to say.

"Uhm, yes, I mean, no, they didn't. I'm sorry, I fell asleep." I say while looking down. Fuck, this is embarrassing and the night hasn't even started yet.

"Christian, its okay. I'm early and we have time." She says and I look up again.

Fuck, I shouldn't have done that because I find myself mesmerized by her appearance again.

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, off course." I open the door further and step aside.

She walks in and Kitty Cat is wasting no time to claim her. Stupid cat! Nope, I'm not sorry anymore for throwing you on the floor. Nope.

Ana bends down to pet her and I get a perfect few of her ass. _Fuck Ana, why are you doing this to me_!

"Hey Kitty Cat." She says softly while petting her.

Kitty Cat makes an attempt to be carried by Ana by jumping up but Ana pushes her away.

"No girl, you can't sit on my lap today. When I'm here in yoga pants, you can crawl over me all you want but not in this dress. I don't think this dress can handle that." She says and my mind starts to reel again.

Here in Yoga pants? When? I want to be there to. I don't mind crawling all over her when she's here in yoga pants. Wait, am I even allowed to be there too? Or am I going to be thrown out of my own apartment? Hell no! This is my home and my cat, if she wants that, she will have to take me with it just tell me when. I'll be there. I don't mind.

"Christian?" Ana says, taking me from my thoughts of her in yoga pants on my couch.

"Uh, yes."

"Would you mind if I take a glass of wine? Unless you already emptied a bottle, then water will be fine to." She says while pointing at my empty glass on the table.

"Sure, I get you one."

I walk to the kitchen to get her a glass of wine and wonder if I should take one too. No, it will be better if I don't. I don't think that alcohol will help me through the night. Maybe I should take some pills to calm my nerves and my starting erection. God, I don't want to be in those pictures with one. That would make me the idiot of the year. Although, it's not like anyone can blame me. I mean, look at Ana and I am only a simple man. Surely they would understand.

I shake my head. Nope, I need to take a cold shower and hope for the best.

I walk out with the glass of wine and hand it to Ana.

"So, I will take a quick shower and get ready. I only need a few minutes." I tell her apologetic.

"Take your time. I'm sure Kitty Cat will keep me busy." She smiles

Yeah, I'm sure that she will get all your attention. Why don't you rub it in some more?

I turn and grab all my stuff from my bed and make my leave to the bathroom before I say something stupid like that out loud. Damn it Grey, get it together. I look in the mirror and I see that I also need to shave. Thank god that I had my hair cut last week. Knowing that I'm already late and that Ana is waiting for me I decide to hurry up as fast as I can and turn the shower on. Cold shower, yes, I need a cold shower and go back memory lane to grandmother again.

I really hope that this wasn't a forebode as to what tonight will bring.

* * *

**ANA POV**

I look around at Christian's apartment and wonder what to do. Should I just sit on his couch? No, I can't. His cat will be all over me and that will definitely ruin my dress. Then what? I see a desk in the corner with a chair in front of it. Yeah, let's sit there. That will be a much safer choice.

I sit down and start to wonder about tonight. I'm a little nervous about it. Not so much about the event itself but more about the fact that I have to go with Christian. I tried to get out of it. I even told Mark that I would be fine to go on my own but he wasn't having it. He got really angry at me for even considering it. He thinks that Christian needs this to build up his confidence and that whatever personal dislike from my side is bothering me, I should get past it.

I chuckle. He thinks that I have something against Christian. He thinks that I avoid him because of that. Cursed me out for it and told me to grow a pair. If only he knew the truth.

Wait, no! I really don't want him to know the truth. I will be screwed if that happened. He will not let me live that one down. He will laugh his ass off and make jokes about it and when he can't come up with them anymore, he will probably call my brothers so they can take over. No, he can never find out. I just need to get over it and start a new day. Who knows? Maybe Christian will meet someone tonight and take home.

Yeah, I would really hate it if that happens. There's not much I can do about it but still… I wouldn't like it.

I sigh. Yeah, there's nothing I can do about that. I know that there will be a lot of woman out there that will throw themselves at every man possible. Christian in a tuxedo; that will be a nice challenge for them. Especially the one he picked at the store. I called them up front to make sure that he would get the tuxedo that he wanted and that they weren't allowed to show him any price tags. The just needed to show him the different tuxedo's and take his check and let him think that it was enough to cover it. For the rest of the bill, they could send it to me and I would cover it.

What Mark said was right. He needs a confident boost and being the man of the night will do just that. Even though Christian is one big puzzle for me, I do know that clothing cam make the man. If he would wear the higher prized branches, he would surely feel better at an event like tonight. But I also know that man have their pride. If I would have told him about the price tags he wouldn't have taken the suit. He would probably have walked out the store and took his money somewhere else. Although I don't think he would have felt better at the event itself, he would feel as if his pride would be intact by not taking money from me.

They called after his appointment to let me know about the costs he made. I know he found a Brioni tuxedo and Salvatore shoes. They are really beautiful and I'm kind of nervous to see him in it. I'm sure he will look handsome and irresistible.

Yeah, handsome and irresistible and I'm already halfway on the stairs to being drunk. Nice going, Ana. Keep drinking like that and you will fall hard on your ass before the night started.

When the meeting ended I didn't waste any time to grab a wine bottle and fill up a big ass glass. I thought that it would calm my nerves but apparently; no such luck.

Damn it! I lean my head in my hands and start to wonder where I went wrong here. I know that I'm starting to loose my brain to mouth filter. I probably lost it somewhere between starting and ending that glass of wine.

I look back up and notice the pile of travel magazines on the corner of his desk. I stifle my laugh. Yep, he wasn't joking about that. Is he really that serious about finding that beach? I know for a fact that he won't find it in any of those magazines because if he does, I will sue their ass. How about a lawsuit for trespassing and burglary, jack assess!

I look through the pile and notice that he does have the right one between them. It's at the bottom of the pile so I guess that he hasn't figured it out yet. Shall I help him? I take the magazine from the pile and start to flip through the pages.

I start to read about the do's and don't from the island and what, according to the magazine, are the places to be. I frown. It seems that there is a lot to do but I never really took notice of it. I come there for rest. To escape the world and feel free again. If I went to those public places I don't think I would enjoy myself. I would just make another headline.

I take a sip of my wine and start to wonder what's taking Christian that long. Shouldn't he be ready by now?

"What is taking you so long?" I call out but I get no reaction.

Maybe he drowned and needs CPR. I took a few classes a while back. I wouldn't mind doing it. I start to laugh. Yeah, I'm a hoot when I don't think straight anymore.

I flip a few more pages when I hear the bathroom door open.

"I almost thought of breaking down that door to see if you needed help zipping up." I say without looking up while I try to refrain from laughing.

When I still don't get a reply I look up. Wow, he really looks handsome in that tux. He stands in front of the door looking completely unsure of himself. Focus Ana, remember what Mark told you. Build up his confidence and make sure he comes at the office on Monday with a smile before Mark will beat you down.

"Look at you, all handsome." I say with a smile hoping he will relax.

"Uhm, thank you. So do you." He almost stammers back at me.

"Well, I can't take the credit. All I needed to do was to walk in my closet and grab the bag with the right name tag on it."

He frowns at me. Guess that needs explaining.

"I don't know a lot about fashion so I have a stylist who takes care of it. He will leave the dresses with a nametag of the events in my closet and I just grab it and put it on. That's basically all I do to get ready. Unless it's a really big event, then I have a make up artist and hairdresser to help me."

"Oh, ok."

"Owh, sometimes, I need to scream for help from the staff. You know, to zip me up." I wink at him and throw the magazine back on top of the pile and stand up.

"So, are you ready?" I ask trying to get us moving.

"Almost, I can't go on my socks. Let me grab my shoes then we can go."

"Ok."

I take a sip of my wine when I realize what he just said. His socks? I look down at his feet and I almost choke on my wine. I start to laugh and can't stop anymore. Oh my god!

"What?" he asks while looking confused at me.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you…." I nearly snort out.

"… you are wearing white sport socks and…. And my mom used to say that…" I try to get out between laughter but damn, really?

"She used to say that you should never trust a man wearing white sport socks. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. I'm sorry." I say while looking down again and in response, I see him wiggling his toes and I can't stop it anymore. I take a few deep breaths to get some control back but when I look up at Christian's face, I loose it again. He looks confused and it's only fueling me to laugh harder.

He shakes his head and chuckles before he sits down and grabs his shoes.

"I'm sorry." I say when I finally manage to calm my laughter. "I will just… Yeah… I will just sit here and mind my own business and uhm… stop talking for a while."

"What should I put on then, five toe socks?" he asks seriously and I loose it again.

"Oh my god! You have those kind of socks?" I ask shocked. Do they even sell those?

"Yes, I do. Very comfortable. You should try it." He states matter of fact and I just loose it again. I bite my lips to stop laughing and try to focus on something else.

I look at the glass of wine and take the last sip before I put it down on his desk and start to examine my nails.

"Any more wise words from your mother?"

"Well, uhm… let me think."

"Ohh, yes. Apparently, when you are married to a rich man, the best birth control you can take are those headache pills. You know, keep them between your knees." I shrug as nonchalant as I can and try to keep from laughing.

I hear Christian laughing really hard now and when I look up I find him sitting on the bed and shaking his head. Damn, that laugh sounds good.

"Yes… " He says while wiping his eyes. "Your mother is a very wise woman indeed. How many children do you have?"

"None, so it must work right?"I smile at him and with the smile he gives back at me I know he's finally free from his nerves. He shakes his head and grabs his shoes again. I watch him putting on his shoes and take his appearance in. He looks mighty fine like that. Let's just hope I don't do something stupid tonight.

"I'm ready." He tells me and I shake my head to get back to the here and now. I was so busy with his looks that I didn't even notice that he was done already.

"Yes, let's go." I grab my bag and follow Christian's lead to the door. He opens it and when I step through the door he put's his hand on my back to guide me. I feel it go through my entire body and give a shiver. Fuck! I feel him freeze for a moment and fuck he noticed. Without any explaining I just walk off towards the stairs and towards the car. _I'm so screwed._

* * *

**CHRISTIAN POV**

I walk after Ana down the stairs and to the car. Damn, she can walk fast in those heels. I'm not sure why she's in such a hurry. Everything was fine before we left. I thought it was the right thing to do, to lead her out the door with my hand on her back but now I'm not so sure. I felt her shiver against my hand. I really hope that it wasn't about something bad. I know what it's like to not wanting to be touched and if that is the case I wish I didn't do it.

We reach the car and her driver is already standing next to her door. She gets in the car and I follow her. After we both buckled up I look at Ana and see her staring out of the window, caught in her own world. Should I say something? Like what?

I frown and look out of the window from my side. It's not an uncomfortable silence but I rather hear her talk. Maybe I should just ask questions about tonight. There's nothing wrong with that. Then I realize that I send Damian a text earlier but haven't got a response yet. Maybe I got something now. I go over my pockets to remember where I put my phone and find it in my left pocket.

"Got everything with you?" Ana asks and when I look up I see a mischievous look in her eyes. What is she up to?

"Yes, I think so." I say unsure of myself.

"Really? Like, your phone? Wallet? Condoms? Running shoes?" she asks smiling and I can't help the shocked look on my face. What? Condoms? What?

She start to laugh really hard again and I'm sitting like a fool with my mouth hanging open. Seriously?

"I'm sorry. You're just so easy to rile up." She says between laughter. "Oh god. Ahh, don't worry. You look cute when you're shocked." She winks at me.

"Damn woman. Can you ever be predictable? Give me a break. Condoms?" I ask her and she starts to laugh even harder. I didn't know that was possible.

"Oh, come on. There are going to be a lot of desperate woman out there that bought their own ticket. And I'm sure that most men have them in their wallets. You know, just in case." She shrugs.

"Well, I don't." I tell her honestly. I really don't. Why would I?

"Okay. I hope you're ready for tonight. When we arrive there will be a lot of paparazzi out there. They will throw a lot of questions at you. It's better to not answer at all. Everything you say will just be taken out of context or twisted and turned until it fits their agenda; a front page story. SO all you have to do is smile, ignore and walk." She tells me and I nod.

I should be able to do that without screwing up. And then it hits me. What did she say earlier? She asked if I had running shoes. Running shoes? Why?

"Ana?"

"Yes."

"Why did you ask if I had running shoes with me?" I ask and instead of answering me, she falls back in her seat laughing again.

I wait for her to answer but I can tell that she struggles with it.

"Ana?"

"Yes, I know. Just give me a minute." She manages to get out between laughter and as contagious her laugh is, I can't stop my own laughter.

"Please Ana."

"Okay, well…." She looks at me and frowns. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?" I ask confused.

"Oh my god. You are going to be the dead of me." She chokes out and when I look up front I see David's shoulders shaking from trying to contain his own laughter.

What the hell is so funny?

"So you don't have them?" I shake my head. "Oh, don't worry. David will be with us. Just shout out to him and he will be there for you." And she's biting her lip to stop her laughing.

"Oh boy, this is going to be a long night. Maybe I shouldn't have that glass of wine." She says while grabbing her purse and taking a pocket mirror from it to check her make up.

"You know, maybe you shouldn't be worried about me tonight." I state while leaning back in my seat.

"Who's worried about you? I'm not." Ana asks confused and I chuckle.

"Yeah, you shouldn't. Maybe we should just worry about you tonight and cut you from the wine." I smile at her and she's still looking confused.

"Why?"

"Because at the rate you're going, you might end up tripping over your own heels and show your panties to the whole world." I laugh at her but her look is turning to serious now.

"Who said that I'm wearing panties?" she deadpans and my mouth drops open in shock.

I see her struggle with her expression before she doubles over in laughter.

"You're not wearing panties?" I ask but seeing Ana like that I know she's out for a while. I hear her trying to speak between her laughter and taking snorts. All I can make out are the words cute, funny, damn, god, screwed and running. What is she saying?

Before I can get an answer, Ricardo turns around in his seat.

"We arrived at our destination." He says and I look around. I see flashes of light coming from camera's everywhere. I was so consumed by Ana presence that I didn't even noticed that Ricardo already parked the car at the entrance. I look back at Ana and see she's still trying to stop laughing.

"Ana, we're here." I tell her while grabbing her shoulder. She looks up with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard and starts to take deep breaths.

I smile at her. Yeah, she's cute. It feels really good to know that I can make her laugh like that. She sure knows how to make me laugh. Maybe tonight won't be so bad after all. Maybe tonight will be a fun night out with Ana. Yes, that's what I hope it will be and maybe I'm lucky and I can curse myself out for not having a condom in my wallet. Who knows?

She straightens herself and after putting her pocket mirror away she looks up at me.

"Let's go, shall we."She smiles at me. David opens my door and I step out. I'm blinded by all the flashes and I hear David whispering to me to keep my eyes down until we're at the official entrance.

I turn back towards the car to take Ana's hand. She's smiling and steps out of the car. I can't help but to have a big smile on my face. Those fuckers are taking hundreds of pictures of me arriving with Ana and holding her hand. I hear them screaming questions at us;

"_Ana! What are you wearing?"_

"_Who's your date?"_

"_Is this your boyfriend?"_

"_What is his name?" _

"_How long are you two dating?"_

When Ana is out of the car, I put my hand at her back again and walk right next to her to the entrance while they keep their questions coming.

"Just ignore them."Ana tells me and knowing that they are taking pictures of Ana standing up and whispering in my ear is only making the night better. _Yeah, I need to Google those tomorrow. _

"Oh, and remember. You only need to call David ones and he will help you." She winks while smiling mischievous at me.

_What?!_

* * *

**And they're off…..**

**So,  
****The Puget Sound Business Journal and the gala with the reveal of the rankings of the 100 Fastest-Growing Private Companies in the state of Washington is real, the only changes I made for my story is that I put an auction in and the possibility to donate money for charity. I used the freedom of writing fiction :-)**

**The Brioni suit. You should google it. They are really hot and those suits are a trademark for James Bond. That's why he made that reference. **


	12. Why me?

**So, I saw the reviews and tried really hard to make a Sunday post. So, tadaa; here it is ;-)**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**11. Why me?**

**CHRISTIAN POV**

As soon as we reach the entrance a hostess walks up to us.

"Miss Steele." She smiles at Ana and then turns to me and giving me a once over. If I could wipe the smile from my face for standing here with Ana I would grimace. The woman looks in her twenties, wears a thick layer of make-up and you can see she dyes her hair blond but her actual color is brunette.

She looks me over and licks her lips while pushing her breast more forward. Seriously? Have you seen the woman standing next to me? Why the hell would I bother with a cheap ass like you?

"Mister?" she asks and bites her lip. Nope, not sexy on her. With Ana, it's really hot, with her it just looks cheap.

"Mister Grey." I response clipped.

"Mister Grey." She nods and smiles at me. "Please follow me." And she turns and walks away, sashaying her ass. I shake my head. Is this woman serious? I hear Ana giggle next to me and she starts to follow the woman inside.

I take a few quick steps to keep up with Ana and we're let to a small room with a photographer.

The woman turns around and looks at me, completely ignoring Ana.

"For the press photos." She says and stands aside to let us through but doesn't leave the room. Doesn't she has better things to do? Leave woman!

I lead Ana to the screen and take a stand next to her. She turns to me smiling. "You better laugh otherwise they will know you got forced to be here." She winks at me.

"Yes, we wouldn't want people to think that now, would we." I laugh and turn to the photographer.

I put my arm around Ana and press her against me. Better make it a good picture. Yep, that sure feels good. The man takes a few pictures of us and I can't wait to see them tomorrow.

"That's all I need. Thank you." He tells us. "The two of you make a pretty couple. Here's the receipt so you can pick up a picture when you leave tonight." And he gives me a ticket. Oh, I'm going to pick this one up for sure.

"Let's go inside, shall we." Ana breaks my thoughts and I nod. Yes, let's do that.

Miss obnoxious is still standing at the door waiting for us and when we pass her, she tries to press a note in my hand. I stop walking and grab the note while Ana frowns at me. I look at it and it's her number with the words to call her for a good night. _You have got to be kidding me! _

I look up to her and just like before, she's licking her lips while waiting for my reaction. She wants a reaction? She can get one! I rip the piece of paper in pieces and let it fall to the floor. I haven't taken my eyes off of her and I see her face turning in to shock.

"No thank you." I state and turn back to Ana "That woman is busy so Miss Steele, lead the way." I tell her and Ana looks at me shocked too for a moment before she recovers and smiles again.

"Uhm, yes. I believe it's this way."

We walk into a lobby full of people and as soon as we enter there's an older woman walking up to us.

"Ana! So good to see you again." She says while pulling Ana in for a hug. The woman looks to be in her sixties and I watch Ana and her interact. They seem to be very familiar with each other.

"Marie, I'm glad you came tonight. It's good to see you too." Ana smiles warmly at her and the woman called Marie looks Ana over.

"Yes, you were right. That dress is stunning and I'm so happy with the result."

"It is, isn't it. I really love what you did with it."

I look around while the woman are talking and notice that almost every man in here looks good. All I see are fancy tuxedo's and over the top dresses and the arrogance and money is waving off of these people. I have to admit that it is starting to make me feel small here. All these people are probably accomplished and successful while I'm just tagging along with Ana. I notice a few man staring at Ana and the thought that they are looking at Ana as a piece of meat and some will even put there moves on Ana makes my mood only spiral further.

Ana tugs on my hand and the woman she's talking too notices me standing next to Ana and turns to me.

"Christian, are you okay?" Ana asks softly. I try to smile but I fail miserably.

"Oh my, this is so rude of me. Ana, you have to introduce me to this handsome man next to you."

"Yes, Marie, this is Christian Grey." She tells her while pointing at me. "And Christian, This is Marie Moore. She's the owner of several jewelry stores in Seattle."

"Miss Moore." I shake her hand and she smiles broadly at me.

"Oh please call me Marie. I know I'm old but if you use my first name it will make me feel a little younger again." She winks at me.

"Ok, Marie. Nice to meet you."

"Yes, you too." She smiles and turns back to Ana. "Ana, I'm going to borrow him from you now if you don't mind." She says and I get confused.

Is she talking about me? Borrowing? For what?

"Yes Marie, that's fine. I will see you both in a minute." And she turns to me. "Christian, Marie has something to show you so if you can follow her, I will wait here." She smiles at me and I see that look in her eyes again. She's up to something but wanting to keep my promise to just go with it I nod.

"Well Marie, lead the way." I say while offering my arm.

"Oh my, I'm getting escorted by the hottest man in here. No chance I'm turning that down. Would you mind if we take the longer walk? It would make everyone jealous in here and I love to be the main subject of the gossip tonight." She giggles and I laugh.

"Marie, since I don't know where you're taking me, you could take me for a walk all around Seattle if you want but if that's the case, we should get going if we want to be back in time for dinner."

Ana starts to laugh again. "Be careful what you tell her, she might actually do it."

"Yes, I would. Now, let's go." Marie says while taking my arm and leading me to the exit again.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

We walk to the entrance and she leads me to a small hallway with several doors. She stops at the last one and opens it and turns towards me.

"Like Ana stated, I have a couple things to show you. Don't worry, just go with it." She winks at me and walks in the room. I follow her and see that it's a small conference room. At the end of the table stands a man with a suitcase.

"Carlos, thank you for doing this tonight." Marie greets him and walks over to shake his hand.

"Christian, come in and close the door behind you." I do as she says and walk over to them.

" This is Carlos. He's one of my employees. Like Ana said during our introduction I'm the owner of several jewelry stores. Ana is one of my biggest clients. Her stylist Marco is a regular customer at the stores. He will come to the store and brings me pieces of fabric and pictures from dresses with the list of events that Ana has to go to and it's my job to pick out the jewelry that can go with it." She explains while grabbing the suitcase.

"The dress she's wearing tonight. It was a simple but beautiful dress. I made it custom and instead of giving her a necklace or earrings, I finished the dress with the jewelry stitched to it. I know Ana for a very long time, I used to be friends with her grandparents. And please don't do the math and guess my age." She jokes while opening the suitcase.

I look inside it and see several expensive watches, Rolexes? Holly damn! That must be worth a fortune!

"Anyway, I received a call from Ana this week about this event. She asked me to help you with jewelry for tonight. Now don't worry, I'm not going to fix you up with a necklace or earrings. She asked specifically about watches and cufflinks." She grabs a black cloth from the suitcase and lays it on the table. Then she grabs a few cases with watches and opens them for showing.

"So, I suggest you take a good look and pick something out that you like."

"Watches? For me? How…. What….I can't afford this" I say shocked. Hole hell, is this for me?

"Christian, have a seat and take a few deep breaths. No, you don't have to pay and I'm sorry but this will only be yours to wear for tonight. Just like I do with Ana sometimes, you will borrow it for tonight. You can have it brought back to the store between Monday and Friday next week."

"But….. Why?"

"Because we live in a stupid world where everything involves around money. I saw the look in your eyes when you were watching the other guests. I know that look because my husband carried it with him too for way to many times. Just because you're different or have less money, doesn't mean you are less than them. It just means that you're different and that's it. There is nothing wrong with that. Ana brought you here to show yourself off and let the business world know that you're here, ready to become a high roller. You need to show confidence and arrogance if you want to make it, therefore; this." She says while holding a Rolex up.

"Just wear it tonight and don't worry about everything else. Whether you want to admit it or not, expensive things as watches can make you feel like a million bucks. We normally would do this before the event but there was no time for that. So, take a moment and pick something out. Just don't take too long and make Ana eat her dinner alone." She winks at me and I smile back.

I look at the watches and they are really beautiful. Could I pick them all?

"Where do you know Ana from?" I ask. I figures that they knew each other but I'm really curious now.

"Like I said I was friends with her grandparents. Ana grew up there as a young child. She was a really sweet girl, always helping others. I remember her trying to drag Betsy, one of Robert's cows, through the market place in the small town we lived. She thought Betsy was sick and couldn't reach the vet so she decided to bring the cow to the vet herself." She says while laughing.

I have to smile at that. It sure would have looked funny. It also sounds a lot like the Ana from today, caring and sweet.

"God, I will never forget that day that she was taken away." She says sadly while shaking her head.

"What do you mean?"

"Ana lived happily with her grandparents. She was a quiet and shy girl working along on Robert's farm. Her mom dropped her there when Ana was a baby and out of nowhere, she decided that she wanted Ana back. She showed up with cops and they just took her away to live with her mother. Robert and Elisabeth did everything they could to get Ana back but the law was working against them. All those fancy lawyers and judges thought that she was better off with that excuse of a woman calling herself Ana's mom." She spits out, clearly angry about it.

She takes a deep breath before she continues. "I will never understand it. Why she picked up Ana. It's not like she ever cared. God, I had nightmares for months about the screams for help from Ana when they took her away. I will always remember her crying face and watching her kicking around her while being carried by a cop and put in that car. Carla just stood there smiling while Ana was taken as a prisoner. She was only nine years old but the girl sure knew how to kick. She even managed to kick one cop where it hurts the most for a man." She starts to laugh a little.

"I can't even imagine what it must have been like for Robert and Elisabeth. They were crazy about her. Treated her as their own daughter. I thank the heavens that Ana didn't turned out as a mother. If you knew Robert and Elisabeth, you would never believe that Carla was raised by them too.

I don't know much about her life with her mother but I do know that when she was a teenager she was offered a job as a model in Europe. Girl didn't knew how fast she had to jump on that plane and leave. She didn't even bothered to pack. Unfortunately that didn't worked out but I'm proud of the woman she is today. With her life experiences it's a miracle she didn't end up in jail."

"Yeah, she did pretty good for herself, didn't she?" I say. I want to ask her more but she probably told me more that she should have. I don't want Ana to get mad on her so I swallow my curiosity.

"Yes, she did. And so will you." She smiles at me. "Have you made your choice?"

"Yes, I did. I really like this one." I tell her while holding up the watch for her.

She looks at it and smiles. "That sure is a nice one. It's the Paul Newman Rolex Daytona. It's vintage and it's beautiful on its own. There are only 200 made from these. You sure will steal the show with this watch."

She puts the other watches back in the suitcase while I stare at the Rolex in my hand. I really like this one. It's simple but I like the black contrast from the enamel.

"So, why don't you put it on and I will pick the matching cufflinks and get the paperwork ready."

"There's more?" I ask shocked.

"Yes, cufflinks too. Here, you should use these." She says while offering a pair of cufflinks at me.

I look at it completely shocked. They look expensive. Why would she do this? Why would Ana even bother with this? What if I lose them?

"Don't worry Christian, they are insured." Marie smiles at me while I'm still looking dumbfounded. Did I say that out loud?

"How much does this all cost?" I ask her but Marie put's her finger for her lips.

"I'm not telling you. If I told you that, you would probably drop it all as if it is carrying the plague." She says while shaking her head. "Were you also like this when you bought that suit?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're wearing an expensive suit and I also saw the shoes you're wearing. How long did it take Ana to convince you to take it? To let her buy it for you?" She asks and I frown.

"She didn't. I paid it myself." I tell her and Marie raises her eyebrow but says nothing anymore. Instead, she continues with going through the paperwork.

I did buy it myself, right? I mean, I gave them that check and they brought me tuxedo's that were in budget. Didn't they? How much does a suit like this cost? It couldn't have been that much. No, I bought it myself, why else would they have given me this suit.

I look at the watch again and start to wonder if I'm wrong. I wear cheap suits for work because I can't afford better ones. This tuxedo sit's really good. It is from good quality. Could I have bought it myself?

"Did Ana pay for my tuxedo?" I ask to no one in particular.

"Christian, I just thought she did. The tuxedo you're wearing isn't a very cheap one. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it." She waves off but I got my answer.

Ana paid for it. Why? Why the hell would she do that? Is she scared that I embarrass her? Is that it? God, I'm so naive for thinking that I was able to do it myself. Fuck!

I'm taken from my thoughts by a hand on my arm. When I look up I see the concerned face from Marie.

"Christian, I'm sure that Ana meant it good. If I were you I wouldn't worry about it. Yes, all of this cost a lot of money. The cheapest thing on you right now are those cufflinks and they cost almost 700 dollars."

My mouth drops open. _What the hell?_

"Don't think too much about it. Look, Ana did this all because she thinks you should wear it, that you deserve it. Why should you doubt that? Just enjoy it and have fun tonight."

"But I don't understand. Why would she…"

"Because she can." She interrupts me. "Look, I don't know much about you but I do know Ana. She's a good girl that knows what she's doing. It's obvious that she thrust you to work for her, to accompany her tonight and to borrow this jewelry. That should say something. So, give her some thrust back, wear the watch and cufflinks and don't argue over that tuxedo. Thrust me, it's not worth it. Just smile and show yourself to those arrogant bastards out there`." She smiles at me.

I look back at the watch in my hands. Should I do this? Damn, she already bought my clothes. I can't believe it.

I take a deep breath and make my decision. I put the watch on and change my cufflinks for the borrowed ones. It's not like anybody will know that it's not really mine. Marie does have a point. If she thrusts me enough for this than I should do it.

I get a smile on my face. So Ana was scared that I would throw a fit over the suit. Let's see if I can let her squirm.

Marie hands me the paperwork for the insurance company and I sign it.

"So, let's go back. I'm sure Ana is worrying about what is taking us so long."

"Yes, let's go back." I smile and stand up.

Marie hands the suitcase and paperwork back to Carlos and we make our way back to the reception. Ana is standing in a corner, talking to an older man. And as soon as we approach them, the older man excuses himself.

"It was nice seeing you again Miss Steele. Enjoy your night." He says while kissing her hand and walking away.

"Hi." Ana says while turning to me. She looks a little nervous about my reaction and her eyes switch between me and Marie. Good, let's have some fun with this.

"Hi." I say while raising my eyebrows.

A hostess walks by, offering us champagne. I take two glasses and give one to Ana and the other to Marie before I take one for myself.

"So?" she says while stretching the word.

"So?" I repeat.

"You picked something out?"

"Yes, I did." I say and show her the watch.

"Owh, that's a nice on." And I see her getting more calm. Let's see what we can do about that.

"Yes, isn't it. Just like my tuxedo. You know, the one you bought for me." I says while taking a sip of my drink, watching her reaction. She freezes a little and looks up to me. "Are you angry?" she asks unsure.

"Maybe."

"Christian, I didn't mean too…." She trails off, waving her hand while searching for words.

I stifle my laugh behind my drink.

"Well, I didn't mean to make it…"

Yep, it sure is fun to watch her like this. Nice to see the roles changed for ones.

"I'm sorry." She finally says softly.

"Really."

"Yes, I am. Please, don't be angry. It wasn't that big of a deal. It's just a tuxedo. If it really bothers you, you can just throw it away after tonight. I understand." She shrugs while looking at the floor.

"Well, I will consider your apology." I state while looking around.

"What?" she asks shocked. I keep looking around me because I know that I will lose it if I look at her face.

"I said I consider it." I state while I'm still trying to hide my laugh.

"Why? She asks while still being shocked.

"I'm not sure. You know, maybe if you bought this watch for me, I will accept it." I say while holding up my watch.

Ana's mouth drops open and she needs a few seconds to close it again. She looks at the watch and then she starts to laugh. I hear Marie struggling to keep her own laugh at bay. I look from Ana to Marie, which makes her loose her battle and she start to laugh really hard.

What? Why the hell are they laughing about? It wasn't that funny.

Ana is laughing really hard now and just like that I'm the one in shock here.

"I'm sorry, Christian but…"

"But …. Oh God….." She's laughing and I watch her struggle to control herself enough to speak.

"I'm sorry honey." She says while putting her hand on my cheek. "but it is going to take a lot more than accompanying me to a gala for me to become someone's sugar momma." And she starts to laugh again, holding her stomach and leaning forward, holding my arm for balance.

My mouth drops open. What? Sugar momma? What the hell?

"I wasn't implying…. I wasn't saying….. I… I …." I try to form a sentence but I can't come up with something. I feel my cheeks redden and I look at the floor, completely embarrassed.

"That wasn't what I said." I say dumbfounded and frown. That wasn't what I said, right?

"Christian, you just asked me to buy you that watch you're wearing and it costs more than 100.000 dollars." And she off laughing again.

100.000 dollars? Is she serious? I look at the watch and then back at Ana. Damn it! She just couldn't let me have this round. Completely speechless, I have no idea what to say. God, I was so sure that I had this round.

I shake my head while Ana is still trying to stop laughing. I see tears falling from her eyes and Marie is patting her eyes with a tissue.

"Oh god, I should have used waterproof make up." Marie says laughing.

"Oh, stop laughing you two." I say and both woman look up at me for a moment before they collapse in a fit of laughter again.

Before I can say anything else a man starts talking through a microphone.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you all for coming tonight. If you will be so kind to find your seating in the dining room so we can start the countdown. A hostess will take you to your seat. Thank you."

Ana and Marie have both stopped laughing and I watch how Ana is helping Marie with her make up. It's nice to see them together. It's obvious that she and Marie are pretty close. I think back to what Marie told me about Ana's past. What has happened to her? What did they do to her? Will she tell me?

"What's that serious look about?" Ana asks and taking me from my thoughts.

"Nothing." I answer but Ana frowns at me.

"Really, nothing. Shall we go to our seats?" I say hoping she will drop it. I can't really tell her that I was thinking about her and her past. That will surely sour the mood. From what I have seen of Ana so far, she will probably get angry at Marie for it. I don't want that. You can tell from miles away that Marie really cares about Ana and that Ana is comfortable around her.

I gesture to the door and decide to play the good gentlemen by letting them go first and escorting them both with a hand on their backs.

Marie giggles. "Owh, he really is a good escort. Maybe I can borrow him sometime from you Ana."

Ana laughs at that. "Yes, maybe I should buy him that watch." She says while turning to me and winking.

I laugh and shake my head. She will not let that one slide away, will she?

As soon as we enter the dining room we are greeted by another hostess. Ana takes the lead and tells her who we are.

"Yes, all three of you are sitting at table 14." While calling for another hostess to bring us there.

Marie claps her hands. "Oh, I'm sitting at the same table as the two of you. This will be a fun night."

All three of us follow the hostess to our table and I help the ladies sit down and take my seat between them. Yes, I think we will have a fun night. Although, I do want to get back at Ana for that Sugar Momma remark. I just need to find a way for it.

"Ahh, you know, you should work on your poker face." Ana tells me and I frown. _What?_

She starts to laugh again while putting her hand on my shoulder. "I can tell from a mile away that you are trying to find a way to get back at me."

"I wasn't." I lie and both her and Marie are laughing again. Damn it. I will spend the night sitting between these two woman who will definitely won't let me catch a break. Well, if I'm honest. I kind of like it but still, I need to come up with something.

"Don't worry." Marie whispers to me. "I will help you. I know enough about Ana to make you win a round." She winks and I laugh.

I look at Ana and her mouth drops open. "Oh Hell no! no embarrassing stories from my past to help him. That's not fair!" She whines and I can't help but to laugh harder.

"Oh yes. I want to hear those stories. You're right. This is going to be fun." I say between laughter and Ana slaps my knee.

"Oh god, I need another drink." She growl while putting her head in her hands.

Marie starts to laugh. "Yes, you're right. Take another glass of wine sweety because we all know how well you can handle the alcohol." She smiles and Ana growls even harder.

"No, please don't." she begs from behind her hands and I turn to Marie.

"Yes, please do." I say and Marie claps her hands and sits straight up.

"Well, that brings me to my first memory of drunk Ana, she wasn't even allowed to drink being seventeen years old but she found the liquor cabinet and wanted to try it. She only took a few sips of the whiskey before she crashed the poker night of her grandfather, my husband and some friends." Marie says while she starts to laugh really hard.

"Oh my god…" she chokes out. "You should have seen it. It was so funny. She took her grandmothers wedding dress to wear and crawled on the table…." She takes a big snort before she continues. "And started singing and dancing how she was going to marry prince charming and then she… she… she started singing that song from Mariah Carey, you know…" she takes another break to take a sip wine and to control her laughter. "that song Without you. She sang so out of tune, it's a miracle the windows didn't break."

I start to laugh really hard about that. Oh my god, she did that.

"No, please stop it." Ana whines and Marie starts to laugh even harder.

"You know, I have the video tape of that somewhere." Marie tells me and Ana sits up immediately.

"Oh hell no! please tell me you don't." she says while pointing her finger at Marie.

"I sure do." Marie nods and takes another sip of her drink.

I look at Ana and I see that she looks embarrassed. I throw my head back from the laughter that I can't stop anymore. I feel Ana slapping my shoulder. "Oh, stop it."

"Yes Ana, you were right. This is so going to be a fun night." I say and Ana narrows her eyes at me. God, this will be hilarious.

I hear someone clearing his throat and look up. I freeze immediately. Fuck!

I front of the table are my parents with Elliot and his date. They look from me to Ana and back to Marie.

"Good evening. Nice to see you again, Miss Steele." My father greets Ana and I really want the ground to swallow me. Please, don't let this be real.

"Mister Grey." Ana nods and sit's up straight again.

"Well, it seems that we will be sharing the same table tonight." My father smiles smugly and the atmosphere at the table drops twenty degrees below zero. Fuck!

I feel Ana's hand on my arm and she leans into me so only I can hear her. "Christian, I'm sorry. I didn't know. If you want to switch tables I can try and arrange it."

I look at Ana and I see her concerned face. Should I ask for that? I don't want to share the table with them but I don't want to be a coward either. Maybe it won't be so bad? Oh, who am I kidding here. This will probably be very bad. Fuck! Now what?

"Christian, it will be okay. I'm here too and so is Marie. If you want, we can try and switch tables or we can just leave." She tells me softly and I frown. Isn't she one of the main guests?

As if she can read my mind she continues. "I really don't care about this all. I hate speeches and I don't need this to run my business. Just let me know, okay?"

I nod and lean back. God, this night is not going how I wanted it to be. I look across the table and see my mom and dad whispering to each other while Elliot is narrowing his eyes on me. I look at his date and frown. How old is this girl? Where the hell did he found her? From high school? Well, apparently she is old enough for a boob job because they can't be real. She looks cheap with a lot of make-up on and a dress that isn't even covering half her body.

I look back down and feel Ana's hand on my arm, trying to comfort me. Marie leans into me to whisper in my ear. "Is that girl old enough to be taken out on a school night?" she asks and I can't stop the laugh escaping me. Guess I'm not the only one thinking it.

I feel all their eyes on me and it's uncomfortable. Why? Why did they had to sit on this table? Why are they even here? Can't I catch a break?

I hear someone tapping the microphone and a man starts to speak.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming to night. Let's make it a good night, shall we?"

I guess I can't walk away from it now, not anymore. Fuck!

* * *

We are just done with the last course and the host announces that the auction is about to start. Dinner was awkward but not as bad as I thought it would be. I kept feeling their eyes on me and I also heard the remarks they made against me. They said it more to each other but made sure they were loud enough for me to hear.

Although Elliot's date is quiet hilarious even though she doesn't intent to be funny. Damn, that girl is stupid. She had to ask Elliot several times about the meanings of certain words and when my dad tried to talk with Ana about the health care and what Obama had said about it, she asked if he was a rapper and that wasn't even the worst part of everything she said.

When Elliot was talking to someone about his construction business, she was completely surprised and asked if that meant that he could make a design for her bedroom. Apparently she lives with her parents and her mother did a terrible job with the color scheme of her room. She also asked my mother what she thought about new line of Victoria Secret and that she couldn't afford it herself so she had no trouble in telling my mom that she wasn't wearing any.

My mom was so embarrassed that her face turned completely red and my dad choked on his wine. Yeah, you were so right in Elliot being the son with brains. Marie also heard it all and couldn't stop laughing about it. She even wanted to make a bet with me about which stripper club this girl works at and stating that we had to visit them all to find out.

Ana and Marie kept trying to distract me from the digs of my family. I must admit that they managed that a couple of times but other than that, I really wished that I didn't had to share a table with my family.

All through dinner, people kept walking up to Ana to talk to her. Most of them came to congratulate her on being the number one this year, some came to convince her to make an appointment for future business together and there were a few that shamelessly tried to ask her out. It pissed me really off to sit next to her and hear them flirting with her but there wasn't much that I could do about it. It did give me much pleasure to hear Ana turn them down. The first few were let down nicely but as the evening progressed, Ana had more wine in her system and she became shorter and more directly in telling them no, I chuckle with the thought of the last guy that tried to take Ana out.

He came to the table acting all smooth and did everything he could to impress Ana. Ana wasn't interested and told him nicely that she already came in with a threesome and that four's a crowd. I couldn't help laughing and watching the guy all embarrassed only made me laugh harder while Marie wasted no time in cutting in. She stated that she was the old bike teaching Ana and me a few lessons and that she only took two students at a time.

The guy didn't know how fast he had to make his leave and Ana couldn't stop laughing either.

She did introduced me to several people that came up to our table to talk business. She also explained that she only introduced me to the ones that mattered and that everybody else would have been just a waste of time.

While Ana was busy with all the people trying to talk to her, I had a long chat with Marie. She told me about her husband, who died two years ago. They lived in the same small town as Ana's grandparents and had a little jewelry store, with both off them being goldsmith. With the town dying down, their store also died. There weren't many costumers anymore, so they closet it. Her husband came from Seattle and wanted to go back to start a jewelry store here. So, that's how she got here.

Her husband was responsible for all the finances while she focused on the creative site; making their own jewelry. That's the jewelry sold in the stores and she's also specialized in vintage jewelry. Therefore: this watch. It's one of the vintage collections that they have.

When they first started out, they didn't had much success. It's a though world to survive in with a lot of competitors but then Ana came in the picture. She came to the store to see it for herself and bought a few pieces from her own designs. The next thing she knew, the store was filled with customers from everywhere wanting to buy her jewelry.

Apparently, Ana wore the necklace and earrings at a red carpet event and told everyone about the designer Marie Moore. She was already a high demanded model so it came in a lot of magazines and the store was put on the map. Since then, a lot of high profile man and woman use her designs and the profits are really high these days.

She did went through a rough path. When her husband died, she went through a depression. She couldn't care about anything anymore. He was the love of her live and living without him wasn't worth it. She never bothered with the business side and didn't even knew what it all involved, so she neglected it. The envelopes coming in where thrown in a drawer and when that didn't fit anymore, she just used a box for it. It even came as far as the bank closing the store and giving her a notice of eviction. That's when Ana stepped in. She heard about the foreclosure and gave Marie hell over it.

She didn't took any pity over the depression she was in and told her how she had to stop wallowing in self-pity and needed to get her act together. Her husband would have never wanted her to become like this but would have wanted her to live further. It wasn't her time yet and she needed to start working again. Make her husband proud of her achievements when he was looking down at her from heaven.

Ana paid all the debts and took over while Marie started again with designing jewelry. Up to this day, Ana still takes care of the business side and Marie focuses on the jewelry. Ana has accountants that will handle the books and Marie took a few classes for the basics, so everything stays in order for Ana to take care of. Every ones in a while, Ana will come in herself to do the paperwork. Marie thinks that she does that to forget the world for a moment, locking herself up in the back room and focusing on a small job like that to distract herself from the bigger issues.

It's clear that these to woman have some sort of bond and Marie talks very proudly of Ana. She thinks it is amazing that Ana does those things. She's a very busy woman but has never forgotten where she's from and about the people that lived there with her. She didn't had to help Marie, yet she did.

That's the main reason that Marie showed up tonight. Ana bought her a ticket so she could try and get new clients. Ana also thought it would be nice to have her join us at dinner. I'm glad she came because Ana was right about that. Marie is a lovely older woman and it's really nice to talk to her. And besides that, she's funny as hell. She doesn't bother with a mouth filter and throws everything out that comes to her mind. She had me laughing so hard a couple of times that I'm sure the whole room got quiet to look at me.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if the ones that want to participate in the auction want to put their hand up to receive a bidding plate. We will start in several minutes." The host tells us and Ana turns back to me, saying goodbye to an older woman.

"Put your hand up." She says while pushing my arm. "I want to win a bid."

I raise my eyebrow.

"Oh, come on. It will be fun." She pushes me again and I raise my hand.

The hostess comes up to us and gives me a bidding plate with number 69. Ana starts to laugh really hard.

"Yeah, you are going to put that sign up." Ana snorts while Marie starts to laugh to.

I shake my head and Ana grabs the auction list from the table. I feel the eyes from my family on me but I do my best to ignore it. Damn it! Isn't there something more interesting in this room for them to look at.

"Ohh, there are some nice things in here. What do you want? A getaway of three days? A spa treatment? You know, getting your entire body waxed." Ana says and starts to laugh again.

"Oh hell no! Give me that list." I say while grabbing the list from her. I look it over and return it to Ana.

"Do you have something you want to bid on?" I ask. There was absolutely nothing on there that I can imagine Ana would want to bid on.

"Yes, the bungee jump." She states and I frown.

"The bungee jump?"

"Yes, it's a bungee jump for two. That should be fun."

"Why would anybody take a jump while bound to a rope?"

"Because it's fun. You know, it makes you feel free and weightless. At least for a few seconds. Are you scared of heights?"

"No, I'm not. I just don't understand what makes people want to bungee jump."

"Well mister, you are about to find out, because we are going to win this and you have to go with me." She states while pointing a finger at me.

Is she serious about this? I'm not taking a jump, hell no! Wait, together? Did she mean that we would go together? Doesn't that mean that she will be tied against me? That does changes it a bit.

* * *

We're half way through the auction when the bungee jump gets mentioned. Ana grabs my arm and starts to cheer.

"Yee, we are so going to get this." She smiles and I have to smile at that. It's so cute to see her like this. She's all happy and cheerful and I love it.

"Not with his money." I hear Elliot say under his breath and I freeze. There goes the good mood again.

Ana heard it to but doesn't respond. Instead she just keeps on cheering with Marie about the jump.

"Ok, let's start with the first bid on the bungee jump. Since I know that you people have money, lets raise the bargain. Starting bid, 300 dollars." The man from the action says and my mouth drops open. That much? What the hell!

Ana pushes my arm. "Raise it, come on bid." She tells me and I raise the bidding plate.

"300 dollars offered, anyone 350?"

A young man at the back raises his number and Ana pushes my plate up again.

"Come on, just keep bidding. Let's get that jump." She winks at me and I shake my head.

The man and me are bidding for some time already and the jump is already up at 700 dollars. Are these people for real?

"Bid 5000 dollars." Ana whispers in my ear and I turn to her looking completely shocked.

"5000 dollars?" I ask and Ana nods.

"Yes, lets end it, raise your plate and call out that you bid 5000 dollars."

"Isn't that a little too much?"

"Oh relax, it's for charity and I can write it off with taxes. I have my checkbook with me. Just do it." She says while pushing my arm again.

The other man just made a bid for 750 dollars and I take a deep breath. Fine, what Ana wants, Ana gets.

I raise my plate while calling out. "5000 dollar."

I hear the shocked gasped coming from my family and both Marie and Ana are cheering. Everybody else in the room starts to cheer with them.

"5000 dollar offered, anybody else wants to top that?" the man says and turns to the man in the back. "You sir?" he asks and the man shakes his head.

"Going ones, Going twice….." He stops a moment, probably hoping that someone will go higher.

"Sold! To the gentleman with number 69 for 5000 dollars."

The room starts to clap. Damn, that is a lot of money for a bungee jump. It better be worth it. Well, it isn't my money but still. Doesn't a bungee jump only cost what? 100 bucks? Less?

Taking a sip from my drink I look at Ana and she seems really happy with it. When I look across the table I see a very angry looking Carrick and both Grace and Elliot look shocked.

"So, that's an expensive bungee jump." Carrick starts but before I can answer, Ana cuts in.

"Yes, but I'm sure it will be worth every penny." She smiles at him while raising her glass.

"Really? Does that also apply to that suit? That Rolex?" Carrick states sarcastically and I see Elliot laugh behind his glass. _What the fuck? _

"There lovely, aren't they?" Ana cuts in again completely ignoring the awkwardness around the table. "That Rolex is vintage, there are only 200 made of these." Ana continues while I'm getting more uncomfortable with each second that's passing.

I try to make myself small in my chair and avoid the angry look from my father. Shit! _What am I supposed to do now? _

"I see. So Christian, care to explain how you got the money for it? Hmm, robbed a bank, stole from your boss maybe?" Dad continues and I freeze.

"Is there a problem, Carrick?" Ana asks calmly while taking another sip.

""Maybe he's a gigolo, I heard that they can make a lot of money with it." I hear Elliot's dumb fuck tell him and Elliot starts to laugh.

My dad ignores it and looks at Ana. "No Anastasia, this doesn't concern you. This is between me and Christian." He tells her and returns to look at me.

Ana slams her glass down really hard and everybody on the table freezes in shock. I turn to Ana with my mouth open but before I can say anything, Ana starts to talk.

"No, Carrick, this does concern me. Christian is here in function, he came here as a representative for Steele Cooperation and accompanying me tonight. So you and you two." She says while gesturing to my mom and Elliot." Have made it my problem. I mean, for fuck's sake!" And I hear my mom shocked gasp for air.

"What is it Grace, can't handle a simple word as fuck?" Ana asks her and my mom shakes her head.

"Anastasia, it's not very tasteful to use vocabulary like that." My mom answer softly and Ana starts to laugh.

"You are right but if you can't handle it, you might want to cover your ears for what I have to say."

"Ana, there is no need for you to get personal here." My dad tries to stop Ana but apparently, Ana thinks otherwise and continues against my mother.

"You want to know what's tasteless? It's tasteless that the three of you have fucking waited all night to make a remark like that at Christian. It's tasteless that you just had to take a dig at him at a public event. It's tasteless that you are so eager to embarrass Christian that it's making you look dumb as fuck. That's tasteless." Ana rants and I grab her arm to try to stop her. _Please Ana, don't do this._

Marie grabs my shoulder and I turn to her. She just shakes her head at me to stop me and to let Ana have her say.

"Seriously, what's fucking wrong with you? No, what's fucking wrong with all of you? Did you not think I could hear all those stupid comments you made during dinner? Did you really think I was that stupid that I didn't know what you were doing here? Trying to embarrass him." she spits at them and Elliot tries to cut in.

"Ana, don't…" Elliot stops talking when Ana throws him an angry look.

"Oh, stop it you idiot. You are one to talk here. If anyone should be embarrassed it's you." Ana says while pointing her finger at him. "You show up at an event like this with that plastic stripper. Is she even of legal age? What happened? Ran out of woman so your new pick up place are high schools? Do you even know her name?" Ana asks sarcastically and I hear a laugh coming from Marie.

Elliot cheeks turn red while he's clearly thinking of an answer.

"Off course I know her name. It's Casey." He says but it sounds more as an question.

"No, my name is Stacy." The girl answers and Ana turns towards her. The poor girl looks embarrassed.

"Well Stacy, do the world a favor. Next time someone asks you to an event like this, say no. It's not cute if you can't even tell the name from our president and coming here dressed as a whore." Ana spits at her.

The girls mouth drops open but she recovers it. "Are you kidding me, I turned 21 last week and I'm not a whore, I don't sleep with the men from the club." She says angry and Marie starts to laugh really hard.

"Guess you own me money." She tries to whisper to me but fails miserably. I bite in my lip to stop from laughing and look down. Oh god. How did we get here.

It's silent for a moment and I think it's the end of Ana's rant when I realize that she only stopped for a moment to take a sip of wine.

"Well, Casey, Stacey or whatever the hell your name is, I hate to burst your bubble but Pretty woman was scripted. It wasn't real and there won't be a Richard Gere marrying your sorry ass. So why don't you just take my advice and shut up and keep to what you know, shaking your ass on stage.

"Ana, there is no need for you to…" Elliot tries again to calm her down but nope, Ana is still not done.

"Elliot, you really need to shut up here. Does it make you feel proud? Does it boost your ego to sit here and act like an arrogant asshole to you brother? Huh?" Ana asks and Elliot looks down, not saying anything anymore.

"You sure are a classy family, aren't you. Well guess what, Christian was invited for this and none of you were so if anybody should leave with their tail between their legs, it will be you." She points at my father and grabs my hand while standing up. I look around the table and see the shocked looks on their faces while Marie can't stop laughing.

"Come, let's go. I want to dance." And she drags me to the dance floor that is still empty.

There is a band on stage getting ready but when they see Ana and me walk up the dance floor, they start to play immediately.

She drags me to the middle of the dance floor where she turns around. Unsure of what's to come, I keep my eyes down and put my hands on her waist. She puts her arms around my neck and we move slowly to the music.

"Christian, I'm sorry." She tells me softly. I want to tell her she shouldn't be sorry. That this was all my fault but before I can speak, she cuts me off.

"I should have known that they would show up at an event like this. I should have called up front to make sure that we had a different table seating. I forgot and I'm sorry."

"Ana, this isn't your fault. I'm sorry that they dragged you in to it." I tell her honestly while look up in her eyes. It really wasn't and I never wanted this to happen.

"Are you kidding me. That was not your fault. I know that you have problems with your family but that's just it. It's between you and your family. They had no right to make it an public display. Besides, haven't you heard, I'm always in for a good catfight." She winks at me and I laugh. How does she do this? How does she always know how to make the mood light.

We dance slowly to the music while we are both silent for a while. What is there to say? Part of me wants to tell her about everything. Why my family did this. Why they don't want me near them. Everything that happened but I can't. If I do that, than Ana wouldn't want to be near me anymore. She would hate me. She would be disgusted by me and I can't have that. I really like her and I wouldn't be able to handle her hating me.

I like having her around. She's smart, funny but most of all, she makes me feel alive. I don't know how she does it but she keeps making me laugh. No better how embarrassing I can feel about it, she always manages to make me feel comfortable. To make me feel cared.

Even tonight she did that. No matter how awkward it was with my family, she still managed to make it a pleasant dinner. She and Marie kept making jokes and it was nice to see Ana laughing when I tried to be funny too.

Although I have to admit that I can't wrap my brain around the fact that Ana stood up for me. Why would she do that? I feel stupid that I couldn't do it myself. I should have said something but I couldn't. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Uhm…" I start, breaking the silence. "Thank you for what you did."

Ana looks up and nods. Thank god, I don't need to explain it. Honestly, I don't even know how.

"It's okay. They are you're family. It's easier for someone like me to say something." She says softly and I look down again.

Ana puts her hand under my chin and lifts my head up again, making me look in her eyes.

"Christian, it's okay, really. You shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed."

"How? How can I not be?"

"Because you're in too deep. You lived a certain way for a long time. That way of living has become a habit. It's difficult to break that. Don't worry, you will. You just need to have time and find a way to fight it. You need to find a way to make peace with whatever it is that happened in the past because it is just that, the past. You can't make changes to that. You can only live today and make plans for the future." She smiles at me and I give a small smile back.

"Speaking of your lovely family, what the hell was that with your brother? A stripper? I mean, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against woman working as a stripper. Someone has to do it and at least they make their own money but still…"

"Yeah, she wasn't the brightest, was she?" I chuckle. Damn, that girl was stupid.

"How the hell did he picked that girl out?" Ana asks while shaking her head.

"Probably by how far her legs could spread." I deadpan and Ana looks shocked for a moment. I start to laugh. Guess I finally managed to shock her.

"Really?" She asks and I nod.

"Oh my, is that what man look for in a woman these days?"

"Well, if you are looking for a one night stand or just a sexual relation, then I guess it's yes." I say and I watch Ana thinking it over.

"So, that's what I'm doing wrong than. I always thought man get turned on when a woman can talk business or politics." She says while looking to be deep in thought and frowning. "I mean, I can put my legs in my neck but I never thought that man would find that interesting." She ends and my mouth drops open.

_What the hell? _

Ana starts to giggle while I'm still speechless.

"Oh come on Christian. Did you really thought I would let you have this round." She winks at me and I close my mouth and shake my head.

"Damn, woman!" I state and she starts to laugh.

"You know." Ana continues. "you man can be so stupid sometimes. I mean, come on, be creative. If a woman can't spread her legs, why not flip her over?" she states and my mouth drops open again.

"What…" is al I manage to get out and Ana leans into me, laughing really hard.

"Oh god, you're so funny." She laughs in my chest and then I realize it. She's pushing her head against my no touching zone, my chest. I freeze for a moment but Ana doesn't notice it. She just keeps laughing against me.

I take a deep breath when I get another realization, it doesn't freak me out. I don't feel aggression or panic. How? Why am I not freaking out? I should be but if I'm honest, it feels kind of… nice? Is that the right word? Before I can think about it any further, Ana stands up straight again and looks at me.

"What's wrong?" she asks concerned and I want to tell her. I want to tell her about it but I can't. What if she thinks I'm a idiot? What if she starts to laugh about? No, I can't tell her. Not now. So I decide to go with a different question.

"Why was my father here?" I ask her. It has been on my mind since they came up to sit at the same table.

"Well, my guess is that they came here for your fathers law firm. There are a lot of high profile business man and woman here. Your father was here probably to support the clients he already has and to make contacts for new clients." Ana tells me and I let it sink.

That does sounds plausible. That is probably the same reason why Elliot was here. To show himself off.

"Well, whatever the reason is that they are here, I hope it didn't ruined your night."

"No, it didn't." I answer honestly. It really didn't. I mean, thanks to them, I'm standing here on the dancing floor with Ana in my arms.

"Good."

"Did you have a good night?" I ask Ana and she starts to laugh.

"I sure did, although I could have done without that speech." She tells me and I start to laugh. Yeah, that was funny. When Ana was pronounced, she just walked up that stage, grabbed the award and said thank you for the recognition and that was that.

"Ana, I don't think that it was qualified as a speech." I tell her and she starts to laugh again.

"Yeah, you are probably right. Well, who cares? I took the award. It sure will look good on my toilet." She states and I can't help but laugh at that. Yep, that sounds like Ana.

We dance further in silence while we're both lost in our own thoughts again until the music stops. Is the song finished already? I look up and see that there are a lot of people watching us. Ana takes her arms from around my neck and it immediately feels cold. _No, put them back._

"Well, thank you for that dance, Mister Grey." She smiles at me.

"My pleasure, Miss Steele." I smile back at her.

I see her smile fading away and she freezes while stepping back.

"Ana? What's wrong?" I ask her while stepping forward and grabbing her arms.

She looks up at me and I try to read her eyes. She looked shocked at first but then I see a glint of humor in them.

"Christian, I think you should run." She states seriously and I look confused at her. What? What is she talking about? _Run?_

* * *

**And that was part one of the date :-)**


	13. Left out

**Wow again. Thank you for the reviews! Loved them! Now, this chapter might be a little rough, sorry for that.**

**Now, there was one review that stated that I made Christian look like a pathetic, helpless creature. Why? Call me stupid but I really don't understand why he looked like that. I reread the chapter and your review and the only answer I could come up with was that it's about the fact that Ana (a woman) stand up for Christian (a man) against his family and the fact that it was just that, is the problem.**

**Was that it? Because that, I truly don't understand. Why can't a woman stand up for a man.**

**If it was my man getting slammed down by somebody and he wouldn't be able to say something back, I'll be damned if I wouldn't do it for him and he wouldn't feel pathetic or helpless. If anything, he would be proud of me for doing it.**

**Now, don't get me wrong! This is not a rant or slamming someone down! You took the time to read that chapter AND you took the time to review it and I appreciate that. I really do. It's just that I don't understand it. That's all. Because.. . does this mean that if the roles were reversed, Christian standing up for Ana, that it would have been different? Or would that make Ana weak?**

**Now, to give a fair heads up, if that is something you don't like, then I don't think you are going to like this chapter. Or that you will like this entire story. Because if shit hits the fan, it's pretty obvious that this Ana won't pretend to have a nose bleed and make a quick getaway. This Ana will most likely put on her boxing gloves to make a k.o.**

**So, second part:**

* * *

13. Left out

**ANA POV**

I look at Christian and I do everything that I can to not burst out laughing. Damn, I can't believe this. Adding the confused look on Christian's face is making it worse. I look over his shoulder and I see three woman approaching us. Two older looking woman and one in her early twenties. I assume she's the daughter of the middle lady that is dragging her along.

"I'm sorry Christian, but if you want to escape, you should run now." I say and I can't keep my laughter anymore. He follows my line of vision and sees the woman approaching us. He turns around to me with a shocked look on his face. Unfortunately, that look combined with the level of alcohol in my system, is only fueling me to laugh harder.

I take a step back from him and he quickly steps forward, grabbing my arm.

"Oh hell no! you are not walking away from this. This is your fault." He tells me and my mouth drops open.

"How is this my fault?"

"You dragged me on to the dance floor."

"Yes, that's true but…." I trail off trying to find something to say.

The woman have reached us and the middle woman takes the lead.

"Excuse me, the song is over and my daughter wants the next dance." She states to Christian while grabbing his arm.

"Oh please Donna, I was here first. I'm sure your daughter can dance with someone else." The other woman spits at Donna and turns to Christian. "The poor girl is cursed with two left feet. Care to join me for a dance?" she asks him sweetly and I feel Christian's grip on my arm turn tighter.

"I'm sorry ladies, but I already have a dance partner." He tells them while pulling me closer.

"Oh, honey. You already took two dances with Miss Steele. I'm sure Miss Steele has some people here that she wants to talk too." The woman says while narrowing her eyes on me. Are they serious about this? _Come on!_

"Not that I know about." I state and I see her face slowly turning to anger.

"Oh Karen, It's clear that the man doesn't want to dance with you, after all, you are a woman of age." The Donna woman throws in innocently while pushing her daughter forward. "My daughter would be much more suitable for him to dance with." She winks at Christian and trying to force her daughter on to him. What the hell? Is she trying to marry her daughter off? _Where's the dignity. _

I feel Christian's eyes on me and when I turn to look at him he has narrowed them. Am I the bad guy now? Seriously? I didn't asked them to do this.

I take a step back and Christian pulls me back. "Don't you dare!" he whispers in my ear.

I burst out laughing. This is just really absurd. I feel the tears coming to my eyes and look up at Christian. "I told you to get running shoes and I warned when you should run." I tell him, trying to whisper but seeing the hateful looks from the woman, it's safe to say that I failed.

Before I can say anything else, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Apparently, so did Christian because we both turn at the same time.

"Excuse me." Marie says. "I'm sorry ladies but Christian promised me a dance and since it's almost curfew time at the retirement home, I like to have that dance now before I have to leave." She states and I bit my lip to stop from laughing. Yep, that's Marie.

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry ladies but if you excuse us." Christian tells them and takes Marie's arm. Before they walk off he grabs my shoulder.

"You are so going to pay for that." He whispers and my mouth drops open. Me? I didn't do anything? What the…

"I didn't… I wasn't…. It wasn't my…" I try to form a sentence and both Marie and Christian starts to laugh at me.

"Guess you won this round." Marie laughs and they walk off.

I frown and watch them walk away. I snort. Hell no! this is his own fault. If he didn't looked that good, the wouldn't have gone about it so shamelessly.

I shake my head and make my leave from the dance floor. Yeah, yeah, I was speechless. He won a round. I reach the table and decide to mingle a little. I'm here now, might as well try to make something from it, at least business wise.

I look around to see where I'm going when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see who it is.

Fucking hell! You have got to be kidding me! Great, Grace and Carrick Grey. Seriously, why can't they leave me the fuck alone.

I look at them and raise my eyebrow. You have something to say, say it.

"Anastasia." Carrick starts. "Grace and I would like to apologize for our behavior during the diner. I hope you can accept it."

I regard them for a moment. They seemed to be decent people. Well, accept for Carrick and his arrogance but Grace does seem like a nice woman. But apologizing to me?

"No." I state.

They both look shocked for a moment and Grace is the first one that recovers.

"Anastasia, I don't understand..." she starts but I cut her off with raising my hand.

"I said no, because you don't need to apologize to me. See him over there?" I ask while pointing towards Christian. "He's the one that should receive your apology."

"Anastasia, you have no idea what you are talking about." Carrick states and I shake my head.

"You're right. I don't know what this is all about. And you know what, I don't care." I spit at them. "This is between you, your family and Christian and I have nothing to do with that and if you don't want to hear me talk like this, than stop dragging me in. Leave me out of it"

"Look, we only came here to apologize for what happened during diner and to set things straight. You're right, you have nothing to do with the situation between Christian and us and we never tried to drag you in to this. We are only doing this because we are concerned." Grace says, trying to save the situation.

"Oh, stop it. You do everything to drag me in to this. And concerned? About what? About Christian? Nice way of showing your concern with those stupid remarks you've made between the courses. If that is you showing concern, I don't even want to know how the two of you are as parents. You want to show concern? Why don't you put your concern where it's needed? How about your son, who's a walking advertisement voor STD's or how about your daughter with the attention span of a fly. Does she have a job these days or is she still emptying the stores in Paris?"

"Ana…"

"Don't Ana me, It's Anastasia. And you are concerned about Christian? Have you seen him tonight? I think he is doing mighty fine, don't you agree? At least, when you two aren't around, he is." I spit.

I know I shouldn't say these things. I know I don't have the right to talk about them as parents or anything close to that. But are they for real? If they don't want him around, than leave him the fuck alone.

I narrow my eyes and they are both looking shocked at me. Yeah, I can't really believe it myself, that I would say those things. Guess what, I just did.

God Ana, cut it off. _Stop talking and walk away. _

I take a deep breath and shake my head. How can they treat their son like that? I mean, my mom is a piece of work but I don't think she's like that. Is she?

I feel someone grabbing my shoulder and when I turn around, I look straight in the eyes of Jackson.

"Excuse me, Mister and Misses Grey. I would like to dance with Ana." He tells them and wastes no time in dragging me to the dance floor.

The dance floor is occupying a lot more couples and he finds a spot at the corner in the back. When the music starts again, we start to dance while I'm silently waiting for what Jackson has to say.

"So…." He starts while dragging the word out.

"So." I sigh.

"Care to tell me what that was all about?"

"No." I state and I hear him sigh. "Jackson, I really think you don't want to know and honestly, I don't even know what that was all about." I explain to him, hoping he will let it drop.

"Ok. Besides, there are other things I want to talk about with you." He smiles at me. _Oh boy._

"Really, like what?"

"Like, who the hell is your boyfriend and why haven't you introduced us?" He questions and I frown. What is he talking about? What boyfriend?

"Jackson, I don't know what you're talking about." I say confused now.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know how it works. Keep denying unless you can't anymore. Well honey, got news for you. If you want it to be a secret you shouldn't have dragged him out on the dance floor and eye fuck each other like that."

My mouth drops open. _What?_

"I wasn't…"

"Yes, you were." He cuts me off. "Damn, that shit was hot. It sure turned me on. So, who's that hot piece of ass you're with?"

"I… What…"

"Oh, cut the shit. Just introduce me to him and please, mention that I'm gay because with the way he is looking at me right now, he will probably beat the light out of me if you don't."

"He is not looking at you like that! What are you talking about?"

"You and your date. Who else?"

"You mean Christian? He's not my date, he's working for me and accompanied me tonight."

"Oohh, hot office sex. I can totally picture that. Are you close to bankruptcy? I mean, if he was around me all day, I would. Damn, I'll be calling him in my office at every five minutes." Jackson says while looking off into space.

"No, we're not having office sex or sex at all, Jackson." I state and he turns his head to look at me.

I don't know how long he stares at me before his mouth drops open.

"Oh my god! You are telling the truth? Damn woman, what's wrong with you? He asks shocked." Nothing's wrong with me! Why would you even say that?" I throw back.

"Because you are seriously going to tell me that you and him are not together?" he asks in disbelieve.

"Yes, I'm serious."

He shakes his head like he still can't believe it. Is that really so difficult to believe? He works for me.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, why aren't the two of you together? You should be home right now with your legs in the air and him between them! Why are you two still here?" he states and I gasp.

"We're here for business and I already told you that there is nothing going on between me and Christian." I try to keep my voice down but I can feel the eyes of the people around us on me.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Lie long enough to yourself and you might believe it. Whatever makes you sleep at night." He says while looking at me.

"Really? Is that how you sleep at night? How's Damian doing?" I spit at him.

"I know what you're doing but I'm a good sport. I will play along. You know better than me how Damian's doing." He says while raising his eyebrow.

God, what's wrong with me. Why do I keep opening my big mouth.

"I'm sorry. I know it was a low blow." I apologize while leaning my head against his chest.

"That's okay. I almost expected it." He chuckles and I look up at him.

"Why can't you two work it out?" I ask because I really don't understand it. They seemed to be perfect for each other.

"Because…. Well, because we just couldn't."

"You don't believe in second changes?"

"Yes, I do. But that ship has sailed a long time ago. Me and Damian…" he trails off and seems to struggle with what it is that he wants to say.

"Jackson, he really loves you. I think he misses you. The two of you should talk it out. What happened is in the past but I think you both learned better now." I tell him honestly. I know for a fact that he's Damian biggest love. After they broke up, Damian nearly relapsed. I swore not to tell anyone, including Jackson about it because he thought that Jackson would only return out of pity. He stated that if it was meant to be, they would come back together be faith.

We are both silent for a while. I don't know how long but Jackson is the first to break it.

"I know. I know."

"But… What happened between Damian and me, was a long time ago. It isn't fixable. He made his choice." He says sadly.

I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. "That's not true. Everything is fixable. Just… Talk to him."

Look, I need to fly out to France in a few weeks for business. Why don't you come along as a freelancer. I could use your legal advice on this deal we're working on. You have done a lot of business with the Frenchmen."

He shakes his head. "Ana, you're not Cupid. I already told you, Damian and me are in the past."

"That might be but I could really use your help. Please? I hire you as a freelancer like I did before. Send your charge to the office and we will arrange it all."

He narrows his eyes on me. "If this is just your way to hook me up with Damian, I will charge extra. Triple my asking price."

"Good thing I can afford it." I smile at him.

He smiles back at me but his eyes are still looking sad.

"Come, the dance is over. Let's have a drink and get back to the real subject here." He tells me and I frown.

"What subject?"

"You and that hottie."

"I already told you…" I start but Jackson cuts me off.

"Yeah, that nothing is going on between the two of you. Let's grab that drink." He grabs my hand and drags me off to the bar. Before we leave the dance floor he stops in his tracks and turns to me with a shocked look on his face.

"What?"

"You are not going to believe this. That man working for you is shamelessly sucking face with that old widow in the middle of the dance floor." He tells me and my mouth drops open. I frown and turn to look. What?

"I see nothing?" I say confused.

Jackson grabs both my arms from behind and whispers in my ear. "If the two of you aren't hooking up, then why do you care with who he is? Hmm? Got an answer for that?"

"Oh, stop it. You would also have looked if I told you that."

"Yes, I would. You know why? Because I would be jealous of that widow." He laughs at me and I shake my head. _Damn him._

* * *

We have ordered our drinks and before we sit down, I feel a hand on my arm. When I turn I see Christian standing next to me with raised eyebrows.

"Hi, managed to escape the dance floor?" I smile at him.

"Yes, I did." He answers. I can't help but frown. Why is he looking that angry? What did I do?

"Is everything alright?" I ask unsure of myself. Why is he mad?

"Yes, I'm fine." He reply's clipped. I look at him turning his vision on Jackson and narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry. This here is Jackson. He's a lawyer. I sometimes hire him as a freelancer." I tell him and Jackson offers his hand.

"Hi, Jackson Downing."

"Christian Grey." Christian tells him while shaking his hand. Why do I feel like I'm missing something? Are they seriously sizing each other up? I that how gay man work? What is this?

"Well, It was a pleasure meeting you, Christian. If you both will excuse me, there is someone I like to talk to." Jackson says while standing up. Wait, why is he leaving?

"Ana, pleasure as always. I will send you the paperwork on Monday." He winks at me.

"Yes, that's fine. We'll talk." I smile at him.

"Ok. Good evening." He nods at us and leaves.

I turn to Christian and I watch him looking at Jackson leaving.

"You want to sit down? Have a drink?"

He turns to me and frowns. "Sure."

He sits down and I order his drink. We both sit silently next to each other while waiting for the bartender to give him his drink. I try to think of something to say but honestly, I have nothing right now.

"So, he seems like a nice guy." Christian starts.

"Yes, he is." I answer truthfully. Jackson is a really nice guy. He's honest and loyal. There is no other answer to describe him.

"You know him long?"

"Several years."

"Ok." He says clipped again.

Why is this so awkward? Is he interested in Jackson? No, he isn't. Is he? I don't think Damian will like that. Should I tell him that? No, it isn't my business. I think I have opened my mouth more than enough tonight. Or should I only mention a part of it?

"Uhm, you didn't know who Jackson was?"

"No, I didn't. Should I know him?" he aks me with a raised eyebrow. _Why am I nervous?_

"I don't know. Well, I thought that…. Uhm." I trail off.

"You thought what?" Christian asks, his eyebrow raised.

"Well, he was Damian's boyfriend for a while, about two years. I just thought that… uhm…. Damian would have mentioned him to you."

He frowns and turns his vision back to Jackson standing on the other side of the bar.

"He's gay?" he asks but it sounds more like a confirmation for himself.

"Yes." I state while I watch Jackson giving his card to a young man. Yep, he scored a date. At least it looked like it. Pretty hot guy too. See, all the good man are gay.

"Christian. I don't know what your plans are but I think I'm going home. If you want to stay, you should. I can send Ricardo back to pick you up when you're ready." I tell him apologetic. I'm really tired right now and I want to see my bed, at least within an hour.

He turns his attention back to me. "No, I think that leaving now will be good." He smiles at me.

I stand from the stool and Christian grabs my arm. I look up at him and he smiles. "How many wine did you had tonight?" he asks me and I scrunch my nose.

"Not nearly enough to knock me out but enough to think that I'm really funny." I state as serious as I can.

He starts to laugh while he puts his hand on my back to guide me out. When we leave the room and nearing the exit I remember the pictures and turn around.

"Didn't you wanted to buy a picture?" I ask him. He looked pretty excited when he received that coupon. My guess is that he wants a reminder or something like that. Although I have to admit, I'm a little curious about them myself.

"Uhm, Yes. I would like that."

"Well, Let's go. I believe it's that way." I say while pointing at the corner.

When we arrive at the desk a young girl approaches us.

"Good evening. You want to buy your picture?" she asks us while smiling.

"Yes, we have a receipt." I tell her and Christian grabs his wallet from his pocket to get it.

"Here." He tells her while handing it over.

The girl looks through a drawer and comes up with five pictures. I frown, I thought it was one picture.

"Wow, the photographer really liked you two. He made five pictures. Just take your time to pick one, or you can take them all. Let me know when you're done." She tells us and turns to walk away.

Christian grabs the photos and starts to look through them when I realize that there isn't a pricetag.

"Wait, Miss." I say to get her attention again. "How much do these pictures cost?"

"They cost 50 dollars each. The money is for charity." She smiles at us and walks away to the back.

50 bucks for a picture? Damn. I look at Christian and I see him frowning while looking at the pictures.

"So, which one is the nicest?" I ask him but he doesn't respond. That's strange.

I grab his arm and try again. "Did you pick one?"

"Uhm…. I uhm…. I don't know." He answers and he sounds…. Lost? Why? Is there something wrong with the pictures?

I lean over his arm to take a look. They look nice. I don't see anything strange in them. Then why is he acting this strange? Did something happened out there? Is this about something else than the pictures?

I try to think it over when it hits me. They cost 50 bucks each. If I find that a lot of money for a damn picture than he will be cursing this place out by now. Damn, why didn't I thought of that sooner. Fuck! He was really happy with those pictures before. He looked pretty eager to get at least one of them.

Should I grab my own wallet? No, Ana, no! he will not like that. Fuck, I can't do that. I know how it works. I have two older brothers and they still get pissed off if I pay for them.

I look around me when I get startled by that girl.

"You made a choice." She says cheerfully and I look at Christian.

I don't need to ask him because his face says it all. I try to think really hard how to fix this but I don't know.

_Wait!_

"Do you accept a credit card? We forgot about the pictures and we donated all our cash before we made our leave." I ask her with an apologetic smile. Please say yes!

"Well, it's normally only cash but give me one moment. I will ask the manager. I'm sure it won't be a problem." She smiles at me and walks away again.

I turn to Christian and see him frowning at me.

"Your company credit card. Use that one." I tell him while smiling.

"I can't use that one." He says confused.

"Yes you can. I'm the boss and I gave you permission. Just do it Christian. It's fine."

The girl comes back with a smile on her face. "Yes, we can accept a credit card. Which picture will you take?"

Before Christian can say anything, I jump in. "All of them."

I feel Christians eyes on me but decide not to look back. He wants those pictures, so take them. I grab my phone to send an email to finances about the use of Christian's credit card. I make sure that they understand that there won't be a receipt, that he has my permission and that they need to refill it with money from my personal bank account. I also make sure that my personal accountant is aware of it.

It's better to do it right away before they call him in next week to grill him.

I hear Christian and the girl talking about the photos and wait for them to be finished. When they are done, Christian turns to me with the envelope.

"Would it damage the pictures if I rolled it up?" I ask him and he looks at it.

"I don't know. Why?"

I hold my purse out and he starts to laugh. "You want this envelope to fit in that purse?"

"You don't think I can do it?" I challenge him and he starts to laugh really hard.

"No Ana, the problem is that I know you will make it possible."

"Oh, just give me that." I say while grabbing his arm and taking the photos. I put them in my purse, really careful so I won't damage them and close it. Then I hold my purse up like a trophy. "Tadaa!"

He shakes his head. "Yes, you just solved the world's biggest problem, woman purses and magic. Got a double flour in there?"

"I'm not telling you." I state.

"Fine. I will find out one way or another. Now, shall we go?" he smirks at me and I try to keep my face serious but failing miserably.

"Yes, let's go." I smile at him and he leads me to the door.

As soon as we walk outside I feel a cool breeze on my shoulders. Damn, I should have brought a shawl or something like that. I shiver of the cold and I feel Christian's hand on my shoulder. I turn to him and he offers me his jacket.

"Here, take this."

"Thank you."

He puts his jacket on my shoulders and I feel his hands touching my neck and I shiver. See, I'm screwed. Damn it! Let's just hope that he thinks it's from the cold. Right! He just put a jacket on your shoulder against that cold, stupid.

I try to ignore it and we walk silently to the car. Ricardo and David are already standing there to greet us.

"Hi guys." I smile at them.

"Good evening, Miss Steele." Ricardo smiles at me and turns to Christian. "Good evening Mister Grey."

"Good evening." He tells them and turns to me. "Miss Steele, I believe it's ladies first." He smiles at me.

Before I can say something back, I see his eyes wander to something behind me and he freezes. I watch how the blood drains from his face and turn to see what he is looking at. What is there?

I see a small group of people standing on the other side of the parking lot but other than that I see nothing. I hear one of the woman from the group laughing and the sound is annoying. Damn, she sounds like a hyena. I look at David and see him frown. He's scanning the area but when he looks at me, he shakes his head.

I turn back to Christian and he is still standing there frozen. Fuck, I need to get him back to here. How?

I both my hand on his arm and reach out to touch his cheek. Even though I'm touching him, there's still no reaction. I force him o turn his face to me and when I finally have his attention back, there's still no reaction.

"Christian? Are you okay?" I ask and I watch his eyes searching mine.

"Shall we go home?" I ask him and he nods slowly.

Ricardo has the car door open for us and I guide Christian to it. When he has taken his seat I close the door and turn to David.

"What was that?"

"I don't know."

"Was there any danger?"

"No ma'am. The area was safe." He answer and I nod.

I get in the car and look at Christian. He seems to be lost in thoughts. I don't think any kind of conversation will do. What has got him like this? What happened? Did it had anything to do with that group of people? No, that were just some people from the party. What danger could have come from that? Well, there is only one person that can answer those questions.

I turn to stare out of my own window and get lost in my own thoughts.

* * *

"We have arrived." Ricardo tells us and I look at Christian. He's still lost in his own world. Hasn't said a word the entire car ride. I'm actually starting to worry about him. When we left the Seraton he looked a little lost, shocked but know, I don't even know how to call it.

His moods has shifted in the car a couple of times. At one moment, I felt a lot of anger coming from his way.

"Christian?" I call him but no answer.

"Christian?" I ask softly while grabbing his arm.

He looks up and looks at me as if I wasn't here before.

"We arrived at your home." I tell him and he looks out the window.

"Oh, Uhm… Okay." He answers while nodding and gets out of the car.

I frown. _What was that?_

I get out of the car myself and follow him.

Damn, he's quick! Before I reached the staircase I can hear that he already reached his apartment.

When I walk up on his floor I see him standing in front of his front door. His head leaning against it. What caused this?

I walk up to him and grab his arm.

"Christian? Are you okay?" is ask him and he doesn't answer.

I take the keys from his hand and pull him a little back. I open his front door and let him walk in.

I stand in the opening, a little unsure of what to do while I watch him sit down on the couch, his head in his hands.

What should I do? Do I leave? Do I stay?

I watch him sitting there while I'm thinking of what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know how long he has been sitting like that and how long I have been standing here as an idiot.

I look at the keys in my hand and make the decision. I throw the keys on the table and close his front door. Yep, I guess I'm doing this.

I walk to the couch and sit down next to him. I don't know what to say but I do know that sometimes the company is enough. I put my hand on his arm to make sure that he knows that I didn't leave. Yeah, he's not a guy I want to startle.

Realizing that I'm still here, he looks up at my hand and then at me.

"I'm…..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… And I… Oh god." He tries to talk to me but is struggling really hard. He drops his head in his hands again.

"Christian?"

"Christian, look at me." I tell him and his head snaps up. I see tears in his eyes and I both my hands on his cheeks to help him stop them, to wipe them away.

"It's okay. It's really okay. Don't worry." I tell him softly and he nods slowly while closing his eyes.

God, it breaks my heart to see him like this. I don't want to see him like this. I want to see him happy and smiling, like he did earlier tonight.

"Come here." I tell him while putting my arm around his neck. He leans his head against my chest and I feel my dress getting wet from his tears.

"You will be okay. You will be." I tell him while stroking his hair and trying to comfort him.

* * *

I don't know how long I'm sitting like this. I don't know how much time has passed but my back is killing me and my arm is sleeping.

Christian's breath sounds even and his body is heavy. Yep, he's asleep. I look around his home although I'm not sure for what.

Should I wake him? No, I can't. That will be rude and mean. Then what? I can't hold him much longer or my arm will fall off.

I decide to do the one thing that comes to mind and lean back on the couch. I drop my head on the pillow behind me and close my eyes. Yes, that feels good. Because I'm half lying now, Christian's weight isn't crushing my arm anymore. Feels like sweet heaven right now.

I open my eyes and think back about this evening. It really didn't go as expected. Well, what was I expecting. I don't even know.

First that crap with his family, then those stupid woman trash talking over a dance and then that with our leave. What was that. I have gone back to that moment over and over again but I can't figure it out. Maybe it was something else? Like what? A memory? That would be ought. To have that when we left. Maybe David was wrong. Maybe there was something out there and Christian is the only one that saw it.

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling. Maybe I'm the problem. Am I? How?

God, all these questions are killing me. I need to stop overthinking everything. Why the hell am I even doing this? It's Christian's life. It's his family, not mine. Then why the hell is it bothering me? Is that what happened? Have I crossed a line tonight? What line?

Maybe I should ask him when he's awake.

I frown. Will he be honest with me? Or will he answer what he thinks I want to here? I am his boss. Maybe he's scared to lose his job. Well, I know one thing for certain, it's never boring with him.

I feel Christian shifting his weight and I hold my breath. Is he waking up?

He rolls further into me, his head lying on my right breast, he pushes his arm around my middle and his leg over mine.

No, he's still sleeping. I let go of the breath I was holding and close my eyes again. And then I feel it.

His free hand has moved up and is holding my left breast. Holy fuck!

I open my eyes and look at him while I'm holding my breath again. After a minute I'm certain that he's still asleep. He's doing this in his sleep?

I lean back again and start to relax. It feels nice. Is he really asleep? No, he has to be. I checked and you can't fake your sleep like that. I wonder…

I take a deep breath and arch my back a little to see if I'm right.

Yep, I'm right.

Because of my movement, his hand is gripping my breast now. His reflexes caught on to the movement and reacted. _Nice reflex._

Yep, that feels really nice.

I stifle my laugh. God, how old am I? Seriously? And how the hell am I supposed to sleep now?

Only two second later I hear a thud on the couch. When I look up to where it came from I see his cat sitting at the end looking at us.

I bit my lip before I really start to laugh out loud and wake Christian. That cat probably feels left out.

I use my free hand to tap on my belly and Kitty Cat waste no time to crawl on me. After turning a couple of times, she finally fonds her spot and lies down.

I look from the cat to Christian. They are both lying on top of me, covering my entire body. My right hand is around Christian's shoulders while my left hand lies on his cat, petting her.

_How did we get here?_

I look back up to the ceiling and start to wonder what I should do. While I'm lying like this, I feel my body relax even more and my eyes are getting heavy and drift off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N And no; this wasn't a dream ;-)**

**Hope you liked it!**


	14. Good morning

**Okay, I missed two updates and all I can say is: SORRY! **

**The last few weeks have been hell filled with chaos, stress and sickness. Adding the festivities of our dutch version of Santa Claus and Christmas coming up... Well, for everyone who's a mother knows that when you are sick, well, you're not allowed to be sick and crawl in to bed and wait it out but you have to go on and take care of everything. Having two children (including a one year old that has refused to sleep for the last two weeks) I took all the moments for sleep and sitting down that I could get.**

**I didn't have many changes to write and when I did, I was out of the story and had to reread everything to get back into it. I'm sorry and I will honestly try to never let that happen again. **

**Thanks for the messages en reviews about my well being and the last chapter off course! I haven't read them all yet and if I haven't responded yet, I will!**

**So, the chapter; I have an explanation at the end. I don't want to ruin the reading but there is something I want to explain about the story. **

**So, hope you enjoy ;-) It's not entirely how I planned it at first but I really needed to get a posting done so:**

* * *

**CHRISTIAN POV **

I wake up feeling completely refreshed. That's weird. No nightmare? I haven't opened my eyes yet but I'm certain that it's light outside. Maybe my body was to drained out last night to react to a bad dream. I have them every night for as long as I can remember so I must have had one. I just don't remember it. Yes, that must be it. Well, works fine by me.

I think back of last night. I think I really did it. I made a complete fool of myself in front of Ana. When we left the venue and I heard that laugh I lost it. I'm not even sure what happened. I froze entirely and all the memories of that horrible bitch came back to me. Back then, I thought that my life was supposed to be like that. That I was only capable of being that guy. That what we did was right but looking back, I know that it was wrong. I know I was used. I read a lot of stories online from people saying that a situation like that means that you were victimized but all I can think of is that I feel stupid. I was the one that let it happen.

I know I shouldn't have reacted like I did when I saw her but I couldn't control it. I lost everything while she is living happily like she always did. Her life didn't crashed down while my life did. Seeing her there made me realize that she must have some sort of success. I don't know how or what but I'm sure that she was a guest too last night. I hadn't seen her inside and I'm thankful for that. I just wish that I hadn't seen her at all.

While I'm contemplating the events of last night a realization hits me and I freeze. I fell asleep on the couch. I move my leg and for the first time since I woke up I'm aware that I'm not alone. Oh no! Did I fell asleep on Ana? _Oh god, that is bad. _

To scared to open my eyes, I try to focus on my surroundings and my sleeping position. Fuck, no question about the who, that is Ana I'm lying on. I open my eyes slowly and I need to blink a few times before I get a clear vision on my sleeping arrangements.

I'm lying as a log on top of Ana, my head is in her breast and I watch at my right hand as if it's not part of my body. How have I not noticed that I'm holding her breast? Shit! I should remove it. Shouldn't I? Is she awake? Oh gods no, don't let her be awake.

I use a moment to focus on her breathing and thank god, they are even. That must mean that she's asleep. Maybe I should pretend to be sleeping to. If I do that than I can lay like this for a little longer. That would be nice.

Yeah and then what? What if she wakes up and finds me like this? _Damn it!_

I feel her hand in my hair. That feels nice too. It feels comforting. Wait. Oh no. I feel her other hand on my back and I freeze. Her hand is right in my no touching zone. Why didn't I wake up when she did that? Why haven't my body reacted. And why the hell am I only realizing it now.

It feels unfamiliar but it doesn't hurt. Just when she touched my chest last night, this doesn't feel that wrong. I start to relax a little and take a deep breath. How is that possible? Why can she touch me there?

Wait! Is that why I didn't have a nightmare? Was it because Ana was lying with me? No, that can't be the reason. _Is it?_

Damn, my brain starts to feel like a scrambled egg. It's not like I can compare it to anything. I'm a grown man and the first time I'm actually sleeping with a woman, it's my boss. _How will that look on my resume? _

I notice movement from the corner of my eyes and recognize Kitty Cat. I bite my lip to stifle my laugh. Yeah, that damn cat sure knows how to get her way. She's lying stretched out on Ana's stomach, not a care in the world. Well, she doesn't really have one now, does she. If Ana wakes up she will probably cuddle up with her and think it's cute but me, I'm not so sure she will do and feel the same about that. Al though I shouldn't complain. I mean, we both got what we wished for.

As slowly as I can I move my hand away while trying to make sure that I don't wake her. If the hand won't freak her out, I'm sure my morning wood against her hip would finish it. I lift my upper body a little and realize that my arm is stuck between her back and the couch.

With as much patience that I can manage I disentangle myself completely and lift myself off of Ana. I try to get a steady foot on the floor but when I stand up; I nearly trip over and fall back on the couch. Yeah, that would have been some wake up call for Ana; my complete body weight crushing her and my cat. I think the neighbours would call the police, if not for the screams from Kitty Cat alone.

I sit on the armrest of the couch and look at Ana. She's still fast asleep and I watch as she turns on her side while taking the cat with her. Kitty Cat doesn't even react. She just stretches out and goes back to sleep.

Ana is still wearing her dress from last night and with one leg curled up, I get a really good view on her legs. The dress has hiked up and damn, that are some killer legs. Her heels are kicked out and I see them lying on the floor under the coffee table. She must have done that while I had her on lock down. They are pretty high so it must have been uncomfortable to sleep in them. She's still wearing her dress and that must be uncomfortable too. Well, it's not like I can take it off of her.

I never get to watch her like this. She's completely relaxed and since she's asleep, I can take a longer moment to stare at her. She looks really peaceful. I wonder if she's dreaming. No, I would like to know what she's dreaming about.

I examine her face and I can see that she doesn't wear much make up. The little that she had on her eyes is a little smeared out under it but that is all. I don't think I will ever understand why some women do that. Why they cover their entire face with makeup but I'm glad that Ana isn't like that.

I'm still wearing the tuxedo from last night and take my bowtie off. I take a deep breath and look around the room. I see her purse and my keys at the table. She must have put them there. I can't really remember what happened when I got here but I do remember Ana being here.

I drop the bowtie on the coffee table and make my way to the bathroom. I'm not used of heaving guests here but I know that it's noisy. If I take a shower I will probably wake her so I decide that it has to wait. I open the tap and throw some cold water over my face and hair. That should wake me up.

After I got myself a little cleaned up, I leave the bathroom and take a second look at Ana. She's still fast asleep and I smile. That looks pretty nice. No, that looks really good. Maybe I can make a suggestion about sleep over's. She could sleep here anytime she wants.

I shake my head and make my way to the kitchen. I decided to make coffee for when she wakes up. I'm the worst cook in the world so I'm not sure about breakfast but I'm pretty good with the coffee maker so that's a start. Maybe I should wait until she's awake and ask her what she wants. I know she drinks coffee and that she likes sushi but that doesn't sound so good when you combine it. No, it sounds horrible for breakfast and I know for a fact that my wallet won't allow it either. Maybe she likes cereal. I can make that for her.

After the coffee is finished I look through the kitchen door to see if she's still sleeping. Yep, no movement there. I take two mugs and realizing that I don't even know how she drinks her coffee I take some sugar and milk and grab a tray to put everything on it.

I frown. What else am I supposed to put on it? Is that all? _Damn, I feel stupid. _

I take a deep breath and take everything with me. I put it on the coffee table and look back at the couch. I don't have a second couch so that means that I have to sit on the one Ana is sleeping on. Her legs are curled up so that means I can sit on the end. Should I do that? Or would it be better if I sit on the floor? My desk?

I look at my desk and see the magazines on top of it. I decide that I need to go with nonchalant and grab the magazine on the top, take my mug and sit back quietly on the couch. _And now what?_

Well, I guess I have to wait until she's awake. Mindlessly I start to flip through the pages while drinking my coffee and waiting for Ana to wake up.

* * *

I just got myself a refill and sit back on the couch when I feel movement beside me. I look to my right and see Ana stirring a little. Is she waking up?

"Oh god." I hear Ana mumble while she covers her eyes with her hands.

I shake my head and chuckle. Yep, she's waking up.

"I have coffee for you." I tell her while taking a sip from my own mug.

"Shoot me, please." She says behind her hands and I can't stop my laughter anymore. "And please, don't make a sound. My head is killing me." She begs and it only makes me laugh harder.

She rubs her face a few times and slowly sits up only to end it with her head in her hands while leaning her arms on her legs.

"Oh god, I shouldn't have taken that much alcohol last night."

"Wait." I tell her and go back to the kitchen. I grab two Advil and a glass of water for her. I go back to the couch and hand it over to her. She frowns when she sees the pills in my hand but takes them anyway. After she takes it, I go back to the kitchen to grab a new cup of coffee for her.

When I walk back I see her leaning back on the couch with her eyes closed. I take a seat next to her and put my hand on her arm to let her know that I'm back.

She opens her eyes and looks at me for a moment while frowning. Does she know? No, she can't know. She was asleep, right?

Then her face changes with a little smile on her lips. "Hi. Good morning." She tells me softly and I smile back.

"Here." I say while offering her the cup of coffee. "I don't know how you drink your coffee so…" I trail of while gesturing to the tray with milk and sugar.

"Thank you. I drink it with everything." She answers while leaning forward and starts to put the sugar in it. I watch her movements and count the spoons of sugar and creamer she takes. Two of both, I should be able to remember that.

"So…" Ana starts while dragging the o and leaning back on the couch.

"Yeah. I'm…." I trail of trying to think of what I should say. "I'm sorry for last night and this…."

"Why are you apologizing?" Ana interrupts me and I turn my head to look at her. She has one eyebrow raised while she waits for an answer.

"What?" I respond dumbfounded.

"Why are you apologizing? As far as I know you didn't do anything to apologize for. Well, your cat should apologize because she kind of ruined my dress but other than that." She says while waving it off with her hand.

"Uhm, my reaction last night and I was rude in the car."

"Oh, that. You weren't rude, you were busy with yourself. I'm fine, I'll live." She shrugs while she closes her eyes and takes a sip of her coffee.

I stare in front of me while I'm frowning. She doesn't care about that? Why not? I was rude, right?

"Besides, if you start to apologize, it means that I should do the same and I hate to do that." I turn to look at her and she that's she's staring in her cup while taking sips. "Damn, I really needed that coffee, thank you." She smiles at me.

I smile back but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. What should I say? How does this work? You wake up on the couch, on top of your boss. Your boss is a woman and all you can think about is screwing her brains out while you have to stay professional and work with her. She's wearing the same sexy gown from last night and you know for a fact that she isn't wearing a bra and you almost saw enough to know if she's wearing panties or not. How does that work in the morning? Should I start talking about this sleepover or am I supposed to pretend it never happened? And then what?

It might be better to talk about general things. Maybe I should ask questions about some of the people of last night.

"So, is this the awkward morning after?" Ana asks and I hear the humour in her voice.

"Awkward morning after?" I repeat while taking my coffee.

"Yes, well I don't have any experience with it but I've seen enough with my brothers. You know, the morning after which is filled with silence and things like that. No one knows what to say or what to do."

"I wouldn't know either." I shrug.

"Hmm. Maybe we should just say the things the way they were and get rid of it." She says and I look confused at her. What things? Get rid of what?

"So, last night when we left the gala something happened with you. I don't know what but you do and it affected you badly. Then when we drove to your apartment, you were probably contemplating it and when we arrived you took off. I followed you inside and then we both fell asleep on the couch. I think that covers it, don't you?" She states

"Uhm, yes I think that would describe it." I say unsure of myself.

"Good, than that's done." She says while she puts her empty mug on the tray. "Is there some coffee left?"

"Yes." I grab her mug and go to the kitchen to make a refill. That was it? No questions? No explanations asked? She just summarizes it as that and it's done? Why am I disappointed about it? I don't really want to explain everything. I don't think that it will be beneficial for me but still, a part of me wants her to ask questions.

I fill the mug and walk back to the couch. Ana is still sitting there and I see her reading an artivle in the magazine that I was using as a distraction. I sit back down and hand her the mug.

"Thanks." She smiles at me while taking it from me.

"Seen anything you like?" I ask her while nodding to the magazine. It's a nice island. I wouldn't mind going there. I saw some nice beaches and restaurants. It will be a lot nicer if I could go with Ana but I don't think that will ever happen.

"Yeah, I did. There are some nice pictures in it, like this one." She says while pointing at a picture of two people scuba diving. "Have you ever done that?"

"No, I haven't. To be honest, I haven't been on a vacation in a long time." I tell her and she nods slowly.

"Ok. Well, maybe you could do this on your next vacation. There are also some fun clubs and hiking trails. Well, that's what the articles say anyway." She shrugs.

"Yeah, that would be nice. I mean, hiking sounds good. I'm not really into clubbing or anything." I trail off. I have never been to a real club like that. I have been in bars with Damian and I have been in some clubs but that was different. Those were not the clubs Ana is talking about and that wasn't about me having fun.

I look at the pictures that Ana was watching while I feel her eyes on me. Please don't ask. I don't think I could explain that without telling her all the wrong things.

I take a deep breath and grab my own mug to take a sip while Ana is still looking through the magazine. It's silent again but it doesn't feel that uncomfortable. It's weird because it feels kind of normal. Is this what couples do? I'm just looking at my mug while trying to think this through. Maybe I need to find somebody to talk about this. I really need to figure my shit out.

"Have you thought about visiting Damian?" Ana asks and taking me from my staring game with the mug.

"No, I haven't thought about that yet." I say while shaking my head. I really hadn't thought about that. Why would I go? Would Damian even like that? And even if I would go, a plane ticket costs a fortune.

"Oh." Ana nearly whispers and it's silent again. I know I should be more responsive but I'm stuck here. What am I supposed to say? I have a hundred thought flying through my head and even more things I want to tell her and none of them would be appropriate.

"Christian?"

"Uhm, yes?" I say while clearing my throat.

"Is everything okay?" she asks softly while she lays her hand on my arm. I look up in her eyes; big blue eyes, clear and I see the confusing in them. No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lie. I can't tell her. I just can't tell her. I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything and more but I can't do that and it's killing me. She will hate me. Hell, she will be disgusted by me. Damn it! _Why can't I be normal?_

"Ok. Are you hungry?" she asks and I frown. I hadn't thought about that anymore.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I should have gotten breakfast. Uhm…" I pause. How do I say this? "I don't really have anything in the fridge but I have cereal." I say embarrassed. Fuck! She stayed here and all I can offer her is cereal? I'm such an idiot. Yeah, she will definitely come back again.

"Cereal sounds good." She smiles at me and stands up from the couch. "In the kitchen?" she asks and I nod.

She walks off to the kitchen and I stare at her direction. She walks through the door and I hear her rummaging through the cabinets and then I hear the fridge open and close again. Is it wrong to like this?

I stand up and make my way to the kitchen. When I walk in I see Ana croughed down next to Kitty Cat and her bowl while she has a can of food in her hands.

"I'm sorry to just take this." She says while holding up the can. "But she was hungry so I just gave her a little."

"That's fine." I smile at her. "did she scream bloody murder or did she nearly killed you when she asked for food."

"She nearly killed me." She says while scrunching her nose. "I thought she liked me but know I just feel used."

"Yeah, I get what you mean with that." I say laughing and walk to the sink. I see Ana already took out two bowls and the milk and cereal are standing next to it. I walk to the drawer to get two spoons while Ana comes standing next to me and is filling up the bowls.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything else for breakfast." I tell her apologetic.

"It's okay. I like cereal. We used to eat this every morning when I was young." She says and starts to laugh.

"What?" I ask confused

"My grandfather wasn't a big fan of cereal and every morning he would tell my grandmother that he wanted his damn bread and ended up eating it with a bowl of sugar emptied in it."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound too healthy." I chuckle.

"Well, he would wait until my grandmother was out of the kitchen. If she would have seen it." She says while shaking her head. "Let's just say that my grandfather would have asked for the witness protection program."

She grabs both bowls and puts them on the kitchen table while we both sit down and start to eat in silence.

"Oh, where's my purse?"

"In the living room. Why?"

"I need my phone. Do you know what time it is?"

I look at my watch. "It's almost nine 'o clock." I tell her confused. What's wrong?

"Ok." She says while getting up and searching for her phone. I look over my shoulder to the door with a confused look. What's going on? Is there something wrong?

She comes back with her phone in her hand while she's texting and sits back down.

"Is something wrong?" I ask her but she doesn't respond.

"Ana?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I need to get to the airport to pick up my nieces. My brother is taking his wife on a romantic getaway and I'm having his daughters this week."She explains. "Is it okay if I have David drop off some clothes for me? I don't think that I will make it on time if I have to go home first."

"Oh. Uhm, yeah, that will be okay."

"Thanks." She smiles at me and continues eating her cereal.

"So, how long will they be staying?"

"A week. I will pick them up today and then they will be staying until Saturday."

"Ok." I say while I stare at my bowl.

"That reminds me, I will be working from home this week. Mark will be in the office if there is anything you need. I will work different hours because I promised them to do some fun stuff during the day but if there is anything you can reach me by mail or phone."

I nod my head and put a smile on my face but I feel a little disappointed. This will mean that I won't see her this week. I haven't seen much of her for the past few weeks but I was hoping that it would be different from now on. I liked spending time with her last night and I like having her around at the office. I actually looked forward to the meetings that were planned with Ana attending. I don't know, maybe I'm seeing ghosts here and I'm trying to find things that aren't there.

I really need to stop this. This isn't personal, this is work. I need to focus on my job and everything that comes with that. I can't measure it all on Ana.

"So, I hope you won't mind going to events more often." Ana asks and breaking me from my train of thoughts.

"No, I won't mind. I had fun last night. Well, most of the night." I shrug.

Yeah, I sure was glad that the guy she was talking and dancing with turned out to be gay. Damn, I couldn't help but getting angry. They looked really close dancing together, the way she was leaning against him and how he was holding her. I was dancing with Marie and she kept talking but I missed half of what she was saying. I couldn't help but stare at Ana and that guy. If she was my girlfriend I would have punched him out and dragged her away from there. But she's not my girlfriend. I can't say anything when she's with someone else. I will just be the idiot staring at them from the sidelines.

"Good. You looked handsome in that tux. You should wear it more often." She winks at me and I smile. Yeah, I would wear it every night if she asked me too.

"Christian. I don't want to drag things out but you do realize that it would mean that you will run into your family more often." She says softly and I frown.

Fuck! She's right. Fuck!

"Look, you will be fine. What I told them last night wasn't a lie, it was the truth. You were there in function. You were there for business; at least, that's the official statement." She smiles. "Whatever is going on between you personally is private. So, what I'm trying to say is that when you are on an event like that and your family is there acting like lunatics, tell them off. You have every right to do that."

"I know. It's just…" I trail off. How do I explain this? "It's complicated."

"It always is. That's why it's called family." She says while I watch her getting lost in her own thoughts.

"Can I ask you something."

"If you have to start with that question, it can't be good." She smiles at me. "Sure."

"Marie said that you were taken by your mom. What did she mean with that?" I ask her and I see her face fall. Shit, I shouldn't have asked that. Damn it. Why do I keep forgetting to keep my mouth shut. I don't even know why I asked this question. I mean, I'm curious but I know that I was out of line here.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." I tell her quickly but Ana shakes her head.

"No, it's okay. My mom never wanted me as a child. I was a mistake and right after I was born, she left me with my grandparents. Uhm…. When I was around nine years old she came back. Without any kind of warning she had cops dragging my out of the house and I was forced to live with her. I didn't even know her before that. That was the first time I met her in person. Marie was there to when it happened. I wish she never came for me. I was fine while living with my grandparents. I was happy." She says sadly and I see that she's close to crying.

I reach over the table and grab her hand. In an effort to comfort her I rub my thumb over her hand and I'm not even realizing what I'm doing until I see Ana's eyes watching her hand and I follow her line of vision.

"I'm sorry." I tell her apologetic even though I'm not even sure what I'm apologizing for. For what happened to her? For seeing her so sad? For holding her hand? No, I like holding her hand. I like this kind of contact. She hasn't removed her hand yet so I decide to keep it this way.

"Anyway." Ana says while clearing her throat. "That was then. No point in living in the past, right?" she smiles sadly and I frown. There must be a lot more to that story. How long did she lived with her mom? What happened there? I have so many questions right now but I can't ask them.

I try to think of something to say to make the mood a little lighter. Ana did it for me when I needed it.

"So, Marie also said that you could punch pretty good as a nine year old." I tell her with a smile and Ana starts to laugh.

"Yeah. I did hit that cop pretty hard." She chuckles and shakes her head. "He never saw it coming."

We both laugh at that before we fall back into silence.

"You know, they say everything happens for a reason. My grandfather always told me that you should take it all. The good and the bad. Make the good a memory to live on and make the bad a lesson learned to make a change for your future. You can't control everything but you can help your own faith and find happiness."

"Sounds like a wise man, your grandfather."

"He was." She smiles while looking deep in her own thoughts. "He was my hero. He's the reason that I became who I am today. I couldn't have done it without him."

She turns her eyes on me again while turning her hand and holding mine.

"Look, I'm not the best person to give advice to anyone. Especially since I haven't figured my own life out at all but…" she trails off. "You have a past. We all have a past. It shouldn't define your future. It shouldn't hold you back like it is doing it now. Whatever it is, let it go. You're a good man and you should be on top of the world right now. At least, that is how you are supposed to be feeling. Let go of the past, live in the present and make plans for your future."

I look at our hands on the table and snort. "That is easier to say."

"Yeah, it is." She sighs and we both fall silent again.

I don't know how long we sit like this in silence but I'm the first to break it. "How?"

"How?" she repeats me.

"Yes. How do you let go of the past? I want that but I don't know how." I tell her while searching her eyes as if the answer is in there.

"Do you deserve to pay for your past like this? Like how you are punished by your family?" she asks softly and I need a moment to think about it.

Do I deserve this? I have cost them a lot of pain but that was different. That wasn't the reason for this. That is not why they are treating me like this. They are treating me like this because of that night. Because of what she did with me. Because of what she did to me. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I wouldn't even know about it if it wasn't for her.

My family is doing this because they are disgusted by me. They are doing this because they think the worst of me. I always thought that they would. I always expected something like this to happen and if it was the truth that I would have to say yes but it isn't, is it? It's not because of the truth. They hate me because of lies and assumptions.

"No." I tell her. "No, I don't."

"Then you will find your way." She smiles at me and I smile back at her. I really hope so. I want to be a normal guy.

"Have you found yours?" I ask her and she purses her lips.

"Not even close."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. It's just that… I don't know how to explain it. It's complicated. You know, looking at the facts you know something is bad for you or that something or someone is wrong for you." She asks me and I nod. "Well, the heart doesn't always cooperate with the brain and makes things difficult. It makes life difficult." She says while staring off at our hands.

I frown. I thought she didn't had a boyfriend? I mean, it sounded like she was talking about a boyfriend. Fuck!

Just when I want to ask her more, the doorbell rings. Damn it!

She pulls her hands back and sits up straight while I'm feeling like an idiot because of the ruined moment. Whoever the hell it is, someone is going to get punched.

"I think that's David with my clothes." Ana says while standing up and walking out of the kitchen.

I sigh and lean back in my chair while looking at my hands. I really liked holding her hands. It felt pretty natural. Maybe we will have more of these moments.

I snort. Yeah right. Like, when? As if I will ever wake up with her again.

"Christian?" Ana calls out to me and I stand up and walk to the living room.

"Yeah?"

"That was David with my clothes. Is it okay if I use your shower?" she asks me while holding the bag up.

"Sure." I smile at her and she walks off to the bathroom. I watch her walking away in the dress. Yep, one last look of her ass in that dress.

She closes the door behind her and I sit down on the couch while looking around the room. I have Ana standing in my shower. I hear the water running and I close my eyes. She's naked. Yep, she must be naked. Damn!

I have pictured her naked in my shower several times but this is not how it was running through my mind. It was supposed to be us together, not me sitting on the couch while she's showering. Well, second best, I guess. Can't complain when I already got more than I thought I would.

I grab the magazine from the coffee table and flip through it. I need to distract myself before she comes out of the bathroom and finds me here with a hard on.

I look at the pictures from the beaches. This was the first travel magazine I picked up when I started my search. The beaches looked a lot like the one from my poster but I'm not sure because while it looks a lot like it, it also looks different.

I hear the bathroom door behind me and when I look back I see Ana stepping out of it. She's wearing tight jeans and a red shirt. Simple but she looks really sexy like this. Her hair is still wet and she has it tied in a band and she's wearing white sneakers. No makeup, no jewellery, no nothing. Just Ana and I like it.

"Thank you for that shower." She smiles at me.

I smile back at her. "You're welcome." I tell her and make sure I don't at more to that. What I wanted to say was that it would have been a better shower with me in it too but I don't think that would be appropriate.

"I have to go to the airport now but thank you for coming with me last night and well… the sleep over and breakfast." She laughs and crouches down to pet Kitty Cat that came running from the bed.

"Yeah. Anytime." I chuckle and shake my head. Yeah, you can come here every night to do this. I won't mind. _I really wouldn't mind. _

"Ok. Enjoy what's left of your weekend and no work until Monday!" she says accusingly while pointing her finger at me.

I raise both my hands in defeat. "I won't."

"Good, because I saw the pile of work you took home with you. You should relax and have fun."

"Relax and have fun." I repeat while smiling. I could do that but I know I'm lying. The minute she walks out the door I will probably start working on the first file. Work has been a distraction for me. A very good distraction and I don't know what else to do when I'm alone. I could relax and have fun but that would also mean that Ana has to stay here to. There are so many ways I could have fun with her. If only she would let me.

I walk to the door with her and open it. I step aside to let her through and turn towards her.

"Have a good weekend. No, have a good week with your nieces." I smile at her and she stops in front of me and puts her hand on my cheek.

"You too. I meant it Christian. Let go of the past. Don't let it define you anymore. Be the man that you should be. A happy man." She smiles at me and walks off.

I stand there, leaning against the door frame for a long time while holding my own cheek with my hand and contemplating her words. A happy man. She thinks I should be a happy man. I want that. I want to be that man. She's right. I'm going to be that man. If only to show her that I can be that man.

I smile and close the door. I walk back to the couch and grab the magazine again to put it away on the desk when I notice that something is different with it. I look at the corners and I see that one corner is folded. I open the magazine and look at a page with three beach pictures and a picture with rental villas. They look really expensive and when I look at the prices I almost get a coronary. Who the hell would pay that much money?

I read over the page and see that they are the most luxuries villas on the island. They have literally everything you could ask for including private beaches and staff who will do everything for you like they would in a hotel. Why is this page folded? Did I do that? I look over the corners but it's the only one that's folded.

I frown and look at the beach pictures again. It does look nice. I wouldn't mind spending time there.

I shake my head and close the magazine.

Yeah, time to stop daydreaming and get through the rest of this day. No, to get through the rest of the weekend.

Let's start with a shower and try to stop myself from fantasizing about Ana showering there.

I chuckle. _Yeah, keep on dreaming. _

* * *

**Okay, I want to explain this chapter. I know this is not what you all want to read. It's clear that everyone wants them together and thrust me, so do I. Like I stated before, it is going to take some time. I can't really give an indication on the number of chapters left before it happens but there are about two or three situations (I'm talking about general things, not a moment) that will happen before they will be together. Why? They are not mind readers and they try everything for themselves to talk them out of it.**

**He's a man who's finally having a job he likes. He doesn't want to lose that job and if he would throw himself on his boss and she wouldn't appreciate it, well… you could not only get fired but your career could be over. **

**Then you have Ana, if she throws herself on him then he could go with it out of fear for losing his job or he could file a sexual assault case against her and she could lose a part or all her businesses over that, depending on the outcome with the media and everything else he could use against her. **

**These are two people with their own fears. They are both scared of screwing up and they are both scared to throw themselves out there. **

**Like I said, be patient :-)**


End file.
